The Essentials of Sociology
by blueoleandar93
Summary: After a drunken mishap at a New Year's countdown, a very confused Reid and very confusing Morgan will find their way to each other. That is... if they can piece together what started it all! R/M
1. Happy Fuckin' New Year

The Essentials of Sociology

Chapter One: Happy Fuckin' New Year

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**A/N: This is my first Criminal Minds fic! I am so excited to have written it, because I have such an affinity for the pairing. My girlfriend got me into the series about a month ago, and I refrained from writing a story until I just couldn't help it anymore. I will be updating weekly.**

**BTW, it's set at the end of this season (I'm trying to make it non-spoiler) and the perspective is all Reid.**

**Blue**

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Reid nervously ran his hand through his short hair, his heart beating faster than it had in ages. He licked wet his dry lips and patted his sweaty hands on his corduroy pants to hide his anxiety, but under further inspection of over fifteen seconds it was painfully obvious something was wrong. The young doctor had his lips pursed, hands folded, and was actually trying for once in his life not to think. He had a half empty water bottle in his hands, several multi-colored lei about his neck, and a party hat strapped to the top of his rumpled haired head. Don't even get him started on the flashing red and blue lights that were sure to give him an epileptic seizure if not angina. Reid hated the loudness of the people, the strong smell of liquor, and the imminence of bad decisions from most of the patrons in the bar.

It was the most stressful time of the year for him: New Year's Eve. The BAU team decided to celebrate with drinks at a local bar in Quantico like they have done for the past four years. By now, his fellow team members were so predictable it was sad. Garcia was always drunk first. Morgan followed shortly after, but unlike Garcia he usually needed Spencer's help into a cab by the end of the night. Rossi tended to pretend he _wasn't_ drinking at all and slipped himself vodka shots into the free water at the table. JJ, the only moderate group member, allowed herself one appletini every New Year. Hotch, on the other hand, never took a sip of anything. Prentiss tried every year to trick him into a drink, thusly why he never did. Reid, in name, just sulked and _read_. All night. In a corner. He was less than content, but he always attended because Garcia threatened to show the rest of the team his High School graduation picture if he didn't make an appearance. While the team is utterly indifferent, if not impressed, that he had graduated High School at the age of 12, the last thing he wants them to see is a pre-teen picture of him in a cap and gown. The way his glasses and braces looked in the pinched shot was uncool even for him.

Looking up from his copy of The Essentials of Sociology (8th edition), Reid glanced at the watch on his wrist that had always looked too big on him. He never made move to get another. It was about eleven twenty two. In fourteen minutes, he knows he's going to see a very tall, very drunk, Morgan flirting with a desperate looking woman in skanky clothing. In sixteen, Garcia's going to ask him to dance. He will accept for one song and slip away as soon as she forgets he's there just like the rest of the team. Just like Morgan.

Reid glanced at the suave agent from across the bar, who had a little glass of tequila, three girls leaning into him and his badge out. Awesome. He had upped his game this year and was looking at a holiday orgy. Reid scoffed, having had this conversation with himself before. He wasn't "jealous". He was _unsettled_ by Morgan's clear display of slow morals while under the influence. Every time Spencer was stuck in a club with him, he would talk to Reid for the better part of five minutes before he notices some girl staring at him. Then all of a sudden, it is good bye best friend and hello wanton mistress of the night. Okay… so, maybe wanton mistress of the night was a little too strong, but his point was made. He kept getting jilted for girls at bars, clubs, taverns, meeting places and the like. Hell, once he left Reid alone when they were walking back to the hotel from a case in the worst part of West Philadelphia! Morgan spotted a girl walking alone, patted the gun on Reid's hip and whispered into his ear, "Five pounds on the trigger, if you need it." Then he left. Just walked away.

Pursing his lips, Reid stared back at his book and tried reading the pages before his sixteen minutes were up. _God, Morgan is such an ass,_ Reid thought, _flirting with those girls like he even cares about anything other than the size of their breasts. And it's so __obvious__ that he just wants sex. I mean, really? Does he have to tout his goddamn muscles and chiseled jaw line every single time he goes out? It's gross! What's so appealing about big breasts anyway? They just hang there, existing. Sure they serve a purpose when a baby is brought into the world and a woman lactates, but as of now, all they are is a giant, obvious erogenous zone that—_

"Hey, Reid!" Garcia stumbled with Kevin on her arm, "Let's dance! Come on, you can't burn a textbook by staring at it! There's fun to be had!"

Reid glanced up and sighed, shaking himself out of his reverie, "Fine. One dance. Sorry, Kevin."

Kevin nodded, nursing his beer and tugging me off of my seat so that he could take Reid's place, "It's all good, Dr. Reid. Just keep it PG rated out there."

Reid let himself be pulled onto the dance floor, leaving his large textbook in the hands of Kevin, while still managing a proper glare at Morgan. _That son of a bitch, _Reid thought to himself. Suddenly, Garcia's arms were around his shoulders and she was swaying her blonde head to the beat of an infectious song. Reid shuffled awkwardly and decided to take his mind off of Morgan by analyzing the song that they were dancing to. _Huh, _he hypothesized, _of course starships were meant to fly. What would be their other purpose? _He swayed a bit more as the female rapper Garcia called "Nicki" began changing her voice into a rougher, less coordinated tone that matched his barely coordinated steps. Even though the song was inconsistent and Ms. Nicki swore often, he decided to be okay with that because Garcia was having a good time. No need to put a damper on her night because he was unhappy. Then again, it's physically impossible to put a damper on Garcia at all. She was the one he could always count on for a smile. Well, her and Morgan, but Morgan was preoccupied at the moment, as usual.

"Jump in my Hooptie-Hooptie-Hoop! I own that! And I ain't paying my rent this month! I owe that!" Garcia sang out of key to him with her arm outstretched, "But fuck who you want, and fuck who you like! That's our life, there's no end in sight!"

Reid laughed at her drunken enthusiasm (which was shockingly more enthusiastic than her usual high level… of enthusiasm) and let her twirl around in his arms. It's hard to be upset around Garcia. She's just so light hearted and happy. Kevin is one lucky fellow to have her, and Reid was happy for them. It also doesn't hurt that she calls the young doctor "Boy-Wonder" when she's feeling feisty. The song ended too quickly and she leaned up to press a kiss to his cheek, and whisper, "Happy New Year, doc! Celebrate the fruits of the season and get yourself some New Year's ass this time, okay?"

"As if I could," he mumbled under his breath, and replied louder, "Thanks for the dance, Garcia."

By then, she had wandered off. Scratching the back of his neck, he waded through the crowd of New Year's drunkards to sulk back into his sociology textbook. How he loved being in control of his own environment and how he _hated_ being in an overcrowded Quantico tavern. Retrieving his book from Kevin, he took a seat away from the bar and settled a tiny chair into the back of the room. Reid tucked in his legs and propped the book up onto his raised knees and began where he left off: the wonderful world of secularization.

Things got louder as the night went on. Reid checked his watch periodically at 11:34, 11:39, and 11:43. Why can't it just be 2013 already? He doesn't have time for all of this nonsense. He checked his watch again 11:44. Fuck. Reid tried to separate himself from the bustling crowd which was more rowdy and hectic than usual (God bless the people who run this establishment). Where was Reid again… oh, right. Secularization. He began to read from the top of the chapter again, cursing his quick eye. He scanned the lines and filled his head up with the definitions and examples—and more importantly the statistics—behind each situation and addressed them as so while he read. He flipped page after page and words blurred through his mind as he copied down the information in his eidetic memory. He guesses one never knows when Church and State might collide. Oh, right. Gay marriage. Abortion. Immigration. It already has. Spencer glanced at his watch. 11:52. _This is one awesome way to kill time, _Reid smiled to himself, _I get to learn more about sociology and my friends and coworkers go about their day none the wiser._ Soon, he'll be out of this iniquitous cove and into his pajamas with an episode of the X Files on Hulu and his right hand waiting for him when David Duchovny starts talking all deep and husky while figuring out a mystery. Nothing turns him on like Sci-fi turns him on... Well, wait! It's not because Mulder's a dude, honest. It's because he's brave and intense and kicks alien ass and Little Reid has a mind of his own, okay? Stop judging.

He looked at his watch again a few moments later. 11:57. Perfect. He'd just wasted five minutes having an inner battle about whether or not jerking off to David's abs makes him gay. _God, you know who has nice abs, _Reid asked himself, _Morgan. _No! No! He's not going to think about this right now! He could care less how well defined his senior's chest is. It doesn't faze him at all when Morgan gives him that mysterious stare. And, as if it even matters that the older agent wears tight shirts that show off the structure of his torso to the point where it should be illegal? So what? So fucking what? He doesn't care.

It's not like Morgan even thinks this way about Reid. What's to look at? Sunken eyes, a stick figure's body and two left feet. Wow, that's sexy alright. He ran his hand through his hair self-consciously not caring if Morgan would evaporate into thin air and cease to exist. He's not going to suddenly pay him any attention anyway, so why should it matter if he admits to looking a little longer than he should, and shying away from everyone's touch but _his_. The looks will never be reciprocated, so it's not worth the energy Reid wastes in giving a damn. It's not like Morgan is going to just fall out of the sky, land in his lap, and sweep him off of his feet. Dr. Spencer Reid is going to wake up tomorrow the same way he did in the year soon to pass. Barely sane, boring as fuck, questionably gay, and alone. Happy New Year, you pretty son of a bitch. Enjoy your good looks and high self-esteem while you have them. They will soon fade. All that will be left is—

"Ten! Nine! Eight!" the crowd began to cheer. Awesome. Another year of his love life, wasted.

"Seven! Six!" they continued. Fuck, he really wants some peace and quiet.

"Five! Four!" they carried on as a sharp weight crushed his lap and Morgan looked up at him with heavily lidded, drunken eyes with his legs trapping Reid on either side, "Aw, shit. This isn't the bathroom."

"Three!" they shouted.

Morgan raised an eyebrow, "Reid?"

"Two!"

Reid replied, "The one and only."

"One! Happy New Year!" the crowd erupted in a burst of energy so loud and palpable, he almost missed the pressure of lips on his as Morgan brought their faces together in a kiss meant to be chaste. Reid stared into Morgan's closed eyes and leaned forward to sink into the feeling, once he knew what was going on, as he likely won't get this chance again. His eyelids slid closed and he felt Morgan hum happily at his cooperation and brought his hands to Reid's face, feeling the stubble along the cheeks as Morgan suddenly ripped their mouths apart to vomit into the small plastic tree beside them.

Reid watched as Morgan emptied his system of the worst of tonight's alcohol consumption, feeling a strange pang of guilt in his gut. He hates watching people throw up, because that makes him queasy as well. He especially hates watching Morgan throw up, because, well, no matter how hot you are it's a sad event to witness. Feeling conflicted on what just happened between the two of them, Reid awkwardly lifted a hand to press uneven rubs on Morgan's back, "It'll… it'll be alright—" Morgan retched again. Reid sighed and continued with the hand motion, "Oh, God, that's disgusting. Please stop vomiting." Morgan spit out more foul stomach acid. Reid nodded slowly, "I am… so sorry all of that alcohol ended up in a fake fichus." Morgan began to laugh and replied in a raspier, hoarse voice as he sat back up on Reid's lap, "Me too. God, this is gonna hurt tomorrow."

Reid replied, shaking his head in disappointment, "That's what you get when you put stuff like that in your body, I guess."

"That's what she said," Morgan chuckled, rubbing his forefinger up and down Reid's cheek, "Your skin is really soft for a dude."

"I moisturize." Reid shrugged, raising his eyebrow at Morgan's intrusion of personal space.

Morgan took off Reid's party hat and ran his fingers through his short cropped hair, "Your hair is soft too."

"I condition."

Morgan began to smile, "You're funny."

"I am?"

He laughed heartily, pawing at Reid's tie, "Really, you are."

"Okay."

"You wanna have sex?" Morgan propositioned with a shockingly straight face.

Reid stammered after such a quick, inappropriate question, "You're drunk."

"No shit, Sherlock. I am fucking _trashed_." Morgan announced, "And I just got slapped by three Columbian girls."

Reid tried not to take his words to heart, "So, I'm the next best thing."

"No," Morgan replied.

Reid raised his eyebrow, "How?"

"You're pretty dumb, pretty boy."

"Tell me what you really think." Reid sighed, folding his arms across his chest and gave Morgan room to elaborate.

Morgan laughed, "I _think_ I just asked to have sex with you."

"You have sex with everybody," Reid growled, "You'd have sex with a lamppost if it looked at you long enough."

"And it would never have had better," he grinned.

"You and your ego."

"It's not the only thing about me that's big," he raised his eyebrows.

"Fuck you."

"Wouldn't you like to."

Reid glared back, "I'd like to think that you'd like me to like you to, because when you think I wouldn't like you to like me, I end up liking you a lot."

Morgan paused, "…wait, what?"

Reid sighed and stood, gently moving Morgan from his legs, "Go fuck a Columbian."

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**A/N: Yeah. So, that happened. It's gonna be a multi-chap that's gonna be up some time next week. Look out for that, I guess. Reid and Review! :3**

**Blue**


	2. Last Night Was a Doozy

The Essentials of Sociology

Chapter Two: Last Night Was a Doozy

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**A/N: As promised, Part two. This is going shockingly well so far. Let's see where the story goes...**

**Blue bird**

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_Reid knocked on Morgan's door the next day to apologize about his rude behavior the night before. He had a bottle of Tylenol, two large bags of Cheetos and a pirated action movie in his messenger bag as he tapped on the door. A few moments later, the door opened and there he stood. Morgan. He stood so tall and suave… and shirtless. Reid bit his lip and looked directly in Morgan's eyes, "Hi."_

_Morgan chuckled, "Hey! What's up, doc?"_

"_I… I…" Reid stuttered, "I'm s-sorry about last night. I w-was being a little, well, I… I was a t-tad—"_

_Morgan waved Reid inside with a pleasant smile on his face, "It's fine. I was drunk and I shouldn't have overwhelmed you. You aren't the one who should be the one apologizing."_

_Reid entered the apartment, clutching the strap of his bag, upset that his hair was no longer long enough to push behind his ears, "No, I should be. I said some pretty mean things."_

_Morgan snickered, closing the door and heading into the kitchen, "You told me, verbatim, to 'Go fuck a Columbian'. That wasn't mean. It was hysterical."_

"_What? Columbians are quite nice. I've met a few."_

_Morgan's voice snaked out from the kitchen, "Me too. It's not their ethnicity that makes it funny, it was the venom-coated disdain you served to me last night. It was almost like you were daring me to do it. Like, 'Fuck a Columbian, and I'll skin you alive'."_

"_As if I could possibly subdue you long enough to finally accomplish something like that," Reid replied, tightening his grip on his messenger bag._

"_You could get lucky and catch me on one of my off days," Morgan shrugged, walking into the living room with two mugs of something warm, "Here, have some coffee. You look like shit."_

_Reid sighed, taking the mug, "Well, thank you for the compliment. How are you not hung-over, by the way?"_

"_I am, but I just ran four miles and got out of the shower. Hence the towel."_

_Reid raised his eyebrow and took a sip, "What towel?"_

"_You would know if you weren't giving me the most intense eye contact I've ever received."_

"_I was not… 'giving you intense eye contact'." Reid disagreed, letting his eyes sweep down Morgan's—oh, sweet Jesus—body. Not letting himself linger, he stared back up at Morgan's nose, not able to bear looking into his eyes, "See, I looked."_

_Morgan set his own mug down and leaned forward to push Reid's chin up so that their eyes met, "Don't be so scared, Reid. I don't bite... unless you're into that."_

_Reid's mouth went dry and he couldn't give reply. He really tried to speak, just… well… nothing came out. So, he stared and stared into Morgan's eyes, hoping he backs away. As his blood rushed downward due to the touch and close proximity to his best friend, he wanted to crawl into a hole, shrivel up and die. Morgan's breath on his face was surely to be the death of him. Reid's heart was palpitating quicker than it had when there was a gun to his head and drugs pulsating through his veins several years ago. He's getting closer and closer and closer. He whispered against Reid's lips, "I wish our first kiss went more like this…" as their lips met in a soft, slow kiss. There was enough blood left in his face to make an entire army blush as Morgan wrapped his strong arms around Reid and pressed his hard muscled body against his chest. Reid's hands lifted to cling to the back of Morgan's neck, because without Morgan's arms around him, he would surely fall flat on his face. Oh, God. Morgan was a brilliant kisser. Of course, he was a brilliant kisser. Before Reid knew it, his breath was stolen away. Reid has never wanted like he wants now, especially when Morgan is—_

"_Reid… _Reid!"Hotch's voice rang out as he tapped Reid's shoulder.

Reid jolted awake and said loudly and quickly, "Good morning Agent Hotchner I'm sorry for sleeping in the middle a briefing don't fire me please I'm young and I don't have options!"

Hotch sighed, moving his hand from the young man's shoulder, "You're not in a briefing, Dr. Reid, you're at your desk, making out with the files I assigned you ten minutes ago. Thank your lucky stars I walked by before they could give consent."

"Oh, I am so sorry. I… I was distracted and I had a hard weekend. I just… I'm sorry," Reid stumbled over his words, not sure if he was more mortified of kissing his paper work, or Hotch watching him do it, "You see, there was this thing and—"

Hotch raised his right hand and closed his eyes, "I don't want to know. Just… don't do it again."

"Yes, sir," Reid nodded, sure as day his face was as red as a stop sign as his superior walked off, shaking his head clear of the naughty image Reid had probably seared into his brain.

He heard a chuckle from across the room and looked up, meeting none other than Agent Derek Morgan's eyes. Reid grimaced, "What are you chuckling at?"

"You know," Morgan began with a teasing smile, "I always wondered why you finished your papers so quickly. Now everything makes sense. You get off on all that work, don't you?"

"Morgan," Reid warned.

Morgan laughed harder as he poorly mocked sexual pleasure, "Oh, yeah! Case files! Give me more, Hotch. Give me more!"

"Fuck you," Reid grimaced.

"Sure, why not? Do you want it on top of your paper work? We can have a threesome." Morgan grinned.

With a bloodthirsty glare, Reid replied, "Turn around and do your work."

"Ooh," Morgan winked, "Kinky."

Too frustrated to give an answer himself, Prentiss hissed for Reid from her desk, while typing furiously, "Morgan, seriously. Before he has an aneurism."

"But I just got started," he shrugged.

Reid whipped out his left hand and raised his middle finger long enough for Morgan to realize he was genuinely not in the mood for pokes and prods. It's bad enough they kissed last Friday. Hell, it's _worse_ enough that he had an almost sex dream about him at work! Reid couldn't even look Morgan in the face without blushing, and he didn't think he could outlast Morgan's blasé attitude about what happened during Countdown. Reid knows he shouldn't be asking for much from him considering Morgan was probably blackout drunk when it happened, but he can't help but feel somewhat giddy about the fact that they had kissed at all. Chances are so low it will happen again, so, for once, he's glad he forgoed the alcohol during that yearly get together. He remembered every second of Morgan's smooth, soft lips on his as his eidetic memory replayed the subtle brush of their nightly stubble brushing together, the hint of dark chocolate on his tongue that Morgan likes to eat when he drinks tequila, the light feel of his hand caressing Reid's face… there was something so hot, so sultry, so intensely sexual about it all. Reid could have done whatever he wanted with Morgan, and the senior agent wouldn't remember a thing. But he didn't do anything with the freedom God gave him. He paused. _Shit_.

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Reid jolted awake at his desk on Monday _again _with enough determination to rival a pack of oxen. He had decided upon the second heated, passionate dream he had underwent featuring his womanizing co-worker that he has had enough of Morgan, and he was going to stay crabby all day in hopes that he wouldn't fall prey to any more dangerous dreams.

For Reid, it's rare he gets hit on; much less by a man, and even lesser by Morgan, who in turn hits on anything with ample breasts and a nice tush. While Reid lacks breasts, he had spent way too much time that weekend staring at himself in the mirror in his work pants, asking his reflection if the roundness of his rear was enough to set it off for the flirty agent. Probably not. There was no reason for their lips to ever meet unless there was something horribly wrong with the cosmos. The whole natural order could have been disrupted. People could be dying. Fires could be starting. Children may not be born. All of this is now possible because Derek Morgan decided to lay one on Spencer Reid at Countdown.

Cursing his luck as he glanced up, Morgan was just walking into the office after his lunch break with a big grin on his face. Speak of the devil and he shall appear. Morgan said his hellos to Prentiss and JJ, striding over to Reid's desk, "2013, bro. How's it been treating you?"

"Well, since the Apocalypse hasn't come to pass, I seem to be alright," Reid answered curtly.

Morgan chuckled and leaned over the divider, "Jeez, who pissed in your Cheerios?"

"No one. I had a bagel," Reid replied, finishing the paper he had filled out on an upcoming case and reaching for another.

"Fine, if you don't want to tell me, I understand," Morgan shrugged, looking to see if the coast was clear before leaning closer to whisper, "Do you have any clue what happened at the Countdown party? Because I rung in the New Year on the floor of my kitchen without my pants."

Reid raised an eyebrow, "How did that happen?"

"I don't know! I was drinking with three really nice Dominican girls and then I was missing my pants in my house."

Reid corrected him, "Columbian."

"What?"

"The girls were Columbian, not Dominican," Reid supplied.

Morgan nodded with a smile, "So, you _do_ know what happened last night."

Reid shrugged and said ominously while tapping his noggin, "Everything's right up here."

"So, you'll help me out?" Morgan asked, his voice pleading more than his expression.

"Nope."

Morgan leaned further over the desk and glared, hissing, "Why?"

Reid snickered, "No way I'm telling you what happened last night. Besides, I left right after the '3-2-1'. If you really want to know what happened, talk to those girls you seemed to be having so much fun with last night."

"Why would I do that? They obviously had _something_ against my pants."

"They must have," Reid replied, signing the bottom of his case file and smiling up at him, "Forty five down, three to go. Looks like I'm leaving early today."

Morgan grimaced, "I hate you."

Reid opened another file and sighed, "That's no way to butter up the only person you know with an eidetic memory…"

"I don't hate you?" Morgan suggested.

Reid tried so hard to be mad at Morgan. He really did. And, hell, he was for the better part of seven hours! But Morgan just looked so sad and confused about the night before, and to make matters worse, the poor guy woke up on the floor without his pants. Reid's had bad nights, but damn. That sure tops a few of the strange mornings he's encountered. Looking over at his friend (and trying to hide his reverence), Reid decided to give part of the truth, "You had a few tequilas and were flirting with the girls. Then Countdown came around and I left."

Morgan squinted his eyes as he listened to his friend, replying afterward, "You're lying."

"What?" Reid said, his voice going up in pitch, "I'm not… lying."

"You remember more than that." Morgan folded his arms across his broad chest and looked down his nose at Reid, "What are you hiding?"

The young doctor leaned back in his chair and looked up at Morgan, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yeah, you do."

Reid glared, "Are you profiling me? You can't profile me. We've talked about that. I'll get Rossi."

"I'm not scared of Rossi."

Reid challenged, "I'll get Hotch."

"I'm not scared of Hotch."

Reid held his eye contact, "I'll get Strauss."

"Fine, I'll stop grilling you," Morgan growled, and leaned forward to whisper, "I'm not done with you yet, Pretty Boy."

As Morgan walked away from his desk, Reid's shoulders relaxed a bit. Great. If he thought he was in trouble this morning, he had another thing coming. There's no way he could leave his New Year's kiss behind him. Not by a long shot.

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**A/N: And, there you go! Chapter two! See you all next week with chapter three. I'll give you one clue about next week... draaaaaaaaaaaaaaama.**

**Your friendly neighborhood Blue**


	3. Eyebrows and Big Ass Folders

The Essentials of Sociology

Chapter Three: Eyebrows and Big Ass Folders

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**A/N: Happy Memorial Day! I know everyone sees today as a day off of school and work, but it's really special to me. My dad was a U.S. Army Veteran from Operation Desert Storm who nearly lost his life in the line of duty. If you read this chapter late Monday night, know that this little piece of the story is dedicated to all of the soldiers that have fought for our freedom through a hail of bullets, those who fought through days of tragedy, and those who have fought until their final breath.**

**Dad, this one's for you.**

**-Blue**

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Reid finished earlier than he had predicted. Looking toward Morgan to notice the agent up to his ears in paperwork, he grabbed his messenger bag and bolted to JJ's office to see if there's anything else to be done. As of now, there's nothing holding him back from escaping right out of the main lobby. God willing, there shouldn't be by the end of his short visit. He wrapped his hand around the cold metal knob and opened the door without knocking, "Hey, JJ. What's up? Anything else I need to do? No? Awesome. Bye."

JJ replied without looking up from her desk, "Where do you think you're going, mister?"

"Out?" Reid asked optimistically.

"Like Hell," she snickered, picking up a large folder that has gone fat and floppy with papers, "I need you to finish this one. Prentiss refused upon sight and Morgan threatened to call the U.S. Department of Labor on me if this thing got closer than three feet of his person."

Reid sighed, crestfallen at her proposal, "Oh."

JJ instructed, "Do it here. There are a few things that might need clearing up on the introduction page. Remember that case we worked in December with the strangled bodies in the lakes? It's that one."

"Oh, man, I thought we buried that," Reid complained, taking the file from his coworker.

"The bodies we buried, the paperwork we salvaged. Hop to it," JJ ordered, looking up at him expectantly.

Reid sat in the chair adjacent to her desk and pulled a pen out of his shirt pocket. He rested the file on her desk and stared at it. It stared back at him, all bulging and needy. Lord only knew how many papers were stuffed into that flimsy manila folder. Deciding it was now or never, he opened the flap and pulled the papers out, seeing big bolded letters on the front page: **I saw you and Morgan at the Countdown. Explain!** He gasped at the page and flipped through the pile to see an entire blank ream of printer paper. No. No, no, no, no. She's kidding. She has to be kidding.

JJ interrupted his panicked reverie with a curt, "I know you read 20,000 words a minute. 10 shouldn't take this long."

Reid looked back up at JJ with wide eyes, "What do you mean: '_You saw us._'"

"I saw your little New Year's stunt," she leaned over the table with a big grin plastered on her face, "Morgan and Reid sitting in a tree, R-E-A-D-I-N-G until he kissed you! I don't believe it! Wow!"

The young doctor buried his face in his hands and moaned, "I refuse to believe it myself."

"I was enjoying my New Year's appletini and clinking glasses with my husband. Next thing I know, I turn around to see you sucking face with our SSA Morgan," JJ said. "Then I dropped my drink."

Reid refused to pull his face out of his hands, "I wasn't 'sucking face' with him. It was just… well, he just… and then we were just… I don't know, okay?"

JJ shrugged and replied, "Face it, Reid. You kissed a boy and you liked it."

"Don't quote Katy Perry at me," he grumbled.

"Somebody's crabby," she giggled.

"Of course I'm 'crabby'! I kissed a coworker in the same unit as me. A male coworker, nonetheless. For all I know, that's grounds for termination. I can't afford to be fired…" Reid worried mumbled into his hands.

"Technically, you _can't_ be fired," JJ reasoned with open palms, "Only serious relationships are banned. You didn't get hitched in Vegas, so you should be alright."

Reid began to pout, removing his hands from his blushing face and placing them into a tangled mess on his lap, "I don't know what to do, Jayje."

"You need advice?" JJ smiled, "I'm your girl. Go on. Lay it on me. There's little I can't handle."

"If you're that confident, fine," he mumbled, "I… I don't usually do this, you know, the whole holding hands and sharing our feelings thing, but… well… I was sitting there, reading my sociology book, and he fell into my lap during the final countdown. When the New Year broke out, we were… kissing. I don't know how, it just… happened. Then he threw up in a fichus and I yelled at him and walked away."

JJ snickered behind her hand, "Gotta hand it to our Romeo. That was pretty smooth."

"I wanted to cry." Reid sighed, slowly losing his patience. He could feel his emotional breakdown rearing its ugly head.

She scrunched up her face as she thought, "Why did you yell at him? You didn't like the kiss, I'm guessing. Since you're not gay and all, that's probably a given."

"It wasn't that… I just… well, he—he, uh… propositioned me." Reid dumbed down, trying to make the situation seem a little less dire than it really was.

JJ's eyes grew wide, "Like… _proposition _propositioned you? Like he…"

"Morgan asked me for sex like I was some five cent whore!" Reid exploded, slamming a hand to his mouth to quiet himself before apologizing hastily, "Sorry! Sorry, sorry, I'm so sorry. I don't know what—"

"It's fine! I get it," JJ replied, "You're confused, worried, and a little upset. I would be too if, say, Prentiss hopped on my lap during Countdown, smooched me and asked me to hop in the sack with her. I'd… also be a little upset as well if she were my best friend and spent the entire night flirting with guys, like Morgan did with those girls, instead of talking to me. Her moves would have been a bit contradictory—to say the least."

Reid raised his eyebrow, "You noticed?"

"Who didn't?" JJ laughed, "He was practically on his way out of the door with them and treated you as if you weren't even there."

He nodded, looking back down to his folded hands.

"Even if he was totally drunk, friends don't do that to each other. And they definitely don't kiss them and ask to hook up after ignoring them all night," JJ replied.

"Not usually," Reid sighed, tangling and untangling his fingers and trying to keep his mind off of how nutty he was feeling before confessing, "Oh, right! I forgot to tell you that he blacked out about an hour before we kissed and doesn't remember it at all. But he woke up on the floor of his kitchen yesterday and since he doesn't remember a damned thing, he's grilling me because I'm epideictic. Just thought I should put that into the universe as well."

"Well, that's… that's terrible."

Reid snorted, "You think? I know I have to tell him at some point that we kissed, but there are so many random variables! He could be completely at ease with it and act like it never happened, he could be disgusted and never look at me again, he could treat me like a joke and say I was the only willing thing around… why are you laughing?"

JJ giggled, "You, my friend, are in some deep shit."

"Yeah, well, when am I _not_?"

She shrugged, "True. Well, now it only comes down to one thing."

"And that is…" he asked.

"Do you like him?"

"No." he said.

JJ nodded, "You're lying."

"Why does everybody keep saying that?" Reid asked fervently.

"You do this thing with your eyebrows whenever you're not being honest. It's your fall," she shrugged knowingly.

Reid tossed his hands up in the air, "What thing?"

"If I told you, you'd stop doing it. Then I wouldn't know anything," JJ reasoned, "Now, spill. Do you like him or not?"

"No," Reid said, keeping his eyebrows as still as he could.

"I'll take that as a 'yes'. When should I start meddling? Today or tomorrow?"

* * *

As Reid stared blankly at the flickering TV screen, he wondered for the fifth time today what he was doing with his life. He was thirty one. No girlfriend. No pets. No family other than his institutionalized mother. No friends other than the people he worked with. No real passion in life other than numbers and figures. He's never fallen in love like those people on TV. He's never had sex just for the hell of it. He's never wasted a bunch of money on something stupid. He's never told anyone all of his secrets. He's never really lived. His youth was fading away with every minute and he was currently wasting it on violence, blood and crime fighting. One day, he'll be Gideon's age and will have nothing to show for it. That's what scared him most of all.

"We've both lost so much... but I believe that what we're looking for is in the X-Files. I'm more certain than ever that the truth is in there." Mulder said with a stoic expression on his face. Reid watched with anticipation and waited to get as aroused by his deep voice as he usually does. He didn't. So, he waited. And waited. And waited. Nothing. Rolling his eyes, he considered stuffing his hand into his loose pajama pants anyway. He wasn't doing anything with his life as of now. Might as well get high on orgasmic endorphins while he's at it. _Knock, knock, knock._

Awesome. He wasn't in the mood for company. Especially not _surprise_ company. Who could that be? Reid stood and padded over to the door in his oversized tee shirt and socks. Whoever's at the door is just going to have to deal with the way he looked. It was nine… Reid glanced at his wrist watch… eleven at night. Everybody's in their PJ's at eleven. The doctor wrapped his hand around the door knob, unlocking it and opening the door, "What is it?"

"Hey, Kid," Morgan smiled down at him and raised a paper bag, "I've got Cheetos and beer and no one to share them with."

Reid tried not to look shocked at the tall man who had arrived at his door, "I'm not telling you what happened."

"I wasn't asking. You brought it up," Morgan defended himself with a charming smile, "Mind if I come in? It's chilly out."

Reid rolled his eyes and stepped aside, "It's snowing and you think it's 'chilly'? I wonder what you'd call sub-zero."

Morgan walked past Reid, whom _didn't_ sniff quietly as he walked by to get that fresh scent of soap and Dior that Morgan always seemed to smell like. The scent that he'd always seemed to like… Reid shook his head at himself and closed the door, locking it and turning to see Morgan sprawled out on his couch like he owned the place, fist already in the bag of Cheetos.

"I was going to say make yourself at home, but…"

Morgan nodded, shoving a handful of orange carbs into his mouth, "Yeah, I know. That's why I did."

"I don't mean to be rude, but, why are you here?" Reid asked.

Morgan offered the bag out to his friend, "Cheeto?"

"No thanks. I've eaten my stipend of sugar coated crap for the day," Reid shrugged, pacing across the room and taking a seat as far away from Morgan as he could get on the couch.

"Suit yourself," Morgan shrugged, digging into the paper bag and taking out a beer. The one in his hand was empty. He chuckled and put it back in the bag taking out another one, "I might have pre-gamed. Just a little."

Reid sighed, "Which brings me back to my initial question. Why are you here?"

"To get the lowdown on what happened that night," Morgan replied simply. "I thought we've been through this."

Reid sighed, "I left right after Countdown, Morgan. I don't know much."

"Yeah, but you're hiding something from me."

"No, I'm not!" Reid fibbed.

Morgan snickered.

Reid asked incredulously, "What is so funny?"

"Your eyebrows go bat-shit when you lie."

Reid ran his hands through his hair, "So, I've heard!"

"Reid, just tell me. I'm sure it isn't that bad." Morgan replied casually.

"Oh, it's bad." Reid mumbled.

Morgan asked with worry in his voice, "How bad…"

"Terrible."

"What happened, Spence?" he asked, "I'm a big boy. I can take responsibility for my actions."

A part of Reid really wanted to tell the truth. A big part of him did. But, there was this other portion of him that said: If you tell him, your friendship will be over. As friends go, Morgan is one of his best. While Gideon is more of a father figure, and Hotch is like a kind uncle, Morgan isn't anything but a _friend_. A good, kind, trustworthy friend that has singlehandedly gotten Reid out of all kinds of situations. Morgan was one of the kindest, coolest, most genuine people he knew. Reid wasn't about to lose that over a kiss. A mistake. So, he lied.

"There was a bar fight, okay?" Reid sighed, folding his hands into his lap and looking up at his coworker.

Morgan searched Reid's eyes and grimaced, "Why don't you trust me?"

Reid sighed, leaning over the couch toward his friend, "I do, Morgan! I trust you so much, but… not with this."

"Why not? I thought we've been through enough that we could talk to each other about anything. I don't even know how many moments I've relied on you and told you the truth even when I didn't want to. I can't even count the times you've been there for me. All these years, I've done everything I could to not only be a good coworker, but a good friend as well to you. And this is where it's got me?" Morgan replied, standing up and shaking his head, "I want to be your friend, Reid, but you make it so goddamn hard sometimes."

Biting his lip, Reid tried to keep restrained, "And you _are_ my friend! I trust you with everything! All I want to do is treat you with the respect you deserve, but you haven't been perfect either. Wherever we go girls seem to be more important to you than our friendship. Sure you're all charming and handsome and suave, but you don't have to flirt with everything that moves."

"But that's just who I am! I flirt!" Morgan replied with a bit of an edge creeping into his voice, "I mean, come on! I flirt with Garcia and Prentiss and JJ all the time and it doesn't mean anything—"

"Then why don't you flirt with me?" Reid hissed, standing up to match Morgan's height, "If it doesn't mean anything, then why do you ignore me and go ravage everyone else? I feel like you don't even see me at all! I exist, you know, Morgan! I'm right here!" Reid caught his breath and stared into Morgan's eyes, saying calmly, "I've always been right here."

Morgan blinked, "I… I didn't know you felt that way…"

"Well, yeah," Reid sighed, "Stop treating me like shit and maybe I'll trust you more."

Running his hand down his face, Morgan shook his head and reasoned, "I didn't mean to make you feel like you don't exist when we're in public. If you want… we can hang out more often. Maybe go see a movie, or take a walk, or go out for a drink?"

"No! No drinks." Reid exclaimed with a laugh, "Not anytime soon, anyway."

* * *

**A/N: Damn, Reid. Way to show Morgan what's good in the Hood. Wiggity wack and all dat shiiat. Blowin' da mothafuckin' roof off dat single room apartment.**

**Note to self: Learn how to speak Gangster before chapter four, because I'm going to need it.**

**-The Bluest Oleander**


	4. Last Name, Agenty, Boundary Type Thing

The Essentials of Sociology

Chapter Four: Last Name, Agent-y, Boundary Type Thing

* * *

**A/N: Hey, hey, hey. Well, some thought that what Reid said about him being "right there" in the last chapter was a declaration of love. Sorry to burst your bubbles, but it wasn't... if you perceive it that way, fine, but it didn't actually happen yet.**

** irishgirl9: Thanks! I'm from up North, so I must have googled wrong. I fixed it!**

**Love ya like a play cousin,**

**Blue Bot**

* * *

"There seems to be some sort of sparkle about her, yes." Reid replied, taking a sip of his tall glass of ice water. The young doctor wore a simple smirk on his face as Morgan tried for the sixth time this Friday to get him to talk to a woman. Truth be told, Reid was perfectly content where he was, admiring from afar and having a casual drink with one of his closest friends. He hadn't come out to chat women up and use whatever manly wiles Morgan says that he has to lure them into bed. All Reid had wanted to do when he agreed to spend time with Morgan was… well, spend time with Morgan. That's why they were out at a casual restaurant, correct?

Reid sighed. He would never be able to get this stupid friendship thing right. Especially when he had woken up to more and more of those embarrassing night terrors starring Morgan, a shower, and more than his fair share of body wash. The poor boy had sadly grown used to these eccentric dreams, yes, but he has now resorted to doubling his daily dosage of caffeine that week and plans to continue to do so for days to pass. As long as he stays awake, no one shall know about the dark inner workings of his mind that just seem to get darker and darker as the days go on.

Morgan broke the doctor from his reverie with a curt, "Well, I don't think that she's all that pretty anyway."

Raising a pointed eyebrow, Reid asked, "Who?"

"That chick we were just talking about. She's kind of attached," Morgan sighed, leaning over the table to clink his glass of red wine with Reid's glass of water, "Aren't you paying attention, Wonder Boy? We were talking about her for the last five minutes."

"Oh!" he replied, "The woman with the short brown hair?"

Morgan smiled after her, "Yeah. I mean, she's a bit skinnier than most of the girls I would go for, but I kind of like it. It's like she has better things to do than eat three squares a day, you know?"

"Yep," Reid snickered, gesturing with his glass over to the brown haired woman, "Like date that guy who is at least five inches taller than you."

The agent drawled, "Shut up," at Reid before sliding a hand down his face, "I am getting no game tonight."

Reid glared, "Yeah. I know. Because you promised to spend the night with me. Your friend. Remember?"

"Yeah, yeah," Morgan nodded, "I remember. Just saying. There's not anything against having a little fun, right? Speaking of… can I ask you something?"

"No, I'm not going to participate in your sexual advances with women," Reid joked.

"Well, there goes my plans for tonight," Morgan chuckled, rolling his eyes and deciding to continue to be serious for at more than seven seconds, "Why don't you ever do anything fun, doc? All I ever see you do is read and solve cases."

Reid replied, "Well, fun is defined differently among people. I get joy out of reading and analytical work."

Morgan raised an eyebrow, "How come you find stuff like that fun?"

"Same way you find partying, drinking, and things of that caliber fun. I was raised on books and education, and my IQ doesn't necessarily hurt," Reid sighed, "Sometimes, I really do want to find normal things fun, but I just can't. I really enjoy being a nomad. I like spending time by myself and I like disappearing into the world of facts and science and math and possibilities, you know? That's what I like about what I find fun. What about you, Morgan?"

Before responding, Morgan had to think. He paused for several seconds before answering, "I don't really know. It's relaxing. Kind of zen, you know? Getting dressed in something cool, getting tipsy with your friends, maybe ending the night with someone good looking. You kind of know how the night's going to go. Painless, simple, and predictable. It's a far cry from the cases we have to solve, and I like the time off. I'd rather spend my time playing around, because I know I won't have the time to any other day of the week."

Reid nodded his reply as he digested his friend's response.

Morgan chuckled, "How do we get along?"

"I'm not yet sure." Reid responded, "I guess it's because before we were friends, we were coworkers. We rely on each other for protection whenever someone comes along that would want nothing more than to kill us in our sleep, and then we rinse and repeat. When the BAU became more than just a bunch of people fighting bad guys, we all developed into something like family. While we're really different from each other, I guess we love each other more than our differences and backgrounds."

"That all makes sense," Morgan nodded, taking another casual sip from his glass, "Leave it up to Pretty Boy to give a good answer."

Reid smiled, "Yeah. Leave it up to me, I guess."

There was a pregnant silence between the two where they just sat and lamented on what Reid had said about the two of them. Sometimes, opposites do attract. Sometimes, clichés have never seemed so correctly in line with their lives. Sometimes, maybe they had to stop thinking so much about things and just let go.

"Since we love each other and all, can you tell me what happened during Countdown?"

The doctor began to laugh, "Not on your life."

Morgan growled and folded his arms, starting to have a quiet fit. You know, the kinds that forty-year-olds can have without seeming childish. Oh, right. There is no such thing as a mature fit. He asked, "What if I say 'please' in a really respectful way?"

"Well, in that case, you will have earned yourself a 'no, _thank you_'." Reid replied with another laugh, "Why can't you just let it go?"

"Not on your life," Morgan copied to spite his friend, "I want to know! Come on, Reid. I think I deserve it."

Reid replied, "Of course, you deserve it. I'm just not telling you, because you won't take the news kindly. I want to spare you the heartache. Aren't I such a good friend?"

Morgan hissed, "No."

With that, Reid took a pointed sip on his water, "Well, that's not grateful behavior."

"I'm not going to win, am I?" Morgan prophesied

"Nope," Reid smiled.

Morgan growled, "What did I do that was so unforgiveable? Did I kiss you or something?"

Reid lied, "Nope."

"Holy fuck, I kissed you," Morgan gasped, bringing his hand up to hide his expression.

"Wh-what? No! We didn't… we didn't kiss." Reid continued to fib, "Why on Earth would… would we do s—something like that?"

Morgan began to lean back in his chair, "Why… why wouldn't you tell me I did that?"

Reid held his palms toward Morgan in surrender, "See? You're taking it badly. I knew you would take it badly!"

"Dude, I'm so sorry," Morgan apologized, looking up at his friend with frantic and harried worry in his eyes, "I didn't mean to invade your personal space like that. I wasn't in my right mind. I don't blame you if you're mad at me and…"

Reid shrugged and waved his hand, "No way! I'm fine. I mean… you may have asked me to fornicate afterward, but… that's all good, because we didn't. Fornicate, I mean. None of that… occurred. No sex. None."

The taller agent's eyes widened as Reid spoke, "I… no, I didn't."

"You did."

"I couldn't have."

"Clear as day. You asked me if I wanted to have sex with you."

"I refuse to believe that."

"Do you want me to quote you verbatim?"

"Please don't."

Reid sighed, "Morgan, I'm not 'weirded out'. You were drunk and I forgive you. It's okay with me, I just didn't want you to feel awkward after hearing that we… you know…"

Nodding hastily, Morgan replied, "I don't feel awkward. Do you feel awkward?"

"No. I don't feel awkward," Reid supplied.

"Good."

The two men smiled at the other and quieted. Suddenly, everything else in the room was a lot more interesting than the topic of them kissing. Like… the light music, or… the checkered tiles on the floor, or… the red curtains hanging from the ceiling. Reid cautiously glanced Morgan's way and their eyes met for a split second before Morgan decided to look at something else; something that wasn't Reid.

The silence was getting thicker and thicker. The soft sound of the people in the venue got farther and farther away until trying to hear them felt like swimming through jelly. There was only so much to hold one's attention, especially Reid, whom memorized everything he saw. There were 5 waiters on staff and 8 waitresses. Exactly 3 women were standing by the bar, 2 were waiting to be served while 1 had a drink in her hand. The woman with the drink was wearing a pinstriped blazer with 56.5 stripes on it, because, well, the cut of her waist severed one a moment ago as she sat. Why wouldn't Morgan just dammit say something already? If no one said something within the next few moments, he just might go mad.

"Isn't it—"

"Doesn't this seem—"

The two said instantaneously, "Awkward?"

"So very awkward…" Reid groaned, sliding a hand down his face.

Morgan folded his hands on the table and said, "I mean it's only awkward because I'm thinking about it. No! Don't take that the wrong way! It's not that I'm _thinking about it_ thinking about it, but because, well, you know it's on my mind now when it usually isn't. And… well, not that kissing you would be awkward… even though it is! Just not in a bad way, because I assume you're a great kisser, but not like… help me?"

"Don't look at me. You're the one who started talking." Reid said, burying his face in his hands again.

Sighing, Morgan replied, "Well… was it as awkward as _this_ is right now?"

"Was what awkward?"

Morgan looked around him to see if anyone was listening as he whispered, "The kiss."

"Not the whole time," Reid looked up, face still half buried in his hands to hide the rush of blood creeping up to color his cheeks, "You just kind of… fell on me while they were counting down, and as the New Year arrived, you must have gotten caught up in the moment and you just… kissed me."

"I'm sorry."

"No, really. It's fine," Reid shrugged, waving off the situation, "You weren't in your right mind, and I totally forgive you."

Morgan raised an eyebrow and peered closer to his friend, asking, "Are you… are you _blushing_?"

Shit, he forgot. Reid pulled the napkin off of his lap and placed it over his nose, "No. Psh, why… why would you think I was blushing? I'm not b-blushing."

"Oh, Reid," Morgan laughed, "It's fine. I'm sorry I got you so flustered."

"F-flustered? That w-word might be a little… st-strong," he gulped into the napkin, "And… and _not_ true. Because I'm not flustered."

Morgan bit his lip, trying to hold back a smile, "What? Blushing and stuttering? That's not flustered to you?"

Dropping the cloth back into his lap, Reid looked up at Morgan through his eyelashes, pleading to his friend, "Shut up."

The smile Morgan was holding back appeared, all white and stunning as he laughed. Reid wasn't sure if he was laughing about the situation, the subject, or directly at Reid himself. He watched as the taller agent's eyes crinkled around the sides in that adorable way that they do when he's entertained. A laugh like that couldn't be directed toward the embarrassment of a friend—especially one of so much time—but it was somehow enchanting nonetheless. Reid pushed his hair out of his face as Morgan's laughter died down, "What do you find so funny?"

"You're adorable when you're embarrassed." Morgan chuckled, reaching across the table to place his hair back where it was, resting across his forehead, "Don't hide it when you blush. Don't hide period. I think the best way I've ever seen you was last night when you were yelling at me in a ripped Skynard tee shirt."

Reid felt too uncomfortable to answer.

"I mean, don't take this wrong, but… I like it when you lose control." Morgan revealed, taking a sip of wine.

* * *

Morgan's car stopped beside Reid's apartment and the young doctor found himself not wanting to go. Sure, he feels like this often when he's about to be separated from Morgan, but tonight, the feeling was incredibly strong. They actually had a good night. Before the secret was revealed and after. For the rest of the dinner, Morgan didn't once mention a woman, nor look anywhere but into his eyes. He was getting his best friend's undivided attention, and now, he could see why women flocked to him. It actually may not be because he is heartstoppingly beautiful, or has an FBI badge. Maybe the reason people like him so much is because when he looks at them, he makes them feel like the most important person in the world. Or, at least, that's how Reid felt all night.

The agent cleared his throat and stopped the engine, looking over at Reid, "Do you want me to walk you to the door?"

Reid paused, "… why would you?"

"I don't know," Morgan shrugged, "Because… well… this is a neighborhood where you might not be safest traveling alone, and… I am armed right now, just in case you need a guy to help you out if and when someone may just possibly have the chance to—"

"Morgan?" Reid asked with a smirk.

Morgan replied, thankful for the reprieve, "Yes?"

"Flustered?"

He turned away from Reid and murmured, "Shut up."

Reid unbuckled his seatbelt and aimed for the car door when his hand collided with Morgan's. The agent had reached across Reid's lap to touch the handle before him. Morgan looked up at Reid, "Let me get that for you."

"I'm not a woman, Morgan," Reid replied.

Morgan nodded, "I know that. I just… I wanted to."

Allowing his friend to get the door for him, Reid pulled himself and his messenger bag out of the car and waited to Morgan to walk back around. The walk up was quiet, but not the kind of quiet that wedged between them at the restaurant. This was a different kind of silence; it was almost comfortable. They didn't have to say anything to each other if they had nothing to say. They were just two friends, walking to the door of another's apartment. While Reid wanted so much for there to be more to their story, it seemed there wouldn't be. But, you know what? He was okay with that. As long as Morgan was happy, and their friendship wasn't in danger, Reid was happy as could be.

They reached the door and Reid pushed his hand into his pocket to retrieve his keys. Morgan waited as Reid unlocked his door and leaned back on his heels beside him.

"Goodnight," Reid said before heading into the door. All seemed to be going well for .57 seconds until Morgan grabbed his arm and tugged him back outside into the snowy air.

"Wait!" Morgan had uttered. As Reid turned to him, Morgan paused awkwardly as if he wasn't entirely sure why he had stopped his friend. Reid knows this because of the looseness in his mouth (in case something came to mind he could voice to fill the void), and the tightness of his eyes (as he came up with something to come to mind). Morgan swiftly held out his left hand out to Reid and Reid stared at him with confusion for a moment before realizing that he had been requesting a handshake. Taking the hand Morgan offered, Reid smiled and closed his left on top of both of their hands, saying, "You have been the perfect gentleman tonight. I had a really nice time. We should do it again!"

Morgan grinned, "We should?"

"Why not?" Reid chuckled, "We're not getting any younger, here."

Morgan nodded and patter Reid on the back with his free hand, "You're right, man, we're not. How does tomorrow night sound, huh? You, me, a couple of beers and the Cavaliers?"

Reid raised an eyebrow in confusion, "The Cavaliers…?"

"It's a basketball team, kid," Morgan laughed, "A pretty damn good one too, if I might add."

"I don't… I don't watch sports," Reid apologized, "I'm sorry…"

Morgan shrugged, "No, it's fine. Uh… you have any other ideas? I mean we could… read or something at the… library?"

Laughing at his attempt to be cordial, Reid replied, "Basketball is fine. It's not my forte, but I guess you could teach me how to better understand the game."

"You'll like it! Really. I would love to opportunity to get you into something," Morgan smiled with a smile that was perfectly bright until he realized something and shook his head quickly, "I meant 'get you into something' like… like becoming a fan or... Not dressing you up in anything… uh… presumptuous? Is that the word? That's a shitty word because if I could dress you—wait, let me stop that sentence. I mean uh… even though I have nothing against… well, now this just sounds strange. I—I don't mean—"

Reid snickered, removing his hands from Morgan's to clench onto the strap of his bag nervously as he responded with a casual, "Saturday. Basketball. If you let us use your place, Morgan, I'll bring the beer."

Morgan pulled lightly on the collar of his tee shirt, another one of his tells, "You can call me Derek, you know. I think we've well crossed that strictly last name, agent-y, boundary type thing."

"You okay?" Reid asked.

"I'm uh…" he removed his hand from his shirt and met Reid's eyes, "I'm awesome."

A smile crept up onto Reid's face as he ducked back into the house, "Goodnight… Derek."

As the door shut, Reid was pretty sure he heard Morgan say, "Goodnight, Pretty Boy."

* * *

**A/N: I like it when Morgan gets flustered, because it's so OOC of him. It would probably be cute as fuck to see in CM too. Oh, well.**

**- Blueberry Pancakes**


	5. How About Them Cavaliers?

The Essentials of Sociology

Chapter Five: How About Them Cavaliers?

* * *

**A/N: Hey, all. Blue here. **

**Fun fact! ****I named this chap How About Them Cavaliers, because it was something kids where I grew up used to say when things got awkward. There would be a silence and one of us would go, "So... how about them Patriots?" or "So... how about them Mets?" and that would usually get the conversation rolling by way of sports instead of whatever caused the awkward silence.**

**Blue-bie Doobie Doobie**

* * *

Reid slid down the back of his closed front door, holding his ever present messenger bag to his chest as he sighed and tried to figure all of this out. How in Hell did Morgan take this news so well? Of course, at first he was startled as any man would be when he found out he had kissed one of his male friends in a drunken stupor, but after that settled in, Morgan just went back to being the way he always was. That happened to be just what Reid wanted. Some nice, honest, quality time with his best friend was pretty much all he had pegged for since they became friends in the first place. Then came the girls and the (not) jealousy and now, the kiss. Reid bit his lip. Wow, that kiss. It was something else alright… Reid sighed once more. He wasn't going to lie to himself, it was great—a lot better than he had let on with Morgan too. It was intense, but meaningful. Sloppy, but determined. Graceless, yet elegant. There was nothing not to love about it. Until, of course, Morgan spewed chunks all over a fichus. That, indeed, was _not_ cute.

What Reid couldn't explain was Morgan's behavior as the night drew to a close. Even in the restaurant, he pleaded to pay the bill as reparations for physical trauma he may have caused Reid during the Countdown, and spent the ending moments at the table with intense concentration. He had been studying Reid as if he were a case, and if he didn't know better, he'd guess Morgan was profiling him. But for what? What did Morgan want to know? And was what he was profiling for so outlandish that Morgan felt jittery even talking to him?

At this point, there were more questions than answers and he no longer knew where to even begin. Reid has solved puzzles and equations in everything from murders to kidnappings, but the most complicated and confusing thing he has ever faced had just walked him to the door. If there was anything Reid hated, it was being confused. He was used to knowing things, and, now that he didn't, he was uneasy.

* * *

Reid gripped his steering wheel and stared off at Morgan's apartment. Yeah. This was just like any other strictly friendly occasion that was strictly friendly between strictly friends… right? Except, this time, there was no team. There was no altercation that they needed to compensate for. This time, it was just Reid and Morgan, hanging out. Because, you know, they've totally done this before. He hopes he's dressed for the occasion, because ties and waistcoats seem to be his entire wardrobe these days. Oh, no. Maybe he should have dressed like Morgan. Morgan did say the best he had seen Reid was in a ripped tee shirt. Maybe he should have worn something more relaxed instead of a crisp white shirt, a red tie and a black waistcoat. They're hanging out, not inspecting corpses and filing paperwork! _Oh, well, _he thought as he pulled himself out of the car_, too late to change now._

Walking up to the door, he breathed steadily and knocked on the door before he could stop himself. There was silence. Then a hushed, "Oh, shit!" Then the padding of footsteps, something heavy moving from where it had been before Reid knocked, and then something fell. There was a sound, like Morgan picking it up and then all of a sudden, the door swung open, Morgan looking completely relaxed as always despite the harried mess that had come from the other side of the door, "Hey, Spencer. What's new?"

"Nothing much. Just reread some Austin today, but other than that, zip," Reid shrugged, maintaining cautious eye contact, the situation eerily similar to the dream Hotch had snatched him out of. Great. Now, he's thinking about the dream. The sexy, sexy dream. You know, the one with Morgan dripping wet in a towel, giving Reid these "come hither" eyes that were just…mmm. No! No. He was not going to do this right now. Not at all. He was going to listen to his friend.

He could eyes see Morgan's lips moving, and his ears worked fine, honest! He'd just gotten them both checked a few weeks ago. But, somehow, all he could see and hear was that mirage of Morgan standing at the door in his towel and motioning him closer with a crooked finger, saying, "_Come on, Reid. I know you want me. Forget watching basketball. How about we do something else…"_

"_Why, Derek, what do you have in mind?"_

_Morgan smiled gingerly, "Well, for starters, a little birdy tells me, you've been a naughty boy."_

_Reid blushed, "Oh?"_

"_Tell me how bad you've been, Pretty Boy." Morgan instructed, "And maybe I'll punish you for your behavior."_

_Reid replied mindlessly, "I've been really, really bad."_

"_How bad?"_

"_So bad."_

"_Tell me again…"_

Reid said out loud, "So fucking bad!"

"Um… what?" Morgan asked, eyebrow raised, "If you don't like basketball, we can always do something else…"

Shaking his head and stepping into the house, Reid rambled before his dream had the possibility of becoming a reality, "No! I am so sorry. I didn't mean to say that. I mean what were we talking about that would hint to even being about something bad? No one's bad. I most certainly _haven't_ been bad. Have you been bad? Of course not! We're the good guys! We save people! We're awesome! Basketball is awesome! Let's watch some!"

Morgan paused, closing the door and nodding worriedly, "Okay?"

Perfect. Now he's weirded Morgan out. Here, Reid thought that was physically impossible after several years in the Bureau. But, hey, they're a part of the Behavioral Analysis Unit. Seeing the impossible become possible is in the job description. He trailed Morgan, praying to whatever God was out there that he won't say or do anything to make Morgan feel too uncomfortable tonight. Why, if tonight went off without a hitch, they would probably be hanging out all the time. Maybe they'd even go to work together, and spend extra time together, and kiss on the weekends. Okay, maybe the last one won't happen, but a guy can dream, can't he?

The living room was immaculate. It was seriously so clean that it worried him. If anyone is messy and unorthodox, it was SSA Derek Morgan. And here he is with an ungodly clean apartment. _I won't profile him, I won't profile him, I __**have to profile him**__! _Reid quickly surveyed the area in his mind. White couches. No dust. Simple carpet. Blank, red walls. His desk at the bullpen was a train wreck. How is his house infected with the power of Pine-sol? Something doesn't add up. As he sat, he noticed a small, porcelain elephant. Reid asked, "What's up with the elephant?"

Morgan sat beside him, handing Reid a glass of red wine, "It's my mom's. She always had an elephant facing the door in the house. No matter how small or large. Said it was feng shui. No idea what it means. I never asked."

"Oh, feng shui, of course! Elephants are a Chinese symbol of good fortune and strength. Well, not strictly Chinese, it's all over the place. It's supposed to not only give the inhabitants luck, but it also keeps them safe. Some people even name theirs after a family member that has passed and uses it as a sort of guardian angel." Reid supplied.

"Well, that's cool," Morgan shrugged with a smirk, "I never spend five minutes with you and don't learn something."

Reid took his lower lip into his mouth and nodded, "Sorry…"

"No! There's nothing to be sorry about, it's great! You remind me how big this world can be, you know. There's always something out there that I don't know about and it's humbling." Morgan countered, "Plus, it's cute when you talk really fast."

Reid paused, trying not to get wrapped up in the fact that Morgan had just casually called him 'cute', and murmured, "Oh… well, I guess that's good news then."

"Good news all around," Morgan smiled, "Especially since the Cavaliers look like they're going to do well this season. It's probably my lucky elephant."

Reid nodded and pumped a tiny fist in the air, feigning enthusiasm, "Go basketball."

"You are so uncomfortable with this that it's almost funny," Morgan chuckled, pulling out a jumbo bag of chips and offering it to him with a bow of his head, "Sustenance for milord?"

"Why, thank you, kind gentleman," Reid chuckled, digging his hand into the bag for a few crispy treats, "Did you know that potato chips were first made in 1853 while Commodore Cornelius Vanderbilt was on vacation in New York? While at the Moon's Lake Lodge, he kept sending his fried potatoes back to the kitchen because he said they were too thick and not crunchy enough. The chef, a Native American actually, decided that he would cut them into paper-thin slices, boil them in oil, fry them, and salt them as a joke to the Commodore. It backfired and they became one of the most popular snack foods to ever be distributed."

Morgan raised his eyebrows, "You're shitting me?"

Reid shrugged, "I shit you not."

"That Cornelius guy sounds like a dick," Morgan replied, flipping through the channels on the television before them, settling on one and smiling as a basketball court lit the screen, "But he gave us Sour Cream and Onion, so I can't really hate the guy."

Reid nodded and supplied, "Oh, he was quite the dick. Then again, he was one of the richest and most powerful men in America at the time, so no one really had the balls to say that to his face. His great great grandson or something is actually Anderson Cooper."

Turning to look at Reid, Morgan gasped, "No way."

"Yeah, he's a Vanderbilt."

"Sometimes I ask myself whether or not you actually know everything and are just sparing our feelings when you say you don't," Morgan joked.

Reid countered with a smirk, "You got me. I've been fucking with you guys this whole time. I actually do know everything. I'm Allah."

"Oh, yeah?" Morgan laughed, "What color underwear am I wearing?"

Reid answered, "Red."

Morgan paused and gave him a wary look, "How did you know that?"

"Because I'm awesome," Reid shrugged, and nodded to the crotch of his pants, "Plus, your fly's undone."

Morgan's hand raced to his zipper as he snatched it up, "Oh, God! Why didn't you tell me?"

"I wasn't going to say anything until just before I left, so that you'd walk around with the knowledge that your zipper was down all night." Reid laughed, raising his glass pointedly at his coworker before taking a large gulp.

Morgan began to laugh as well, "Spencer, you do know that's Italian Amarone, right?"

"And?" Reid replied, taking another gulp of the sweet wine, "Damn this is good."

"And… you have to sip it. The alcohol proof is fucking crazy," Morgan informed, sipping at his cup gently.

Reid shrugged and set his glass down so he could fold his arms, "I don't care. I don't ever get drunk anyway. Despite popular belief, I'm quite the heavyweight."

Morgan asked with an heir of intrigue, "You can hold your liquor?"

"Like Mikhail Gorbachev held onto his Grammy," he replied.

"Who's Mikhail Gorba-something?" Morgan asked.

Reid raised his eyebrows, "Exactly."

"Don't get cute." Morgan responded with a smile, raising his glass toward the screen, "See, the Sixers are getting their asses handed to them. Isn't that more fun than Mikhail?"

"What are Sixers?"

"The team in gold and blue. The Philadelphia basketball team is called the 76ers." Morgan replied, leaning back on the couch, "You see, the premise of basketball isn't just to get a ball in a basket. It's _how_ you get the ball in the basket and who you knock down to _get_ to the basket. It's like a track runner, a pro wrestler and a sharp shooter all in one."

Reid glanced at the screen, eyes shrinking as he focused the names and numbers of all of the players, following their moves across the court as if they were angles and shapes. He sees it less like track, wrestling, shooting, and more like a complex game of pool. Each of the players represent a ball. The Cavaliers are striped while the 76ers are bold. The energy between each of the teams will stand as the sticks. Each stick goes across the court, trying to knock other balls out of its way while also trying to get as many their team's balls in the basket as it can. He called out to Morgan, "Number 4 is doing pretty good today. Battie. What's his first name?"

Morgan growled, "Tony. And please tell me you're not rooting for the other team."

Reid shrugged and replied, "I root for both teams."

Morgan began to laugh and turned to Reid with a mocking smile, "So, you mean to tell me you're into dudes?"

"What? No. Of course not. I love women." Reid lied partially. Technically, he's heteroflexible as of now.

"Holy shit, you're gay?" Morgan announced, shock apparent in his eyes as he forgot the game and looked Reid over, "Dude, when were you going to freaking tell me? I thought we were friends!"

Reid gasped and frowned at his friend, "I'm not gay!"

Nodding, Morgan replied, "Well, now your eyebrows are finally telling me you're not lying. So, what? Do you like… both?"

Reid grimaced, leaning away from Morgan and pushing his face into a pillow to quell his oncoming blush before replying, "I'm not talking about this right now."

"So, you're bi," Morgan nodded with a shrug, "That's cool. More ass for you, then."

Sighing and groaning, Reid mumbled into the fabric, "I'm not bisexual. I'm not gay. I'm not straight. I'm not anything, okay? Guys like me don't have sex. End of story."

Reid heard a scoff from Morgan as the older agent replied, "That's bullshit. You have a dick, right?"

"…yeah."

Morgan continued, "Does it work?"

Reid flushed and pushed his head further into the pillow, "Derek, I'm not talking about this."

"Well, I'm going to go out on a limb and say it does." Morgan said, "Then the way I see it, you have free range to party. I don't believe in much, but I believe in sex. A guy or girl can have sex whenever they want with whoever they want. That's one of the joys of being human. There's no reason why you shouldn't be having sex if you want to."

Reid grumbled, "…no one entices me."

"Oh, please. Everyone has some kind of fetish—"

"Gross, Derek, come on!" Reid hissed, "I. Am not. Talking. About. This."

Morgan sighed and Reid felt a hand caress his back, "Yeah, you are, because I bet you have some rabid sexual beast in there ready to burst out. Just wait until the right person comes along. You'll ravish them with bed-breaking, wall-shaking, headboard-smashing sex, and it'll be so good. I guarantee it."

The pillow shifted under Reid as Morgan pulled it away. Reid swallowed, "This is about the worst 'It Gets Better' pep talk I've ever heard."

"Fine, you want the truth?" Morgan shrugged, "Life sucks and then you die. The end."

Reid sighed miserably, "Sounds about right."

"But, there's so much great shit out there that if you missed even a bit of it, your life would suck that much more." Morgan smiled, rubbing his shoulder calmly, "So, if you can go nuts and have a night out with some girl or guy, then so be it. No one's saying you can't do it but _you_. If you like girls, awesome, boobs are one of the greatest inventions of all time. If you like guys, good, because gay sex is so much more interesting than straight sex."

Reid blinked and looked up at his friend with confusion in his eyes, "You've had gay sex?"

"Fuck no," Morgan snickered, "But I know how it works and if you want to have serious fun, it seems, jump in the sack with a dude."

Reid tried to piece this all together, "So… you _want_ to have gay sex?"

"Well, yeah. Maybe just once to see what it felt like. I heard it doesn't suck completely."

"In theory, it wouldn't. The male penis craves warmth and closure more than anything else, so as a warmer and more compacted channel, the anus is probably more physically enjoyable than a vagina. Plus, there is the prostate gland that can only be found and stimulated through males during gay sex," Reid hypothesized, "And with women, the vagina is rarely even a stimulus for sexual pleasure. The clitoris would be easier reached and soothed by the labia of another woman while the other woman is gratified as well. Wow, Morgan, you're right."

Morgan grimaced, "Please don't ever explain sex again. You make it sound weird."

"Science makes everything sound weird." Reid iterated.

"Okay?" Morgan paused and straightened up his back, patting Reid's shoulder awkwardly, "On that strange note, go apeshit and have rabid animal sex. You deserve it, Doctor."

Reid began to smile as he realized something, "If you're uncomfortable with the topic, just say so."

Morgan scoffed, "I'm not. I'm never uncomfortable."

"You don't really want to be talking about this with me. I can see it in your eyes," Reid laughed, "It took me a while because you used your whole mentor vibe on me, but underneath it all, you don't want to be talking about my sex life. Do you?"

"Fine, whatever. I was a little weirded out with your textbook knowledge of sex. You made it sound like Einstien's senior thesis," Morgan shuddered, "But all in all, I can talk about it and be perfectly fine. I'm not a fifth grader. You're the one who's uncomfortable and your uncomfortability made me uncomfortable."

Reid reasoned, "So, you're uncomfortable because I'm uncomfortable?"

Morgan gave Reid an exasperated look, "Sure."

With a tilt of his head, Reid grabbed the glass of wine and took a sip, "Well, ever since I watered the idea down to a scientific formula, I'm no longer embarrassed. Sex is less desirable and more a display of reproductive urges."

"And that's what made me uncomfortable. I look at sex as a goal, or, you know, something fun at least."

Reid nodded and replied, "And I look at it as a science project that I will never be a part of. Technically, what you seem to enjoy so much is a several millennia old act of biochemistry and physics."

"I think I'm gonna be sick." Morgan announced.

Reid chuckled and ran a hand through his hair, "Just wait until I describe orgasms. Now, that just sounds painful."

"So… when did you know you liked dudes?"

"Don't try to change the subject," Reid snickered.

Morgan raised his hand to his face and sighed, "Shut up."

"If anything, you're the one who likes men. You admitted to wanting to give gay sex a try," Reid argued with a level attitude.

Strong arms folded across Morgan's chest as he replied, "You fucking profiling me?"

The ball was now in Reid's court. If he knew how to do anything, it was talk people into seeing what he wanted them to see. Reid shrugged nonchalantly, "Only because you shouldn't be grilling me about being bisexual if you are considering it yourself. Just when were you going to tell me about your ambivalent sexuality? Oh, yeah, never. Because it's none of my business. And since your sexuality is none of my business, then mine isn't any of yours."

"Reid, I was just trying to help."

"No, you were putting me on the spot while you stayed hidden in that dumb 'best friend' act that makes you seem blemishless." Reid argued, "Hell, you're probably so far in the closet, I'm shocked you haven't met Aslan yet. Tell me, Derek, how's _Narnia_?"

Morgan growled, "Take that back!"

Reid hissed back, "No!"

Morgan yelled, "Fine! I don't care anyway!"

Reid exclaimed, "Good! Because any quotient of mathematic proportions couldn't quantify how little I care!"

"That's perfectly fine with me! Fuck who you want, or hell, don't fuck at all since you think you're some sort of Virgin Mary on a mission!"

"Oh, so I'm the Virgin Mary, huh? What does that make you round about a month ago? One of Santa's little closeted ho ho hoes?"

"Fuck you!" Morgan spewed.

Reid turned to Morgan and grimaced in his face, "Wouldn't you like to?"

"Yeah, you'd like that if I did, wouldn't you?"

"As a matter of fact, I would love that!"

"I'd love that too!"

"Good," Reid spat, "Because that would give me the chance to show you what a little bitch you are!"

"Oh, so I'm a little bitch? How much do you bench, Macho Man? Three kilos? I could pound your ass into next week!"

"I would let you!"

"Good!"

"Awesome!"

The two flew across the couch and pushed their faces together into a torrential kiss. Neither knew what they were trying to prove, and at this point, it barely mattered. That awkward tension between them was shattered, broken into a trillion tiny little pieces of pent up passion and lust. Hands were everywhere, mouths lost their decorum, and for once, Reid's thoughts went completely still. All that was on his mind was the man in his arms, gripping him and holding him tight as he pressed all of his confusion and his secrets and his words into one passionate kiss. Reid's inner monologue seemed to be on a loop filled with swear words and Morgan. _Morgan's fucking mouth, Morgan's fucking hands, Morgan's fucking tongue. Morgan, Morgan, Morgan!_

When did he get on top of Morgan's lap? His eidetic memory was failing him and for once, he couldn't give less of a damn. Lips peppered hard kisses down his throat and strong arms gripped him tight in a locked embrace. Heat. Passion. Hands were in his hair and he was breathing hot carbon dioxide. Lust. Need. Fingers started stroking at his chest and a leg was jammed right where he needed it. Desire. Sex. Reid had never wanted anything like this before. He'd never wanted _anybody_ like this before. If he thought he was in love this afternoon, then right now was the biggest wake-up call of his life. Wait. Wake up. Spencer, dammit! Wake up! What the hell are you doing?

Reid jammed a hand in between them and pushed himself off of Morgan, untangling himself from his warm, safe arms. The doctor's eyes flew toward his coworker wildly as he scampered to the other end of the couch. Morgan looked back at him just as shocked, his eyes dark with lust and shame, lips glistening and red as evidence of their lost control. It was a long moment before their eyes separated quickly from the other's gaze and it took even longer for them to look back at each other to speak. Reid went first despite his better judgment as he said, "So… h—how about them Cavaliers?"

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**A/N: Things are about to get pretty fucking awkward... we can all thank Reid for that.**

**Blue's Clues**


	6. A Kiss With a Fist

The Essentials of Sociology

Chapter Six: A Kiss With a Fist

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**A/N: Hey y'all. Just casually updatin'. Don't mind me. Or the fact that it's one of my shortest updates. *whistles* Just... enjoy the drama. It's good for the soul.**

**Blue Radley**

* * *

"So… h—how about them Cavaliers?" Reid asked his knees quietly.

Morgan paused and searched Reid's eyes. The latter stared back, begging him to talk about anything other than what had just happened between the two of them.

"Uh…" Morgan glanced at the screen, seemingly happy for the reprieve, "…twenty four to seven. Five minutes to the end of the third quarter. We just might win this thing."

Reid pulled his feet up onto the couch and pressed his thighs to his chest, hugging his legs as he curled up into a little protective ball, "That's good news."

Sighing heavily, Morgan confessed, "Reid…"

Reid feigned ignorance, "The Cavaliers are doing great."

"Please look at me," Morgan sighed.

"I don't wanna," Reid complained, voice muffled as he spoke into his knees.

Morgan put his head in his hands, "Spencer, come on."

Reid looked up at Morgan, "Happy?"

"Look, I just…"

"No, _you_ look," he mumbled, "I've had a really strange week, and the paperwork was crazy, and the new year has come along, so I keep marking my stuff 2012 when I know it's 2013. That's causing problems, so I have to do it all over again and… I don't know."

Morgan leaned over and took one of Reid's hands off of his knees, replying, "We need to talk about what just happened…"

Reid glanced at their linked hands and pulled his away, sealing the verdict in his mind. Obviously, Morgan was here to shoot him down. That kiss was a mistake, and it meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. If anything, Morgan was still a little on edge because of Reid's taunting accusations about Morgan not being afraid to experiment with someone of his gender. But what he didn't know was that Reid had lashed out at Morgan's fluid sexuality to hide the fact that he was (on occasion) interested in men as well. Reid didn't like how easily Morgan cast aside the fact that he may or may not have an attraction to guys; because Reid was struggling to even admit to himself how much he craves men. There was no way he was going to admit it to _Morgan_, the literal man of his dreams.

"Morgan… listen…"

He knows how this is going to end. Reid has practically studied every thesis, entertained every idea, and slaved over every hypothesis. He's a profiler. And from what he's learned of his coworker over the past nine years, he can positively say that he isn't interested in a sexual relationship of any kind with anything that isn't female. Sure, he may want to have an encounter or two with someone of the male persuasion, but it wouldn't be serious. Besides, there's round about four billion men on planet Earth. Why would Morgan choose someone like Reid when there are men taller, sexier, more confident, and _tons_ more handsome than he? It made no quantifiable sense. From a chemist's point of view, the desired outcome is unlikely, so he should just save time and abort the experiment before someone notices he made a mistake even putting Chemical Morgan and Chemical Reid in the same beaker.

So, he took the coward's way out and finished his statement.

"Wouldn't it be easier if we just pretended that this didn't happen?"

Morgan nodded, face considering, "Yeah, it would be."

Reid breathed, "Then we should do just that. Our friendship would remain intact, the tension in the workplace would be manageable, and our jobs wouldn't be in danger of termination. It would all around be the best choice to make considering the plethora of options we're now provided with."

Raising an eyebrow, Morgan asked, "We have _options_ now?"

Reid felt himself blush in response, "Well, some of them make sense and some of them are just silly."

"Humor me. What are the silly ones?" Morgan asked with that smile that makes Reid feel so warm and cozy and… oh, boy is he in trouble.

He mumbled quietly, "The ones where… we end up together."

"And how many of those are there?"

Reid bit his lip, "Two."

Morgan asked, "How many total?"

"I don't know… a plethora." Reid explained nervously, "You see, a plethora is an overabundance of something, an excess if you will. Like a plethora of advice, or a paucity of assistance, or a—"

His flow of speech was cut off by a warm, soft pair of lips closing his in a light touch. Reid's eyes slipped closed at the quick kiss Morgan had given him, even after Morgan had backed away. The quieting effect lasted for approximately five seconds before Reid tried to dive back into the task at hand, "or… or a great amount of—"

Morgan cut him off again, and although the thought and feeling of Morgan's kiss was intoxicating and soothing, he knew it would soon become irritating. Reid said as soon as Morgan pulled away, "a large quantity of—"

Leaning forward with a grin on his face, Morgan planted another on onto Reid's lips and leaned back, self-assured.

Reid glared. "Are you done?"

"Well, that depends. Are you?" Morgan asked pointedly.

"No." Reid hissed.

Morgan took that as an invitation to press another kiss to Reid's frowning mouth.

The glare stayed.

Morgan stared back, "I'm not scared of you."

The glare intensified.

"Okay, maybe I am, but only a little bit."

Reid groaned, "I'm trying to strategize how we next approach our relationship and you keep—"

Morgan kissed him again.

"Fine," Reid grumbled, "I'm all ears. Any ideas?"

Morgan shrugged, "I was thinking we could just… go with it. See where it takes us. I sure as hell wasn't planning on kissing you tonight, but I did and it felt awesome. End of story."

Reid sighed, "But won't we be awkward?"

"Are we awkward _right now_?"

Reid paused and waited for that horrible, grating feeling and silence that accompanied awkwardness. Upon finding none, he replied cautiously, "…no."

"Will we be awkward tomorrow?"

He considered the idea. If they kept going on the path that they were on; the calm, quiet path of peace and love and those gorgeous kisses; they would be better than not-awkward. They'd be perfect. Reid replied, "No. We won't."

Morgan smiled again and asked, "So, why the big analysis? Whether we're awkward or we're not," he paused his speech with a light kiss, "Whether we're together or not," he added a second to Reid's lips, "Whether we're in love or not," he kissed him again, "It feels nice. Don't it?"

Reid hummed, "Yeah…" and leaned into the feeling.

"Now, take a seat on Poppa's lap and show me how nice it feels," Morgan whispered into his ear, smiling a lust filled smile as Reid straddled Morgan's legs and wrapped his arms behind his neck, "Just like that..."

Reid took a heavy breath and leaned forward, sealing their lips together and pressing the buzzer to ring in one final answer. Morgan was right. He was always right. Maybe feeling was better than thinking. Hell, maybe it was loads better. Reid didn't even know he could feel someone else the way he felt Morgan. Sure he had a little fun as his early years went on. Well… fun meaning an awkward kiss or two, really, but there was never enough of _anything_ to breech those personal guards that he had locked up so tightly. Where were those guards again… he could have sworn he'd left them somewhere. They were falling down, the guards were; slowly and tantalizingly they descended, replacing their locked doors with something more elegant and hot. The key, slipping from his reach, looped around Morgan's tongue. The locks, gripped tight between the strong fingers that ran through his short hair.

There's a word for a feeling like this. In the present moment, Reid was pretty sure it was euphoria. Or could it be _rapture_? Maybe _jubilation_, or_ecstasy_… he could really go on, but he was too busy wondering where his shirt had gone. Oh, well. He's not really all that interested. The only thing on his mind right now was feeling his joy forever. He could, couldn't he? 'Yes,' Morgan whispered into his ear, 'you can.'

He could hear the blood pounding in his ears as he continued to lavish in the attention his coworker was pouring upon him. It was so good. Hell, it felt beyond good, as Morgan's hands traced a path down his chest, past his thin torso and stopped, gripping him harder than he was expecting. It was great… wasn't it? Sure, it hurt a bit, but it still feels good. Kind of. God, maybe he was just being too sensitive. Wow, when he really thought about it, Reid was too nervous to voice discomfort. Ever. Maybe, if he just kept pretending it felt good, Morgan would stop that thing he was doing. Reid ground his hips into Morgan's hand, feigning passion. That seemed to give Morgan the 'okay' to do some rather hot things with his tongue but—ouch! Again? Really?

His hand ground into Morgan's shirt and pushed them apart gently, "Th…that hurts."

"What hurts, Pretty Boy?" Morgan asked, giving another blinding smile as he ran his fingers down Reid's chest. It was starting to feel less good and more… well… intense. Reid was thinking again, and now that blood was given a chance to go to his head, his thoughts were headed south. What if he's no good at this? What if Morgan laughs at him? What if he's too skinny? Too average? Too pasty? What if he's too _Reid_? This will never work out.

Morgan stopped trailing his hands at the zipper of Reid's light corduroys. His breath caught in his throat as he felt strong hands tug downward on the metal bit before he launched himself off of the couch. Reid stood on shaky legs and lashed out, "What the fuck?"

"Spencer…" Morgan started.

"No, seriously. What. The. Fuck?" Reid asked them both. Where did this come from? They were fighting weren't they? They-they were yelling. Then they were kissing. Oh, God, they were kissing. And now… they were living out this 'stay in the moment' crap that Morgan was spewing a few minutes ago, which was... so good that he could barely breathe. But the more he thinks about it, the two were inching closer and closer to sex. That wasn't Reid's plan at all upon visiting Morgan. He thought they were going to hang out and be friends. Even though he was thinking about other things, he was perfectly okay with the fact that those things stayed in _his mind_ and _his mind_ alone. There was no doubt to him that he was returning home just as horny and hard and sexless as he was when he had left. End of story. Or was it? His mind kept drawing blank after blank as he tried to analyze and profile the situation. He couldn't hold a coherent thought under the pressure of Morgan's stare. Everything was blurring into the other and, oh, my God, that's a sign of schizophrenia. Which is hereditary! And catchable! And he's only in his early thirties! There's still enough time for it to manifest! Reid looked up, "Holy shit, I'm going crazy."

Morgan asked, "Wait… what?"

Reid stopped him with a hand in the air as he grabbed his jacket off of the arm of the chair and announced as he headed out of the room, "I have to go."

"But, Spencer—"

"I'm leaving!" Reid whimpered, opening the front door of the abode and shutting it, leaning on its frame for a moment as he whispered against it, "…don't follow me."

* * *

**A/N: Ugh... life.**

**-BlueO**


	7. My Life Plans Got a Kick in the Balls

The Essentials of Sociology

Chapter Seven: My Life Plans Got a Kick in the Balls

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**A/N: I'm updating _early_ because I was having a hard time dealing with the shit cards life gives me. My muse runs wild when I'm sad or angry.**

**Bloooooo**

**P.S. If anybody asks though, tell them I write because it keeps me off the streets. That gives me like fifty points in Gangster Cred. Just ask Biggie, JayZ, and Kanye.**

* * *

"_Spencer, I'm sorry. For everything. I'm sorry for kissing you, I'm sorry for pushing you, and I'm incredibly sorry for hurting you. But, you have to understand, you were so… well, I don't know. I really don't. I just want you to talk to me. Plus, I know you're screening this right now. I know it… God, Spence, just… please pick up."_

Reid sat on the floor beside his bed, surrounded by books. All of which were large and some of them unread. Half of them were textbooks. One fourth of them were anthologies. The final fourth were autobiographies. Twenty minutes ago, without much of a look, he had grabbed all of the books currently on his bedroom shelf and dumped them onto the carpet. He had decided upon action that he would be organizing them. All 237 of them. Granted, he had double, possibly triple the amount of books in his living room and office. He even had two or three in the bathroom. But, he had decided to clean out his bedroom stash. Not the living room shelves. Not the office stacks. And definitely not his 'leisurely reading' set in the throne room. It had to be in here. Why? He wasn't sure yet.

Grabbing a compact, blue book, he examined the cover. A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking. Hmm. That was a good one. Long winded as fuck, but a good one nonetheless. This book was an overview of cosmology which was an overview of astrophysics which was an overview of science as he knew it. He placed it to his right, mentally marking it as a textbook, even though he was aware that it was more of an in depth thesis on life. Reid grabbed a smaller, black book. It was titled QED: The Strange Theory of Light and Matter. He smiled to himself. He had included this book as a reference for his Physics doctoral analysis. The book was thorough, and quick to the point. Plus, he rather enjoyed the writings of Richard P. Feynman. Textbook.

His house phone began to ring for the fifth time since he had gotten home. It wouldn't take three guesses for the young doctor to nab who it was. Despite him knowing the caller, he wasn't going to answer his phone, no thank you. There was too much going on in his head to focus on what he was trying to push behind. Besides, he was surrounded by a tiny ocean of books. By the time he made it to the phone, it would have gone to voicemail anyway.

There was a loud beep coming from the other side of the room. He reminded himself that the phone will answer whether he picks up or not. If it's important, they'll leave a message. Reid picked up another book. The History of—

"_Hey… I know I already left like… six messages…"_

Five. Spencer rolled his eyes and tossed the book to his left. Anthology.

"_But, I want you to know that I take it all back."_

Excuse me? Reid's eyebrows furrowed and he stayed his hand as it reached for another book.

"_I'm not sorry that I kissed you. I'm not. You met me halfway, and you really seemed… genuinely happy when I did so. And I was happy too! All I wanted was for you to be happy… with me, and for that, I can't apologize because I feel there's nothing to apologize for."_

He paused. Wait, huh? Morgan wanted to be _with_ him? Or did he just want to be happy while Spencer was happy, because for some strange reason, that sounds like a lame excuse to copulate. Morgan didn't seem to understand that Reid was different from him. While Morgan lavished in sex, women and decadence, Reid found his happiness in introspection and analysis. He can't just go balls-to-the-walls and do something completely uncalled for because he feels like it. It's not right! It's not safe! How can Morgan just… _do_ stuff! There has to be some minimal thought involved before anything is done! Including sex. Especially sex. He rolled his eyes.

"_Don't roll your eyes at the phone when I say this…"_

Too late.

"…_because I'm aware of how cliché it sounds, but… I wanted you for like… ever. I can't say it was the moment I saw you, because it's not true. But when we became friends—no, it was after that. I can't pinpoint the exact date. My memory's not as good as yours, but… those moments when we would spend time patching up each other's lives, and iron out issues whether or not they were huge or small, and when we would just talk… for the sake of hearing each other's voices. It all made sense to me. It was you, Spence. It was always you… and what I really want to say is—_BEEP END OF FINAL MESSAGE_."_

Reid stared at the machine for a moment and whimpered quietly a curse to modern technology. His mind was reeling. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? "He wanted Reid 'for like… ever'?" "It all makes sense to Morgan?" "It was Spencer?" He wanted what forever? What makes sense to Morgan? What was Spencer?

His long fingers combed through his short hair in confusion, as he cursed himself for cutting the locks that used to provide ample finger combing possibilities. Dr. Reid was at a loss. The phone began to ring again, and he jumped up from his seat. Wading impatiently through the books, mistakenly stepping on several sharp edge corners during the journey, he made it to his phone before the final ring. As his finger hovered over the TALK button, the ringing stopped. Great. Only Reid has luck like this. So, he waited for Morgan to speak first.

The first thing he heard was Morgan's gentle laugh. "_I can't believe the machine cut me off like that, and, uh… this is gonna sound none short of crazy to you… but I have some serious feelings for you, boy. I can't get rid of them, and believe you me, I tried. I tried so hard. But… ever since you gave me that shot today, kissing me and holding me like that, I just felt like you might… well, you might feel it too. Something was there when we kissed, Spencer. And even though I messed up today, please call me so we can work it out or at least talk. You wanted to talk, right? We'll do that! Honest. We don't even have to be together if that's not what you want, and if it was the sex, we can go without that! Who needs sex anyway, right?" _Then he laughed again. "_Damn, boy… you got me begging here. Just… please call me."_

The machine beeped and, against his better judgment, he put the phone down. Reid sank to the floor. If he picked up the phone right now and called Morgan back and fell in love and rode off into the sunset with him, it change literally everything. It would have to take the life he once knew—no, fuck that—it would take all of his life's plans, place them in a single file line, and kick each and every one of them in the balls. Repeatedly.

You see, Reid had no real father figure, so the one he looked up to when he was a kid was this image of an older version of him. Ever since he was a kid, he just knew that the man he was going to grow up to be… was great. Beyond great, he was incredible. This guy was suave, clever, good with the ladies… he was perfect. Most importantly, one day, he was going to be Reid. But then life happened. He got through high school too quickly, so he ran to college to give himself more time to mature. He promised himself he would be that man soon after. Then, he got his first Ph.D. at 17, and decided that he couldn't grow up just yet. It was all too early, everything was moving too fast. So, he went for a second one to pass the time. And a third. Why not? Then he was in his early twenties, scouted by the FBI. Although he was still quite taller, and shaved every morning, he was still that quiet, skinny, awkwardly brilliant kid that was waiting to grow up. Where was this suave, clever, good-with-the-ladies man that he had waited for all these years? Where was this perfect man that he saw himself becoming?

Then, one day, as a rolled up ball of paper hit him in the back of the head, he suddenly knew where this man was. He turned around and looked at Morgan, who smiled with a large grin, full of sass and wit.

It was _him_.

Fuck.

After a while, Reid decided, hey. He could live with that. So what if he was never going to become Morgan? He had his own shoes to fill, and as a resident genius in the Behavioral Analysis Unit at the FBI, them shoes were pretty damn big. That doesn't mean that he's stopped looking up to that ubermench version of himself, no. He just wasn't aiming for that anymore. He wasn't aiming for anything anymore. All Reid wanted to do now was get married one day, maybe have a few kids, and do kick ass at his job.

That was working out swimmingly, when he'd "figured it all out". Roadblocks aside, he was getting better and better at his job. He hadn't fathered any children, yet, but he wanted to be married first before that. But one day—one day, he'll have it all. Right there on a fucking silver platter. Just… not today.

Then, it all got progressively worse. His life reverted back to college. He spent years of it buried in work, and pretending he didn't have a "future me" to forward to. Whatever goals he set for himself, he gave up on. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. At least, not until his proclaimed future persona decided to take an interest in him. Morgan worked beside him since day one, yeah. But, round about his third year in the Bureau, he'd noticed their friendship growing. Morgan and he were getting closer and closer. They would talk in the break room, slip each other case files, and even call on occasion. He wasn't sure when it started, but he'd felt pulled to Morgan. Maybe it was because Morgan was all Reid saw himself becoming, or… maybe it was something else. So what if his cheeks flared red when Morgan got to close, and so fucking what if he had a dream or… three about him? Or seventy nine? It was seventy nine counting the nap he had on the plane two days ago. But that's beside the point! Reid did not have a crush on Morgan. Reid does not have a crush on Morgan. Reid _will never_ have a crush on Morgan. Take that past participle and stick it where the sun don't shine. Reid doesn't give a rat's ass. At least now, he knows why he was sorting those books…

The phone rang.

"_Hey, Spencer. It's me again."_

Fuck, it's him again.

"_I'm sorry for calling so much…"_

If you were really sorry, you wouldn't do it.

"_But, I just need to talk to you…"_

Well, bro, the Reid train has left the station.

"_Just… give me a chance…"_

If there was one chance left on Earth, Reid wouldn't waste it on you.

"_Please talk to me…"_

Stop begging, it's not cute. But damn, you would look hot on your knees… wait! Where did that come from? Penis, is Reid going to have to chastise you again? Stop sending shit to his brain.

"_It's just… I'm falling for you…"_

Really? How far?

"_You're so beautiful…"_

Lie #1.

"_You're so gentle…"_

Reid ran a hand through the stubble growing on his chin, thinking for a moment. Lie #2.

"_You're so perfect…"_

No, Morgan, _you're_ the perfect one.

"_Please call me…"_

No, nien, niet.

"_Please…"_

Suck it, Morgan.

"…_please…"_

Reid pressed TALK, "Hello…"

* * *

**A/N: Well, that was psychological. My brain hurts.**

**Accolades out to my constant reviewers!**

**-Nanily**

**-Srienia**

**-Noskillz**

**-Sharkbaitz17**

**-LoveforPenandDerek **

**Every time I see you guys wrote something, I smile. Thanks for being awesome and taking the time to click that blue button. I am writing this for you five. No, really. I am. I sit down and write every week just to see the reactions you give.**

**BlueOllz**


	8. Marriage in McDonalds

The Essentials of Sociology

Chapter Eight: Don't Sass Me, Reid!

* * *

**A/N: I was walking to the music store to get a capo and this chapter just came to me. Seriously, it flowed like the rivers of ancient Babylon.**

**-Blue Eggs and Ham**

* * *

Morgan's voice perked up over the phone, "_Spencer! Hey!"_

Although, he battled quietly with the comfort his coworker's voice gave, Reid replied with a quick and curt, "Yeah, hey."

"_Did you get my messages?"_

Reid sighed and smirked, "All seven of them."

"_Wow. Oh, God. I sent seven? Really?"_

He nodded even though he knew that Morgan couldn't see it, "That you did. But, somehow after all of that talking, you still didn't get your point across."

"_What do you mean by that?"_

Biting his lip and leaning his head back on the wall behind him, Reid replied, "Your messages were unclear and inconsistent. There were points and theses everywhere. You'd start a sentence and not finish it! I mean, there were several different kinds of—"

"_Reid, go out with me."_

Reid made a face, "Technically that wasn't a question, it was a demand in which I can choose to disobey."

"_Will you go out with me?"_

He pulled his knees up to his chest and sighed, "No."

"_What if I say please and bat my eyelashes?"_

Reid rolled his eyes, "No."

"_Dr. Spencer Reid, you handsome, brilliant, cryptic-ass mother fucker. Will you please grace me with your presence at dinner tomorrow night?"_

He laughed, "Cryptic?"

"_Is that a yes or no, Spence?"_ Morgan said through a chuckle muffled through the phone.

Reid sighed and paused for several moments before finally replying, "Since you asked so nicely, and added an underhanded insult, count me in."

"_Yes!"_

Quickly, Reid hissed through the phone, "This means nothing. It's a friendly get-together. Not a date."

"_Not a date. Got it."_

He ran his hand through his hair, "I mean it, Derek."

"_So, do I."_

Reid paused again, listening to the quiet breathing on the other end of the phone and not allowing himself to dwell on why he was doing so, "I guess I'll see you later."

"_Yeah. I guess so. Pick you up at seven?"_

His mismatched socked toes curled in their confines, "Sounds nice. I mean, well, not _too_ nice. Just really nice in a friendly sort of way that friends think is nice. Friendly nice."

"_If we happen to have sex at the end of the night, at least I'll know that we're just friends since you felt the need to state that six times."_

Reid chastised, "Morgan."

Morgan laughed, "_Fine no jokes! If you want us to be just friends going to dinner, then that's what we'll be. Hell, if it makes you feel better, we can go to like… McDonalds. Is that platonic enough for you?"_

Letting out small chuckle, the doctor replied, "Fine. McDonalds it is."

"_Seven?"_

"Seven."

"_Okay, doc. Talk to you later."_

"Bye."

"_You're so hot."_

"What?"

"_See you later, Spence."_

* * *

Reid stared at himself in the bathroom mirror. Sleep hadn't come easy, so to tire himself out, he finished organizing the huge pile in his room, and scrubbed it clean. He even vacuumed. Around three in the morning, he told himself that if he got no rest, he'd not only be running on empty during his _not-_date with Morgan, but he'd also look like hell… while on… this _not_-date. Reid ran a hand down his tired looking face. He hadn't taken his own advice.

But none of that matters now! Morgan will be here at seven and it's… Reid glanced at the large wrist watch hanging from his arm… six forty nine. Shit. _Please, don't be early. Please, _don't_ be early._ Reid stared harder into the mirror. He was dressed. He was showered. His hair was easily manageable ever since he'd cut it. He'd chosen a simple blue button up with a darker blue tie, and since he'd learned his lesson yesterday, he's wearing looser, more comfortable black slacks instead of confining corduroys. I guess, what he was wearing was okay. He wore this type of stuff every day, so it would be normal. Right? Maybe he should add a cardigan. Would that make him look more relaxed? It might. If it does, he probably should—

DING DONG!

Fuck, he's early. One last glance in the mirror, hoping the dark circles and bags would disappear from under his eyes. Not the case. He took off toward the door, repeating the mantra "_This is not a date"_ in his head as he checked his pocket for his house keys and grabbed his satchel from the table, slinging it around his thin shoulders. Then Reid stopped at the door. He should probably open it. It makes sense to open it. Why for the love of God can't he open it? Reid stared at it longer, starting a silent argument with the wood. Screw you, door. His grain runs straight, unlike your curvy pattern. Fuck your random behavior! Reid likes _only_ men—he means women! Reid likes women. And sex. With women. Yeah. Take that, door.

DING DONG!

Answer the door, dude. Answer the door! Reid opened it quickly before he could change his own mind, "Hi… wow." Morgan looked amazing. Great. There goes his self-confidence for the rest of the night. He bit his own lip and held in a sigh, nodding for lack of anything to say. Morgan asked with a shrug of confusion, "Wow, what?"

"Uh… well, I just… uhm… uh…" Reid mumbled under his breath, not finding words that sounded as intelligent as he swears he is.

Morgan raised an eyebrow probingly, "Is it okay to be lost?"

"Let's just forget about it! McDonalds, right? My place or yours?" Reid asked.

"What?"

Reid gasped and shook his head, "I meant my car or yours! Because we're driving. To McDonalds."

Morgan laughed, "Yeah, that's why I stopped by. What are _you_ thinking about?"

Coolly raising his hand to lean on his door post, Reid lied, "Not sex. With you. Because we're both guys. And we're friends. And sex would be…"

Morgan supplied as Reid trailed off, "Weird?"

"Considerably," Reid shrugged.

Morgan asked with a smile that never preceded good, "Do you mean, you're considering it?"

"No! I mean, it would be considerably weird! Like, the amount of weirdness having sex with you would create is a considerable one. 'Consider' meaning huge."

"Having sex with me would be huge?" Morgan began to laugh.

Reid sighed, exasperated, "No, not the sex!"

"Are you talking about my dick? Because I appreciate the compliment, but let's be serious, you haven't seen it yet."

"Of course not!" Reid groaned, hiding his blushing face with his hands and turning to close his front door. He turned to Morgan and headed down the steps, "Let's go to dinner and just… not breathe a word about this. Ever again."

Morgan snickered and followed him to Reid's car, "Why not stay and chat? We were having such a nice conversation about the uh, how do you put it, 'considerable' size of my penis. Weren't we?"

"Morgan, I mean it. Not a word!" Reid groaned, walking around to the front seat of the car and wrenching open the door. He sat in the worn down seat and pulled the seat belt across his thin chest and waited for Morgan to do so beside him before he jammed the key in the ignition and stepped on the gas a little harder than he should have, sending them lurching forward and stopping quickly as he stomped on the breaks. Morgan paused, "…I'm totally uncomfortable with letting you drive."

Reid shrugged and pulled out of the parking space, driving ahead anyway. The next McDonalds is a few blocks over, so he disregarded Morgan's comment and drove anyway. This was in fact the quickest he had ever driven.

"Spencer?" Morgan spoke.

He stopped the car with a screech in the middle of the road at the sound of his first name and apologized quickly, starting forward again. To be honest, he wasn't yet used to all of this informality.

"You seem a bit on edge today." Morgan observed.

Reid mumbled, "I'm fine."

"Okay. You're fine," he nodded, raising his palms in defense, "It's cool. I'm Switzerland."

Reid sighed, "Technically, Switzerland leaned toward Allied forces in World War Two. The country was just too weak to fight and didn't want Germany or Russia on its ass, because come on, Italy's not a threat."

That got a chuckle out of Morgan, "It isn't any more. I bet if you'd met Mussolini, you would jump out of your little blue tie."

"I bet I wouldn't. Fascists don't scare me," Reid joked, "But Commies… they give me a run for my money."

"Really?" Morgan asked.

Reid nodded, "Yeah. Ever argue with a Communist about politics?"

"…no."

Seeing the golden arches, Reid eased into the parking lot, "Yeah, well… don't."

Morgan's shoulders lowered a bit as Reid took the key out of the ignition and he leaned over and snatched the keys despite Reid's protests. He asserted the point that he was driving from now on. Reid complained a bit, but by the time they were in the fast food establishment, he had resorted to counting nutrition value in his head.

"I can almost hear you thinking, Spence," Morgan replied as they stepped behind an older, brown skinned woman with three children whom couldn't be older than six years of age.

"Do you know how many calories are in a Quarter Pounder?" Reid asked with a pained expression on his face.

Morgan shrugged, "I don't know. A shit ton?"

Reid gasped and pointed warily to the children, buzzing around their mother, "Derek!"

"What, it's not like they heard me." Morgan shrugged, "And you know what? You should consider ordering one of those Pounder things. It'll be good for you."

"Good for me? Those things are bigger than my head!" Reid argued.

Morgan laid a hand his coworker's rear and whispered into his ear, "You need to eat more anyway, boy. Besides, more cushion for the pushin'."

Reid turned around and hissed with a glare, "Did you just grab my ass?"

Morgan licked his lips and grinned, "Language, Spencer. I can't believe you talk like that around children."

Reid grabbed Morgan's hand as it was on its way to his backside again, "Derek, behave."

One of the smaller children, a girl with long braids and big brown eyes, looked up at them and giggled, tugging her mother's dress. Her mother looked down, "Yes, Charlotte?" The little girl, Charlotte her name was, pointed at the two of them. Reid and Morgan looked back at her. She asked her mother, "Are they married?" Her mother began to laugh and patted her daughter's head. Reid's cheeks tinged pink as she replied to her daughter, "Why don't you ask them, honey?"

Charlotte walked over to Morgan, her little green dress brushing across her thin ankles as she stopped and tugged on Reid's black slacks. Reid looked down and smiled awkwardly, "H-hello." She looked up at him and backed away slowly, her eyes growing large. Great. The Reid Effect was taking manifest in the girl. For some strange reason, children and animals don't take well to him. Morgan saved the day and bent down, flashing his kindest smile at her, "Hello, little girl."

"Hi, mister," she smiled back and shuffled her feet as she asked him, "Are you two married?"

Morgan replied, "No, we're not."

Charlotte scrunched up her face and asked, "Is he your girlfriend?"

Morgan began to laugh, "No! He's not my girlfriend either."

She scrunched up her face again in what looks like confusion, "Then why are you holding hands?"

"We're not…" Morgan started, glancing up at the hand that was somehow threaded with Reid's. They were totally holding hands. Reid pulled his hand from Morgan's and scratched behind his neck, his blush getting deeper as the hand he'd gripped Morgan's with grew sweaty, "That was an accident."

Charlotte put her hands on her hips and gave Reid a face, "That wasn't an accident. I saw you hold his hand. Don't you lie to me, boy."

Reid was in way over his head with the girl, "Oh, my God."

Morgan replied to Charlotte, "Well, I asked him to uh… be my girlfriend, and he said no. So, we're just here eating dinner for no reason."

"Like a date?" she asked with a grin.

Morgan looked up at Reid and smirked, "Not exactly. He says it's not a date."

Reid rolled his eyes, "Because it's not a date, Derek."

Charlotte raised her index finger, "Are you sassing him?"

"No, I—"

"Good! He likes you. You're just being a meanie to him," Charlotte replied, "You hurt his feelings."

Morgan smiled up at Reid, "My heart is shattered."

Reid mumbled, "Oh, please. As if."

Morgan turned to Charlotte, "You see, he's been sassing me all night long."

"Don't be sassy," Charlotte ordered. Her mother leaned down and took her daughter's hand gently, pulling her away and thanking them for entertaining her daughter. Morgan looked up at Reid. Reid looked down at Morgan. Morgan stood and let out a chuckle, "Marry me, Spence?"

Reid glared at him and warned, "I'll sass you."

"God forbid," he laughed.

The pimply teenager at the front of the counter turned to him and asked the two men, "Hey, are you going to order or…"

Morgan rolled his eyes, "Hold your freaking horses, kid. We're getting there."

Reid stepped up to the cashier, "Hi, I'll take a garden salad—"

"Oh, come on. Live a little, Spence!" Morgan laughed and leaned over Reid's shoulder, "He'll take a Quarter Pounder."

The teenager asked Reid with a bored expression, "You want fries with that?"

Reid glared at Morgan, "Well, I don't know. Do _I_ want fries with that?"

Morgan smiled at the kid, "He'll take fries and the largest milkshake you've got."

The cashier sighed and blinked, "What flavor? Chocolate, vanilla, or strawberry?"

Reid smiled at the thought of sugar, "Chocolate!"

Morgan and the cashier paused and stared at him. The cashier glanced at Morgan and then looked back at Reid with a fleeting amused look on his face at the sudden outburst, but continued to retain his composure. "Somebody sure is happy to be here," the kid remarked monotonously, "That'll be twelve fifty four. Anything for you, sir?"

Morgan shrugged with a smile, "I'll take a garden salad and a water."

"Fifteen ninety five," he replied.

Reid stared at Morgan, "You've got to be kidding me."

The pimply cashier replied, "Nope. Wanna see the receipt?"

* * *

"Did you see his face!" Morgan laughed as he walked Reid to the door, "Dude was so mad at you!"

Reid snickered, "To be fair, I shouldn't have dropped your salad dressing on his shoes. Apparently they were brand new. Truth be told, I felt really bad."

"Oh, don't. Dude was a dick. He called you, uh… what were his words?" Morgan asked with a laugh as they reached the top step.

"A skinny bitch," Reid laughed, pulling out his keys, "I mean, really? He could have done better than that. I take hits harder in my sleep."

Morgan shrugged, "To tell you the truth, he was the bitch. You're perfect the way you are, Spence."

"Oh, come on, Derek, we know that's not true," Reid sighed, jingling his keys at his side even though he didn't really want to use them.

Morgan placed his hand on Reid's shoulder, "Seriously. I jibe and I joke, but… dude, you're amazing. Really, you are. No matter what bitchy McDonalds guy says, don't doubt that for a second."

Reid sighed, "Yeah, right. Him and all the other unstable unsubs…"

"Well, fine. Believe them over your coworker of nine years. But to me, you'll always be my Pretty Boy," Morgan said with a wink. Wow, he really knew how to make a guy go weak in the knees. Reid wasn't used to all of this attention, and especially not from Morgan. These little heart-to-heart conversations usually only last a minute or so, but this… this was more than a "hey, Reid, you don't suck at life". It was Morgan telling him he was beautiful. He could just tell things were different this time. It wasn't just a ploy to get in his pants. He seemed serious as fuck. Morgan really thought he was perfect.

Reid didn't know what to do with all of this information swimming around in his head. He paced inside his mind. He panicked! He couldn't believe it. Was his brain deceiving him? Reid heard Morgan ask quietly if he was okay, and before he could convince himself otherwise, he threw his arms around Morgan. Morgan paused, clearly not used to such a display of affection from Reid, seeing as the boy isn't the type to just up and hug people. He felt Morgan's arms wrap around him, holding him close and tight into his warm embrace. Even when surrounded by a room full of FBI agents, he's never felt so safe before in his life. Right here in Morgan's arms felt like the best place on Earth. The world could be crashing down around him and he wouldn't feel a thing. Morgan's fingers looped through his short hair as he held him closer and Reid breathed in that scent. Something in him hoped to God that some would be left on his shirt when he went inside.

He heard somebody clear their throat and he looked up, still wrapped in Morgan's strong arms. Even though he saw it was his neighbor Mrs. Shirley, he somehow felt that beside her was little Charlotte from the McDonalds, folding her arms and asking him with her big brown eyes what he was doing with his life in the same probing way she did in the cash line. Mrs. Shirley rolled her eyes and walked back into her house, but he could swear to God, he saw Charlotte winking at him as she trailed in behind her, pushing him along with her eyes. She mouthed to him, "Go." before scampering into the house.

Reid pulled out of Morgan's hug as he received a moment of clarity. What else was there to do? Lie to himself? Wait? Give himself more and more time to become the man he knew he wanted to be? Because, right now. He feels like that guy isn't Morgan. That guy he's been looking up to his whole life has been right here the whole time. He asked Morgan, "Could you close your eyes?"

Morgan teased, "You gonna steal my wallet?"

Reid laughed anxiously, "No."

"Fine," Morgan replied, closing his eyes and waiting for whatever Reid was going to do. Licking his lips in nervous energy, Reid leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Morgan's neck, holding him close. He nuzzled into the warmth of his chest and felt Morgan place his hands at the base of his hips, holding him there with a soft touch. Reid smiled as Morgan murmured, "You should hug me more often."

He laughed in response, "That's not what I wanted to show you."

Morgan asked, looking down at him with amusement, "Well, what was it?"

"Ssh," Reid leaned back and pressed a finger against Morgan's lips, "Quiet. And eyes closed."

Morgan obliged, "Yes, oh, fearless leader."

Looking over Morgan's calm and serene face, Reid let himself go. He was okay with leaving his doctorate behind. He was okay with feeling so much for his coworker. And, finally, he was okay with Agent Morgan truly becoming _Derek_. Spencer smiled to himself and leaned forward, pulling his arms around Derek's neck before sliding home. At lips' touch, Derek let out a quiet, "hmm…" and countered Spencer's action with another, and pulled him closer. This kiss was not drunken, or harried, or ladled with sex. This kiss was something else entirely. It was hope. It was faith. It was a new beginning. This kiss made history for Spencer. It was the moment he literally _fell_ in love with Derek Morgan. No, seriously. He fell.

Weight shifted as his legs grew light and he felt himself falling to the side, only to be caught by Derek. Derek looked him in the eyes and asked, "Spencer, you okay?"

Spencer replied, "I'm perfect."

"Okay, you sure? You need to sit down or anything?" Derek asked.

"Just… kiss me again," Spencer laughed.

Derek replied with a chuckle, "I can do that."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yep," Derek said, scooping Spencer up in his arms again for another mind-blowing kiss. This was more than the last. Power, grace, longing, and maybe a bit of love scooped in there around the edges. This was so much more than Spencer had ever imagined. This was better than the hope of drunken forgetfulness or the promise of sex. This was… this was a 'hey, want to be mine'. And, somehow, Spencer couldn't find himself saying 'no'.

Derek broke the kiss and pushed a lock of Spencer's hair out of his face, "Spencer. Do you want to go out with me? Maybe on a real date. You know, one with expensive wine, dressy clothes, and food that tastes like shit."

"Derek…" Spencer felt himself smile, "I would love to go out with you."

"On a real date?"

"On a real date," Spencer confirmed.

"Wow, really?" Derek began to chuckle, "Third time's a charm. Well, third kiss anyway."

Spencer smirked, "What do you mean 'third time'? You don't even remember the first time."

Derek paused and looked Spencer in his eyes, taking Spencer's delicate hands in his large ones before asking, "Don't hate me."

"No," Spencer hissed, shaking his head, "No, no, no."

"Don't jump the shark, Spence, just let me go to my car and get something," Derek ordered, leaving his post at the doorstep and Spencer tried so hard not to blame Derek. But, come on. Seriously? Spencer had just come to trust him again. He had knocked down all of his walls and fell in love with Derek. He can't honestly have… no. Reid refuses to think about it. It can't be. It just can't.

Derek jogged back up the steps, something bulky in his hands. He looked Spencer in the eyes and handed it over to him. It was a large, thick book with chalky lettering and goofy 'modern' spacing. As Spencer reads the cover, he notes that it was titled The Essentials of Sociology, actually. The first thing that came to mind was, what in God's name was Derek doing with his Socio textbook? The second thing that came to mind was… oh. Oh, no. This was the book he was reading when they first kissed. Where did Derek find this?

* * *

**A/N: Wow! I was gonna take this in a whole 'nother direction and end it in the next chapter, but something said, "Blue. Da fuck you doing? Prolong dis shit!" **

**So, I did.**

**Blueberries and Cream**


	9. Does This Dress Make My Butt Look Big?

The Essentials of Sociology

Chapter Nine: Does This Dress Make My Butt Look Big?

* * *

**A/N: I wrote this chapter with one goal in my mind: Get Spencer in a Dress. I failed... sort of.**

**-Swag, Swag, Swag on Blue**

_**Song Used (ain't mine): London Bridges by Fergie**_

* * *

Spencer stared back at Derek, clutching the book in his hands. How did Derek get this? Why was he so serious about it? What is so important about his sociology textbook that Derek had to run to his car to even hand it to him? He glanced up at Derek, whom began to explain.

"You see, I was pretty inebriated New Year's Eve. I mean, whoa, I was smashed," Derek started, wringing his hands and keeping eye contact with Spencer, "But, I didn't black out. Well, not that soon, but—"

Spencer sighed and held the book to his chest, "Just… start at the beginning."

Derek replied, "Well, I drove to the party with Emily, because I knew I was gonna get wasted. That's what New Year's Eve is for. And then, you know, I ordered myself a glass of tequila and snatched some chocolate off of the table before I went huntin'."

"Wait, wait, wait," Spencer stopped him, "Huntin'?"

Derek shrugged, "You know, searching out the ladies. They don't find you, you find them."

"Okay, whatever. Continue."

"Just a question though," Derek raised an eyebrow, "Are you gay?"

Spencer rolled his eyes and pulled the book closer, "This is not the time or place."

The taller agent shrugged and replied, "Speaking of, are you sure we should be talking this out in the freezing cold?"

"Not really," Spencer decided, turning to unlock and open his door, "We're continuing this inside. Don't even think about laying a finger on me until you finish your story."

Clearly happy for the reprieve, Derek followed Spencer into the apartment and closed the door behind him. Spencer had walked into the kitchen and told him to take a seat while he got them a drink. Derek obeyed quietly, pacing to the living room couch and sitting on a comfortable, old cushion. A moment later, Spencer returned with two bottles, sitting beside Derek and handing him one. He unscrewed his with a smile and took a swig, waiting for Derek's reaction. His coworker quickly replied, "Oh, Coke."

Spencer smiled, "Never turn your back on me."

"Well, what's yours?"

He smiled broader, "A Bud."

Derek returned his smile with a crinkle of his eye. You know, the smile that Spencer really likes. This is the one that says a million different things in every language that he can't speak. Spencer cleared his throat and said in a more contained voice, "I'm supposed to be listening to a story. You know, the one about the night that you told me you couldn't remember."

"Alright, alright…" Derek sighed and went back into the tale, "So, I found these three girls sitting at a table giggling, whispering and looking my way. And we all know what that means."

Spencer paused, "I… I don't know what that means…"

"It means they're talking about you. Like, really checking you out," Derek said with a cocky grin, "So, I went up to the ladies, and struck up a conversation. I got them a round of cocktails and we were having a nice time just chatting. Then, I saw you."

"Me?"

Derek chuckled, "Yeah. You. You were sitting on the other side of the room, sulking, and reading. God, you did _not_ want to be there. Everybody could tell. One of the girls followed my eyes and wanted to know if I knew you, and I said I did. They asked who you were, and I told them you were my coworker. Then, they asked where we worked, and, well, I had to take the badge out. You know, for proof."

Spencer shook his head and took a sip of his beer, "Of course."

"Will you let me tell this story?"

Spencer laughed and waved him on to continue.

"It was totally proof! Why would I have my badge out, if I wasn't?" Derek chuckled and delved back into it, "Anyway, they were impressed. They told me to invite you over and… I got nervous. I mean, I was getting tipsy, but I was cognitive enough to know that I might… well… say or do something stupid when you came over. You would have impressed them way better than I could have with your vast knowledge of… _everything_. They would have forgotten about me in an instant."

The young doctor set his beer down and said, "You're lying."

Derek laughed, "I'm not—"

"Yes, you are. Your eyes do this thing… when you're being dishonest, I can tell. What happened with those girls that you didn't want me to see?" Spencer asked.

His coworker replied with a faint nervous clench of his hands around the bottle, "I had a thing for you, okay? I was teetering on the sober line and Lord knows what I would have said if they invited you over and I got upset at the attention they gave you. I could have yelled at one of the girls, or, worse… I could have told you how I felt. At the time, I didn't know that there was any possibility on Earth that we could ever… I just didn't have the confidence. So, I chatted them up, and flirted my ass off for two different reasons that made sense in my inebriated mind. One: If I pretended one of them were you, I would somehow magically get over my fear of asking you out. Two: I thought that if you saw me flirting with them, I'd see if you got jealous or not. If you did, then you could possibly like me a little… I know. Totally stupid—"

Spencer leaned over Derek's bottle and kissed his cheek, "It's okay. It made sense at the time."

Derek took a deep breath and licked his lower lip the way he does when he's embarrassed, "Oh, yeah… it did. And… then I saw you dancing with Garcia. That was okay. I knew Garcia had Kevin, so no big deal there. Then you disappeared. I left the girls looking for you, but by then, I had already had about four tequilas and a shot of something the girls said was good. Then everybody was saying stuff at the same time—the countdown I guess. And you were just sitting there, alone. Reading your book, and flipping the pages. I was thinking… 'Damn. You are just so… beautiful.' The lei and party hat made it all better."

"Shut up," Spencer blushed.

Derek smiled, "Nope. At that moment, I decided… what the hell? So, I hopped on your lap, grabbed your face and kissed you when the New Year rung in. Then I woke up on the floor of my kitchen in my underwear—that is one hundred percent true. It was cold and super uncomfortable, and I had the Mother of all Hangovers, but I was using this book as a pillow. So, I looked at it. I hadn't taken a Sociology course since my junior year of college, so I had no clue why it was there. Then I remembered that it was January 1st, and I went to a party the other night with my coworkers. Then, I thought… which one of my coworkers was lame enough to bring a Sociology textbook to a wild bar party…"

Spencer raised a hand, "And that's why you grilled me?"

"No. I knew how most of the night went, but… I didn't know why I ended up cuddling your textbook. I thought that maybe kissing you was a dream or something, but you were acting all weird on Monday, so… I put two and two together and tried to get you to admit it happened."

Spencer's face broke out in a grin as he teased, "Is it because you _like_ me?"

Derek shook his head, eyes glued to the couch, "Come on, Spencer. Grow up."

The doctor continued to tease, poking a finger into Derek's knee, "Is it because you think I'm _cute_?"

Derek groaned, "Spence."

Spencer tapped the finger harder on his leg, "Is it because I make your kokoro go doki-doki?"

Derek paused, "What does that even mean?"

"I'm not entirely sure. I need to stop reading Japanese publications," Spencer denounced.

"Is it sexual?"

"I don't think so."

"Well, it sounds sexual."

"Pretty sure it's not."

"What? Do you speak Japanese?"

"I'm not fluent."

"Spence, I asked if you spoke Japanese."

"And I said I wasn't fluent."

"That's not a straight answer."

"Technically it is. You see, you asked if I spoke the language, and by saying that I wasn't fluent, I alluded that I have tried to learn and have earned at least an elementary understanding of the language. I may not be able to deduce all words in the language and be able to relay them back in English, or even in words both of us… why are you looking at me like that?"

Derek shrugged and glanced into Spencer's eyes, "I'm not looking at you any kind of way."

"Yes, you are," Spencer deduced, "Am I bothering you? I am, aren't I? I was talking too much! That's what it was, right? I have to stop doing that. Promise me anytime I start rambling, to just stop me, because I will talk forever. Seriously, once I start it just keeps coming and coming. I mean, I know I'm going to end up doing it, but I always go ahead and begin talking even when I know I'm going to bore someone out of their skull. It's like I'm a lemming or something. Even though lemmings don't actually jump off of—"

Derek began to laugh, "Spencer, it's fine. I like it."

Spencer paused, "…you do?"

Derek shrugged and clapped Spencer on the shoulder, "Believe it or not, yeah. I really do. It's one of the things I most like about you actually. You're passionate about almost everything and it's… well, it's kind of cute."

"But, I once heard the worst murder is being talked to death," Spencer replied.

"Sounds more like sweet death to me," Derek winked.

Spencer raised an eyebrow, "Isn't 'sweet death' the term associated with dying while in coitus?"

"Yeah, but I always thought it was a myth," Derek shrugged, "I mean, you can't really get fucked to death, can you?"

Spencer nodded slowly.

"Well, shit," Derek said with a large grin, "That's how I wanna go out!"

* * *

The next morning at work was doomed to be an awkward one. Spencer is horrible at keeping secrets, and Derek is just so damned open about his sex life, that it wouldn't be a shock if they were caught within the first few hours of their Monday shift. Gripping his satchel tight to his side, Spencer walked slowly into the bullpen to find Derek there early. He was standing by Prentiss's desk having a casual morning conversation with her. Spencer ducked behind Rossi's desk, hoping that he could just sneak in quietly as he heard Derek's voice call out, "You know I can see you, right, Reid?" Oh. So, he's Reid now? That makes a lot of sense, since they're at work and need to be professional and will spend the entire day in a room full of goddamned profilers.

Spencer popped up from behind the large window, "Hey… Morgan."

Prentiss waved, "Morning, Reid."

"Morning."

Derek chuckled, "And a good one it is, huh? How was your weekend, Reid?"

Prentiss raised her palms before Spencer could give an answer and blurted out, "No! Last time I asked him that, I was stuck beside him for a half hour. I love you, Reid. But… no."

Spencer shrugged and continued on to his desk, listening quietly as the two began talking again. Their conversation was quite tepid. They threw around weather topics, then noted the last case they'd had in Colorado. Lastly, they spoke of their weekend. Prentiss apparently visited her mom over in Washington. The trip was agonizing, and she was reminded once again why they don't usually keep in close contact. Morgan decided to stray closely to the truth when asked how he spent his days.

"I… hung out with a friend."

Prentiss paused and then began to laugh, "Bullshit."

"No it's not! Honestly, I spent the weekend with a friend."

Spencer sighed quietly at his desk and pulled out a file from his desk to scribble on while he listened. It was true. They were friends. Even though they had a set date, they said that they'd cross that bridge when they got to it before Derek kissed him goodnight. Counting the dinner on Friday, and the basketball fiasco on Saturday, and the McDonalds revelation on Sunday, they did spend the weekend together as well. Derek's in the clear.

Prentiss's voice rang out again in a more hushed tone, "What's her name?"

Derek paused, "Excuse me?"

"You totally spent the weekend with a girl."

Derek avoided the topic casually, "Either way, it was a nice time."

Prentiss began to laugh, "A hella nice time. I see that hickey on your neck. You're going to have to wake up pretty early in the morning to fool me, Morgan."

Wait, huh? A hickey? Spencer couldn't have given him that! They did spend an awfully long amount of time on the couch after Derek told the tale of New Year's night, but he couldn't have… oh. He remembers… they were kissing. It was really nice. Not too fast. Not too slow. It was perfect. Derek's hands were caressing his upper back and fit easily around his hips. God, he was so good at this. Pushing Spencer away from all of the crap life throws at him, and tying him down to these few moments they shared. He tasted so good, he smelled so amazing, and he just _had_ to tease Spencer's sensitive lips with a gentle bite every now and then, eliciting small moans and heightened excitement. Spencer's morals kind of… teetered. He had slid his hands under Derek's shirt and pulled it easily off of him, moving his lips from Derek's to attack his neck like a hungry vampire. He had completely forgotten that there would be consequences to that.

Derek shrugged, "So what? We had a little fun. Who are you, my mom?"

"Nope," Prentiss said with a secretive smile, "Just wondering why you felt you needed to lie."

"I didn't lie!" Derek protested as she walked off to her desk, whistling a knowing tune, "Prentiss! You're plotting something, I just know it!"

She sat down in her seat and ruffled some papers, saying in that too sweet voice, "What are you talking about?"

Spencer gulped, and continued on with his work. If there was anyone in the office he could be afraid of, it was Emily. She just had that hawkish, don't-fuck-with-me look about her when she was determined to get something done. Right now, it seems that all she wants to do is bother Morgan, and with that she's succeeded. But, if this escalates into something more and she actually starts digging, they're going to be exposed in no time.

About twenty minutes later, JJ was calling them into the briefing room. There was yet another crime to attend to. Rossi had shown up ten minutes ago, and had left first for the briefing room, quickly followed by Prentiss. Next, Hotch had left his office and walked down the runway to the room. Spencer stood, stuffing papers into his satchel and walked by Derek's desk, "Hurry up."

Derek raised a hand, "Hey, could you wait for me? I'm just finishing up one little thing."

Spencer stopped walking and backtracked, leaning over the divider to whisper, "If I wait for you, won't people notice that we're…"

Derek glanced up from a file, "What? Acting normal? God forbid."

Spencer shrugged and waited, his eyes following the curve of the back of Derek's neck, dipping into a baby blue thermal. He bit his lip as Derek stood and closed the file, smacking his rear before striding ahead of him. Spencer ground his teeth and hissed, "Hey!"

His coworker began to chuckle under his breath, "Dat ass, Spencer. Dat ass."

Growling, Spencer followed him into the room with a glare on his face which Hotch immediately noticed. The team leader asked what was wrong, and Spencer mumbled a quiet, "Nothing." The meeting progressed. Three girls have had their throats cut, and were left for dead in the alleyways of North Philadelphia. They all followed the same profile: young, fairly small in stature, and African American. Although the first two murders didn't show any signs of assault, the final one did—a violent, blunt head wound that seems like she was quickly sedated before she was killed. There was not much evidence to go on. North Philadelphia was frequented often by people of all walks of life. Businessmen, volunteers, white and blue collar workers, you name it. There were no tire tracks around, and no signs of harassment before or after the murder. It was done quickly and simply. Usually, the FBI wouldn't be dragged into a case like this, especially in a place with such large PD jurisdiction, but one of the girls murdered was from Louisiana, making this a national case. Wheels went up in twenty.

JJ walked over to Spencer as the room cleared, giving a final look to Derek before he left. She folded her arms and waited. Spencer looked around the empty room, "What?"

She shrugged, "That's what I want to know."

"What do you mean?"

JJ asked, "What happened between you and Morgan this weekend? Was it nothing? Did he stop questioning you? Did you tell him?"

Spencer blushed and answered all of her questions, "Something happened. It wasn't nothing. He stopped questioning me, and I didn't have to tell him. He already knew… mostly."

"Wait, he knew you two kissed?" JJ asked with a confused look on her face.

Spencer nodded, "Yeah. He just… needed time, I guess."

"And… when did you find all of this out?"

Spencer shrugged and replied, "On our not-date."

"…not-date?"

"Yeah, you see, we had another argument Monday night and decided to go to dinner on Friday to patch it all up. We patched it up, and he asked to see me Saturday to watch basketball. That was all well and good, but we just couldn't seem to keep our hands off of each other in a private setting and I got upset again and left. Then he sent me a bajillion messages and asked me out. I said no, but we went to a casual not-date thing at McDonalds, got sassed out by a six-year-old, kissed some more and hey, now we have a date Friday night. Help me, please."

JJ blinked and tried to piece it all together, "… all of that happened in three days?"

"Most of it, yes."

She let out a huge breath of air, "Jeez, kid."

"I know, right?"

* * *

The plane ride went by as per usual. Within minutes, Spencer was asleep on the couch in his usual spot. It was right under the heating vent, and when he curled up just so, it blew right between his shoulder blades. It felt wonderful, the soft humming of the plane was lulling him through REM and carrying him gently to a dream.

_Derek was home. He was just walking in through the front door of his apartment. There was such a joy in Spencer's heart when he felt the door close. He scurried out of the kitchen just in time for Derek to round the corner and press a warm kiss to his lips. Derek took off his hat and set it on the table, "What's for dinner, honey?"_

_Spencer turned back to his kitchen to see a pot of boiling rice, another one of stewing chicken, and a small pan that held the smell of fricasseed onions, peppers, and diced potatoes. There was this air of pride around the kitchen the surrounded the dinner. He must have made it. Odd. Spencer's a horrible cook. He announced what was for dinner, receiving him another kiss from Derek. Wow. He could get used to that. Derek wrapped his arms around Spencer's waist and untied something. Spencer looked down to notice that it was not only a red and white checkered apron now leaving his hips, but he was adorned in a small, yet cutely styled dress. Okay, what's going on here?_

_Derek smiled, "I'm so glad I married such a wonderful woman."_

_Spencer raised his eyebrows, "I'm a guy."_

_Derek laughed quietly, stroking his face, "Of course you are, honey."_

_Spencer turned and folded his arms. He turned off the oven and sighed in disappointment as Derek ran a hand down Spencer's back, landing softly on his rear. Derek moved closer, pressing his back against his stable chest before whispering in Spencer's ear, "Your ass is a work of art, baby girl."_

"_I'm not a girl," Spencer argued feebly as Derek nibbled on his ear and ran his hands down his waist. Why can't Derek see? He's not a girl. He never will be a girl._

_He turned around in his supposed husband's embrace and looked into his eyes. Damn was this man happy. Derek smiled, "I'm so glad we started dating, Spencer. I always knew I would marry a woman like you."_

"_But, I'm not a woman. I'm not."_

"Reid. Reid, hey," Derek's voice rang out as a hand gripped his shoulder lightly to rouse him from his sleep, "We're landing in three minutes, man. Up and at 'em."

Spencer, still stuck in his dream, exclaimed loudly, "I'm not a woman!"

Derek began to laugh, rubbing his hand on Spencer's back before playfully clipping the back of his head, "Of course you're not. I never said you were."

"No," he murmured, "… but what if I was one…"

Derek shrugged, "You'd be paid less and treated with half the respect you have now."

That one earned the agent a playful smack from Prentiss and a glare from JJ. Although Spencer doesn't believe in analyzing dreams, this one did give him a lot to think about. Derek's been chasing women all his life. He highly doubts that Derek woke up one day when he was fourteen and said to himself, "You know what? One day, I'm going to fall in love and it's going to be with a skinny white boy from Las Vegas with barely satisfactory social skills." Spencer doesn't know why this sudden attraction and change in behavior occurred. Pursuing someone like him was very strange, and proved to be… worrying. There seemed to be more to uncover.

In his satchel, his cell phone started loudly singing an obscene sounding song about the London Bridge and began vibrating gently against the side of his pants. "_All my girls get down on the floor… Back to back now drop it real low…_" Spencer started to dig into his bag to find the offending phone as every member of the plane began looking his way. Shit. He does not remember getting this ringtone. "_I'm such a lady but I'm dancing like a ho… 'cause you know I don't give a fuck so here we go…"_ Where was this dammit phone? He started grabbing books out and shifting papers to find it. Find it, find it, FIND IT! "_How come every time you come around, my London, London Bridge want to go down. Like London, London, London wanna go down, like London, London, London be going down like…"_ Spencer's hand connected with a boxy type thing that had to be his phone. He pulled it out, and put in the passcode. Which didn't work. Why did it not work? "_The Grey Goose got your girl feeling loose… Now I'm wishing that I didn't wear these shoes…" _He typed in his passcode again, and again, and again. Nothing! What was going on? "_It's like every time I get up on these dudes… the paparazzi put my business in the news…_" Spencer looked back at his coworkers whom were all looking at him differently. Prentiss was amused, JJ was concerned, Hotch was raising his eyebrow, and Rossi looked downright disgusted. Oh, and Derek? He was laughing his ass off.

Spencer glared at him and thrust the phone in his face, "Turn. This shit. _**Off**_."

Derek was doubled over, and took the phone, typing in the new passcode he must have set for it and turning the ringtone off. Still chuckling, he handed it back, "That's what you get for the Coke-Beer trick. You started it."

Hotch rolled his eyes and looked over at the two boys with authority, "Not again."

"Oh, it's happening again. Except this time, I'm playing for real," Derek said with a smile.

Spencer folded his arms and mumbled under his breath, "I will crush you."

Derek asked with an amused grin, "What?"

Spencer shrugged as the plane's wheels touched the ground, "You heard me."

* * *

**A/N: Truth be told, I've written like four chapters ahead, so I don't really know what to say at this point. Don't be afraid to review/alert/favorite if you're new to the story. (I'm one to get scared of a plotbunny, so I leave stories I might not hate completely to die in the garbage. And I don't like dying in the garbage.) Plus, I get emails every time you do, and every one of those emails equals love. **

**One thing you should know from the get-go is I don't bribe updates with forced love. I stay on top of my shit and update when I say I will. If I make a promise, I'm keeping it. Every once and a while, I'll update early because I've written a lot, but ever since I published the first chapter, my stories come in every week **Sunday Night-Tuesday Afternoon** at the latest. I won't play with you and say next week when I mean next month. **

**That's bullshit.**

**And I don't bullshit.**

**-**_Blue_**zerwizzer**


	10. I Don't Fucking Get You

The Essentials of Sociology

Chapter Ten: I Don't Fucking Get You

* * *

**A/N: I'm not gonna lie, this chapter is dirtier than a dog in mud. And just in case FF tries to kick my ass… I _strode along the line_, but didn't cross it.**

**- Ms. Oleandar**

**P.S. SHOUT OUT TO TRINIDAD AND TOBAGO! I checked my stats and this story has a shockingly large amount of readers there. This pleases me because I am a proud Trinidadian as well. Keep up the good work brothers and sisters, and thanks for your support!**

* * *

The team's first stop was a hotel on Moyamensing Avenue which happened to be an old looking building where the bricks were still visible on the outside. That was what Spencer really liked about coming to Philadelphia. Sure, there are lots of skyscrapers, busy streets, and bustling cabs, but underneath it all, this city has quite the firm grip on its roots. There are historical buildings everywhere, and precious sites, and ooh! The actual Liberty Bell was a couple miles from where the BAU was staying. If it was the last thing he does, he's checking it out before he leaves. As Spencer stashed his go bag under his bed and walked to the bathroom to splash his face with cold water, he did so with a smile. Even getting Derek back with a prank was put on the backburner. They had a simple case down here that will only take like five days tops, and in his down time, he could probably take a tour or two.

As he dried his face on a towel, he heard a faint knock at his door. Spencer put the towel back on the rack and paced over to the door, expecting a stern-faced Hotch and receiving a smirking Derek. He raised an eyebrow and opened the door further to let his coworker rush in past him, "Hey. Does Hotch need us all in the lobby soon?" The sound of the bed accepting Derek's weight perked Spencer's ears as he locked the door and turned to see the man sprawled out on his back with his hands behind his head. Derek replied with a pleasant sigh, "Yeah,we have to be downstairs in a half hour. He asked me to tell you to bring your vest 'just in case', keep careful in the alley ways 'because we know how you are when it comes to attracting danger', and to not prank me back."

Spencer chuckled and sat beside Derek quietly, "He told _you_ to tell me not to prank you back?"

"His words, not mine," Derek shrugged, his eyes closing softly, "These sheets smell much fresher than mine, you know that? It's like they didn't even wash the ones in my room." Derek opened his left eye and peeked at Spencer, "You think it's because I'm black?"

Spencer rolled his eyes and replied, "You think everything happens because you're black."

Derek replied with a laugh, "That's because it does. The universe is picking on me because of my melanin count."

That made Spencer laugh as well, "Oh, please. No doubt racism still exists, but we're in North Philadelphia. If anyone is a target, it's little, old, defenseless me."

Derek brought one of his hands up to tickle Spencer's stomach, "You've always been a target though. Seriously, how many times have you been kidnapped?"

Spencer tried not to laugh and failed as Derek's hands became more and more assaulting along his ribs, "Too—ah haha!—too many times—ah, Derek, please—haha!"

"Say Uncle!" Derek demanded with a goofy grin as he pulled Spencer underneath him and began tickling him harder.

Pushing at him feebly, Spencer's arms felt like Jello. There wasn't much he could do except laugh and surrender. He raised his arms up, "Okay—haha!—Uncle! Uncle! I—oh, haha!—I give up! Stop, please, Der! Please!"

Derek stopped and ran his hands down Spencer's sides to calm the skin he had recently tickled into renunciation through his shirt. He smiled down at Spencer, watching the smaller man catch his breath and get a few more laughs out before hitting Derek gently on the arm.

While Spencer's breath returned to a normal pace, Derek ran a hand down the side of his coworker's face and leaned down to close his lips over Spencer's. Spencer smiled under his lips and brought his hands up to Derek's broad shoulders. Spencer doesn't think kissing Derek will ever get old. _If it does, the sex might not…_ he thought to himself, _oh, man, why are you even thinking about the sex? You haven't had sex with him yet! You have no clue what it'll feel like! Though it'd probably be amazing… No! This is not the time. They're due downstairs soon with the rest of the team. _Derek's hand slid up his chest and yanked teasingly at his tie as he pulled his lips from Spencer's to whisper, "Oh, Dr. Reid…" softly into his ear. Against his will, Spencer felt a small, breathy moan escape before pulling Derek's face back up to his. He used that moment of surprise to slip his tongue into Derek's open mouth, challenging the kiss to harder and more excited levels. Spencer felt his tie pulling away and his shirt's buttons sliding free from their place as Derek slowly, teasingly pulled free the skin of his chest so that his hands could leave paths of caresses further and further down Spencer's lithe body. Spencer ran his fingers hastily underneath Derek's shirt and pulled up frantically, nodding as Derek broke the kiss to take it off. Derek looked down at Spencer and winked as he started to blush before ravish his neck in kisses.

Derek's large, strong hands gripped his waist and ran up and down his chest as he pulled his lips from Spencer's sensitive throat and moved on to press boiling hot kisses onto his collarbone. The flame of Derek's mouth licked further and further down, closing over a sensitive pink nipple with a warm, wet tongue. Spencer's back arched into Derek's mouth and Derek held him closer, fingers digging into his back with a heat and a passion that rivals anything he's ever felt before. This is what it feels like to be held and never let go. Derek began to suck and bite, drawing more unexpected moans out of Spencer whose soft, thin hands were running across Derek's shoulders and neck. Derek moved on to the other one, feeling Spencer jump a bit underneath him as he did so. He whispered around the soft kisses he plundered across his chest, "Speak to me, baby. Say something, please."

"Please don't tell me you get turned on by my voice," Spencer gasped under Derek's loving assault.

Derek groaned and replied, "I do, I do—oh, God—I do."

"Seriously?" Spencer asked before Derek bit particularly hard, sending foreign, arousing feelings to him, "Ahh—fuck! Oh…"

Derek smiled around another bite, "You like that?"

Spencer moaned a little louder, "Mmm… _yeah_!"

Clearly satisfied with himself, Derek did it once more to elicit Spencer's pleasing reaction before Derek pulled his lips from Spencer's chest and brought his head down to nuzzle his thin neck. God, that felt good. Mmm, his strong hands running down his body. Derek's lips at his throat. Derek's tongue on his neck. He wasn't even trying to keep his guard down. There aren't enough random thoughts in the world to keep him from getting—

"Oh? What do we have here..." Derek said with a husky whisper into his ear as he ground his hips into Spencer's, showing him that they were in the same stiff, needy predicament, "You want me to take care of this?"

"Oh, yeah…" Spencer breathed out before stopping himself with a quick shake of his head, "Wait, no! No. You can't 'take care of this'. When do we have to be downstairs?"

Derek continued kissing his jawbone and glanced at the bedside clock with a casual shrug, "Seventeen minutes."

"Seventeen minutes?" Spencer gasped as Derek nibbled on his ear, "That's not enough time!"

Derek smiled, "You don't know me, Pretty Boy. I can finish you off that quickly with time to spare."

Spencer fought a blush, "I am trying _so_ hard not to take you up on that."

Derek chuckled and held Spencer closer, hand trailing down his chest, "What did you say about being '_so_ hard'?"

Spencer pushed his thin hands against Derek's compact chest (which did nothing for the current state of his pants), and begged with a soft, stuttering voice, "I... I just can't control myself around you, I want... I want us to... please, Derek, just... stop."

"Why?" Derek asked with worry in his tone, "Am I pushing you too far? Are you uncomfortable? Am I forcing you to-"

"No, Derek, it's not that..."

Derek paused, "...then why?"

"Because we're on a case so we have to be professional, and there's too much going on right now, and..." Spencer whispered hastily, "_I don't want our first time to be within the span of five to twelve minutes especially since we're in some sort of undefined relationship_!"

Derek raised an eyebrow, "Hmm?"

Spencer took a shallow breath as the pleasure of Derek's hands and mouth ceased, "I'm sorry, Derek."

"Don't be. Actually… I'm the one that should be sorry," he said, standing and brushing off his pants, "We are on a case, and we should be professional, and… I've been rushing you since this whole thing started. I'm sorry, man. I feel like shit."

Spencer leaned up and grabbed onto Derek's wrist before he could walk away, "… Derek, please, _don't_ feel like shit! I mean, wow that was amazing…"

"Fuck yeah, that was amazing, but how can I not feel bad? I've been thinking about you like crazy since the Cavaliers' game, you know? You're like crack! I took one hit and now I just… I _can't_ get you out of my head! It's gotten worse and worse every day, and it's like _you can't even feel it_!" Derek exclaimed, shaking his head and taking a breath, "I like you, Spencer. I really, really like you. I want to start a relationship with you, and I want to fall in love with you. I just… I want to do everything with you, and you still call me by my last name in your head. Don't you?"

Spencer paused, "… not until recently."

"See?" Derek sighed, rubbing a hand down his face, "Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not even sure if you like me the way I like you."

Spencer held up both of his palms in honesty, "No, you've got it all wrong! I like you so much it scares me, and now I'm crazy insecure. Don't you want someone who's… I don't know, female? We can't have a lasting relationship because it's against policy, we can't get married, we can't have kids, I mean, why are we even courting each other? Plus, we can't have a conversation without fighting! Anything other than platonic friendship seems like it would just crash and burn. Don't you think?"

Derek paused, "Uh… no?"

"Wait, wait, wait. 'No'? That's all you have is 'no'?" Spencer asked.

Derek shrugged, "Uh, yeah. I like you, you like me. Why can't we just be together if we want to be?"

Spencer frowned, "Oh, I don't know, because _we could lose our jobs!"_

"So?" Derek asked.

Spencer growled, "So? I don't want to be stuck working in a backwoods Burger King asking pimply teenagers if they want fries with that? That's what's 'so'!"

Derek chuckled, "You're nervous about being in a relationship."

Spencer scoffed and folded his arms, "Like hell."

"Oh, please. You're scared shitless."

Spencer growled, "Okay, well, fuck you. I've never been in an actual relationship before. Doesn't mean I'm scared."

"Wait, you've never been in a relationship before?" Derek asked.

"Not a real one, no." Spencer revealed, looking down at himself and buttoning up his shirt.

Derek folded his arms, "What do you mean by that?"

"Well, in grammar school, Clara Masterson told me I was her boyfriend. Then a week later, she broke up with me."

"How old were you?" Derek asked, tossing Spencer his tan tie.

Spencer shrugged, catching it with ease, "Six."

"Wow."

"Then, there was this girl, Maggie Saunders who skipped the fourth grade with me. She thought we were on the same reading level and asked me out once. We didn't get three days in before they chucked me into Jr. High," he straightened the tie on his neck and flipped down his collar, "After that I didn't have a date until college because, well, I was six years younger than everyone in my classes and played as the football team's punching bag until graduation."

Derek paused, "… oh."

"Yeah, I know right? I just stayed out of everyone's way until I got my PhD and met people my own age. I asked a girl named Louisa Clark out in Law School. She laughed at me. So, I asked Kelly Henderson out a few months later. She said yes and stood me up. Oh! And I lived in dorms when I was working on my Chem PhD and my roommate Kenneth and I had a 'friends with benefits' agreement. He taught me some pretty cool stuff, but it was more of a… 'you do my homework, I give you a hand job' type thing."

Derek raised an eyebrow, "Kenneth, huh?"

"Yeah, but he was a little strange and worshipped the Devil, so I had to back out of that one..."

"Oh, God."

Spencer paused, "… then there was Ethan."

"Ethan?"

Spencer replied with a shrug, "Yeah, Ethan was… well, he was no big deal. He was a mistake."

Derek raised an eyebrow and nodded, "If you say so."

"Then, I joined the Bureau and you know the rest," Spencer replied.

Derek shoved his hands in his pockets, "That… that's horrible. I'm sorry you had to go through that."

Spencer shrugged his shoulders again, "Needless to say, me and Kenneth… we didn't get as far as I could have hoped… I'm a virgin. Just thought I'd put it out there into the universe as well."

Derek sighed, "It's no big deal. All I can say is that you're missing out on some dirty, nasty fun. Other than that, I don't judge."

"Oh, please. You have to have something to say," Spencer said, "What? No thirty-year-old virgin jokes? No 'if you don't use it, it'll fall off' quips? I've heard it all. Come on. Please. Say something."

"I've got nothing." Derek shrugged.

"You're kidding me."

"I'm not kidding you."

Spencer took a deep breath, "You're not upset that I keep pushing you away and stuff?"

"No. the virgin thing makes a boatload of sense, so I'm not mad. If I hadn't hopped in the sack before and some big guy was practically jumping my bones, I'd be hesitant too."

Spencer stood up in front of Derek and took his hands, "You're not just some big guy jumping my bones, honest. I'd be crazy not to like you. You're the best friend I've ever had, and the shift from friend to more than friend is… confusing to me. God, I'm sorry. I'm not the best at relaying my feelings. I've… well, I've never had to before."

Derek smiled quietly, "It's okay, Spencer. We'll take our time. I promise. Just let me know when you're uncomfortable and I'll listen. You are so important to me... I don't really want to mess that up."

Spencer blushed and looked up at Derek, "I know a way we can patch this up."

Derek asked, "How? I mean, the whole Kenneth story pretty much killed my boner, so…"

"Mine too," Spencer laughed.

Derek grimaced, "Guy sounds like an asshole."

"Well, it's a good think I'm standing here with you," Spencer smiled, "Now, here comes the patch-up. Close your eyes."

"Whatever you say," Derek replied, closing his eyes, "This seems a bit familiar…"

"That's because it is," Spencer leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss to Derek's lips, "And for now, I think we're on our way to being late."

Derek pulled Spencer into a close hug and kissed the top of his head. Spencer bit his lip and pressed his face into Derek's chest, breathing into it and enjoying the closeness.

~KNOCK KNOCK.

Spencer joked under his breath, "Who's there?"

"Wow, Spencer," Derek chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief.

"_Wow, Spencer,_ who?" he asked with a knowing smirk.

Derek snickered quietly, "_Wow, Spencer_ I can't believe you're cornier now than you were five minutes ago."

JJ's voice called out from the hallway, "Hey, Reid, you in there? We've got places to go, people to see. Plus," she added in a sing song-y voice, "You-Know-Who will be there."

"What do you mean, You-Know-Who?" Spencer called back, and then said with disbelief, "Wait, do you mean _Lord Voldemort_ will be there? Fucking _sick_! Let me get my Gryffindor tie!"

She snickered and whispered through the door, "No, silly, I meant Morgan."

Derek raised his eyebrows in amusement, "Have you two been gossiping about me behind my back?"

"No. Shut up," Spencer covered his face with his hands and pulled himself out of Derek's embrace before walking over to the door to open it, "Hi, Jayje."

JJ waltzed in and turned to face the doorway, eyes locked on Spencer as she giggled, "And did you see the way he looked at you when we got off the plane? I think he really likes you."

Spencer turned toward her and ran his hand back and forth before his neck, "Jay. Ssh."

"Oh, please. No one can hear me," she scoffed, "Plus, if we take the second car, you can tell me all about his—"

"JJ!" Spencer croaked, pointing behind her while clearly beyond words to acknowledge the full lengths of his embarrassment, "_There_."

She turned and upon sight of a shirtless Derek quieted quickly. JJ's voice went up an octave, "Oh, hi, Morgan."

Derek snickered, "How's it going, JJ?"

JJ nodded and ducked out of the door, "See you guys down stairs, kay thanks bye."

* * *

It was raining heavily by the time that they'd made it back into the hotels. There was water everywhere, and since Spencer barely even thought to bring a jacket, he was soaked to the bone along with being colder than ever. He shook and chattered up to his room with one of Prentiss's blankets wrapped around his shoulders, his wet hair falling into his eyes. The case had gone pretty far while in the PD office. With the help of divorce papers, adoption records, and crime reports, they had their suspects narrowed down to three men: Lawrence Harrison, Gerald Kent, and Christopher Hugh. All of which were professors at the college these women attended. Temple University. While Temple wasn't necessarily in North Philadelphia, it was a connection with all three of the girls whom were all failing the same class: Marine Biology which was taught by the same three men. One was the professor (Christopher Hugh), one was a TA (Lawrence Harrison), and the final one was the Dean of Biology (Gerald Kent). There was no saying who taught the classes, because in most large universities, more than one teacher can oversee the same class. It was all a rush of possibilities until they had interviewed one male student who had seen the TA, whom taught the most classes, give all three of the girls a certain look before handing out tests in which they'd all failed over and over again. The first murdered girl, Natasha Lee, had spoken to the student they'd interviewed after receiving a test back. She had apparently studied for weeks. What it looks like? That's usually what it is.

They had all said their goodnights and Spencer walked straight into his room for a hot shower. He stripped out of the cold, wet clothes quickly and walked under the warm current. God, that felt good. After all that time in the wind and the cold and the gross, he just needed to feel warm and wash the day off of him. There was so much he needed to clean out of his hair including the thoughts of death, grief, and heartless bastards. There was more to think about. There was Derek. Derek and his kind eyes, and warm heart. Derek and his strong hands and loving soul. Spencer felt himself falling more and more in love with him every day. He can remember to this moment the day he began to take an interest in Derek. It's seared into his brain.

_They had been writing out files. Prentiss had finished hers, and Rossi wasn't working with the Bureau at the time, so it was just them. Morgan had this look on his face like he'd rather be anywhere but in the office on a Saturday night, writing about some guy who gutted and skinned six women. To tell the truth, Reid felt the same way, but he rather liked the paper work. He didn't have plans or anything. He just wanted to let the work take the place of all the shit going through his head. He had just recently stopped seeing Lila on the side and he knew that he had way too big of a broad attraction to Agent Mulder on the X Files which he recently began re-watching. Yeah, he's thought about men before. He's thought about Kenneth before. To tell the truth, he's been thinking a lot about Kenneth as of then. Maybe he should call him up, and have some meaningless sex just to get it over with. Reid was nearing twenty eight and he felt it appropriate to lose his virginity before he turned thirty. I mean, come on. Thirty-year-old virgins don't actually exist, do they?_

_Morgan looked up and shook his head, "I can hear you thinking, kid. It's getting loud."_

_Reid said casually, "If one had sex with a Devil worshipper, what are the odds they'd get sacrificed?"_

_Morgan sighed, "I know it's late, Reid, but you can't seriously be asking me that."_

"_What? I was just curious."_

"_Reid," Morgan rolled his eyes and closed a file, "For the love of God, don't fuck a Satanist." _

_Reid quieted, "I wasn't planning on it."_

_Morgan nodded and yawned, "Awesome, because I've been there, done that. They are some crazy bitches."_

_Reid glanced across the desk at him and he shrugged, deciding to continue on with his paperwork. Maybe it was because the lights were low. Maybe it was because they were so close that he could almost taste that smooth scent of soap and Dior. Maybe it was because he was just now realizing, for some strange moment that if he added up all of the times he worried about Morgan, ran after Morgan, put his life of the line for Morgan, and subtracted them all, he may not be able to have this stupid little conversation. That made him sad. But, it also made him smile. Morgan was here now. He was tired, and grumpy, and complaining. He was grimacing, and groaning, and mumbling. But he was here to work another day, and save another life. While Reid spends more time working as the group brain rather than saving lives in person, he knows that Morgan is actually somebody's Superman. He's pulled little girls out of burning buildings, he's saved people from their last breath under so many occasions. Morgan was one of the bravest people he knew. Yet, he has no Lois Lane. There was no one for him to go home to. There was no one for him to share his life with. I mean, yeah, Reid felt the same way, but, he wasn't as kind, and loving, and handsome! Morgan was amazing, he was brilliant, he was—_

"_Reid," Morgan said, looking up, "Turn your mind up a couple decibels. I don't think China can quite hear your inner dialogue yet." _

_Reid smiled quietly, "…sorry."_

"_It's fine," he smiled back, "I know you can't help it."_

_Morgan continued working on his files, and so did Reid. But this time, Reid had something else on his mind. What if _he_ could be the person Morgan comes home to? Telling him he was great, cheering him on, and making his day. What if he could be that for Morgan? I mean, it's a long shot, but… why not? Reid would do anything for Morgan. He really would. He'd even… he'd even make him feel good in ways he hasn't made anyone feel good. He'd even sleep with Morgan if he wanted it. Wow. If Morgan wanted him. What a thought! Reid took a deep breath and bit his lip, trying to keep away that little twist of arousal that was growing fast and deep in the pit of his stomach. He was suddenly plagued with thought after thought of Morgan kissing him, Morgan touching him, Morgan moaning for him… oh, no. The thoughts became more vivid and descriptive; Morgan's lips traveling along his outstretched neck, Morgan wrapping his strong hands around him and jacking him hard, Morgan licking down his body and sucking his—nnh!—until he—fuck! Reid's pencil snapped in his fingers and he shoved his free hand against his mouth as he glanced down at his slacks. Shit. Shit, shit, fuck, shit. He looked up at Morgan whom was shockingly none the wiser, his pen moving as he wrote quickly across a sheet of paper. Reid looked back down at his pants, the rise in his corduroys was, of course, obvious as it strained against the material. Great. You know, shit like this only happens to him. He let his head fall and connect lightly with his desk as he swore._

"_You alright, kid?" Morgan replied, "…are you blushing?"_

_Reid looked up, "You know what, Morgan? I'm great."_

"_It's ten at night and we're stuck in the bullpen. Nothing's great." Morgan scoffed, "I don't fucking get you."_

"_And… and, you know what else?" Reid asked, "You—you do a really good job. Every day. I don't know if anyone says that to you or not, but… you're awesome. Keep it up, really."_

_Morgan looked back at him with confusion in his eyes, "…okay?"_

* * *

There was another quiet knock on his door just as he got out of the shower. Spencer wrapped a towel around his waist and walked barefoot over to the door. As he opened it, he saw Derek with a large grin on his face, "Before you yell at me, I brought over a copy of Freddy vs. Jason, and it's gonna be so much fun—" he paused as his eyes raked over Spencer's bare body, "…and you're naked because…"

"I just got out of the shower." Spencer replied with a serene look on his face, "I was kind of hoping you were Rossi, so you'd get freaked out and leave. I haven't scared him properly in a while."

"How could you scare him with uh…" Derek paused as his eyes raked slowly over Spencer's bare torso, "…that?"

"Rossi's crazy straight, all I have to do is look at him funny and he backs off like he's scared of me," Spencer snickered, "It's really quite hilarious."

"I don't fucking get you." Derek shook his head with a laugh.

Spencer smiled with reminiscence, "That's what you said when I first found out I had a crush on you."

* * *

**A/N: D'aww, Spencer be so cute! Tell me whatcha think, my lovely babies! See ya next week!**

**-Bloopers**


	11. Love of My Life, Pain of My Ass

The Essentials of Sociology

Chapter Eleven: Love of my Life, Pain of my Ass

* * *

**A/N: Fun fact! The serious conversation between Morgan and Reid in the first little nugget of the chapter reminds me of a convo I had with my girlfriend a few months ago about coming out. I love you, bb.**

**This chapter is dedicated to my angel girl.**

**-BlueOleandar93**

* * *

"Oh, for the love of—" Spencer whimpered, hiding his face his hands. After Spencer pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a red tee shirt (in the bathroom, away from Derek's wandering eyes and hands), dried his hair off with a towel and replaced his contact lenses with reading glasses, the two men sat stiffly beside each other on a twin bed and began watching the horror flick on Spencer's laptop. The movie was perched on Derek's lap because his legs were longer. No big. But _here's_ the problem. When it comes to blood and violence, Spencer's perfectly fine. It's the gore he gets iffy with. He gasped and leaned into Derek's side, his eyes glued to the dark scene.

Derek ran his hand down Spencer's back in a soothing pattern and kissed his forehead, glancing back at the screen dismissively, "It's just a movie, baby boy."

Spencer groaned into Derek's shirt, "But people's intestines don't belong on the outside. It's… it's not right."

"It'll be over soon. I'll let you know okay?" Derek promised.

The noises on the screen got louder and louder, and Spencer grabbed on to Derek's arm and held it tight as he pushed his face further into Derek's shoulder. Derek chuckled, "You sure you're not trying to cop a feel under there?" Spencer scoffed and pulled closer to Derek, shaking his head. The older agent smiled down at Spencer and looked back at the screen. The sounds quieted and the plot seemed like it was picking up from the dialogue after a few moments. Spencer looked up at Derek, "Is it over?"

"It's been over for about five minutes now," Derek stated.

Spencer asked with confusion in his eyes, "I thought you were going to tell me when it was over."

Derek shrugged, "I was, but you were cuddling my arm like it was a teddy bear. Cute as fuck."

Spencer blushed, "Shut up."

"Tell anybody I called you 'cute' and you're dead," Derek glared down at the messy haired doctor.

Spencer sighed and snuggled closer, "You like it when I cuddle you?"

Derek looked away, cutting off their eye contact before saying quietly, "…yeah."

Leaning closer, Spencer lifted Derek's arm and pulled it around him, curling into his coworker's warm, safe feeling body. He felt Derek clear his throat and pull Spencer in tighter as if it were no big deal. Spencer looked up with an amused smile, "I like it. It's… different."

Derek mumbled, "Yeah… it is."

The movie played on and the two didn't move from that spot. From then on, the gross murder scenes didn't disturb him as much. He knew that Derek would be there to save him from the biological injustice that was happening on the screen. He felt Derek press a kiss to his hair and one or two on his lips during their little private showing. Before long, they'd forgotten all about the movie and missed the end of it as one or two kisses became passionate snogging. And it was… well, it was the most at peace Spencer has felt in a while. There was no pressure, no work, no thinking involved. All he had to do was sit there with Derek and be happy. So, he did just that.

When the movie ended, Spencer smiled up at Derek, "Well, that was nice."

Derek shrugged and smiled quietly, "The movie, or the whole part about my tongue being in your mouth?"

"You are so close to ruining the moment, Derek, I swear to God," Spencer warned, cuddling closer to his coworker after he shut the laptop and cast it to the side.

Derek chuckled and Spencer felt his chest quake with laughter as it pressed against his cheek. The agent was just so warm and stable. He made Spencer feel like he'd be safe no matter what. After years and years of friendship, and working together, Spencer knew that while Derek respected him and his decisions, he wouldn't let jack squat happen to him. Spencer has no clue how he does it, but Derek looks after him like a mother hen, and somehow still lets Spencer feel like he's his own man. Derek's protective behavior was overbearing and at times blatantly obvious, but Spencer never felt one moment's hesitation that Derek trusted, talked to, and treated him like the grown man he was. Even now when they're in this friend/lover quagmire, Derek doesn't ever try to feminize or demasculate him in any way. So, Spencer can snuggle up in Derek's embrace and feel safe without losing one tiny, miniscule bit of his manhood. As long as he's there in Derek's arms, he's more protected than the President. Fuck that, he _is_ the President.

"I'm the President," Spencer breathed into Derek's shirt.

Derek chuckled, "Okay."

Spencer wrapped his arms around Derek's waist and pressed his face into his chest, "By the way… Derek?"

"Yes?"

"I…" Taking a shaky breath and closing his eyes, Spencer said confidently, "…well, I …I like you."

Derek said through a smile, "I think I got that. You _literally_ just stopped making out with my face."

"Don't push it," Spencer growled.

"If it makes you feel better, those cute little sounds you make when I grab your ass make me smile," Derek remarked, leaning over to pinch Spencer's rear, eliciting an aggravated squeak.

Spencer blushed and folded his arms before warning, "Derek."

Derek's chest rumbled with laughter, "I'm sorry, Spence. What was it you wanted to say?"

Spencer mumbled out, "It would be… well, it would be nice if you would… maybe one day… we—uh… I could be your boyfriend, if you want… I mean, only if you want! No big deal! You know what, just forget I said it. It's stupid. I mean, I didn't plan to say anything about the current state of our relationship anyway. Forget it. Forget it all! Shit, I can't stop talking. Sorry, I just—gah!" Spencer hid his face into Derek's chest in embarrassment, "I'm such a geek. I'll shut up now."

There was a silence as Derek paused to take apart the jumbled sentences Spencer just threw at him and decode it. Derek took a breath, "… uh. Yeah. That's fine."

"What's fine? Me shutting up?" Spencer asked.

"No… the whole part about you being my boyfriend. I think that's pretty… cool," Derek nodded, "Not geeky at all."

Spencer bit his lip and looked up at Derek, "Really?"

"Yeah!" Derek tried to hide his smile and found himself grinning from ear to ear, "My mom's gonna kick my ass six ways from Sunday when she finds out."

Spencer asked quietly, "Because I'm a guy, right?"

"Hell yeah. There are no gay black men in Chicago," Derek said, his jaw clenching, "Not any living ones anyway. To be honest, chances are really high that… my mom will be disappointed that she, uh… she raised someone like me."

Spencer raised his eyebrows, "What do you mean by that?"

"You know… gay," Derek said steadily.

Spencer cried out, "You graduated in the top fifteen percent of your class with a master's degree. You're such a good football player that it paid for all of it! You put your life on the line every day to save other people. You're a fucking hero! How can she be disappointed in you? So what if you like guys, how does that change the fact that your mom should be the proudest woman on the planet?"

Derek growled, "Because she's just not, okay? You should see how she acted when news got out about one of my cousins moving to DC so he could marry another man. She was beyond disgusted. I wonder what she'll say when I tell her I'm the same way."

"So, your mom's homophobic?" Spencer asked worriedly.

Derek's muscles contracted, "Yeah. _A little_."

"You mean a lot…"

Derek grimaced, "Yeah, I mean a lot—you know what? I don't want to talk about it. I'm not going to talk about it. Let's chat about something else."

Spencer raised an eyebrow, "Um… okay. What?"

Derek shrugged, "The case?"

"Okay. Yeah… we all know Harrison did it. It's obvious. He's going to his sister's house for their Tuesday lunches. We're going to cuff him. We're going to hand him over to the PD. Then we're going home, and guess what? When we get there, you're still going to be gay."

Derek sighed, "Spencer, don't be like that."

"Don't be like what?" Spencer asked, "You're a grown man, you can make your own decisions. Including who you date. Your mom stopped dictating your life the second you got a lease."

"I just want her to be proud of me," he replied quietly.

Spencer bit his lip and shrugged, "If it makes you feel better, she already is."

"Yeah, I just can't wait for all of that to go away," he said, feigning enthusiasm.

"It won't, Derek. She loves you."

Derek hissed, "She loves the idea of me. Derek, her perfect, straight, FBI agent son. He saves lives, and one day he'll give her grandchildren. I mean, damn. I'm an unmarried man in my fourties, when will she give up the rose colored glasses and realize what the hell is going on? Even if I was straight, by the time my kids graduated high school, I'd be sixty and she'd be in a nursing home! Why can't she realize that I've been putting off introducing her to anyone I've dated because I've never dated anyone she'd approve of? I've haven't even had the experience of being with anyone I wanted to marry, or have kids with, or even _liked._ Why else would it take me this long to get married? Why hasn't she figured it out?"

Spencer sighed, "It's not her fault that you haven't come out to her."

"Well, she should know and I don't want to tell her!" Derek growled.

Spencer moved his hand down Derek's arm to lace his fingers through Derek's much larger ones before he replied, "It's going to be hard. I know. But… one day, it won't be. There will be you, and me, and… if it all pans out, we'll be in love. How bad does that sound?"

Derek paused with a faint smile, "I could be okay with that."

Spencer blushed and nodded, "So… are we like… 'together' now?"

"…I guess so."

"It's that simple?" Spencer asked.

"I now pronounce us boyfriend and boyfriend," Derek shrugged, "It doesn't get any more official than that."

Spencer raised an eyebrow, "… now what?"

He ran a hand down the side of Spencer's face, hand catching on the nightly roughness of his chin. He took in everything from the messy caramel hair down to the plump pink lips. Spencer could tell that he was being looked at, and for once, it didn't bother him. Nothing bothered him when Derek was around. Nothing at all. In his eyes, Derek told Spencer he was beautiful, and for the first time… he believed it.

Derek replied with a smirk, "I could put my tongue back in your mouth."

"Get out," Spencer sighed, "Leave."

* * *

"FBI!" Derek kicked the door of Harrison's house open and burst in, Spencer, JJ, Prentiss, Hotch, and Rossi on his tail as he shouted. They quickly went through the house to find the killer. Prentiss and JJ ran upstairs, Hotch and Rossi checked the ground floor, and Derek and Spencer flew to the basement. Guns ready and out, the two scaled the floor. Nothing was visible that would show any signs of murder, or at this point, even Harrison. It was just a normal looking basement with boxes and bags and dust. After kicking over a few boxes, Derek called out to Spencer, "It seems to be all clear down here. Are you staying sexy over there, baby boy?"

"Ten-four on that, Der," Spencer found himself smirking and took one last surveying look before saying back, "God, I hope he isn't upstairs."

Derek shrugged and made his way over to Spencer before something scrambled out of a box and came up behind Spencer. Before Spencer knew it, a strong hand was pulling his head back by his hair and there was a long, blade to his neck. Rendered speechless for a few seconds, he heard Derek say steadily, "Harrison? Lawrence Harrison?"

The voice slimy, seething sounding voice behind him scoffed, "What's it to you?"

"Agent Derek Morgan, FBI," Derek said, gun still held forward, "Drop the weapon."

The voice chortled lowly, "I'm not dropping anything with you two fags in the room. My ass is still a virgin, and I want to keep it that way."

"Drop the weapon, Harrison," Derek repeated, voice still steady and gun still pointed.

"Oh, please," Harrison chuckled and pushed the blade closer to Spencer's skin, "So, _this_ your little 'baby boy' slut right here? Huh? I can see it, I really can. It probably didn't take much to get him to bend over, did it? He looks easy."

Spencer looked Derek in his eyes and nodded slowly, mouthing the words 'it's going to be okay.'

"This isn't about him or me, Harrison, this is about you. If you don't drop your weapon and step away from him, I will be obligated to shoot. Now you can put it down and come with me, or we could do this all day. There are four more agents in the house and half of the police station outside. You're not going anywhere." Derek replied calmly.

Harrison began to laugh harder, "Ooh, I struck a nerve, huh? You don't like me talking about your little boy toy?"

Spencer mouthed, 'it's going to be fine'.

Harrison yanked some more hair, "The fuck up, you little slut!"

"Drop the weapon." Derek thundered.

"Like fuck I will," Harrison laughed, "Jesus Christ. I should just off this little fairy on principal alone, I mean, come on. I wouldn't even need the blade," he taunted, running his finger across Spencer's jugular, "I could probably snap this like a toothpick. Hell, consider it penance for all of the sodomizing shit you've done. I hope you like Hell, kid. Bring some shorts, I hear it's hot!"

Derek asked again, "Lawrence, drop. Your. Weapon."

Harrison shook his head behind Spencer, snickering as he jumped when he grabbed hold of his rear, "Ooh, this is a nice one you've got here. I'm sure it feels better inside…"

"Shut the fuck up!" Derek blew a shot off of his gun right beside Harrison's head, "And drop your fucking weapon before I shoot you in the head and take it out of your cold, dead fucking hands!"

"Somebody's mad," Harrison snickered, "You do know that the ceiling's hard cement, right? There's no way you're sending off a little message to your GI Joe buddies."

Derek growled, "Drop it."

"No."

"Drop it."

"I don't think so."

"Drop it, or so help me God, I will…"

"What?" Harrison laughed, "You'll play Madonna until my ears bleed? I don't think you understand, faggot. I'm not scared of you. I mean, I was when you burst in here like the fucking Gestapo, but after a few moments, I realized that all you were… was a homo with a gun—"

Derek popped off another shot.

Harrison snickered, "Oh, I'm sorry. A homo with a _loaded_ gun," he said before dragging the knife into Spencer's neck. It only took a moment before the sound of a gun shot rang out and Harrison was dead on the floor behind him. Harrison had barely gotten an inch of a swipe against his skin before Derek had killed him. Derek dropped his gun and strode up to Spencer, pulling him into an embrace. Spencer wrapped his arms around Derek as well, embracing him with all he had. He knew exactly what Derek was thinking mainly because he was thinking it too. A second more and that would be the last he would ever see of his mother, his team, and most importantly right now, Derek. They were so close to losing each other that they couldn't bear to be apart.

Someone cleared his throat and Rossi stood there, Hotch close behind. Rossi joked, "You two lovebirds okay?"

Spencer and Derek pushed apart quickly, blushing and looking away as Derek said simply, "Before _anyone_ says _anything_… bro hugs are allowed in near death situations."

"He's right." Rossi shrugged to Hotch and asked, "So, Harrison? He's…"

"Dead. Harrison tried to kill Reid, and almost succeeded. If I was a moment late, he… he wouldn't be here." Derek said, voice wavering as he tried to keep it steady.

Hotch nodded to him sternly from across the room, "You did what was right, Morgan. I'll go talk to the chief of police and orderlies. In a couple minutes, we'll get you two to the paramedics."

"But, it's barely a cut," Spencer complained.

"A cut that needs to be recorded by a police official. If not, there's no proof that Morgan hadn't shot him in cold blood. Come on, Reid. You know this," Hotch replied placidly before leaving the room.

Rossi stayed and pushed his hands in his pockets nonchalantly, "So… what was he like?"

Derek asked, "Who, Harrison?"

"Yeah."

Derek sighed, "A dick."

Rossi gave him a look of sympathy, "If it makes you feel better, Hotch and I were halfway down the stairs when he was giving the end part of his little spiel. Sorry about all that, but… you were right to shoot. You saved a life. A very important one, at that."

"I'm just sorry you had to hear all that," Derek grimaced, rubbing his forehead with his fingers and sighing, "Speaking of… how much did you hear?"

"Enough," Rossi replied.

Spencer held up his palms, "Look, I know what he said was—"

Rossi shook his head, "No need. We know he was just trying to get to you. Since Reid was all he saw, Reid was what he used. Guys like him are really just people who feed off of other people's emotions. Reid's practically your best friend. Being accused of something like that must have been hard for you. Trust me, if it were me and Hotch down there, he would have said the same thing."

Spencer smiled weakly, "Probably. At least we know the real reason behind why he was going after those girls."

"We do?" Rossi asked.

Spencer shrugged, "He's a sexual pessimist with homicidal tendencies."

Rossi raised an eyebrow, "But he didn't…"

"He didn't rape the girls. But, then again, he didn't have to. He must have failed them surreptitiously so that they approached him, and since they all seemed to be good students, he knew they'd be uncomfortable talking to him in a room full of witnesses. He must have poked and prodded at the girls weeks before killing them."

Rossi folded his arms, "And how did you come to this conclusion?"

Spencer replied, "He seems to have a fixation on sexual situations and scenarios. He sexualized me every time he spoke, trying to get the same rise out of Morgan that he feels in himself when he's turned down or angered by the opposite sex. Furthermore, he may have wanted to pass on his sadism to another person, especially a person of such magnitude who stands for everything he is against."

Rossi paused, "… why aren't you a lawyer?"

"When you find out, tell my mom," Spencer shrugged.

"Will do," Rossi chuckled, turning to walk up the stairs, "I've had enough of this joint. I'm leaving. See you two soon."

As soon as Derek heard the door close, he held Spencer to his chest again and kissed his forehead before whispering, "I don't know what I'd do if I let him kill you."

Spencer held tight to Derek, "It's fine. You did what you had to do."

"I know, I just hate doing it," Derek revealed, "Killing people… it's not why I joined the Bureau."

"But you saved a classroom full of girls. And me," Spencer replied, pulling back to look at him and winking, "You're my hero."

Derek chuckled and ran his hands up and down Spencer's back, "Aww, shucks."

"Get over here," Spencer laughed, pulling Derek in for a kiss by the edges of his vest.

* * *

_Spencer was sitting at the edge of the ocean, looking out at the sea. He was so close to the water, that he could feel the spray of the salt against his skin and the froth of the waves on his toes. Derek's arms were around him, and Spencer looked up. He opened his mouth to say something and Derek pressed a finger against his lips to quiet him before looking back at the sea and holding him closer. A smile was present on his lips. This is what it feels like to be happy._

"Hey, wake up, Reid," Derek's voice rang out beside him.

Spencer opened his eyes lazily and yawned, "The plane land?"

"No," Derek remarked, rolling his eyes, "But you're cuddling the shit out of my arm."

Suddenly aware of his surroundings (and the persons occupying his surroundings), Spencer shoved himself away from Derek as if he were on fire and scooted to the other end of the couch, "Eww, eww, eww."

The plane broke out in laughter. When everyone's head was turned, Spencer looked Derek up and down, sending a wink his way. Derek raised his eyebrows and pointed at himself, mouthing to him, 'me?' Spencer nodded.

Prentiss called out, "Why'd you stop? It was so cute!"

Derek and Spencer looked at her in disbelief and said simultaneously, "_Eww_."

Rossi grinned, "The way the UnSub was talking to them, I don't think they'll be comfortable touching for the next few months."

JJ frowned, "That bad?"

Spencer lowered his voice and shook his head, "You have no idea. He gave us all kinds of sexual imagery."

"Enough," Hotch replied, raising his hand to quiet his team, "He provided sufficient amounts of that, thank you. You can talk about it as much as you want on your down time; just keep it out of places I can't escape like the _plane_."

"Sorry, Hotch." Spencer laughed, "We'll try to keep it to a minimum."

Derek joked in a stage whisper, "Damn, it's sexy when you apologize."

The team began to laugh again, excluding Hotch who was shaking his head disapprovingly. Derek snickered, "Oh, Hotch. You seem so proud."

"Of course, my team is laughing about the ramblings of a violent UnSub," Hotch murmured, "Of course."

Prentiss replied, "Don't look too disappointed. Hey, we can all get drinks at my place after to celebrate another case closed."

JJ grinned and raised a hand in agreement, "I'm in. How about you, Rossi?"

"Not this time," Rossi sighed, "For now, I just want to go to sleep."

Hotch nodded, "I second that."

"Fine," JJ replied, "We'll send pictures, so you can see how much fun we're going to have."

Hotch waved his hand irreverently, "Go nuts."

Prentiss grinned, "We will. Tonight, me and JJ are getting Reid drunk."

Spencer's face fell and he asked, "Why me?"

"Because we've seen everybody on this plane get completely wasted, but we haven't seen it happen to you," JJ replied.

"But, it's fairly dangerous ingesting enough alcohol to offset the natural workings of your brain," Spencer groaned.

Prentiss shrugged, "So?"

"There are all kinds of blood, liver, and heart disorders that can come from moments of heavy intoxication," Spencer mumbled.

JJ scoffed, "So?"

He tried weakly, "I don't wanna."

Prentiss and JJ laughed, "So?"

"This," Morgan chuckled, "I need to see."

* * *

**A/N: Just a heads up for the next chapter, a portion of it is going to be in Morgan's POV for three reasons. 1) Reid's going to get drunk. 2) I've never been drunk before (when I wrote this), so I can't properly personify him. 3) Fact: Drunk people can be some of the most fun people to hang out with ****_ever_****, especially when they're usually cool and collected while sober.**

**-Le Bleu**


	12. Liquid Confidence

The Essentials of Sociology

Chapter Twelve: Liquid Confidence

* * *

**A/N: Here it is. Drunk!Reid. I love it, I love it, I love it. **

**-Bumbleblue**

**P.S. Oh, yeah and I changed the rating because bow-chicka-wow-wow (nothing too racy, but it does cross the "T" line).**

* * *

"Chug, chug, chug, chug! Woo!" JJ, and Garcia cried out as Reid downed a cup full of beer. When he finished, he slammed down the cup and breathed heavily, wincing. Derek stood beside Spencer's chair with a smirk, sipping out of a water bottle and watching. He'd said earlier that all be damned if he missed this.

Spencer belched and held up his palms, giggling, "Sorry."

Prentiss strolled into the living room from the kitchen with a glass of Sherry and asked, "How many is that now?"

"_Four_ cups of beer, three glasses of red stuff, and two… no, four shots of somethin' called 'Blueberry Vodka' which tasted like fuckin... piss and gasoline," Spencer slurred, shrugging, "And I'm still not drunk."

Garcia chuckled to Prentiss as she joined the group and sat down on the couch in between the two girls, "He's totally drunk."

"If I was drunk, could I do this?" Spencer said, standing easily and folding his arms. Not hearing Derek's slow warning of 'Spencer… Spencer, _Spencer_!' as he began to tip to the side, he caught himself, bracing a hand on the chair, "I'm fine! Totally wasted, but I'm fine!"

JJ laughed, sipping a soda, "Yeah, wasted enough not to know that we replaced that last beer with a Sex on the Beach."

Derek raised his eyebrow, "What in God's name is a 'Sex on the Beach'."

Prentiss replied, "The girliest drink known to man."

"Fucking sounds it," Derek chuckled over a sip of water.

Spencer sat back down on the chair and mumbled to what seemed like the wall, "Sure tasted like sex on the beach."

JJ leaned across Prentiss to tell Spencer, "Too much information, Reid."

Spencer paused, taking in her words and began to giggle again, "Hehehehe… _sex_… hehehehehe..."

Garcia shook her head, "Why didn't we think to get this on video?"

"Get me on video? I am _not_ thaaaaaaat drunk!" Spencer said at full volume, pointing at Garcia, "…can you hear me? I think I'm a lil bit loud!"

Garcia blinked hard at the shock and nodded, "Just a tad."

"Wait, wha' you say abou' your tits?" Spencer asked, face full of pure confusion.

Derek ruffled Spencer's hair, "And that means it's time to go. Right, Dr. Reid?"

"Fuck no, I'm havin tha time ah m'life, man." Spencer slurred, folding his arms like an indignant child would to his mother. Then he paused and rocked back on his heels before giving a funny face and slamming a hand over his mouth. Derek took a step back and Spencer pulled his hand away from his own mouth, giggling with a snort, "False alarm."

Derek shrugged, "Alright. Just know that everything you say here can and will be used against you when we get back to work."

Spencer bit his lip and stared up at Derek, "You mirandizin' me?"

Derek paused, "Uh… what?"

"Are you readin' me mah rights?" Spencer asked coyly, running a finger down Derek's chest, "So you can handcuff me... lock me up... and throw away the key?"

The girls were all giving various reactions, all trying as hard as they could not to burst out laughing. JJ's mouth was open in shock, the hand on her cup gripping tightly. Prentiss had her hand over her mouth and her eyes were drawn wide. Garcia had her phone out pointed toward the two. She was obviously taping this. Garcia nodded, "Just go with it, this is perfect!"

Derek growled toward her and pulled Spencer's hand off of his chest, "I am not nearly drunk enough to 'go with it', and even if I was there is no way I'd let you video tape it!"

Spencer sighed impatiently, "Arrest me, Derek!"

"I'm not arresting you," Derek replied monotonously.

Spencer looked up at Derek through his eyelashes and poked out a lip, "Wha' if I say please?"

Derek rolled his eyes, "Ha ha, funny. Okay? Joke's over. I'm not doing it. Garcia, turn the camera off."

Garcia snickered, "Not on your life."

Spencer stood and strode up to Derek, leaning over to whisper in his ear so quietly it was almost inaudible, "Would you arrest me if I handcuff'd myself to your bed and put your gun in mah mouth...?"

Derek jammed his hand in between them to shove Spencer away from him.

He stumbled back and gave Derek a sultry look, putting his own thumb into his mouth and slowly letting it slide out. Spencer wanted to give him every second to see, slipping his lips around the digit as he pulled it out. The girls squealed behind them and laughed maniacally. God, Garcia had an iron grip on that camera and they were going to reap what they sewed Monday morning.

Derek grimaced, "Come on, Reid. Seriously. Stop."

Spencer chuckled, gaining his bearings after closing the space between them with a couple of paces, "Just so you know, I'm profiling the shit out of you right now," he ran his hand down Derek's chest and whispered loudly, "And you want me so much that I almost feel bad about it."

"You know what, fuck you, man!" Derek hissed, shaking his head and storming off toward the door, leaving Spencer standing in the middle of the room.

Garcia called him back and waved her arms, "Wait! Chocolate Thunder, come back!"

Derek turned as he reached the door, "Why? You obviously want to videotape Reid violating me, and I don't see the joy in that."

Garcia held up her free hands, "Camera's off!"

"And I'll keep it in my purse!" JJ offered, grabbing the phone out of Garcia's lap.

Derek glanced over at Reid, whom was laughing at a lampshade and rolled his eyes, walking back into the room after making everyone promise to tell no one what just happened. Spencer and Derek's relationship was mere moments away from being exposed. If he had given in to the heat of Spencer's chest pressing against his, or the grip of Spencer's hand on his waist, or the huskiness of Spencer's naughty whisper in his ear, they would have been done for. The girls of the BAU are quite good at keeping secrets, but when something's against policy, it's against policy: including the fact that Spencer and Derek are now dating.

* * *

The rest of the night went by quicker. After an hour of Spencer's giddy antics like engaging Prentiss's cat in a staring competition, trying to eat his own tie, and giggling like a school girl at literally everything, it was finally time to take him home. Derek was the designated driver, so he had piled Garcia, JJ, and Spencer into his car around one o'clock and headed to JJ's. After delivering a rather tipsy JJ to her husband and son, he drove a couple blocks down the street to give Garcia to an open armed Kevin. Then, it was just the two of them.

Spencer began humming the theme song to Doctor Who off key and drumming his fingers on the dashboard as Derek drove, snickering at random intervals at the color of his shoes. Derek arrived at Spencer's apartment twenty minutes later, and shut off the car after parking, "Come on, Pretty Boy. Let's get you into bed."

"Ooh," Spencer purred, "I like the sound of that."

Derek walked around the car and stuffed his keys in his pocket, opening Spencer's for him only to be leapt on and dragged against a tree. For a moment, Derek's arms flailed as he tried to get the shockingly heavy man off of him before Spencer grabbed Derek's face and kissed him sloppily on the lips, moaning loudly. Derek peeled Spencer's face from his awkwardly and cleared his throat, "I can't say I saw that coming."

Spencer whined and stomped his feet, "Don't you want me, Derek?"

"I swear that I want you, but, I can't right now. Not with you being… you know?" Derek tried to explain, reaching around Spencer to close his car door, "Now we have to get you undressed and in bed. Can you do that for me, Spence?"

Spencer looked back at him with wine clouded eyes, resting a hand on Derek's right pectoral, "Can I do it? Derek, if you were a rate of change, my exponential growth would be exceptional. If… you know what I mean."

Derek asked confusedly, "…what?"

Spencer announced aloud to the world, "I have an erection!"

Derek shook his head, "Alright, that's it. Give me your keys."

"Are we gonna fuck?"

"Spencer, give me your keys," Derek sighed.

Spencer asked, "Is that a yes?"

"Sure. Why not?" Derek lied, grabbing at the keys and bending at the knees to scoop Spencer up bridal style, "Upsy daisy."

Derek walked the two to the door, unlocked it and began the search for Spencer's room. The first was a living room which was attached to the kitchen area. Then a hallway. Derek shrugged and took the hallway and found several open doors, after peeking into a bathroom and a linen closet, he found it and tossed a mumbling Spencer onto the bed. He walked over to Spencer's dressers and looked for a pair of night clothes, smirking when he found a pair of ducky pajama bottoms and a tee shirt with Darth Vader on it. Derek grabbed them and tossed them beside Spencer, walking over to the bed and taking a seat, "Take your shirt off."

Spencer did so sloppily with a grin, pulling at the buttons and sliding the shirt down his shoulder, "I've always wanted to fuck you."

Derek paused, "...what?"

Spencer nodded quickly, "I've been sickeningly in love with you since... jeez, I think it was Denver. Yeah, it was. Remember when we had all that paper work and I asked you how dangerous it would be to have sex with a devil worshiper?"

"...yeah."

Spencer sighed, "I ended up thinking about having sex with you..."

Derek breathed quietly, mesmerized, "What?"

Spencer ran his hands down Derek's chest, "I'm still thinking about it. I can't get you out of my head. I can't get sex out of my head. I can't stop wondering how good it would feel to fuck you. It's the only thing on my mind."

"You're drunk." Derek pulled the tee shirt over Spencer's head and pushed his arms through the appropriate holes, adjusting it so that it lay right before ordering Spencer to take his pants off as well so that he can force him into the embarrassing ducky pants. Spencer refused, "Do it for me."

Derek rolled his eyes, "Spencer, you're a grown ass man. Do it yourself."

Spencer keened with a pout, "Please..."

"Jesus Christ," Derek sighed and eased off the bed and onto his knees between Spencer's legs to that he could attack the belt and tug the pants down in one quick swoop. As he did, Spencer let out a breathy groan when they passed his hips. Wow, Spencer really _was_ hard. Derek licked his dry lips wet and forced himself to stay on task. _Spencer's drunk, I will not take advantage, _was the loud mantra going through his head as he cast aside the slacks and pulled the ducky pants over to him, putting Spencer's feet into them. "Derek," Spencer grabbed Derek's wrist, "C'mere…" He pulled it slowly up his soft, warm thigh and placed Derek's hand onto his thin clothed crotch, his wrist locked in his loose grip. Derek panicked. Spencer rubbed against his frozen hand and his head fell back softly, exposing that creamy, alabaster throat, "Mmm…" He let out a heavy breath as Spencer moaned loudly. Derek pressed his hand harder and Spencer ground deeper and faster.

He lost it. Derek couldn't hold back anymore. He tried so hard to contain himself, but he was at his limit. Derek knocked Spencer's hand out of the way and lifted him onto the bed. Before Spencer could react to the sudden change, Derek was on top of him, sealing their mouths together in a passionate kiss. Spencer nodded and groaned into Derek's mouth as he plunged his fist into Spencer's boxers, tugging and pulling and grasping until Spencer let out those soft whimpers that drive him up the wall. The sharp banging of the headboard on the wall rocked with the force with which he was stroking Spencer only turned him on more. Spencer ran his hands up and down Derek's body and gave enthusiastic replies as Derek pumped him, breathing out a mantra of swear words and 'Derek'. He looked down at his wrecked boyfriend worshipfully, who lay splayed out in underneath him so goddamned willing, and almost toppled over the edge. Spencer mewled softly as he slid his hands sloppily into Derek's pants, causing the latter to groan loudly.

Suddenly, there was another haste, loud banging noise and an angry sounding "shut up!" that sounded like it was coming from above them.

They were disturbing his neighbors. Yes. Oh, God, yes. Spencer's begs, and thrusts, and groans were picking up speed as they gratified each other until they both collided into one final intake of breath. This was better than all his previous sexual encounters combined ever were. This was beautiful. This was magical. This was fucking badass. Twenty seven seconds later, Spencer fell asleep.

* * *

Spencer woke up in his bed, his head on fire after a dreamless sleep. The sheets were all neat and straight with a second quilt on top of him that he didn't remember placing there. It was very warm, and extremely inviting. He rather wanted to stay there forever. Curling up into a little ball underneath the crisp sheets, Spencer glanced at the bedside clock despite his protesting temples. 9:47 am. What a wonderful day to _not_ have work. His eyes traveled around the room which was just as immaculate as he left it the day of his and Derek's not-date except for one thing. There it was, staring at him from the bookshelf, lying on top of his stout, organized ledges. The Essentials of Sociology. What the fuck? Where did this book keep coming from? No matter what, it wouldn't leave him be. It's almost taunting him.

Suddenly, there was a soft knock at his door. Spencer instinctually brought his sheets up to his chin and scrambled around in his bedside drawer for his revolver, pointing it at the door, "Come on in…"

The door swung open and Spencer cocked the gun.

"I brought over some coffee and pain pills for that headache you should have right about—whoa, man don't wave that thing around!" Derek yelped, hiding behind the doorframe until Spencer lowered the weapon.

Spencer breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of Derek, but then raised an eyebrow, "How did you get in my house?"

"When I dropped you off last night, I stayed over to make sure you didn't choke on your own vomit and die," Derek replied flatly.

"You dropped me off last night?" Spencer asked, eyeing the coffee as Derek walked back into the room, leaning on the wall beside his bed.

Derek nodded, "Yeah? You don't remember?"

Spencer shook his head and reached his hands out toward the cup in Derek's hands. Derek pulled his hand back so that Spencer couldn't reach it as he replied, "Wait, you don't recall me dropping you off?"

"No, I don't, and it's quite disorienting since I'm used to remembering every waking moment of every fucking thing. I think I rather like it, actually," Spencer replied with a pout as his head waved with pain due to the sudden movement, "Now, give me coffee."

Derek shook his head, "Whoa, kid, no. Not until you tell me what you remember from last night. When you do, then you can get your liquid fuel."

Spencer sighed with exasperation, "I was chugging beer that was actually a Sex on the Beach, and the girls and you laughed at me. Then you were mirandizing me—which was really hot, by the way—and then I made some joke about you locking me up, and Garcia filmed it and you got mad. Then, we talked about our plans for the free weekend we have, and groaned about the paperwork we have to do on Monday, but I was laughing at a lampshade and then things got blurry and dark and I woke up here."

Derek paused, "Well, shit."

"Can I have my coffee now?"

Derek rolled his eyes and passed Spencer one of two cups which he greedily gulped down before pushing it across the table and making a face, "What the hell is that? Prison gruel?"

Lifting the cup and taking a sip, Derek made a comforted smile, "Oops, that's mine."

Spencer growled and leaned over to snatch the other cup out of Derek's hand, taking a generous sip and moaning, "Yes. This. All of this."

Derek suddenly looked nervous and Spencer raised an eyebrow, asking his boyfriend, "What?"

"I… I, uh… nothing. I'm gonna go get breakfast. You want anything?"

Spencer shrugged casually, "Get me a vanilla parfait, and I'll suck your dick when you get back."

Derek sputtered, "Wh… what?"

Spencer began to laugh and set his cup down, "Derek, messing with you is sometimes too much to resist."

Derek grimaced, heading toward the door, "Just for that, you're getting cold cereal."

"Make it Cap'n Crunch!" Spencer chuckled as Derek closed the door behind him.

* * *

By the time Derek returned, he was shaking Spencer awake around ten thirty. Spencer groaned and sat up, his headache partially soothed by rest and medication. Derek stood beside him and handed Spencer a paper bag. Spencer took it, raising an eyebrow, "Please tell me this is a parfait."

"Nope," Derek shrugged, a separate bag in his left hand, "It's a breakfast sandwich, extra grease. Eat up, kiddo."

Spencer glared, "Why are you trying to fatten me up?"

"I'm not, honest. Truth be told, the whole McDonalds order was a joke and greasy breakfasts are best for hangovers."

"…really?"

Derek said with a smirk, "You think I haven't had enough hangovers to prove that theory? I do science too, Nerd Boy."

Spencer let out a laugh and unwrapped the sandwich, taking a large bite, "Mmm. Damn, this is greasy. What's in it?"

Derek shrugged, "Eggs, cheese, bacon, and sausage."

"I'm not sure how I feel about eating this _protein_ overload. You trying to tell me something?" Spencer replied, patting the space on the bed beside him and looking up at Derek, "Join me?"

Derek shuffled his feet, "Well, you know, I don't want to entrude…"

"Please."

"Okay…" Derek replied quietly, watching as Reid lifted the covers and slid under them cautiously, "You know I'm in street clothes, and—"

Spencer took another bite and leaned his head on Derek's shoulder as he chewed thoughfully and swallowed, "This isn't half bad, but I should stay away from dairy for the rest of the day. Did you know that if you ingest too much dairy and protein, your body stores some of the extra vitamins in your furthest extremity to save for later use? So, you can tell if someone has a calcium overload if they have white spots on their fingernails and toe nails. Isn't that neat?"

Derek smiled and opened his bag slowly as he digested the information, "That's actually pretty cool. Explains a hell of a lot why I have those then. Better cut back."

"You don't necessarily need to cut back. It's just there to be your back up plan, so just in case you spend a day without the vitamins found in protein and dairy products, you've saved a little extra to keep your body at a normal equilibrium," Spencer said around a bite, "They're actually called calcium deposits and lots of Americans between the ages of 25-45 have them. It's pretty common and should do no damage do your immediate health."

Derek nodded and unwrapped a funnel cake, breaking off a piece and taking a bite, "Good thing I got this unhealthy snack for breakfast. I'm gonna need all the protein I can get."

Spencer snickered, "Get that on my bed and I'll kill you."

Derek chuckled at that notion, "Oh, yeah? I'd like to see you try."

Shrugging, Spencer smirked, "I don't mean to brag, but I am quite exceptional at origami."

"Chinese paper folding?" Derek asked.

Spencer grimaced, "Shit, I was praying you wouldn't know what that was."

Derek began to laugh and broke off another strip of cake, stuffing it into Spencer's mouth, "I know a lot of things you don't."

"Name one," Spencer scoffed, holding his hand up to his mouth to accommodate the large piece of funnel cake that Derek had shoved in.

Derek shrugged, "I know how to kick a door down."

"Oh, please. That's just because you're big." Spencer chuckled, "You run at it and it breaks. While, extremely arousing, it's no real mystery."

"Well, actually, anyone can do it. It's not my BMI that breaks it, it's proper aim. If you thrust something heavy enough and fast enough at the center of the door five inches from the knob, you can break the lock by force with minimal damage to the door," Derek replied, taking another bite of the cake before pausing and looking over to Spencer, "You think me kicking down doors is 'arousing'?"

Spencer mumbled around a bite of his sandwich, "If you thrust something heavy enough and fast enough into the center of _me_, you can break _my_ lock by force."

Derek paused, and let out a shocked laugh, "...what did you just say?"

Spencer blushed and looked away from him, "What I meant to say was, yeah, it's pretty arousing in a 'Me Tarzan, you Jane' sort of way."

"Okay, what?" Derek said through a chuckle.

Spencer folded his arms in embarrassment, "You don't _have_ to kick those doors down like that! Hotch could! Prentiss could! Or, hell, we could just pick the lock for all I care! Forced entry is forced entry! But, no, badass Derek Morgan has to plunder through the door like some sort of steamroller! When is that necessary?"

Derek rolled his eyes and took another bite of funnel cake, "When an unsub is killing someone. When an unsub is endangering the community. When an unsub is psychotic and unstable. You know, all the time."

"But, do you have to do it _like that_?"

Derek asked, "Like what?"

Spencer replied, his annoyed face crumbling into a smile, "I don't know, like you literally want to cast it into Mordor! Why all the showmanship?"

"What's Mordor?" Derek asked.

Spencer shook his head, clearly disappointed, "I'm just going to ignore that."

Derek snickered around a bit of cake, "I don't know about the doors, man, it usually just happens. But since it turns you on so much, I'm just going to keep doing it."

"Are you kidding me?" Spencer laughed, "You don't care at all for my well-being. Just wait until I get the most inappropriate boner on a case and it will be your entire fucking fault."

Derek smirked, "I hope so. And, speaking of boners, you said the strangest thing last night."

"How does that correlate with boners at all?"

"Oh, just wait until you hear this," Derek laughed and quoted, "You told me that if I was a rate of change, your 'exponential growth would be exceptional'."

Spencer paused mid-bite, "I didn't."

"And more. When I got you dressed, you had always wanted to have sex with me and apparently have been 'sickeningly in love' with me since-"

Spencer sighed, "Denver. I didn't say Denver."

Derek shrugged, "Yeah, you did."

Spencer replied with a grin, "Well, at least I got you to undress me. I must have some kind of game when I'm drunk that I don't have while sober."

"Can fucking say that twice," Derek replied, taking a sip from a bottle of orange juice.

Spencer laughed, "You like drunk me better, don't you?"

"Eat your breakfast," Derek chuckled, shaking his head.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry I'm two hours late, by the way. My mom called me out for a girls' morning, which turned into a girls' afternoon, which turned into a girls' night, which turned into a girls' when-the-fuck-am-I-getting-home. I would be mad if she wasn't one of the coolest bitches I know. I swear, we have too much fun together.**

**-Blueberry Vodka**


	13. Derek Morgan Must Die

The Essentials of Sociology

Chapter Thirteen: Derek Morgan Must Die

* * *

**A/N: I'm writing so much that it's getting a tad cray cray, so I decided to give y'all two chapters two days in a row. One Sunday afternoon, and one Monday afternoon.**

**-Kung Blue (get it, like kung fu? hahahahaa, okay, I'm gonna go die in a hole now)**

* * *

Ah, what a wonderful weekend. Spencer spent the entirety of it snuggled up in bed with Derek. Nothing was rushed, nothing was hastened. One spent the most of the time teasing the other, and it's a shock they hadn't had sex, but they didn't seem to really want to. They watched old movies, ate their weight in popcorn, and made out like teenagers during the commercials. At the end of Saturday, Derek kissed Spencer goodnight and headed home. He did the same on Sunday. There was a little linger in Sunday's goodbye gesture, and Spencer paused in the shower with a head full of shampoo Monday morning remembering it.

_Derek stood by Spencer's apartment door, holding him tightly in his arms. Spencer breathed him in and smiled, enveloped in the closeness with Derek, the man he's loved for years. He could feel Derek burying his nose into Spencer's hair, feeling the same thing… thinking the same thing. Spencer heard Derek whisper softly that he had to go. His dog was going to be upset with him when he got home, and probably thanked Derek for his absence by peeing on the living room rug. He whispered to Spencer for the seventh time that night that the stubbly weekend beard looked "downright erotic". After receiving a heatless glare and a "it's not even a beard, it's a lazy fuzz" from Spencer, he whispered that he might call before the night is up, just to hear his voice before he goes to sleep. Then, they kissed. Derek held his hand through all of it._

Spencer sighed and rinsed his short hair out under the current with a big smile on his face. He glanced down under the rain of warm water to see his morning friend up, awake, and demanding attention that he gleefully gave. There were few moments in his life has he thought of himself as lucky. This was one of them. Stepping out of the shower and shaving the (as Derek calls it) "sexy homeless man beard" off of his face, Spencer brushed his teeth. He glanced into the mirror after he spit and raised an eyebrow. Those dark circles were gone. So were most of the heavy bags. His cheeks were rosier, and smiles came easier. His eyebrows danced more often, and his expressionless face finally dropped from that clenched half smirk. He was actually glowing in a strange, healthy sort of way. Did he have sex recently? No. He couldn't have. Well, he just… let off a little morning steam in the shower, but… no! He didn't. Spencer was just... happy.

Taking a little more time to dress today, Spencer chose a black tie, a navy shirt, and a black sweater vest. According to Garcia, dark colors bring out his caramel features. Whatever that means. He ran his hands through his hair over and over again so that it looked bedded, but not really. Hopefully the tousled hair was enough to remind _Derek_ of sex, but no one else.

Mussing in the mirror again, Spencer stopped himself before he was going to be late and exited the door as a tall, slender boy of at least seventeen stood beside the door lit a cigarette. Spencer paid him no mind and pulled his keys out of his satchel, heading down the steps. The kid called out, "Hey. You."

Spencer turned and asked, "Me?"

"Yeah, you," the boy said with a smirk on his face, "Are you that guy on the third floor?"

Spencer shifted and replied, "One of a few, yes."

The kid let out a teasing grin, "3C?"

Spencer paused, "…that's the one."

The boy grinned and gave him a thumbs up, "Dude, good job tearing that ass up Friday night. Was she hot?"

"Was who hot?" Spencer asked with confusion on his face.

"You know, the girl that was crying for you! _Oh_, _Derek, Derek,_" the boy replied with a laugh, "She seemed a bit clingy, but that sex sounded totally worth it."

Spencer's eyebrow twitched as he breathed out, "Son. Of. A. Bitch."

The boy smirked, "I thought it was awesome, but my mom got uncool and yelled at you guys, I'm sorry. Said she was gonna call the cops, but no worries, I talked her out of it."

"Would have been pointless," Spencer sighed.

The boy asked, "How come?"

Spencer pointed to the small, golden badge that he was required to wear on his hip, "Me and… uh, _the girl_. We are the cops. Now, excuse me, I have to kill someone."

"Who?"

Spencer growled, "Derek."

* * *

Spencer marched out of the elevator and down the hall, looking no one in the eye as he stormed into the BAU door and into the bullpen. He heard Prentiss say with a chipper smile, "Morning, Reid. Don't you look nice today?" Spencer growled a reply at sat down at his desk to find a pile of paperwork. He grimaced at the files and snatched one open. Rossi walked by and gave him a casual greeting. Spencer hissed, "What's so good about this morning that everyone feels the need to comment on it?" Rossi and Prentiss gave him worried looks, but didn't ask. Smart agents. They knew not to poke a bear with a stick when it's angry. He furiously scratched out the file and waited. The minute Derek gets in here, _boy_, is Spencer going to tear him a new one! As he finished the file, he slammed it closed and noticed the smell of fresh coffee wafting above his desk as Derek stood over it, "Hey, Reid. They messed up my order at Starbucks and put too much sugar in it, so I thought that you could—" Spencer snatched the cup out of Derek's hands, tore open the lid, and tossed the hot contents into his face.

"Holy…" Rossi's voice trailed off as he watched the hot liquid splash over Derek.

Prentiss snickered, "I told you he was in a bad mood…"

Derek reeled back with a startled jump and flicked the coffee off from underneath his eyes, "Fuck, man, what was that?"

"_What was that_? I'll tell you what it was!" Spencer growled, "You are a cheap, lousy bastard! That's _what_!"

Derek took a step back, clearly confused, "Reid, what are you—"

"Don't you _Reid_ me! And don't even ask me what I'm talking about. You don't have the right to ask me about anything anymore. I trusted you," Spencer shook his head, standing and shoving his chair away from him, "I won't make that mistake again."

Derek's eyebrows grew contorted with confusion, "This would make a lot more sense if you told me what I did to make you _this_ pissed!"

Spencer pelted the empty cup at Derek's chest and stalked toward the break room, yelling, "If anyone follows me, I will personally end them."

Entering the room, he slammed the door shut and stalked over to the pantry closet, slamming the door of that before sitting angrily on the floor of it and curling up into a little ball. He couldn't believe Derek had done that to him. He trusted Derek to start an honest relationship with him. He trusted Derek to handle him with as much care as he does when he's sober. Most of all, he trusted Derek to drive him home and (at the very least) treat him with respect. They were friends above all else, and Spencer confided one of his utmost secrets with Derek: his virginity. So, when Spencer was drunk, loose, and forgetful, Derek took it from him. One of the most valuable, sacred… God. The saddest of all was the fact that he wanted Derek to have it anyway. He wanted to have that moment of sharing this gift with Derek. He wanted to _personally hand himself over_ to his boyfriend and first love. But Derek just took Spencer for his own when he was vulnerable and defenseless. Spencer could not feel more disgusted. Not only in Derek, but in himself. He wasn't there to give proper consent and put himself in a situation of weakness, for all he knew, he was raped. Spencer knows that Derek is not that kind of guy, especially since he was taken advantage of as a child, but dammit, there was a big blank space where Friday night was supposed to be. And somewhere in that big blank space, he'd had sex with Derek. According to that kid, it was awesome too. And he missed it.

There was a knocking sound on the door. It was soft and hesitant, female. She knocked twice instead of thrice which means it was either JJ or Garcia. Spencer guesses either one was okay for now. He reached up and opened the door to see Garcia leaning against the doorframe, hair up in pigtails and pink dress aglow. She asked with a knowing smile, "Trouble in paradise?"

Spencer crouched deeper into the pantry, his back squishing into a roll of paper towels, "What do you mean by that?"

"Oh, please. I know all about your little '_Romeo and Julius_' epic tale of forbidden love. What makes you think I don't?" Garcia scoffed.

Spencer's head snapped up, "You do?"

"Of course. You guys don't call me the All Seeing/All Knowing Goddess for no reason," Garcia giggled, "Plus, Morgan tells me everything."

Spencer fought a blush and glanced away from her, "By everything… do you mean _everything_?"

"Oh, yeah. Especially North Philadelphia," she giggled and wagged her finger deprecatingly with a wink, "Getting frisky on a case? Young Capulet, I thought you knew better."

"Come on! I don't even get to be Romeo?" Spencer argued.

Garcia chuckled, "The way Morgan described you between the sheets? Not a chance."

Spencer grimaced, "Here, I thought we were both the men in this relationship. I guess Derek doesn't seem to share that open knowledge."

Garcia clapped her hands and kneeled beside Spencer, "Ooh, so he's _Derek_ now?"

He replied hastily, "Not really, just on the weekends." Spencer could feel his ears going red and guiding Garcia as a beacon of light, shining down to how awkward this news made him. Why, oh, why did he cut his hair?

Garcia let out a grin, "I kind of noticed something was different between you and Morgan. Just a little, though, I mean the sexual tension between you two has always been thicker than the earth's crust itself, but it kind of dissipated over the weeks. Maybe because you've been…" she nudged Spencer's arm, "burning it off?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Spencer sighed.

She nodded, "Yeah, I know. Making you uncomfortable is half of the reason I came in here. The other half I heard through the grapevine. Prentiss says you threw coffee on my Chocolate God. Why is that?"

Spencer growled under his breath, "Because he's a dick."

"You knew that before you started dating him," Garcia scoffed, "What did he do this time? Did he cheat?"

Spencer sighed, "No."

Garcia raised an eyebrow, "Did he flirt with someone else?"

Spencer shook his head, "No."

Garcia asked, "Did he sleep with Olan Rodgers and leave two cents for the boatman?"

He groaned and leaned his head back onto the paper towel rolls, "What?"

"Christ, Reid, what did he do?" Garcia probed impatiently, "Prentiss said it looked like you wanted to kill him."

Spencer buried his face in his hands and whimpered, "We had sex."

"Holy smokes, Batman! Good for you!" she clapped with a large grin and wiggle of joy.

Spencer mumbled into his fingers, "Yeah, I know."

"And you don't have a permanent smile on your face because…" Garcia blinked and replied hastily, "Oh, my God. You used protection, right? Did that son of a bitch say 'it feels better without one', because that's complete and total bullshit."

"Honestly, I don't know," Spencer shrugged.

She patted his back, "Honey, how do you _not_ know? You had sex with Derek Fucking Morgan. Seems like a landmark event to me."

Spencer took a deep breath, "Well… we had sex Friday night."

Garcia paused, "Shit."

"And I blacked out at the party several hours before it happened."

She hissed, "Double shit."

Spencer replied, "I woke up the next day, he brought me breakfast in bed, and we spent the entire weekend together. I swear, it was right out of a Katherine Heigel movie. And he didn't say _anything_ about the fact that we had sex. I mean, he _knew_ that night was a blank spot for me. I told him the second I woke up, but he acted like it didn't even happen. I found out this morning when some kid told me he heard us, and it apparently sounded 'awesome'."

"Something doesn't add up," Garcia shook his head, "Morgan would do a lot of stuff, but that doesn't sound anything like him."

"Maybe the thought of finally doing it overtook him. I mean, I wasn't exactly putting out," Spencer sighed, openly crestfallen, "I've been making him wait, and maybe… we waited too long."

Garcia waved her palms in refute, "No way! It's only been like a week!"

"Two and a half weeks actually," Spencer sighed, "We're guys, Garcia. To us, that's like three months."

Garcia nodded, "Fine, two and a half weeks, three months, whatever. None of that should matter! If he likes you the way I know he does, he'd wait _years_ for you. Reid, he already has."

Spencer said timidly, "But… I looked into the mirror today, and I was glowing. I just felt so happy that I could almost feel the endorphins. Something told me that I must have done something to offset the coloring of my skin and the brightness of my eyes, and the kid outside just confirmed it. I'm almost positive we had sex that night."

"I hate to ask you this, but were you feeling achy Saturday?" Garcia asked plainly.

Spencer raised an eyebrow in confusion, "What do you mean?"

She gave him a look and her eyes traveled down his back suggestively, "You know what I mean."

Spencer yelped, "Do you mean, my…"

"Yeah!" Garcia chuckled.

"No!" he shrieked.

Garcia nodded and asked, "Was Morgan looking… pinched?"

"No."

"Were any parts of you oddly dry?"

"No."

"Oddly wet?"

"Garcia—"

"Answer me, Reid."

He blushed furiously, "No!"

"Was there a strange taste in your mouth?"

Spencer answered, clearly uncomfortable, "Other than old alcohol, no."

"Reid."

"Yes?"

Garcia sighed, bumping her palm against his forehead, "You didn't have sex with him."

Spencer rubbed his forehead and mumbled, "Ow."

"That thing you saw when you looked in the mirror, wasn't any scientific or biological phenomena at work," Garcia sighed, "You're in love. It does a lot for a person, and I highly recommend another strong dose of it."

Spencer paused and looked up, "Really?"

She rolled her eyes at him, "I can't believe you thought you fucked him. Dimwit."

Spencer growled, "I'm not _that_ dumb."

"Right about now you are," Garcia folded her arms, "Now go out there and apologize to him, young man. March."

Spencer whined and looked toward the break room door, "Do I have to?"

"So help me, Reid, I will ground you for a month," she said sternly.

* * *

Spencer walked casually out of the break room ten minutes later beside Garcia. The tension in the room was so thick, one could cut it with a knife. He could feel everyone looking at him like he was some kind of ticking time bomb, ready to flip out and pour more coffee on unsuspecting victims. Derek glanced up and offered a forgiving smile, he was wearing a spare tee shirt that he kept in his go bag, and his eyes looked dim with worry. Garcia left a pat on his upper back and pushed lightly toward Derek, whispering for him to, 'go'.

He aimed for his boyfriend's desk as everyone put their heads down and sat quietly, grabbing a file and beginning to work. Spencer leaned over the divider, whispering with an awkward smile, "…hey."

Derek looked up at him and flinched, "You're unarmed, right?"

"As far as you know," Spencer joked to try and lighten the mood.

Derek gave Spencer a worried look.

Spencer sighed and replied with a roll of his eyes, "I don't have a gun on me."

His boyfriend's shoulders seemed to deflate a little, "Okay… what do you want?"

"To say I'm sorry," Spencer replied, rocking back on his heels, "I was a real dick back there and Garcia promised hell to pay if I didn't apologize."

"I'm over it," Derek shrugged, "I just want to know what it was all about."

"Well…" Spencer replied, throwing a quick glance around to room to see every eavesdropping head in the bullpen hastily fall back to their desks, "I can't really say…"

Derek nodded with an understanding smirk, "Does it have to do with uh… Operation Cobra?"

Spencer raised his eyebrows, "Operation what? Is that from Once Upon a Time? Should I be concerned?"

"No," Derek leaned over and whispered under his breath, "You know, our _Covert Affairs_."

Spencer began to laugh, "If you use one more modern television reference I don't understand, I'm going to have to break—"

Derek gave Spencer a stern look.

"… your kneecaps. Like in the mob," Spencer covered quickly.

"Go back to your desk before you get us fired."

Spencer nodded and obeyed, "Okay. Yep. Sounds like a good idea."

A few moments later, a balled up piece of paper hit him on the top of the head. Glancing over his divider, Derek sat working diligently. Spencer picked up the paper and saw a little picture drawn.

('_ ')_I don't know what I did, but could you please forgive me?_

|/ \ | _I bought tickets for a criminology lecture this Tuesday._

_It would be awesome if they didn't go to waste._

_P.S. Ignore my shitty drawing._

_P.P.S. I swear I tried. It's just plain bad. Sorry._

_P.P.P.S. Is it so bad that you will agree to a pity date?_

_Always,_

_Derek_

Spencer suppressed a chuckle and looked around his divider again to see Derek looking over with a hopeful face. Spencer rolled his eyes and mouthed the word 'yes'. Grinning, Spencer grabbed a piece of paper out of the printer and scribbled out this…

O_o _Sounds like a fun time. Especially since I know how much you hate lectures. But, Derek, I should be the one apologizing. You see, for some strange reason, I thought that you and I had sex Friday night while I was blacked out. But, I talked to Garcia, and I know that you would never do anything like that to me. I'm sorry I dumped coffee on you._

_Very strongly like,_

_Spencer_

He balled it up and tossed it with as much aim as he could muster at Derek whom raised a hand and caught it before it was seen. Nervous, Spencer peeked around his divider and watched Derek read it. His facial expressions were very blank as he did, and Derek glanced his way before scratching something on the paper and tossing it his way. Spencer grabbed at it and ripped it open, eager to read what was inside.

_We need to talk._

_-derek _

Spencer looked up quickly and met Derek's eyes. He gave him a wary half smile, but his eyes looked almost crestfallen. What did they have to talk about? Was it sex? Did they do it? Was Derek upset with what happened? Was there something he was hiding about that night? Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. Things were loads less complicated before New Year's.

* * *

**A/N: The next chapter is coming up tomorrow because of reasons.**

**-Blue's Paw Print**


	14. Love, Sex, and the IRS

The Essentials of Sociology

Chapter Fourteen: Love, Sex, and the IRS

* * *

**A/N: Fun fact! Love, Sex, and the IRS is an actual play that my college put on two years ago. I found it fairly funny, but stayed out of the theatre department until last fall.**

**WARNING: The Avengers movie is mentioned, but not at all spoiled. Homophobia and racism makes a little debut. And, oh yeah. Bow-chicka-wow-wow.**

**-iBlue**

* * *

Spencer walked out of the bullpen, quietly clutching his bag as he said goodbye to Rossi. When he had read those dreaded words a few hours ago, he knew that he was in some kind of trouble. When does anything good ever follow 'We need to talk'? Spencer sighed and stared at the elevator for a moment before asking it to send him downward. As it beeped quietly, Spencer walked into the doors and turned to press a button only to stare into the panicked looking eyes of Derek who was pressed up beside the doors as if he didn't want to be found. Spencer raised an eyebrow, "Do I want to know?"

Derek pressed the closed door button and took a deep breath, "Thank God it's you."

"Okay..." Spencer shrugged, deciding to stay out of it, "Basement floor, please."

"Truth be told, I'm hiding from Prentiss and JJ. Emily had her scary determined face on which means she wants me to talk, and JJ kept holding up a sharp pair of scissors and pointing at my head," Derek pushed the basement button and walked over to stand beside his boyfriend, rocking back on his heels before saying stiflingly, "So… how's life?"

Spencer shrugged, "Don't beat around the bush, Derek, what did you want to talk about?"

Derek replied, "I'd rather save that for somewhere with stuff you can't throw at me. Like that man purse. If I know you correctly, it's heavier than it looks."

"First of all, it's not a man purse, it's a satchel. The manliest of men have carried them for years; Benjamin Franklin and Paul Revere to name a few. Secondly, why would I want to throw it at you?" Spencer asked with a worried expression, he turned to Derek pleadingly, "Wait. Oh, God. Are you breaking up with me? I mean, I understand if maybe we're taking this too slow and you want to go faster… or maybe we're taking this too fast and you want to go slower… but whatever it is you want, I'll do. I swear. And I'm so sorry for the coffee thing. I'll buy you more coffee, I just—"

"It's nothing you did, Spence," Derek smiled fondly back at Spencer, "And I don't want to break up with you or your purse."

Spencer paused, "… oh."

"We still need to talk though," Derek said, "And it would be really awesome if you didn't launch something at my face, because honestly, it does half of my job."

Spencer chuckled, "I'll leave your face be and settle for a swift kick in the balls. How's that?"

"Not the best alternative," Derek casually slipped his hand through Spencer's, "But beggars can't be choosers, can they?"

Spencer looked down at Derek's hand and squeezed it shyly, whispering, "I really think that this holding hands thing is cute, but we're still technically at work, and if you want to get us fired now instead of later…"

Derek pulled his hand from Spencer's quickly and put it into his pocket, "Oh, shit. You're right."

"Somebody's gotta be," Spencer shrugged, letting a moment pass before saying quietly, "I liked it though."

"How about… when we go to the _movies_ tonight… we could hold hands all night long?" Derek suggested simply.

Spencer gave Derek a look, "The movies? You want to go on a date? Now?"

"Why not?" Derek replied, "Our first date is long overdue. Plus, I want an excuse to grope you in public."

Spencer bit his lip with a large grin and replied, "How intense is this groping you speak of? Like… front of the theatre holding-hands-in-the-popcorn groping, middle of the theatre let's-see-if-we're-clever-enough-to-hide-it-from-the-public groping, or back of the theatre fuck-the-police-we-will-mentally-scar-your-children-if-we-have-to groping?"

Derek wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, "I was thinking we could start at the front and work our way back. And if the night goes well, you will be fucking the police."

"How can we do that all in one movie?" Spencer laughed at his boyfriend's crude joke.

Derek winked, "We won't. Three for the price of one."

Spencer hit Derek's arm playfully as the elevator doors opened, "That's so illegal!"

Derek stepped out of the sliding doors, "It's also the most fucking fun ever."

"No," Spencer chuckled, wandering off backwards toward the large garage opening which led to the bus stop he rides every night, eyes trained on Derek's.

Derek opened his arms out wide, "What are they going to do? Call the cops? We are the cops."

Spencer paused as those words sounded quite familiar. They were actually his from several hours earlier. Even though the kid he spoke to sounded like the least credible source he ask for, teenagers his age are enamored by the idea of sex since their bodies are going through all sorts of changes geared toward the same subject. They are overjoyed by the idea of other people doing what they want to do. It gives them a sort of relatability. Even though Garcia had assured him he hadn't had sex with Derek, there was still that kid who reassured him that not only did something brash go on in his apartment on Friday night, but it caused quite the commotion and it sounded a lot like what he had ruled out. He couldn't have been lying.

Before saying what he had to say, Spencer asked, "Can I have a ride? I have to go home and get something."

Derek grinned, "Yeah. Definitely."

As they walked toward the car, their hands bumped lightly together. Spencer tried to push down that little bubble of happiness at the feel of their touch while still keeping their hands from colliding too often for wandering eyes. He doesn't want to feel anything else until he knows the truth about Friday. Did they have sex, did they not have sex? Did Derek take advantage of him, or did he not? There was so much to talk about and discuss that he was almost at a loss. Yet, above it all, he was in love with Derek. Even though it made no quantifiable sense, it seemed to overrule everything. Strangely, abusive relationships were beginning to make more and more sense to him.

Spencer climbed into the large black truck and Derek hopped in on his side, starting up the car and pulling into the street. After a moment of comfortable silence, Spencer spoke, "What happened Friday night?"

Derek glanced over at him, "What do you mean?"

Spencer sighed, "Something lurid was happening in my apartment that caused a commotion and I was apparently saying your name loud enough to pierce the ceiling. There was some neighbor upstairs whose mother had a complaint about hearing us. Do you know anything about that?"

Derek paused for a moment and nervously tugged on his lip, "That's kind of what I want to talk to you about…"

"No better time like the present," he replied, silently hoping that his face was not revealing the tempest inside.

"You were drunk," Derek said with a fond smile, "… it was late, and we were driving home. I tried to get you out of the car and you latched onto me, saying in every cryptic way you could that you wanted to have sex with me. So, I hauled you inside, and put you into bed, telling you to put on your pajamas. You refused to do it without my help, and while I was taking your pants off… you, uh… you put my hand… well, you know…"

Spencer replied with a worried blush, "I wish I did, Derek, but I don't."

"You tried to get off... on my hand," Derek gulped, stopping at a red light, waiting for it to change before finishing, "Even though I wasn't initiating anything, you just kept going and it was really hot, I… I didn't stop you. I mean, I wanted to, but it was just so… primal. Before I knew it, I was on top of you, and you were shouting that you were liking it and making these noises that just—well, I finished you off. That was it. I swear. I realized what I had done and before I could apologize, you were asleep, mumbling something about 'writing sonnets about my eyes'."

By then, Spencer's legs were digging into the seat, his arms wrapped around them and his face shoved into his knees as he mumbled, "What do you mean, 'finished me off'?"

Derek cleared his throat, "You know… uh, I… I used my hand to—"

Spencer raised a hand above his head to silence him, "Got it! Got it, it's all clear. I understand. Shut up, please."

Derek groaned, "Hell, boy, don't want to be talking about this either."

Spencer sighed, "As much as I hate to keep this topic going, something's seems uneven to me…"

Derek rolled his eyes and looked pointedly out of his window, "Okay, fine. You _actually_ said you were going to write sonnets about my dick, but I figured I'd spare you the embarrassment and ad lib."

"Fucking hell…" Spencer muttered into his legs.

Derek hissed, "I hated how hot it was."

Spencer peeked innocently over his arm, "Just an innocent question though… did I make it so you enjoyed it? I hope I wasn't rude."

"Spencer!" Derek replied.

Spencer groaned, "Okay, I'll shut up about it. I swear."

"Thank you," Derek said with a sigh, "You were awesome, but, thank you."

Spencer looked up with a quiet smirk, "I was?"

Derek growled, "I'm not talking about this with you."

Spencer grinned teasingly, "I don't know how you're more uncomfortable with your sex life than I am. Aren't you usually bragging around about the stuff you and your lady friends get up to? When it comes to the things you and I do, you're a lot less prideful. Is it because you're engaging in sexual actions with a man and feel some type of regret?"

"I don't regret you, Spencer! I never could! But this… you and I… it's just… different." Derek added, "Plus, I have a rep with the bitches, dude, you don't get that by keeping quiet."

"Is it because you don't have anyone to brag to?" Spencer asked.

Derek replied with a brash scoff, "No. I don't need to brag about this to feel good about it… this is just _different_. I don't know why! I'm just uncomfortable talking about it because it's _you_, Spencer."

Spencer flexed his fingertips on his legs and asked, "You're uncomfortable with me?"

"No! I'm not! It's just _you_! Around you, I just… get embarrassed about sex, okay? Damn!" Derek said sharply, taking a quick turn and speeding up a little bit.

"You're driving a little fast there, Derek."

Derek hissed, "I've got it!"

"Whatever you say," Spencer pushed his head quickly back into his knees, "God, I can't believe we were so loud that the neighbors heard us… it must have been wild."

Derek muttered, "Okay, so we got _one_ broom stick on the ceiling. That doesn't mean we were working the goddamned Kama Sutra up there, Spence."

Spencer said quickly, "I'll seriously shut up this time. Honest."

"Thank God, because I think I'm actually blushing, and Derek Morgan does not blush," Derek growled with a hiss on the end as he slowed the car back down to the speed limit, "I don't know what the fuck you're doing to me, Spencer, but whatever it is, I'm too old for it."

Spencer scrunched up his face, "Garcia said it's _love_."

"She told me that five years ago, and I gotta tell you, I'm starting to believe her," Derek said.

Spencer's head popped out of his lap, "Whoa. Did you just admit to being in love with me?"

Derek growled, "I didn't say that."

Spencer bit his lip and placed his chin on top of his knees with a knowing smile, "Okay."

"Wait, wait, does that mean _you're_ in love with _me_?"

Spencer smirked, "Didn't say that."

* * *

Derek handed over the popcorn as something large blew up on the giant screen. Truth be told, they were doing less cuddling, and more gasping and marveling at the explosions. While Spencer usually prefers foreign movies, and old films, he really liked this "Avengers" thing. There was a lot of action, and movement, but the plot was quite fun to follow. It reminded him loosely of his team; a bunch of superheroes coming together to fight off one big monster. JJ would be Agent Coulson, because her smile and elegance can mask how easily she fully controls a room. Gideon would be Captain America, because of his leadership, classicism, and skills in combat. Rossi would be Iron Man, since he has as many friends as enemies and enough ex-wives to say that his heart may not still beat. Hotch would be Hawkeye, because of his ability to isolate any issue and fire straight through the heart of the problem. Prentiss would be the Black Widow, since her talent is hidden by beauty and numbers. And Derek, he was the Hulk. Strong and capable, he can split doors and charm women, but still be gentle and wise enough to comfort a family while getting all of the information he needs to help them.

Chuckling, Derek turned to Spencer and whispered, "Fuck, Marry, Kill. Iron Man, Captain America, Hawkeye. Go."

Spencer let out a smile and whispered back, "No way. I can't choose."

"Please do this. I really want to know," Derek grinned.

Spencer said with a smile, "Fuck Hawkeye because I like the way his pants fit. Marry Captain America because he's got the biggest heart and, let's be honest, the biggest dick. Kill Iron Man because he's a conceited jerk."

Derek shook his head with a hand over his mouth to hide his shock at Spencer's answer, "First off, you're a fucking perv."

Spencer grinned as a reply.

"Secondly," Derek continued, "You've got to be kidding me. Fuck Captain America, marry Iron Man, kill Hawkeye."

"Why would you kill Hawkeye? He's gorgeous," Spencer said with a loud brash.

Derek snickered, "Jeremy Renner just doesn't do it for me. I don't know why—"

"SHH!" a woman hissed from behind us and the stern faced man beside her held onto her hand, staring back at the two men in contempt. There was no doubt that they had overheard their conversation.

Derek leaned closer and whispered, "What do you think she would do if I pulled out my gun on her?"

Spencer stifled a laugh and placed his hand reassuringly over Derek's, "I don't know. Want to find out?"

Derek chuckled and leaned back in his seat, "Boy, you're crazy."

Spencer looked back toward the screen and noticed as Derek tightened his grip on Spencer's hand after a moment. The Avengers were going after Loki on the street and shared confrontation and cruel words and by God did Derek smell good. It's like he used even _more_ of that soap and sprayed on an extra dash of that expensive cologne. Spencer tried to focus on the movie, but with Derek's warm hand on his and the enticing smell of him luring him in like catnip, his train of thought was a couple of miles away up his apartment stairs and in his bed. God, he can't stop thinking about sex. Why not? This is so aggravating! Spencer cleared his throat and shifted in his seat, praying that his boyfriend had no clue what he was thinking about while he kept his eyes trained on the screen._ Derek in the shower. Derek stretched out on his bed. Derek naked, licking hot trails down his body._ Shit! Come on, mind! He's trying to watch a movie! _Derek on top of him. Derek stroking him. Derek pounding him into completion._ Suddenly, Derek broke his dirty mantra with a quick, "Whoa! He's hulking out! Fucking badass, man! Look!"

Spencer looked.

T'was badass.

He sighed and tried to keep his mind straight. Derek's going to want to talk about the movie at some point in the car, and it would be really beneficial if he had actually seen it. The Hulk was smashing things as he does sometimes, he was going after something Spencer forgot to look at, so he hopes Derek speaks about it sometime later so they actually have something to talk about.

As he was trying to figure out what was going on in the movie, he felt Derek's fingers shift to thread through his. Spencer glanced over at Derek whose face was just as clear and unperturbed. He raised an eyebrow and looked down at their hands. His were so much smaller. They were pale with long, soft fingers meant for flipping pages and typing papers. Derek's were larger and darker. His skin was a bit tougher as he'd played football and contact sports all through his adolescent life. Even after that, he practiced combat techniques and trained all through college for the FBI job. Together, even though so different, their hands seemed to fit perfectly like a puzzle piece. The spaces of his fingers felt like they were meant for Derek's.

Derek glanced over at Spencer and asked, "Everything alright?"

"Everything's perfect," Spencer replied, tightening his grip on Derek's hands.

"Then watch the movie, Pretty Boy." Derek let out a grin and pressed a kiss to Spencer's hair, "Nice pants by the way."

Spencer glanced down at his slacks to see the slightly obvious outline of his hard on pressing against his zipper. Awesome. Derek saw it. After smacking him on the arm, Spencer turned to the screen blushing profusely. Oh, great. More violence. He grinned as he knew that Derek was enjoying every single second of the movie. Spencer was enjoying it too, but not for the same reasons. It paralleled his life in a crime fighting, defeating evil sort of way. It was nice to see someone else take the hits sometimes. Derek just liked the explosions and the blow up scenes.

Derek turned, "I bet you're thinking about how intellectually stimulating this movie is."

Spencer laughed loudly, "Fuck you, Derek."

"You wish." Derek replied.

"I do." Spencer smirked.

Derek raised his eyebrows, "Word?"

Spencer's cheeks flushed and he nodded, looking away, "So what?"

Derek gave Spencer a cocky smile and replied, "Well, you know. If you get impatient, my car is right outside. We can take care of that right quick."

Spencer ran his hand down Derek's chest and whispered into his ear, "Bring it."

"Consider it brought, baby boy." Derek said back with a husky growl, letting his hand drop from Spencer's and land on his thigh.

The lady behind them shushed the two agents and they turned at the same time. She leaned closer to Derek and growled, "Quiet!". The man beside her, her husband seemingly, pressed a hand to her upper back, "We just want to watch a movie in peace if you don't mind. We didn't come here to be constantly interrupted by two fags."

Spencer felt Derek's hand clench on his leg at the sound of his cruel terminology and spoke for him and his currently boiling boyfriend, "Technically, you aren't being interrupted by neither a cigarette nor pile of burning sticks. Or are you two homophobic to know better?"

"You two aren't fooling anybody," the man said with a snarl, "I don't know what you think you're doing, holding hands and pretending that you're a real couple."

Spencer replied sharply, "Are you implying that we're not in a relationship? Because last time I checked, we were two consenting adults, and what we do in our free time is in no way your business to judge."

The man scoffed, "You're mimicking heterosexual relations and turning them into perverse, obstinate—"

Spencer placed a hand on Derek's chest before he flew over the seat and tore this man a new one and pulled his badge out of his pocket, flashing it. When in doubt, remind the aggressor that you are higher up in the chain of command than he is. This guy's too much of a bitch to tattle. Spencer said calmly, "If you truly have a problem, would you like to take it to our team leader and fill out a formal complaint, because I'm sure he would love to hear your argument."

"There's no way they let fags like you become feds," the man grimaced.

Derek pulled out his matching badge, "You're damn right, they do. And we're legally bound to have a weapon on us at all times. If I shoot you, it's your own fault."

The man rolled his eyes, "Another black man with a gun. Shocking."

Derek turned to Spencer with fire in his eyes, "Can I kill him?"

Spencer sighed, "No matter how much I want to say yes, it's immoral and you'd just prove his false, racist point."

Derek hissed, folding his arms and turning back into his seat, "Immoral my ass."

"If anything is immoral, it's you two," the man replied quickly, "It comforts me to know you're going to Hell."

Spencer rolled his eyes and turned back in his seat, ignoring the man's jeers as he continued, his wife joining in with the whispered cat calls. Looking over at Derek, Spencer whispered into his ear, "Wanna piss them off?" Derek gave him a look and nodded. Spencer grinned and leaned forward, whispering before their lips collided, "Kiss me. Make a big show of it, too." Derek obliged, running his hands down Spencer's back and letting his tongue pass the span of Spencer's mouth. Spencer gleefully returned it, pulling Derek closer with two hands tugging on his shirt. The couple behind them made a disgusted noise and before long, left the theatre, mumbling something about the Bible and God having mercy on their souls. Derek and Spencer broke their kiss with a quiet laugh. Derek raised a palm and Spencer slapped it, "Fuck racist homophobes."

Derek began to smile and wrapped an arm around Spencer, letting him lean into his embrace before watching the remainder of the movie. Spencer long stopped paying attention to it. He let out a smile and watched the screen, feeling warm and comforted by Derek's arms around him. He didn't receive much of the plot, but the explosions sure were kickass.

* * *

Spencer and Derek tumbled through Spencer's front door lips connected, losing clothes as they walked. Derek yanked free Spencer's tie and tossed it behind him as Spencer ripped Derek's belt out of the loops, throwing it over the arm if the couch. They stepped out of shoes and licked into each other's mouths, stumbling through the shallow hallway on the way to Spencer's room. Spencer grabbed Derek's shirt and pitched it into the hall, rubbing his hands up his chest while Derek pulled the buttons off of Spencer's. Their torsos were bare as Derek hauled Spencer's legs around his waist and shoved him into the wall, kissing him harder than he ever had. While it should have been awkward due to Spencer's slight height advantage, it felt perfect. As their chests collided, Derek let out a shallow groan, shoving one of his hands into Spencer's short cropped hair and pulling. Spencer whimpered out a tiny, "Yes," of encouragement as Derek ran his lips down Spencer's neck and tightened his legs around Derek's waist.

The two were impossibly close and wrapped up into each other, giving the wall a run for its money. Derek hauled the two into Spencer's room and pressed Spencer to the bed, climbing over top of him and giving him a chance to smile broadly before leaning down and kissing the smirk off of his face. The two pulled closer and closer together, Spencer's pants sliding down his hips and his lips reattaching with Derek's, moaning loudly as their bodies pressed together.

The headboard thumped against the wall as Spencer pushed Derek off of him and climbed on top, taking control of the situation. He had enough time to think, his downstairs brain was running the show now, and Spencer decided he liked it. Spencer buried his face into Derek's neck, hands rubbing along Derek's arms as he teased out small bruises along his chest. Derek made a muffled sound that seemed like a cross between a moan and a scoff. Spencer popped his head up and asked, "Did I hurt you?"

"As if," Derek chuckled, grabbing his boyfriend and pushing him to the bed before climbing on top of him and causing another thump of the headboard against the wall.

"Ooh," Spencer let out a loud hiss and laughed, "Somebody's been eating his Wheaties, huh?"

Derek laughed, running his hand down the side of Spencer's face, "What did I do to deserve you?"

Spencer shrugged, "Something horrible, probably. Now hurry up before I change my mind."

Derek mussed Spencer's hair, "Seriously, man. I really like you. Thanks for giving me a chance."

Spencer mumbled under Derek's body, "That chance will be gone if you don't get on with it…"

Derek let out a chuckle and pressed their bodies close together, linking the two in a soft kiss before shoving his hand into Spencer's boxers to find him already hard and dripping with need. Spencer let out a groan and Derek pulled a few teasing strokes along his length, "Damn, boy. It's only been like three minutes."

"It's not my fault you're forty two," Spencer teased, gripping at Derek's jeans, "Lagging behind a little, I see."

Derek hid his face in Spencer's neck, "Fuck you."

"It would be nice if you did," Spencer nodded quickly, "Come on. Lube, condoms, bedside table."

"I thought you were a virgin," Derek raised an eyebrow, "You use those?"

Spencer winked, "The lube, not the condoms."

"Wait, do you mean…" Derek gave Spencer a sly smile.

Spencer felt his face flush, "So what? I... experiment. Hurry up."

"God fucking dammit, you're killing me, Spence," Derek breathed and pulled what he needed out of the drawer, sliding his hand down Spencer's body. He kissed down Spencer's neck and chest and licked a firm line down his stomach before looking up at Spencer and giving him sharp eye contact. Derek ran his tongue down into Spencer's waistband before pulling them away gently, kissing Spencer's hipbones with soft caresses from his hands guiding down his back. Derek rubbed his face along Spencer's soft stomach and breathed hard as he licked his tongue into the dip in Spencer's navel. Spencer sighed and his hand found the soft spot behind Derek's head, guiding him as he scattered Spencer's hips with kisses and littered love along his waist. He could probably get off on that alone. Just that thought of Derek being so close to him, kissing him, touching him, loving him was bringing him so much relief. Spencer was too close to be where he was with Derek, he knew that, but he wanted this to last. Derek deepened the open mouthed kisses he dragged along Spencer's inner thighs and Spencer keened that he liked it, arching his back into Derek. It felt so good, so hot, so pure and—BEEP, BEEP, BEEP! BEEP, BEEP, BEEP! BEEP, BEEP, BEEP!

Derek pulled his head out of Spencer's lap hastily.

Spencer yelled, "Mother fucker!"

Derek asked, "What the hell is that?"

"The fire alarm," Spencer groaned, tossing his head back into the pillow, "Fuck, fuck, shit, fuck!"

"What do you mean it's the fire alarm?" Derek hissed.

"I live in a building with over sixty other people, one of them must have triggered it," Spencer sighed, "Remind me to live alone."

"Spencer..."

Spencer complained, "I mean, come on. My virginity was right there for you on a silver platter, _baked, broiled and ready to go_!"

Derek stood up, "We have to get out of here, Spencer. You can bitch, moan, and complain outside when you're safe, let's move!"

Spencer shifted out of bed, walking to his drawer and tugging on sweatpants and a tee shirt as Derek fumbled around for his clothes, running out of the room. God, that guy was such a freaking boy scout sometimes. He couldn't show some damned disappointment for crying out loud! I mean, come on, they were about to have sex!

Spencer dragged his arms into a heavy jacket and pushed slippers onto his feet, walking into the hallway to be grabbed by a shirtless Derek, "Hurry up, Spencer! There's a fire!" Derek scooped him up, tossed him over his shoulder and carried him through the apartment complex, running down the hallways and stairs with a complaining Spencer in his arms until they breeched the outside. That was all it took for Spencer to damn near lose his mind with anger. It was freezing, but Derek didn't seem to care. He walked out into the cold with Spencer halfway over his bare shoulders, a sidewalk full of residents whom stared shamelessly at the sight. Spencer hissed, "Come on, man, you don't have to hoist me all the way out of—"

"There's a fire! I protected you! End of story!" Derek argued.

"But did you have to carry me over your shoulder like a fucking freshly killed caribou!" Spencer bitched loudly, "I have legs, Derek, stop treating me like a child! I can walk! People are staring!"

Something vibrated in his coat pocket and he pulled out his cell phone as Derek carried him down the sidewalk to find a cleared section for them to stand 'approximately forty five feet away from the entrance'. "I'll yell at you some more when I get off of the phone," Spencer opened his cell and hissed into it, "Fucking hell, _what _could you possibly _want_?"

Garcia's voice came through the phone, "_Your apartment was just tagged under an emergency call! Are you okay?"_

Spencer muttered into the phone with toneless annoyance, "Yeah, it's just a fire alarm, probably triggered by an old lady burning cookies. But not to worry! I'm rescued and outside, thank fucking God."

"_Just wanted to make sure my Junior G-man was okay. Am I asking too much?"_

"No, you're not, Garcia," Spencer said with a sigh, "I'm just beyond pissed that _Derek_ felt like he had to carry me like a shot sheep out of the building over his shoulder so, I should be fine."

Garcia chuckled, _"No, he didn't."_

Spencer glared down at Derek, "Yes, he did."

Garcia flat out began to laugh, _"Oh, God. Can I speak with him?"_

Spencer said with a growl, "His hands are kind of occupied, since he's bucking me around like a goddamn bale of hay."

"_He's still hauling you?"_ Garcia guffawed, _"Either he takes his job too seriously, or you've got one devoted boy toy."_

Spencer sighed, "Either way, I'm fucked sideways, aren't I?"

Derek gently let Spencer down, "Let me talk to Garcia, please?"

"He wants to talk to you," Spencer warned, "Gird your loins."

"_Spencer, you are downright hilarious when you're upset. It's like talking to a drenched kitten or something," _she giggled, "_It is so hard to take you seriously and here you are swearing like a trucker. Ha ha!"_

Spencer growled, "I'm not a kitten," before handing the phone over to Derek.

Instantly, Derek began to speak, "Hey, baby girl, I'm seeing light smoke coming out of a room on the fifth floor, the window is open, and it isn't much. It shouldn't be a threat to Spencer, but just in case, I'm taking him to my place to sleep for the night. There is no way he's dying from smoke inhalation tonight."

"When the fuck did we agree on this?" Spencer argued, "I can't die from smoke inhalation if I live two floors down and across the hall from a minor fucking kitchen fire!"

Derek said sharply, "I said so and that's final!"

Derek listened as Garcia said something and tried to get a word in. It sounded like she was yelling at him. Loudly. Derek's face grew timid and considering as he pulled the phone away from his ear, "Fine! I will…..…. yes, Garcia. I _will_….. thanks, baby girl. I gotcha. Goodbye."

Spencer folded his arms, waiting for Derek to speak as he grumbled, "… Garcia says to listen to you and ask your opinion more often because that's the key to a successful relationship. And apparently I'm a dick."

"I can't believe you didn't know you're a dick," Spencer grimaced.

Derek replied, "I can't believe we're already fighting."

"I can't believe we aren't having hot, borderline illegal sex right now," Spencer sighed sadly.

Derek replied, "I can't believe it either, but just so we're all clear, this doesn't change the way I feel about you at all. I want you to be safe and secure no matter what. Spencer, I would jump in front of a car to push you away from it, you know that, right? Whatever it takes, I'll do."

Spencer chuckled, "You're getting into 'Grenade' territory there, Derek."

"Do you mean that God awful Bruno Mars song?" Derek asked.

"Yeah," Spencer laughed.

Derek tugged Spencer close to him and held him in his arms, "Fuck you, man. First time I talk about my feelings you compare me to that Team Jacob looking son of a bitch who sings about death and love in the same sentence."

"He has a nice voice though, doesn't he?" Spencer replied with a shrug.

"No. Bruno Mars? Never."

* * *

**A/N: I hope you liked the double, bubble. XD See ya next week with another installment!**

**-Blue Lollipops**


	15. Velocity Equals Distance Divided by Time

The Essentials of Sociology

Chapter Fifteen: V=D/T

* * *

**A/N: Hey, hey, hey. Chapter fifteen, enjoy. Warnings for bow-chicka-wow-wow.**

**-Bloobity Bloobity Blue**

* * *

Spencer walked into the bullpen a little later than usual, having taken time to get dressed once more. He chose a blue shirt and a tan tie with corduroys, feeling the need to spice it up. In Spencer's mind, the more colorful he looks, the easier others will come to the conclusion that he had partook in sleep than he actually had. Derek, after much protest, left Spencer's apartment last night and went home around one thirty. That left Spencer five hours of sleep; talk about cranky.

His morning Starbucks cup was nearly empty, and sloshing around as he strode soundlessly into the large office, awaiting the usual greeting from three of his coworkers. There was nothing. Spencer looked up and saw Rossi's empty desk. So, he paused and glanced over at Derek and Prentiss's desks to engage in casual morning conversation. They were also empty. The other desks, usually bustling with interns held a few lazy morning workers and were free of his team. Something was up.

He tossed his satchel down and headed for the break room. As his hand wrapped around the doorknob, he heard a faint whisper from inside of it. It sounded like Prentiss. He glanced through the crack in the door and saw her standing beside Derek. She whispered to him beside the coffee machine, "Derek, are you _sure_ you're alright?"

Derek's voice rang out, "I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

Prentiss replied casually, "You've been acting strange lately and… I'm worried."

"Stop beating around the bush and come out with what you really want to ask," Derek said smoothly, lifting the cup to his lips and taking a sip, "I swear to God, if you profile me, I will profile you back ten times harder. Soon it will be the damned profiling Olympics in here, and I know you don't want that."

Prentiss let out a quiet laugh, "No, I don't."

Derek's voice sounded as if he were smiling, "Go on. Ask. I promise I won't get mad."

"Fine. You want it, you got it." Prentiss clapped her hands together and said quickly, "Do you have a crush on Reid?"

Derek chuckled, "Do I have a crush on Reid? No."

"Repeating the question is the first sign of a lie," Prentiss replied instantly.

Derek retorted with a dark laugh, "Okay first of all, Miss Priss, Derek Morgan doesn't _crush_."

Prentiss teased, "Oh, would you rather me say you're in love with him?"

"I never said that." Derek growled back.

Prentiss said deprecatingly, "Come on, you give him free coffee, tease him mercilessly, and protect him to the point where it's freaking territorial. Soon enough, Hotch will notice."

"I've _always_ been like that with him," Derek shrugged it off and began to list, "Number one: it's a BOGO at the new place I go for coffee. Number two: teasing him is so simple it's sad, and number three: that kid needs protection out there. He's young, and passionate about saving people, and that makes him incredibly vulnerable sometimes. Your profile is so invalid that I don't even know where to begin with the errors."

Prentiss murmured, "So, you're not in love with him?"

Derek took another sip, "You know what? For the sake of argument, let's pretend I am."

Prentiss shook her head and patted Derek's shoulder, "Usually, I would say go for it, but it's so against policy that it's not even funny. I'm talking 'termination on the spot' not even funny. I don't want to be the one to say this, but I have to. Forget about him, Morgan. For your own good."

Derek set his cup down and folded his arms, "What if I don't give a shit about my own good?"

"Morgan…" Prentiss started.

He stopped her with simple raise of his hand, "Hypothetically, of course."

Prentiss shrugged casually, "God, I don't know. Just pick what feels right and do that."

"What if saving people and loving him both feel right? Am I supposed to choose what I love over who I love?" Derek asked, "Or do I choose _who_ I love over _what_ I love?"

Prentiss paused, "Wow, Morgan… I guess, that's the million dollar question, huh?"

Spencer backed up from the corner slowly, processing their conversation. Derek wasn't actually considering leaving his job to pursue him was he? Either that, or he was considering leaving Spencer to continue his work. He'd have to choose the lesser of two evils there, and to put hundreds of lives over Spencer's seems beyond stupid. There's no way Derek would stop helping people just to be able to out their relationship—to out Spencer.

Great, now he was worried. He wasn't ready for this. He hadn't thought about this. Not in depth any way. It wasn't just Derek and himself that will see that his sexuality teetered and tottered like a child's first steps. If Derek quits his job and announces their status as a couple, _everyone_ will know that he's in a sexual relationship with a guy. _Everyone_. Fuck. If he thought he had a lot to deal with before, this had to be the icing on the shit cake. Why didn't Spencer acknowledge that he would be freaking OUTED at work?! He's not even gay, but the entire Bureau will assume so. He needs a minute. He needs a second. He needs a fucking moment to figure this all out. Spencer accepts that he's in love with Derek, but will everyone else?

Several things are bothering him at the same time. How will the team treat their relationship? How will Strauss approach them all when she finds out that there are not only one, but two gay men in the Behavioral Analysis Unit? Christ. One of them will have to transfer, and soon before people find out. Oh, God. If that happens, they'll be working cases separately. The thought of Derek running after an armed unsub without him there is terrifying to him. If Derek gets killed, Spencer will never get the chance to save his life, or say a proper goodbye on that fateful day when he can't. Somehow, even scarier is the thought of how Derek will feel when he realizes that he threw away his entire life for an open relationship with a man (that isn't even promised to last)?

Spencer has to stop thinking like this.

What he had with Derek was still small, fragile, and infantile. It needed to be given time to mature into something strong and tangible. He may have had time to admit to himself that the way he feels for Derek surpasses casual attraction, but he hadn't prepared himself for it to be full, undisclosed information for anyone to access. He's spent years pining for the elder agent, and holding it close to himself, shielding it from everyone else's sight. There was nothing he feared more than the team discovering his feelings for Derek. Spencer craved their approval more than anything, and liked to maintain it while he had it. At least he now understands why Derek is so wary to come out to his mother. He feels the same way about the team.

Spencer spent most of his time at the BAU pretending that he wasn't madly in love with his superior, while Derek whom is more guided by his emotions hid his attraction because he felt it was intangible. Once Spencer had revealed that the idea of their relationship wasn't imperceptible, Derek let his guard down. That motion opened him up to the greedy eyes of whichever profiler noticed the change in him first. At least Spencer knows who to blame.

While JJ and Garcia both know of their relationship, they were both immediately supportive. But if they weren't… it would break him. JJ was one of his closest friends within the team, even closer than Derek was at first. She had known without him telling her, which saved him the embarrassment and awkwardness of announcing his newly born gay relationship with his friend and teammate of nine years. Then, there was Garcia—the motherly, eccentric, loving Garcia—who proclaimed that the news of his and Derek's relationship was one of the most beautiful and harmonious of occasions. But, Prentiss seemed more than wary about them when she had to profile it out of Derek.

He pressed his eye into the door again, listening harder to the conversation that seemed to have escalated into an argument.

Derek's voice rang out, "Well, if you're so sure that it's an '_unwise'_ idea to be in love with him, why don't I just accommodate to your perception of wisdom and feel differently about someone I've harbored feelings for for three years. Oh. Right. I can't!"

Prentiss replied angrily, "I never said that you being in love with him was unwise! I'm just saying that you should think before you do something stupid!"

"Okay, so getting in a relationship with him is stupid?!" Derek growled heatedly.

Prentiss folded her arms and leaned toward Derek, hissing, "Yes. I do think it's stupid. You'd be putting your job on the line to play kissy face with a guy that doesn't even love you!"

Derek paused, "Wait, what?"

Prentiss shrugged her shoulders, "Yeah, I guess 'kissy face' wasn't the best term…"

Derek held up a hand to stop her flow of speech, "What makes you think he doesn't love me?"

"Same thing that 'makes me think' the sky isn't green," Prentiss replied, "I just look up and I see that it's not."

"So, you don't think he loves me?" Derek asked.

Prentiss scoffed, "Maybe he loves you in a brotherly, familial, platonic way, but not romantically. No. Reid's straight."

Derek hissed, "Are you so sure about that?"

"Um, yes. I wondered about him a couple of years ago, and did a little experiment on him to check." Prentiss shrugged.

Spencer almost coughed in surprise, thinking to himself, '_She did an experiment on me? When was that?'_

Derek raised his eyebrow, his stance changing from upset to intrigued, "What did you do?"

"I asked him to help me look clothes for a date, and made sure we walked past the lingerie section. He peeked and then blushed." Prentiss said with a nod of her head, "Straight."

"That doesn't prove anything," Derek said, folding his arms indignantly, "Ladies' underwear is a mystery to all, Wonder Boy included."

Prentiss began to laugh, "If a man sees a woman and a rack of bras in the same room, he pictures her in them. At least if he's straight, he does."

Spencer shrugged quietly, _'Prentiss __would__ look rather nice in a lace corset…'_

Derek snickered quietly at the thought, "So, you mean to say, you're okay with Reid thinking about you in a bra?"

She shrugged and walked past him, carrying his coffee, "Me in a bra, or you in a Speedo. Which sounds more probable?"

Derek let out a small smile, "Me. Obviously."

"You _would_ say that about yourself." Prentiss replied, opening the cabinet underneath the coffee machine and taking out a few sugar packets, "So… are we okay?"

He asked, "Okay about the fact that you disapprove of my entirely hypothetical, so-called crush on Reid? Yeah. I think I can handle that. But when you see us hand in hand with two point five kids and a white picket fence in a couple of years, remember that I told you so."

Prentiss poured the packets into her coffee and stood, murmuring, "Pipe dream…"

Derek walked past her with his coffee cup, stopping to flip her hair over her face, "Wet dream…"

She laughed, "Gross, Morgan. God."

He joked with feigned enthusiasm, "_Ooh, Reid. I love the way you touch me on __Prentiss's desk__._"

Prentiss stopped twirling her spoon through her mug to press a playful smack on Derek's arm, "If you ever drug Reid into sleeping with you, you'd better not even think of doing that."

"You see, now I have it listed as a fantasy location," Derek strode toward the door and Spencer scampered off to his desk so that Prentiss or Derek wouldn't catch him eavesdropping. As he sat down at his desk, he noticed the steaming cup of coffee on it from Derek's usual morning coffee run that must have been placed there before he had initially arrived. He smiled. Tossing his old coffee into the trashcan beside his desk, he took a sip from the warm cup. Mmm. Perfect.

A few moments later, he heard a soft voice in his ear and felt a pair of large, warm hands cover his eyes, "Guess who."

Spencer grinned, "My idiot coworker who gives me free coffee each morning, trying fruitlessly to seduce me."

"Good guess, but Rossi's over there," Derek replied with a chuckle as he removed his hands from Spencer's eyes to sit on the edge of his desk to grab and fiddle with a paper weight, "Word on the street is we may not have a case for the next week."

Spencer asked, "The street?"

"Okay, well, word on JJ's desk." Derek smiled back, "If all goes well, there just may be a six pack of Mike's with our name on 'em Friday."

Prentiss walked by and mumbled, "Pipe dream…"

Spencer said quickly, to spite her, "Sounds like fun. Count me in!"

Derek whispered loudly over his shoulder, "Keep your desk clean, Prentiss. You never know when someone's gonna need it."

She flipped him off without turning to watch.

"Your mission, should you choose to accept," Derek leaned closer to Spencer and winked, lowering his voice considerably, "Third floor men's bathroom. Two o'clock. Handicapped stall."

Spencer whispered back worriedly, "What's wrong with the stall? Whatever it is, I don't think we're at liberty to fix it! I'm useless with tools!"

"There's nothing wrong with it," Derek chuckled, "You're going to meet me there, and we're going to make out. Is that cool with you?"

"Way cool," Spencer blinked and breathed, "I've always wanted to mess around at work…"

Derek patted his back before walking away, "Now you've got your chance, kid. I'd take it."

Spencer watched after Derek, letting his eyes travel down that broad shouldered back, smothered into a tee shirt and dipping into some very flattering slacks. Before his eyes could travel past the Bible Belt, he turned and started working furiously on his work. Spencer sighed hopelessly to himself. He's not going to lie; he really wants to hit that. Hell, he almost did yesterday. But if they were out at work, they wouldn't have to sneak around and code their words. Sure, the sexual tension created in keeping their relationship a secret is the directly proportional offset of their passionate sessions, but sooner rather than later, they'll get tired of all of the secrecy.

Truthfully, Spencer wanted everyone to see him the way Derek does. Not gay, straight, bi, animal, vegetable, mineral. None of that! He just wants to be _Spencer_. Everyone at work sees what he's shown them: a hard-working, unnecessarily brilliant, asexual talking computer. No goals, no urges, no wants or desires. He simply existed. Somehow, they had adopted him into this large, colorful family that he barely understood, yet he comprehends them as easily as if their emotions were written on their foreheads. Spencer feels love for every single member of the team, and he knows that he has their love as well. What he really wants, is to know if their love would waver if they found out about Derek and him.

* * *

At one fifty five, Spencer looked up from his desk to see Derek walking out of the bullpen, pushing a wheeled shelf of books from JJ's office into the hallway. No one paid him much mind, and continued on with their work, writing and typing and chatting on task. Spencer finished the file he was currently working on, signed it, and closed it at one fifty seven. He stood and grabbed his satchel and a couple of files, heading out of the bullpen as well. As he passed JJ's office, she called out to him. Spencer strode in and asked, "Yeah?"

JJ smiled and plopped a box filled with papers onto her desk, "Morgan told me to stall you for two minutes, give you this box, and if anyone asks, you're heading to the copy room."

Spencer stared back at her, "…what?"

"I don't know what you two have planned, but it seems a little '007. Don't you think?" JJ asked him with earnest eyes.

Spencer replied, "Personally, I don't know anything about this intricately planned storyline. Morgan just told me to meet him in the bathroom at two o'clock. This is turning into a Nancy Drew plot."

"Shut! _Up_! He told you to what?!" JJ gasped, "Close the door and sit down."

Spencer obliged and plundered down into a seat, "If you get all James Patterson on me, I'm going to change Nancy Drew to Alex Cross."

JJ leaned forward with a big grin, "Morgan asked you to meet him?! Oh. My. God."

Spencer paused, "What's so awe inspiring?"

"You know, he probably wants to mess around, right?" she asked.

Spencer nodded and replied, "Yeah. I know."

JJ raised an eyebrow, "You are way too casual about this… wait. Have you and Morgan done this before?"

"What? Messed around?"

JJ sighed, "Yeah."

Shrugging, Spencer replied, "Loads of times."

"Are you kidding me?! Reid, you don't tell me anything anymore! Here I thought you were just the blushing bishounen, running into Morgan's arms, yet calling him 'baka' as he shoves you into the throes of firey passion!"

Spencer let a moment pass and stared at JJ in shock before asking, "Exactly how much yaoi do you read?"

JJ groaned, "Enough to get me through the day. Now answer me, Reid-san!"

Spencer said with a tint to his ears, "We went to the movies yesterday, and—"

Her watch beeped quickly. JJ stopped it and sighed, "Ah, so close. Your knight in shining armor awaits. Tell me tomorrow, okay? Or call me, for God's sake. You never do."

Spencer stood and grabbed the box, "We see each other every day. I don't see why we would need to…"

"Get out. Make man-babies. Take pictures," JJ replied with a laugh, "Fax 'em to me."

Spencer blushed furiously as he opened the door, "There is no way I'm doing that!"

JJ giggled, "If you don't get out of my office, I will push you. Copy room. Now."

Spencer rolled his eyes at her and strode past Prentiss's desk on his way out of the bullpen. As he walked by, she raised a pencil and made a whipping noise before flicking it through the air. Spencer looked back at her with a growl. She began to laugh and said, "_Copy room. Now!_ She's got you earning your paycheck, doesn't she?"

Spencer groaned, turning to push the door open with his back, "Don't they all?"

She replied, "Whistle while you work, Sneezy. Whistle while you work."

Spencer let out a chuckle, whistling a small tune while exiting the office.

* * *

Dropping the box off at the third floor copy room, Spencer glanced around to see if anyone was near before walking to the end of the hallway to the underused bathroom. It was a bit cold in there. The tiles were blue, and the light above the fifth urinal flickered occasionally. Spencer could see why it wasn't often vacated. Not even the third floor resident agents use this bathroom. He called out warily, "…hello…"

There was no answer. Hmm, Derek must not be here yet. Spencer walked hesitantly over to the handicapped stall, his hand barely brushing the handle before it flew open. A hand grabbed him by the collar and pulled him in. Spencer let out a squeaked, "Holy shit!" Derek let him go and began laughing, bent over at the knee. It must have been real funny to Derek to scare the pants off of him. It usually is. Payback for the sneak-ups Spencer does every Halloween, probably.

Spencer folded his arms and glared bullets into Derek's eyes, "Not funny."

"Too funny," Derek gasped, "Your face. So priceless."

Spencer growled, "Yeah, well. Fuck you very much for the heart attack."

Derek stood and wiped a fake tear from underneath his eye, "Anytime, baby boy."

Spencer folded his arms and sighed, "Aren't we here for something?"

Derek shrugged, "Yeah, but I like your angry face. The look you give is kind of like a drenched kitten."

"You and Garcia need to stop coordinating insults," Spencer sighed, grabbing Derek by the shoulder and pressing him against the wall to stare him down at eye level, "Aren't. We. Here. For something."

Spencer watched as Derek looked back at him in shock, "Uh… yeah."

"Then let's get it done. I don't have all day, Agent Morgan," Spencer replied with a sneer, running his hands down Derek's stable chest and leaning in to whisper into his ear, "We're doing this at work. So dangerous… we could get caught."

Derek nodded with a shallow, mesmerized shake of his head, "We could."

Spencer pressed a kiss to Derek's jaw, "What if we do, huh? What if someone walks in and sees us together…sees me touching you…sees you liking it?"

Derek breathed, "We'd be fired."

"So fired," Spencer snickered huskily into Derek's ear, "It might even make the papers. I can almost read the headlines now: FBI Agents SSA Derek Morgan and Dr. Spencer Reid of the Behavioral Analysis Unit caught in a secret relationship. Sources say they've been suppressing their lust for each other until they exploded into a torrent of passion in a bathroom stall. Their love noises could be heard two... floors... up…"

Derek panted, pressing his hands lightly to Spencer's chest, "Spencer…"

Spencer continued, nibbling on Derek's ear lobe, "Agent Morgan was found leaning against the wall, pants around his ankles, drowned in desire at the hands of one… Dr. Spencer Reid."

He let out a gasp, "Fuck, Spencer…"

Spencer murmured lowly, sliding his hands up underneath Derek's shirt, "You like it when I talk dirty? You like that?"

Derek nodded quickly against Spencer's hands, "Shit yeah."

The young doctor chuckled and breathed into his ear, "Do you think I've gained too much confidence in myself after you've professed how much you want me? Or do you just like the air of dominance?"

"Can I say both?" Derek replied.

Spencer shrugged and stopped the motion of his hands, "Sure. Why not? This isn't a midterm."

Derek frowned, "What if it was?"

Spencer raised an eyebrow, "Please don't tell me you're into that creepy kinky shit."

Derek let out a shallow smile, "What if I was."

"Maybe later. For now, I just want to seduce you until you're leaning against the wall panting for release. Am I asking too much?" Spencer said with a wink.

Derek chuckled, "I don't know what's gotten into you, but I like it. I like it a lot."

Spencer let his hands trail up Derek's bare chest, "Something tells me that we're talking too much."

Derek wiggled his eyebrows, "Touché."

Spencer let out a laugh as Derek pulled him forward into a kiss. The two breathed out a long sigh as their lips touched. They'd been waiting for this all day. The comfort they felt in each other's arms almost surpassed the heightened feeling of danger they would have if caught together. To Spencer, Derek was safety. He was honesty. He was love. Derek yanked at Spencer's tie as their tongues met and caressed in a warm embrace. Lust was getting replaced with familiarity and passion was getting replaced with love. Spencer was beginning to think he could get used to this. Being with Derek, kissing him, and feeling his arms wrap around him. This was amazing. He was drowning, over his head with affection for Derek. Spencer didn't ever want to be resuscitated.

After a few moments, Spencer locked eyes with Derek and slid his hands down his arms. Derek asked, "What's wrong?" Spencer didn't answer. He felt himself slowly lowering himself to his knees in front of Derek. Derek shook his head quickly, "Spencer, come on. You don't have to. I didn't ask you here for this."

With an indignant sigh, Spencer smiled up at him, "I want to."

Derek leaned against the wall and whispered, "You are seriously going to send me to an early grave. Do you know that, Spence?"

"I sure hope not," Spencer replied, his hands sliding around a belt, yanking at it before gazing up at Derek, "I want you to see every second of this."

Derek sighed, "Oh, God."

Spencer paused and chuckled, breaking his sexy talk to say, "I've never done this before, so prepare for it to be horrible."

Derek shrugged, "A blow job can only be but so bad. I mean, you know what you're doing right?"

"In a sense," Spencer replied casually, unzipping Derek's slacks and tugging down a plain black pair of boxers. Glancing at the half mast length, Spencer gently pulled at it and before a moment's hesitation, he ran his tongue around the side of it, feeling more confidence in himself as Derek groaned quietly at the touch. Spencer swallowed down his own panic and replaced it with cool, calm thoughts like, '_You know you want to do this. You've dreamt about this over and over again. You even did research on it. This is going to be awesome. You __give__ that blow job, Spencer. You __blow__ his fucking brains out. He's going to love it—"_

Derek let out a quick hiss, "Teeth."

Spencer growled, "Fuck," before nuzzling his face into Derek's stomach.

Derek chuckled and placed his hand into Spencer's hair, tousling more than it already was before replying, "You're doing great. Really."

Spencer pouted and looked up at him, "You're not just saying that, are you?"

Derek shook his head and Spencer smiled back up at him, "Thanks."

"Any time, bro," Derek shrugged.

Spencer nodded seriously, "I'm going to suck your dick now, if you don't mind."

Derek chuckled, "Oh, God, Spencer."

Spencer let out a laugh before quietly returning to what he was trying to do. He relaxed his jaw and pushed the head into his lips, teasing with warm licks and sucks before sinking down as far as he could. Spencer let himself get used to the new, heavy weight in his mouth before he realized that he rather liked it. He felt like he was in control, and really enjoyed the idea of having sexual influence. Spencer slipped his tongue around the end of it, beginning to bob his head like he saw done in some of the so-called "research" he'd done a few nights ago when his mind began to wander. He almost chuckled aloud when he thought of what was actually going on. Spencer never in his life thought he'd be in the bathroom of an FBI quarterly giving head to his best friend like a street hooker. As the great Woody Allen says, "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans."

Spencer felt Derek's hands tighten in his hair as he strained against the wall. His lower lip was trapped in between his teeth and Spencer smiled around a thrust of his head. He's doing a good job. Awesome! With that reassurance, Spencer decided to go all out. He relaxed the back of his throat and wrapped his hand against what he couldn't take in, guiding his movements with vigor. Derek gasped and swore which turned him on like a light powered by chemical reaction. Spencer's lips turned up at the corners and he shoved faster and faster, his hand moving in coordination with his head. Wow. He was shocked how much of this was simple mathematics. Velocity equals distance divided by time, so if he moves his head three inches twenty times per minute, his velocity should accelerate with the pressure he's going to add right… about… now! Derek let out a sharp hiss, "Oh, my God, Spencer! Fuck!" Spencer smiled to himself. Who ever said a Physics PhD wouldn't come in handy? Spencer quickened his hand and kept going with the steady equation he had created until Derek's breath picked up underneath him, pushing Spencer closer and closer to the brink. He changed the formula to 26 times per minute and Derek hips flexed as he began to thrust. Unable to stop himself any longer, Spencer pressed his free hand to the heavy crotch of his pants and unzipped it, beginning to work on himself while he worked Derek. He already had his own equation for himself. V= 6in/13mps. He applied that to his left hand and moaned around his full mouth. Derek growled in response to the moan. Spencer let more and more sharp whimpers escape his throat as he pushed himself and Derek to maximum velocity. Derek whispered quickly, "Get up. Get up!"

Spencer emptied his mouth and stood up, pressing himself against Derek's chest and pushing their lips together. Derek groaned and grabbed a wad of toilet tissue in one hand and the two of their lengths in the other. Derek began stroking the two of them quicker and quicker as their lips and erections mashed and shoved against each other. Spencer pressed his hand against the back of Derek's head and grabbed Derek's bicep with the other hand, feeling more pleasure coming from Derek's erratic, quick changing formulas then his own equation. The two breathed heavily into each other's mouths as they rode out an orgasm, Spencer came first into the tissue, hips stuttering against Derek's palm as his back arched and his lips slipped from Derek's for a moment in a quiet moan. Upon feeling that, Derek fell close behind, bringing their lips together for a few lazy kisses. Stroking that out for a few more moments, Spencer collapsed against Derek's chest. His arms wrapped around Spencer and the two took a few minutes to catch their breaths and think about just how awesome that was.

Looking back at Derek, Spencer said, "Tell Garcia we did this and I'm going to kill you."

Derek laughed tiredly, "I'd like to see you try."

"Derek, please," Spencer pleaded, "She's already holding North Philly above my head."

Derek shrugged, "Alright. Fine. I won't give details."

Spencer replied folding back into Derek's arms, "I'll take what I can get."

Chest rumbling with laughter, Derek breathed, "Spencer."

"Yes, Derek?"

Derek shook his head in disbelief, "How did you do all that? I thought you were new to this."

Spencer chuckled and held tighter onto him, "I am. You'd be shocked how much of sex is simplified Physics."

Derek poked Spencer in the ribs, "You _would_ use Physics to give head."

"I would," Spencer held back a smile and rolled his eyes, checking his watch to find that fourteen minutes has passed since he'd stepped into the bathroom, "Hey, it's only been like fifteen minutes."

"Seriously?" Derek asked.

"Legit," Spencer shrugged, "I guess you were right. You do work fast."

Sending a grimace Spencer's way, Derek replied, "Hey, I could make it last if I wanted to."

Spencer smiled quietly, "I never said you couldn't."

Derek glanced into Spencer's eyes, "We're not saying much these days."

"Yeah, that's true, isn't it?" Spencer shrugged.

"It is," Derek said casually, "Because… I kind of think I'm in love with you, and I'm not sure if you've profiled it out of me yet."

Spencer nodded, "Hmm."

Derek pressed a kiss to Spencer's forehead, "Really, I think I am. In love with you, I mean."

Spencer scratched behind his neck and replied slowly, "Oh….."

"What do you mean, 'oh'?" Derek asked with a worried expression.

Spencer replied calmly, "Thing is, I kind of think I'm in love with you too, so we'd better figure this out. I'm not used to not knowing stuff."

Derek gave a hopeful smile, "You're in love with me?"

Spencer said quickly, "I said 'I kind of think'!"

Derek sent back a grin, "Me too. Awesome. No commitment!"

"It's good to be male," Spencer snickered, letting out a laugh as Derek pinned him to the wall and kissed down his neck.

Derek said above Spencer's skin, "Fuck yeah it is."

Spencer let Derek trail calm kisses to his sex heated skin and sighed into the touch. He loves being this way with Derek. He absolutely loves it. Zipping up his pants and fixing his belt, he let Derek continue to press kisses down his neck. Spencer fixed Derek's pants for him as well. As long as Derek kept kissing his neck like this, Spencer would do whatever he wants him to do. A peaceful smile slid across his lips as Derek pressed loving pecks to Spencer's skin.

Suddenly, there was the sound of a door opening and Derek froze on top of Spencer. Spencer looked at him, eyes saying, '_Oh, shit_'. Derek leaned forward, whispering quietly, "Maybe he just has to pee." The door opened once more. The two agents heard the sound of a woman giggling and leaning onto a surface. The woman snickered, "Well, hello Agent Rossi." Derek's eyes snapped toward Spencer's. Shit. The woman's voice belonged to Erin Strauss.

* * *

**A/N: Cliffhanger! Abhtdnulktrfdhrewbfrkjgjhjul sdsjbvkfdvk?! I know, I suck. **

**-Blue Ivy**


	16. Reid is NOT a Playboy Bunny

Chapter Sixteen: Reid is NOT a Playboy Bunny

* * *

**A/N: THREE THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT ME:**

**1) I'm not above poo jokes.**

**2) I ship Rossi/Strauss even though I would never read FF about it.**

**3) I know that a sex scene can make or break a fiction... so I hope I didn't fuck it up. (lol, get it? A sex scene. Fucking. Fucking up. God, I'm corny.)**

**Love,**

**Azul Oleandar**

* * *

Rossi's voice rang out from behind the door, as Strauss giggled, "Hey, little girl. What is a girl like you doing in a place like this?"

She said with a quick laugh, "Stop playing around, Dave."

Rossi whispered under his breath, "I thought you liked it when I played around."

Derek made a gagging face and Spencer held in his laughter, pressing his hand against his mouth to suppress a chuckle. Even though he and Garcia had an inkling that the two agents were also sneaking around, it was more of a joke than an actual hypothesis. Sure, Spencer was trapped in a handicapped stall with Derek, two of his superiors on the other side of the door, and a tissue full of come, but hell. All he could think of was how much he wanted to tell Garcia what he'd just discovered.

Strauss's giggle came out again and there was a quiet thumping noise as if something was leaning onto a wall. Then there were kissing noises. And small moans. Derek looked like he was about to throw up, and Spencer, frozen underneath him was biting his lips to keep himself from bursting out laughing. They just had to wait it out. They'll be gone soon, right? Right?!

Rossi spoke quietly, "Wanna take this to the handicapped stall?"

Spencer's eyes widened and he locked eyes with Derek. Fuck.

"Sure, why not?" Strauss said with a slimy slick to her voice.

Spencer shook his head over and over again, yanking Derek over to the open toilet seat. He stood onto one side and crouched, Derek crouching up onto the other side so that their feet weren't visible to their superiors. Good thing they locked the door. Spencer's heart was pounding in his chest as the couple walked toward the door. The handle jiggled, and Rossi murmured, "Shit. It's locked."

Strauss hissed quietly, "Do you think someone is in there?"

"No. I didn't hear anything," Rossi said, crouching to peer underneath the stall. Spencer prayed and prayed that he wouldn't see them. Please, please, please. Rossi stood up and sighed, "No one's here."

Derek pressed his hand to his own chest and breathed out soundlessly.

Then the sound of a pocket knife flicked out. Shit. He's going to pick the lock. Fuck, fuck, fuck! Rossi's knife scraped against the side of the door and Strauss's voice rang out quickly, "You know what, forget it. I have a meeting soon anyway."

The knife flipped back closed and Rossi complained, "Come on, Erin. Please?"

Derek rolled his eyes and pretended to stick his finger into his mouth. Spencer stifled and chuckle and the couple backed away from the door. They made another, long, gross sounding kissing noise and the sound of heels clicking out of the room was finally heard. Rossi sighed and knocked onto the door, "Morgan, I know you're in there. Come on out."

Derek paused, not making any immediate noise.

Rossi replied, "I don't have time for this, Morgan. I already know it's you."

Derek said quietly, "How did you know?"

"You suck at the quiet game." Rossi countered, "Plus, I heard you gagging just now."

Derek swore, "Fine. You caught me. Whatever. I'm not coming out regardless."

Rossi laughed, "Why not?"

Derek paused, "None of your damned business."

"I think I can handle it, Morgan," Rossi retorted.

"Alright. Since you want to know so bad, I have explosive diarrhea and I used this bathroom in convenience to everyone else because it is a fucking mess in here." Derek lied. Spencer slammed his hand across his lips as his back threatened to quake with laughter. Diarrhea? Really? Derek was a genius sometimes.

Rossi coughed and quickly replied, "Oh, God, Morgan. You don't have to give me the details. Do you want the day off?"

"No!" Derek said with a shake of his head, holding back a smile, "I'm fine, I just… oh! Oh, God! Here it comes!" Derek made a farting sound with his mouth, moving his hand between himself and his boyfriend and signaling to Spencer that he wanted _him_ to continue doing that. Spencer shook his head 'no', and Derek gave him a pleading look.

Rossi took a few steps back, "That sounds awful."

Spencer hid his face in his hands and pushed air between his fingers loudly as Derek replied with a moan of distress, "It's terrible. Have you ever shit like this, Rossi? It changes a man, I swear. You might want to clear out. You're in the splash zone."

"Jesus, Morgan! Too much information!" Rossi said, heading to the door, "I'll… uh, I'll see you later."

Derek grimaced, "Whew, that was _intense_!"

"Oh, and about me and Strauss…" Rossi started.

"I won't say a word. I'm too busy—ugh!—in here," Derek groaned as Spencer made another noise, "Oh, Lord, here it is again! It's just falling out of me!"

"I'm leaving, I'm leaving!" Rossi said quickly, the door slamming behind him. Spencer erupted into a torrent of quiet laughter.

Derek chuckled, "Trust me, diarrhea is always the way to go. No one ever questions it, because it's just that gross."

Spencer breathed, stepping down from the toilet, "How did you know that would make him leave?"

Derek shrugged with a smile as he stepped down beside Spencer, "What can I say? I'm good at getting people out of my face."

Spencer chuckled, "Apparently so."

* * *

Derek kept leaving his desk for the rest of the afternoon purely to mess with Rossi's head. He would suddenly stop working on a file and then rush out of the bullpen. Spencer kept looking up to see Rossi's face, which was a look of pure terror and disgust, and hid his laughter behind his desk. Since Rossi was sure that no one else in the office knew of Derek's "raging bowel issues", he made sure not to talk about it. He just kept shooting knowing glances toward Derek every time he left. Once, Derek even disappeared for a half hour just to freak him out. When he finally walked back into the office, Derek was carrying a wet hand towel and wiped it across his face, sitting down with a wince before getting up and hurrying back out of the room. Spencer was nearly stabbing himself in the leg with a pencil to keep from laughing, and by the time the day had gone out, Prentiss was worried.

She walked up to Spencer's desk and asked, glancing over at Derek whom was working at his cubicle, "…is Derek okay?"

Spencer nearly burst out laughing as he opened his mouth to answer her. He motioned Emily closer and whispered, "He told Rossi that he has explosive diarrhea, so he keeps pretending to go to the bathroom."

Prentiss hissed, "That's so gross."

Spencer was doubled over laughing, getting the attention of a few interns as he replied, "It's the funniest thing I've ever seen, I swear to God. His face alone."

Prentiss shushed him, "Come on, Spence. How old are you?"

Spencer gasped out, "Thirty two years, two months, and seven days."

She rolled her eyes and marched back to her desk, shaking her head, "Boys."

As the last few agents poured out, Rossi stopped Derek, clapped his hand on his shoulder and gave him a small tin of pills before leaving. Derek waited for Rossi to leave before walking up to Spencer's desk, "He bought it! We are so good!"

Spencer shook his head, "I take no ownership for that scheme. It's all you."

Derek held up his palm with a wide grin, "I at least get a high five for it, right? I mean, come on. I saved both of our asses back there."

Spencer leaned in and whispered quietly under the voices of the tired, cleaning interns, "You'll get a lot more than that tonight."

Derek raised his eyebrows, "Word?"

Spencer chuckled, "Word."

"Please don't say that. It's just not right." Derek stated.

Spencer shrugged and explained, "Actually, 'word' is a shortened form of the phrase 'my word is my bond' which was originally used by inmates in U.S. prisons. The longer phrase was shortened to 'word is bond' before becoming 'word,' which is how it is most commonly active. It basically means 'to speak the truth'. So as you ask me 'word', you are asking if I speak the truth, and by replying 'word' as well, I am confirming that I am. Although… since it began as jail talk, it probably is unbecoming of _both_ of us to use the phrase since we're both working for the government, not just me."

Derek paused a moment before announcing, "I am so horny right now."

"Have you ever considered that you're sapiosexual?" Spencer blushed, turning to shove papers into his bag and roll his eyes.

Derek asked, "What's a 'sapiosexual'?"

"A person who's sexually attracted to intelligence and the use of it," Spencer buckled his bag shut, joking aloud, "You know, since you're so lacking in that department, it might seem nice to stave some of it off of someone whom has an overabundance."

Instead of retorting with something clever, however, Derek lowered his hand down to slap him sharply on the rear. A few interns looked up at the noise, but Spencer was already turned around, hissing quietly, "Slap my ass one more time! I fucking dare you!"

Derek leaned back with a terrified look on his face.

"I hate it when you do that, it makes me feel like an object! Do I look like a Playboy Bunny to you?" Spencer growled.

Derek shook his head quickly.

Spencer mumbled as he continued to stuff pencils into the back pocket of the satchel.

A mousy, brown haired intern walked by pushing a cart and Derek stopped her with a hand on her shoulder and whispered, "Help."

She looked up at him in awe, seeing as BAU members don't often converse with the bumbling hopefuls, "Oh, m-my God, you're talking to me? I... yes. Sure! What do you need, Agent Morgan?"

Derek whimpered and looked over at Spencer, "He beats me, Pretty Girl. It's terrible."

"Oh, okay. I get it," she intern began to laugh and shook her head, continuing on with the cart, "Good night, agents."

Spencer glared at Derek and he turned, pointing at him, "You missed it! Look! He's a demon, I swear!"

Spencer leaned over and whispered to Derek, "You see that? In that cart? There goes the sex we were going to have tonight. When you stopped her, you put it in and wheeled it away."

Derek whispered back, "What?"

Spencer whispered to him, "Yep. I was planning on using all kinds of Physics; it was going to be _hot_. Oh, well."

"Physics?" Derek asked hopefully.

Spencer shrugged, "Yeah. Translational motion/frictional force type shit. I mean, I was about to go AP on you. Too bad."

Derek raised his palms in surrender, "Wait, no, Reid. That ain't fair."

Spencer began to walk out of the bullpen without responding. After a moment or so, Derek trailed him, begging, "Wait, Reid. Please! I'll change! I promise!" Spencer stepped into an elevator and as Derek tried to walk in to join him, Spencer stopped him with a hand and closed the sliding doors with the press of a button. Spencer loved being the more in depth thinker of the two of them. He was already withholding sex and they haven't even had it yet. Spencer chuckled to himself. That had to change. Spencer was ready, and by now, he was just tired of waiting. He knew Derek wanted it; he just had to find the right way to sneak it on him. Although Derek doesn't know it, Spencer now has the upper hand. And, boy, is he going to use it. Derek had no clue what he had in store for tonight.

* * *

Spencer knocked on Derek's door, and after a long string of barking from his huge dog, the door opened, stopped at the lock as a very tired Derek peered through the cracked open door. Derek's eyebrows furrowed and he ran his hand down his face tiredly. He groaned, "Spence, it's three in the morning. What are you doing here?"

The doctor smiled quietly and asked, "May I come in?"

"Well, yeah. I'm not going to let you freeze," Derek said, as a dark snout wiggled between the door and the wall, "Just give me a second to get pants on and put Clooney up."

Spencer nodded, "I'll wait."

Derek shut the door quickly. Spencer sighed at the thought of Derek answering the door without pants on, wondering quietly if his boyfriend slept naked before waiting the few moments it took for the agent to get prepared. Quickly, Derek opened the door, wincing at the light on his front steps, "Come on in, man. Sorry it's a bit of a mess in here."

Spencer walked in, happily accepting the bits and pieces out of place that weren't there the last time he was. A half empty glass of water was sitting on the living room table, a leash was draped across the couch and several newspapers were laid down on the other side of the living room wall. Spencer looked up at it to see large, fluid, yellow strokes of paint across the red wall. There was a pattern emerging, but for now it was most definitely unfinished.

"I didn't know you painted," Spencer said.

Derek shrugged, yawning his reply, "I do it sometimes. Me and my friends from Chicago used to tag stuff when I was in high school. Now it's just something I do when I've got the time on my hands to legally... what… the fuck are you wearing?"

Spencer stepped slowly closer to Derek, letting his hands fall on his boyfriend's bare chest before leaning in to kiss him softly on the lips. Derek paused at first, not expecting that slow, sultry reaction to the question, and returned the kiss after a moment. By then, Spencer had pulled away. There was a raise to the side of Spencer's lips before he ran his fingertips across Derek's cheek, "See for yourself." Spencer had adorned himself in a long, tight collared trench coat that fell to his ankles. While the outfit was a tad quiet, he didn't seem to even be wearing shoes. Last but not least, his face was relaxed into a sneer full of undisclosed knowledge. Derek paused, "Is it alright if I don't know what's going on?"

Spencer nodded, moving even closer to Derek and breathing lightly when Derek's arms folded around him instantaneously, "Eventually, you'll figure it out." Before his Derek could even give a proper reply, Spencer pressed another kiss to Derek's lips, letting it linger as they tasted each other. Derek breathed as they separated, "Wh-what's up, Spencer, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Spencer replied, reaching up to unbutton the top of his coat, hands moving down and down until it fell from his lithe body. Derek wet his lips and stared over the top of Spencer's head, refusing to make eye contact with his body before murmuring, "You're naked, aren't you?"

He nodded quietly, "Yep."

"Get the fuck over here," Derek pulled Spencer close and began to ravish his mouth in kiss after kiss. Spencer's chest heaved as it made connection with Derek's and wrapped his arms around his shoulders. Derek's hands traveled down Spencer's bare back and ran over miles and miles of skin as if he had waited years to touch it, lightly caressing Spencer past his hips and paused before settling onto a firm, round behind. He chuckled as Derek pushed him into a wall and peppered his neck in kisses, whispering into Spencer's ear, "Shit, I just knew you were a freak." Spencer replied by wrapping his legs around Derek's waist and whispering into his ear, "Dammit, we've tried too many times, and I'm getting tired of waiting—waiting for you to fuck me. You're gonna, right?"

"By hell or high fucking water, it's happening right now. I will take you on this goddamn wall if I have to. Ooh, you're gonna get it, boy, you're gonna get it so bad," Derek promised, shoving him down the wall and tonguing paths of kissed down Spencer's chest, "Jesus fuck, you taste good. I want you, man. I'm so hungry for you. Fuck, I've been craving you for so long."

Spencer chuckled, "You make me sound like cake after a crash diet."

Derek grabbed Spencer by the shoulders and looked into his eyes, "That's because you are cake, baby boy. You _are_ cake."

Spencer asked confusedly, "What? Do you want to involve food in this? Because that's kind of kinky for my first time, but we can get some if you want it."

"At some point, you have to let me eat strawberry short cake off of your chest. Just saying, if we're going to do this, that has to happen and soon." Derek placed his hands at Spencer's waist, starting to carry him up the stairs and down a hallway.

"… I could be okay with that," Spencer replied with a shrug while Derek's arms tightened protectively around his waist, marching him into the bedroom as if he weighed nothing more than a baby doll. He rolled his bare hips against Derek's sweatpants impatiently, feeling the arousing cloth against him. Derek sat down and Spencer looked up at him, as perched him atop his lap. Derek ran a finger along the side of Spencer's face and smiled a bit as Spencer took it into his mouth and started to suck on it, "You're a closet freak, man, I swear to God. Where did all of this come from?"

"Thirty years of sexual frustration can do this to a guy, eventually, we just crack. That happened to me about five hours ago," Spencer shrugged, "Blame it on my suppressed psychosis, I did."

Derek laughed, "Will do, baby boy."

Spencer blushed, thanking the darkness of the room as it hid his rosy cheeks, "Thanks. I didn't want you to get turned off by my eagerness, but truthfully… I just want to get over with as quickly as possible, so if you could…" Spencer made a little whistling sound and scampered his fingers up Derek's chest.

"Well, wait just a second, mister," Derek said, lowering his now wet finger to trail down Spencer's neck, "You mean so much to me, man, seriously. Before we do anything, I want you to tell me something, and then I want to tell _you_ something. Deal?"

Spencer groaned, "You're such a woman, Derek."

Derek glared at him before repeating, "_Deal_?"

Spencer sighed, "Deal."

"Are you actually, positively, 113% sure you want to do this?" Derek asked Spencer seriously, eyes trained on his.

Letting out a chuckle, Spencer grabbed Derek's hand and slipped it down under his thighs to meet a slick, stretched out hole, "I want this so badly that if you don't get a move on, I'm going to do it alone and make you watch."

"You are trying my patience, Spencer. I've calmed down for the express purpose of wanting this to be special, now listen to me before you ruin it for the both of us." Derek's eyes closed calmly for a second as Spencer quieted and asked him what it was he needed to hear. Leaning closer to Spencer and holding his hands into his much larger ones, Derek replied, "I don't 'kind of think' anything. I _know_ that I'm in love with you, and I want you to know that. If we go through with this, it's because I love you and I want to be connected to you in any way I can. Your virginity is the most beautiful thing in the world, Spencer, protect it. I had mine taken from me by someone I didn't love... someone who didn't love me back, and I don't want that same thing to happen to you."

"You're so stupid," Spencer breathed before leaning in to close his lips over Derek's in several hard, passionate kisses, "I can't stop thinking about you and it physically hurts to be away. It scared me, and I didn't know what it was, so I ran a few tests on my blood and stress levels and turns out they've raised in oxytocin by a factor of three. Even my cerebral cortex is in love with you, Derek, and that's saying quite a lot. Right about now, it's gotten to the point where I have to be near you to feel sane. My virginity has _been_ yours for _years_, I trust you, and I love you. So, for the second time today, you are going to take me, or I will tie you down and fuck you into the mattress myself."

Derek paused, "Can I take option number two?"

Spencer replied seriously, "You don't _want_ me to do this myself; I've written out equations that will make you feel so good, it'll hurt for weeks."

Derek growled back at Spencer as he was shoved down onto the bed, a bare Spencer straddling him with an evil glint in his eye, "Fuck… I don't know what they are, but I assure you it's looking pretty nice right about now."

Spencer let out a grin and licked a stripe up Derek's neck, "Are you sure it is, because I show no mercy."

Derek murmured as Spencer slipped his hand into his baggy sweatpants and dragged them off of his legs, "Mercy's for pussies and neither of us have them."

Spencer held back a laugh as he pinned Derek's arms over his head, feeling the playful resistance from his bedmate, "Then, no mercy for you."

Derek released his wrist from Spencer's confines and flipped Spencer underneath of him, grinning down at his boyfriend, "Who said I'd leave the handlings of mercy up to you?"

"You did," Spencer gasped, clearly not expecting the swift change, "You said you wanted me to tie you down and fuck you into the mattress."

Derek wiggled his eyebrows and stole a kiss before saying against Spencer's lips, "I never said 'today'."

Spencer growled, "Oh, you sneaky bastard!"

Derek chuckled with a deep snarl, "Don't expect much else from me, Princess. Just remember, you asked for it, so get it, you shall."

"Oh, really?" Spencer asked as Derek leaned closer to whisper his snarky response full of yeah's, sure's and fuck yes's. Smiling down at him, Derek closed the distance between their lips and pressed Spencer closer to him, basking in the warmth of familiarity, and the subtle bite of the unknown. This is probably why Derek likes sleeping with different women, there must be nothing like the first time with somebody. The excitement of seeing what you've dreamt about, finally touching what many others have not had the honor to. The passion that lies in that first press of lips, and the feel of someone else moving with you in a dance of pleasure and lust. The soft slide of foreign skin touching, colliding, and falling together in satin sheets; breathing in oxygen of carbon dioxide.

Derek had leaned over to turn the bedside light out, ran his calm hands down Spencer's body, and left whispered kisses across every inch or his skin. He even paused to press his lips to the arch of Spencer's feet, rubbing gentle circles into them to relax, and sooth him. Derek eased tension out of Spencer's shoulders, pushed knots out of his back, and rubbed a soothing smelling lotion into his skin, kissing away at his chest, back, legs, and thighs when he could. Spencer had never felt more turned on in his entire life. Hell, he was getting closer and closer to the edge as Derek soothed and massaged him until he could barely remember his first name (which says a lot for an eidetic guy). Spencer blames Derek's fucking hands rubbing up and down his skin. Those things were a damned aphrodisiac.

He doesn't know what he is at this point, gay, bi, straight, Derek-sexual. Fuck, right about now he doesn't even care. All he wants is Derek's warm hands on him as long as he lives. If that could happen, then all of Spencer's dreams have come true. Derek whispered into his ear once more if he was sure he wanted to go through with it and Spencer breathed out with a snarky smirk, "You know what? No. I just undressed, showered, fingered the shit out of myself, drove over here and threw my naked body into your arms. How could you have possibly misconstrued that to be _me_ wanting to have sex with you?"

"Hey, no need to get an attitude. I'll turn this car around, you hear me?" Derek chuckled, pinching Spencer's rear and eliciting that sound he likes so much. Once he's started aggravating him, though, it was hard to stop. By the time he was finished teasing Spencer with tickles along his ribs and nibbling kisses to his firm nipples, the young doctor's arms were crossed over his chest and his face held a very prominent blush. Fully satisfied, Derek pressed a kiss to Spencer's lips and guided him from slightly aggressed to passionate in moments. By then, Spencer was panting putty in Derek's arms, sporting a half mast length and a no nonsense attitude. Derek began once again to run the show. Spencer let out a deep breath as Derek pressed a finger deep into him, feeling the walls give way easily. He was indeed well prepared. Derek's head popped up from Spencer's lap and he asked how Spencer had come to prepare himself so well. When Spencer replied "a nine inch dildo" Derek shook his head and muttered once again that Spencer was a closet freak. Whatever that means.

Spencer licked his dry lips wet and watched greedily as Derek rolled latex down and slicked himself up. Derek threw him a wink that had him in a fit of nervous giggles as Derek poked his nose. Looking down at him with adoration, Derek leaned forward and whispered into Spencer's ear that he loved him. Spencer felt himself blush as he replied that he felt the same. Running his hands down Spencer's body one last time, he gazed into Spencer's eyes and pushed in for the first time.

For Derek, it was soft and unexpectedly warm. Spencer had a smooth natural twitch at the first glide, but his body was so relaxed and well prepared that he had accepted him easily. He couldn't stop looking into Spencer's face. It was scrunched and contorted, but not as if he was uncomfortable. It was more the face he gave when he didn't understand. Derek hoped he soon would. After a moment to adjust, Derek gave their first stroke and watched Spencer's intake of breath. His whole body seemed to move with him, his chest, his back, his legs… it was as if he identified exactly what to do, and spent the moment doing it wondering how he knew in the first place. Derek almost chuckled. That's so Spencer. As the young doctor's small, lithe hands pressed calmly to his shoulders, Derek felt that softness and warmth again. This is now what he will associate with Spencer. Softness and warmth.

For Spencer, it was passionate and gentile. Derek's slide in was tender, but it felt foreign and strange at first. He needed a moment to tell himself that it was finally over. Whatever happens from now to the rest of his life, at least he's not a virgin anymore. Then he felt Derek's breath on his face, and his hands gripping softly to his waist as if he were afraid Spencer would break if he held on too tightly. Warm breath, sensual touches, it was perfect. Spencer's eyes were shut, so he couldn't see it, but he knew. He knew Derek was watching him, waiting on a reaction. Spencer subconsciously gave it. Then, Derek moved, somehow knowing that Spencer wanted him to. In that moment, it all clicked. His body flowed through the shock of the first stroke as Derek's motion flooded him with passion. Spencer knows. There's so much he knows. It all makes sense to him now, sex does.

So, they continued. Neither said a word. No hints, no 'faster's, not even a 'how does that feel'. They communicated through moan and breath. Anything other than that, they just sort of _knew_. Derek noticed that whenever Spencer wanted more, his back would arch into him, guiding him along to his sensitive prostate. Spencer felt that whenever, Derek really liked something, he'd breathe a certain way. Whenever something hurt, Spencer would turn his face shyly into the pillow. Whenever an angle sucked, Derek would shift his bummed knee. It was a process for the two of them, learning each other's bodies and motions. Then, they got it. Pace matched pace, and thrust matched thrust. They knew. They understood. They fell together.

Alas, when it came to the end, there was some lost in translation. Spencer would arch deeper and press Derek in further until his chest collided with Derek's. That struck Derek as odd as he's never seen that before and then didn't know what to do. So, he started to think like Spencer… _If I'm doing a good job, we should be nearing the end. Around that moment, Spencer should want more and more, but still be losing his regular train of thought, so he won't really understand what he wants more of. Since I'm the one giving him pleasure, he might be seeing me as an object of it and if he realizes that's what he wants, he will do everything in his power to physically take pleasure off of me if he has to get it that way. Thus, why he's moving so closely. If I'm right, I just solved question ten on that biology quiz in my senior year of college that I didn't study for… Yeah, I'm probably wrong._ Well, he thought that until Spencer let out a soft, but long moan that sounded kind of like a poor street urchin having his first bite of steak. Derek then understood. _I rock so damn hard right now. _ Then, Derek's breath picked up and Spencer began to get worried he had done something wrong, opening his eyes wider to see Derek's closed tightly, his face giving away his pleasure. That's his narcissistic face. He must think he's doing well. Spencer then decided that if he wasn't so into this right now, he would totally say something snarky.

Then, it happened.

You know what I mean. _It_.

Needless to say, Spencer was expecting more, but he was thoroughly impressed all in all. He was mostly shocked into his orgasm, his stomach pooling with heat as he pushed and shoved against Derek, syphoning passion off of his boyfriend as if he were the only source of it. Derek watched as Spencer came loose underneath him, gasping and yelling and quivering in one of the most intimate moments of his life. Then Derek's ego took over and he just thought "fuck it" and let Spencer have it. In the last few moments of Spencer's orgasm, he pounded him hard, finding himself finishing off after hearing that sharp, eager "yes!" Spencer gasped out after every thrust.

After he was done, Spencer's chest was heaving, fresh come littering his stomach and Derek pulled out quickly, leaning down to push the head of Spencer's sensitive length into his mouth. Spencer quickly called out his name, gripping the back of Derek's head and nodding, seemingly past words. Derek pulled his tongue back as his lips sunk down Spencer's dying erection as he teased the doctor until he was reduced to shallow breaths and the occasional swear. Spencer began to whimpering, clawing gently at the back of his neck and whispering quiet words. There wasn't much else for him to do at that point, but lay back and float off into the calm, satisfying humdrum that was post coitus.

Derek leaned up to kiss him, running his hands through his hair and gently caressing the side of his face before breaking contact with his lips. Spencer glanced into his eyes and saw a glint that he barely ever sees in Derek's eyes. The look was warm and comforting and said "you know I fuckin' love you, right?" Spencer never wanted to leave that spot. It was then when Spencer realized that he was smiling. Not a cheek breaking, thirty two teeth gleaming, forceful smile. It wasn't even his awkward 'consulting-a-family-that-doesn't-like-his-tie' smile. It was a smile he doesn't ever remember making before. His lips were slightly turned upward at the corners, uneven and natural. He barely noticed that he was even doing it. Wow.

Derek smirked, running a thumb gently across his lips, "You're smiling and it's not awkward like it usually is."

Spencer chuckled, refusing to break eye contact with the warm eyes above him, "If you say one word about me basking in the afterglow, I will kick your ass."

"I was just about to say that, and I'd love to see you try," Derek laughed fondly.

Spencer let out a scoff, "Yeah, me too."

Derek stared at him longer; the time passing like leaves falling from a tree and new stars becoming visible to the earth's inhabitants. Spencer, for years, never liked being looked at, but even then he would tolerate it when Derek did it before just because it was Derek. But now? Well… he kind of liked it now. It gave him some sort of reassurance that he could be attractive and Derek thought him so. For once, it didn't make him feel objectified or estranged. He kind of feels worth it. His smile grew wider.

The two began to laugh and Spencer leaned back, head hitting the pillow as he ran his hand through his now tangled mess of hair, "Shit. I can't believe we actually did it."

Derek casually lay beside him, but didn't pull away completely after he covered their skin with the loose blanket. His fingers trailed down Spencer's chest as he drew little patterns on it, "I believe your words were 'get it over with'."

Spencer let out a content sigh, "I could get it over with again and again and again and again and again and…"

Derek chuckled against his earlobe, "Okay, Spencer. I get it. You like cock."

Spencer hid his face in his hands and he turned on his side into Derek's chest, "Rrh, you make it sound so _gay_."

Derek began to outright laugh, "I'm sorry, but you just said you wanted to have sex with me again and again. Does that sound _straight_ to you or… do you slap on a 'no homo' on the end of it and it's all alright."

Spencer shook his head and pushed his bangs out of his eyes, "You know what, this isn't the time for me to have a big gay freak out, so I'm just going to stop complaining." He looked up into Derek's eyes and sighed truthfully, "I don't know what you did, but I liked it very much and would like to have more of it."

"Just in case you're wondering it's called a _screaming orgasm_, and sure. You may have as many as you like," Derek replied with a clever smirk.

Spencer stared blankly at him.

Derek paused, "…what?"

Spencer deadpanned, "Now, preferably."

Derek shook his head with a smile, "Okay. One: where did your manners go, because I don't remember letting them out of the door. Two: your recovery period is so unnaturally fast, it should be illegal."

"Nuh uh," Spencer replied with a quick nod, "We stopped like two minutes ago. Come on, let's go!"

Derek sighed and ran his hand down his face, "Boy, you're going to give me a heart attack."

"At least try to wait until after, okay," Spencer said with a grin, hopping on top of Derek enthusiastically.

* * *

JJ walked past Spencer's desk absentmindedly, holding a file for him and dropping it at his desk, "There's a serial kidnapper in Georgia we need to get to, and we're meeting in the break room in five—Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. Reid, you look like you haven't slept."

Spencer groaned and sat up gingerly, his face contorted into a scowl, "Thanks for the compliment, Jayje."

She shrugged, "What? I was being honest. Did you?"

"Didn't have time," Spencer said with a reminiscent smile before grabbing his file and satchel and striding up to JJ to whisper into her ear, "Lots of sex."

JJ screamed in joy, "_Shut up_!"

He chuckled as the entire office looked their way at her outburst and leaned back on his desk casually to reply, "Oh, yeah. I feel like a new man."

JJ grabbed him by the ear and dragged him through the bullpen, up the runway and down to her office. He whined, "What the—ow." She paid him no mind and closed the door quickly before turning, grabbing his lapels, and slamming him against it, asking, "Okay, how did this go down? Details, man, you're killing me!"

Spencer said with a tired blink, "I was in my apartment around three in the morning, and I decided to get naked, put on a trench coat and show up on his doorstep."

She paused, "And you're not confined to a wheelchair?"

Spencer winked, "I'm just as shocked that I'm not paraplegic as you are."

"How was it?"

"Amazing."

"How long did you last?"

"Five minutes shortest; thirty two minutes longest."

"What position?"

"Does 'every available surface in the room' have a name?"

"No, but it should," she gasped and narrowed her eyes when she asked, "Is he circumcised?"

"That is so none of your business."

"Spencer."

"Yep."

JJ let out a breath, "Ho…ly…shit."

Spencer sighed happily, "Holy shit is right. I still can't feel my toes."

JJ gave him a wide smile and poked him in the chest repeatedly, "I am so damned proud of you. I mean the trench coat thing was brilliant! Who would have known that was the exact thing to do? I mean it was practically—"

Spencer grinned, "What? Genius?"

She teased him lovingly, ruffling his hair before exiting the room, "Yeah, okay, hot stuff. Get your tiny little ass in the break room. I'll deal with you later"

* * *

**A/N:** **I have no idea how that chappie went over with you guys, because I seriously wrote it to death until I just gave up and uploaded. It took me two weeks to finish it. Yeah, I know. _Damn_. Let me know in the reviews if I "nailed it, or failed it", because I am honestly at a loss here and am in need of feedback.**

**-White Oleander**

**P.S. Fun fact for those who care! My screen name is actually based off of the book White Oleander which I ****actually**** never read. My mother always kept it in the hallway on top of the bookshelf, and when I moved away, it was the one thing I really remembered about my childhood home. So, to avoid copyright I changed the color and misspelled oleander to be oleandar. **

**Betcha didn't know that.**


	17. The Birds and the Honey Bees

Chapter Seventeen: The Birds and the Honey Bees

* * *

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to fucking with Reid because it makes me happy when he gets upset.**

**-Blue Bells**

* * *

Spencer strode confidently into the break room, meeting Hotch, Rossi and Prentiss. He flashed a smile and nodded, "Good morning, everyone. Good, good, good morning."

Prentiss smirked, "Someone's in a sunny mood today."

"I wonder who that is," Spencer sighed with a grin, placing his satchel on the floor beside his chair and sliding the file in front of him. He sat with ease even though it hurt like a motherfucker, because he remembers how it came to hurt this way. Damn, Derek fucked him good last night. Over his night stand, over his dresser drawer, on the floor, on the wall, halfway down the stairs, on the kitchen table, on the counter, beside the fridge, _inside_ the fridge (God only know how they'd managed that one, but they made it work…). To make a long story short, they'd officially christened the entirety of Derek's apartment and boy, did it take strength, ingenuity, and good ol' dedication. That, my friends, is years of sexual tension at its finest. So, he let out another smile. The second Spencer gets one moment alone with Derek he's going to drag him into the nearest open room and remind him just how appreciative he was of their little rendezvous last night. He's made that decision as he drove to work this morning after getting dressed in Derek's bathroom.

Hotch asked, "Is there a reason for your unprecedented enthusiasm?"

Spencer gave a casual shrug and opened the file, reviewing it with a dismissed smile, "Maybe there is, maybe there isn't…"

Prentiss began to smile, "And here comes the cryptic Reid we all know and love._ 'He's an onion, he's got layers'..._"

Spencer bit the inside of his cheek, "I'm not being cryptic. I'm just insinuating that my personal life is my personal life and I can choose the amount in which I allow you to perceive."

Rossi let out a grin, "Well, I'll be damned."

Spencer glanced up, "What?"

He chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief, "You got laid last night, didn't you?"

"Who said that?" Spencer asked, suppressing the urge to smile and brag as loudly as he could about the kick ass night he had.

"Your body language did. Your posture is held more upright in confidence, you can barely hold back a smile," Rossi replied simply, "And the gleam afterglow has cast on your complexion is, need I say, very classy."

Spencer narrowed his eyes suspiciously at Rossi, "Are you profiling me?"

Rossi nodded, "Shamelessly."

At that moment, the door opened once more revealing a tall, muscle bound Derek. Was it just Spencer, or was Derek more attractive now that he's personally licked every inch of that gorgeous fucking body? Derek raised the file and stated simply, "JJ's coming in a moment, she just got a call from the Atlanta PD, and apparently they have some new information about the kidnapper."

Prentiss pointed at Spencer, "Morgan, did you hear—"

Spencer raised his hands in urgency, "No, Prentiss, no! I'll never live it down!"

"—Reid got laid."

Spencer facepalmed, "I never even _said_ I got laid!"

Derek raised his eyebrows in surprise, closing the door and glancing his way, "Jesus Christ, kid, finally. One would think you were waiting for an engraved invitation."

Rossi looked up with pride clear on his face, "I take full responsibility for profiling it out of him!"

"Thanks for the ammo, Rossi, because I have a feeling this one will never get old," Derek replied with a wink

Spencer worried his bottom lip. Awesome.

Sliding into the seat beside him with a vicious grin that only spells trouble, Derek remarked loudly, "I had a feeling sooner or later it would fall off, but, no. Reid nipped it in the bud. Literally."

Spencer sighed, "Yeah, well, thank you very much for your kind words and blessing, but I didn't ask for it."

Derek grinned, "You know me. I'm just nice like that."

Spencer folded his arms and grumbled, "And this is where the teasing starts."

"Damn right it is," Derek chuckled, walking behind Spencer and ruffling his hair out of place fondly, "Because now, I'm going to have to mess with you all day. You won't hear the end of this until you're fifty."

Prentiss laughed, "Mind if I join in."

"Please do! The more the merrier!" Derek said, sliding into his seat.

Prentiss grinned, "I call the afternoon shift!"

Spencer groaned, "Or, everybody could leave me alone and we could get on with the case as if this isn't any of your business in the first place."

Rossi smirked, "_Or_, we could make you even more uncomfortable and not change the subject."

Spencer murmured into his hands, "_Or_, you could do the opposite."

Prentiss began to laugh, "Now, Reid, why would we do a thing like that?"

Hotch raised a silent hand, "Settle down, children."

The team began to quiet as they all looked toward their leader's unsmiling form at the front of the room. He straightened his tie and replied, "So… was she attractive?"

"Hotch... are you serious?" Spencer paused.

Hotch looked back on him, his deadpan face not moving an inch. That answers Reid's question.

Spencer replied slowly, "Uh… I… well, really nice… personality."

Prentiss exclaimed, "Damn."

Rossi chuckled, "That's '_no_' for 500, Alex."

Derek shook his head and tutted, "Could have done better, Reid. You deserve a nice, good-looking woman. Don't sell yourself short."

"I wasn't selling myself short," Spencer said defensively, "Attractive is a word that pales in comparison to the beauty I spent the night with by sexualizing and dehumanizing the noun. Hack fun at me all you want, but let the jokes stop at my expense. Between the two of us, I fall more behind in the aesthetic department."

"Using your intellect as a defense mechanism, I see." Hotch let out a small smile, "You must really love her."

Spencer nodded quietly, "Yeah, I do."

Hotch replied, "Love has nothing to defend, Reid."

Prentiss sighed, "Aww, that's so cute! Do we at least get a name?"

Spencer glanced at her, "Not if I can help it."

JJ opened the door next, followed by a bright haired, laptop carrying Garcia. They were gossiping girlishly and giggling, their heads close together as they entered, taking a seat by each other as they continued to whisper. The team stared back at them. As they sat, their voices stilled and Garcia sang as she opened her computer, "Hello, my lovelies."

Derek nodded, "Hi, baby girl."

Garcia giggled and waved a bangle adorned hand at him, "Oh, you already bid me a good morning, my handsome god of chocolate thunder, but I will gladly take the second salutation."

JJ set down her file and stood before the room, "Six students at a high school in Atlanta were playing Man Hunt in a graveyard, and actually became hunted—"

Garcia interrupted, "Wait! Where's Reid?"

Spencer blinked and raised his hand so she could see him.

Garcia winked and gave thumbs up, "I heard you got laid last night."

"Well, at this rate, it's public knowledge, now, isn't it?" Spencer sighed dejectedly.

"I _told_ you you'd get ass this year, didn't I?" Garcia giggled, reaching over the table as her bangles made a joyful noise, "Didn't I?"

Spencer felt the floodgates in is face burst and he leaned his head into folded arms on the table, "Yes, now can we please get to the case and let it go. People are in danger and everyone in the room can't stop talking about my sex life."

Garcia winked, "Oh, so you have a _sex life_ now?"

Spencer mumbled, "Who says I never did before?"

Prentiss chuckled, "Come on, Reid, our combined IQ may not be 187, but damn if it's not high."

"Can we get to the task at hand?!" Spencer hissed into is arms.

Hotch spoke out, "Yes, we're getting off topic and unproductive..."

Spencer sighed, "Well, isn't that the statement of the century."

Hotch replied, "Because we haven't yet asked... blonde or brunette?"

Spencer glared across the table at him as the room broke out in laughter.

"So, as I was saying," JJ chuckled at the front of the board, "The case."

* * *

While on the plane, Spencer sat reviewing a recent file form from the Atlanta PD which will help him create a formal geographical profile for where the kidnapper might strike next. If they can assume his next move, there's a large chance they can stop the kidnappings, or better, catch the guy responsible. He glanced over the pages, reading quickly and flipping them every two minutes. Suddenly his cell phone began to wail loudly beside him, "_I just had sex! And it felt so good! A woman let me put my penis inside of her! I just had sex! And I'll never go back—_"

Spencer put his phone on vibrate, looked up deadpan at Derek from across the plane and glared viciously, "I don't know who told you were funny, but not only were they lying, they were doing the world a grave disservice."

Derek, caught in a fit of laughter, replied between gasps, "I'm sorry, my man, but I was not responsible for that one."

Garcia's face lit up on the computer at Hotch's table, "Guilty!"

Spencer grimaced, "Can everybody just get it over with now, so that I'm not embarrassed in front of the entire Atlanta Staff of Police?"

Derek looked up at Spencer with a knowing smile, "What was that about 'getting it over with'?"

Spencer sent a glare his way, "Morgan, don't start because it'll take years for it to end."

"Oh, Dr. Reid," he grinned, "How can one start what's already begun?"

Spencer muttered under his breath, "Please. For five fucking seconds…"

Derek beamed, "What did you say about fucking?"

"Morgan, come on, really?!" Spencer cried out, "Do you have to twist everything that comes out of my mouth?"

Derek countered quickly, "What about _twisting_ things that come out of your _mouth_?"

Spencer growled, "Okay, ha ha ha. Funny, alright? Now, stop."

Derek shrugged, "That's obviously _not_ what you were saying last night, or we wouldn't be having this conversation, now would we?"

Spencer narrowed his eyes at Derek, "Seriously, how long are you going to tease me? When are you going to finish?"

Derek winked, "_Aaaaaaaaaand_, that's what she said."

By then, Rossi, JJ, and Prentiss were in stitches. Hotch was shaking his head critically; eyebrows set to give the "Patented Hotch Look of Grave Disappointment".

Garcia chuckled from the screen, "I didn't have anything important to say, so I'll just leave you all to pick on Reid. See you later, my lovers!"

The plane was eerily quiet for a moment and Prentiss whispered something barely inaudible to JJ whom burst out laughing. She chuckled and waved Rossi over and whispered it into is ear. Then Rossi began to laugh, striding over to Derek to whisper it to him. Derek's face flushed for a second as it took him an extra moment to laugh and even then, it didn't reach his eyes. Others may have perceived it to be him taking a moment to understand, but Spencer could tell what it was. They were cracking fun at _him_ now, even though they didn't know it.

It was a good thing that Derek was getting just a tad bit of the teasing. Spencer had been dealt the ass end of it lately and it made him smile to see Derek get shagged up a bit. But, then again, what were they saying about Spencer's mysterious lover? Were they joking about it being a man? Because it was. It was Derek. And now, Derek had to walk around with that, knowing it were true and not being able to tell. Spencer bets he didn't foresee that happening, the tables turning. Now, Derek had to spend the entire day hearing everyone chiding Spencer about the poor girl he screwed, knowing all the while that the "poor girl" they joked about was actually him.

The whole plane was still laughing and Spencer folded his arms in front of him, waiting for it to stop. He'll let them get their kicks now, because if and when Spencer and Derek's relationship gets out, the teasing will be worse but at least it would be five on two instead of six on one. Less man power.

In the midst of all of the laughing, Spencer received a text message as his phone buzzed beside him.

**Derek**: _They just said the girl u slept with last night must've fallen asleep on u when u started rambling off the numbers of pi on top of her. Oh, contraire. We stayed up all night _

Spencer smiled and sent back.

**Spencer**: _Damn right. Hey, speaking of, remember that thing I did on the table last night that you liked so much?_

Moments later, Derek looked into his lap and blinked, subtly licking his lips to keep from outright grinning at the message.

His phone vibrated against his leg.

**Derek**: _As if I could 4get. That was the sexiest thing ive ever seen._

**Spencer**: _Supply closet. Six o'clock. Bring rope._

Derek's eyes widened at that one and Spencer suppressed a laugh.

**Derek**: _Wat r we going 2 need that 4_

**Spencer**: _Use your imagination. ;)_

Derek gulped.

**Derek**: _Holy fuck_

Spencer felt himself give a smile.

**Spencer: **_Is that 'holy fuck you're awesome', or 'holy fuck you're weird'?_

**Derek: **_Its an awesum holy fuck! But... isnt it crazy soon 2 b rolling out the extra stuff__  
_

**Spencer:** _I don't think you understand, Derek. There is no crazy like real, repressed crazy. I've had too much time to think out all of the things I want to do to you. Way too much time._

**Derek**: _Thnx, bro, I have a boner now_

**Spencer**: _Don't worry. I'll lick it off. ;)_

As Spencer glanced up at Derek checking his phone, he noticed Derek's hand shoot up to his mouth and his dark eyes shoot over to Spencer's. He was not at all expecting Spencer to say that. Spencer stared back with no intention of letting up. Derek raised his eyebrows and Spencer nodded seriously.

**Derek**: _Ur 20 times dirtier than I thought u were and I think I like it._

**Spencer:** _Good, because the second I get you alone I'm going to get downright grimy. ;)_

**Derek: **_Fuck, Spencer__, u r__ aware that ur sexting me on a plane full of profilers, rite? Were gonna get caught_

**Spencer**: _What's 'sexting'?_

**Derek**: _this__  
_

**Spencer**: _Do you mean me text messaging you about how much I want your dick in my mouth? ;)_

**Derek**:_ Jesus Christ, Spencer. _

**Spencer:** _He can't save you from the mind-blowing shit I'm going to do to you, so I suggest not using his name in vain.__ )_

**Derek:** _If__ u send me one more winky face I swear 2 god..._

**Spencer**: _Oh, I'm so scared. ;) ;) ;) ;)_

**Derek**: _…I'll take you out of your seat, drag u in 2 the bathroom, and make sure u can't sit bak down_

**Spencer**: _swfnureiunieuuwrekjf'_

**Derek**: _Ooh, I like the sound of that_

**Spencer**: _The sound of what? I accidentally sat on my phone._

**Derek**: _Dear Lord, man, texting u is like watchin the Hunger Games movie w/out reading the book: hard 2 fucking understand._

**Spencer**: _What are the Hunger Games?_

**Derek**: _Pleez don't b serious_

**Spencer**: _What? Now I'm curious. Is it some sort of starvation tactic?_

**Derek**: _Just forget it_

**Spencer**: _I have an eidetic memory, jackass, I can't._

**Derek**: _Don't get smart w/ me. I'll turn this plane around._

**Spencer**: _Do you mean smart as in clever, witty, or readily effective? Or do you mean smart as in something that will hurt, or inflict pain? Usually, I would infer that you meant the former instead of the latter though…_

**Derek**: _Why did that mini English lesson turn me on?__  
_

**Spencer**: _Are you being facetious, or do you generally not know?__  
_

**Derek**: _Lol, wat I meant to say was, I think u may be right. I could be sapiosexual…_

**Spencer**: _Well, thank goodness I'm certifiably a genius, or this relationship would get really awkward really fast._

**Derek**: _True dat_

**Spencer**: _;)_

**Derek**: _Goddammit_.

**Spencer**: _lol_

* * *

The Atlanta PD was very nicely organized and well kempt, but the FBI ran a ship tighter than a corn kernel in a bendy straw. To make a long story short, they were missing case reports, recent maps of road changes, and their coffee machine was shit. At least as he muddled through case-work after case-work, he had something tall, dark and handsome to look at across the room. Hotch had stuck him with Derek all day in the office mainly to fuck with him (Spencer is pretty sure that while it may be far off the reservation, Hotch does have a very cruel sense of humor since he most likely did that to place him at the mercy of Derek's teasing) while the rest of the team was split up. Prentiss went with him, and JJ and Rossi went to investigate the kidnapping sites.

He felt a balled up piece of paper hit him on the head as he worked. Spencer growled and bent to retrieve it, opening it up to read: _Five fifty four._

Spencer blinked. Fuck, he'd totally lost track of his plans to… oh, yeah. Now he remembers. He can't wait. Now that it's on his mind, half of him is saying "pay attention to your work, Spencer" and the other part is saying "fuck those missing kids! You go on and waste ten minutes sucking on Derek's chest". Jeez, he's so torn. Every second he spends not trying to find those children, the longer they're in captivity. He sure would be upset if Rossi had paused their search for him when Tobias Hankel had him strapped to a chair to go screw around with Strauss… then again, Strauss isn't the sexy, handsome, intoxicating Derek Morgan. She doesn't have chocolate brown skin and strong biceps. She doesn't have soft, sensitive eyes and a quick wit. She doesn't have a tall body, big hands, and abs for days. She doesn't have any of that. And under quick inventory, Spencer's pretty sure she's not packing what Derek is in her granny panties. He almost shuddered at the table thinking about what Derek can do with that thing. What Derek _has done_ with that thing. Spencer paused. Maybe he _will_ write sonnets about Derek's dick.

He checked his watch and strode off to 'use the bathroom' walking out of the busy offices and down a quieter hall to be dragged into a supply closet by a large, smiling Derek, "Hey, sweet stuff."

Spencer breathed, "Hey, Derek."

"Mmm, Pretty Boy, I've been thinking about you all day long," Derek leaned forward to press licking kisses down Spencer's neck.

Spencer's breath caught in his throat and he ran his fingertips down Derek's back, "Yeah, Derek."

Derek grabbed the knot of his tie in his teeth and pulled gently, loosening it as he laced his fingers through Spencer's hair, "Fuck, you're so sexy, baby."

"Aww, thanks, Derek," Spencer smiled contently.

Derek frowned, "I think it's time I got a cute nickname, don't you think?"

"A cute nickname… like what?" Spencer asked.

Derek shrugged and continued, "You know how I call you Pretty Boy, and baby, and sweetie, and all that?"

"Oh, you want me to give you a term of endearment…" Spencer nodded, "Do you mean like when you called me a 'Goddamn Acrobat' yesterday—"

Derek replied, "No."

"How about something like..." Reid wiggled his eyebrows, "Sex kitten?"

Derek sighed, "No."

"Tight ass."

Derek gave him a look, "No."

"Agent Handsome."

Derek grimaced, "No, listen. Think of something that reminds you of me. Preferably something that isn't ladled with sex, because if we play our cards right... one day we might be saying these in public."

Spencer gave a simple smile as a reply.

Derek elaborated, "I chose Pretty Boy because you're adorable, 'baby' because you're younger than me, and 'sweetie' because you drown your coffee in sugar. Get me now?"

"Well, you take your coffee black, so I can't really think of anything cute that goes with a bitter morning drink. Oh! You drink your _tea_ with honey. And I guess you remind me of honey as well. You know, because you're warm, and sweet, and tacky." Spencer narrowed his eyes as he thought, "But then honey is collected by bees, and bees are very aggressive creatures. I guess you can be aggressive as well, but now I can't choose between the honey and the bee."

Derek paused, "Did you just call me tacky?"

"Yeah, it needed to be said," Spencer waved off the statement and clapped his hands together, "Honey bee. Would you like to be called honey bee?"

"Yes! That's freakishly cute, actually," Derek grinned, "Just like you."

Spencer blushed and touched a hand to his own cheek, "Oh, Derek…"

Derek raised a pointer finger, "Ah, ah, ah."

Spencer rolled his eyes, "Honey bee."

Derek leaned forward and pressed a firm kiss to Spencer's lips. Spencer returned it eagerly, enjoying the slow, sweet slide of lips brushing against each other. After a long moment, Derek grabbed the rope off of the shelf and brought it around to hit Spencer lightly on the rear. Spencer glanced up and grabbed the rope from him, sliding it around Derek's wrists and pulling as he was bound. Derek raised an eyebrow, "What are you going to do?"

Spencer smiled devilishly, "You'll see."

"Be glad I trust you with my life, because if I didn't you'd be wearing the tarp bracelet," Derek sighed against Spencer's neck.

Spencer knelt to the ground and stood up so that Derek's arms were fixed around him, "Now, you can't let me go," he said with an earnest look on his face. Derek looked back at him with large eyes. He seemed as if he wanted to say something to Spencer, but refrained, drawing him in closer to kiss the doctor's lips lightly and lovingly. Spencer's hands fell to Derek's stable chest as he reveled in the familiar warmth of Derek's arms around him. Moving his head lightly to the side, Derek accommodated for a more intimate kissing experience. The two were okay with keeping it simple for now. Later in the hotel, they'd planned ahead with chocolate syrup, fresh strawberries, and (since Derek wouldn't shut up about it) Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. Other than the watching ten year olds run around with flying sticks, the night was set to be amazing. Spencer was so excited that he could feel his every muscle sing. And this is why inter-team relationships are banned. Shit like this goes down, and they get nothing done.

Spencer slid his tongue into Derek's open mouth and wrapped his arms around his neck. Derek let out a quiet moan and let his hands fall lower and lower, slipping past Spencer's belt, cords, and boxers to knead lightly on his bare rear. Spencer gasped and Derek pushed their crotches together, smiling to himself as he found Spencer was getting harder by the second. Before they knew it, they were in a full scale, partially clothed make out session, which made it quite awkward for the secretary who had walked in for a ream of paper in the middle of it.

The small, redheaded woman blushed and pushed past the now shirtless, wrist bound Derek and the panting, gasping mess that was Spencer. She smiled with a chipper tone, "Good evening, Agents."

Derek and Spencer tried heavily to catch their breaths and pull apart, but couldn't because Spencer was kind of tied to Derek's chest. They struggled as she rifled through the packets behind them and Spencer eventually pulled himself off of Derek's clothless chest and out of his embrace, leaning against the opposite wall so he could grab his navy sweater vest from where it was dangling on the shelf above him. Derek wiped the saliva off of his chin and panted, "Uh… hey, Mrs. Leah Jamison, _Atlanta State Chief of Police's secretary._"

Spencer breathed out as his face gathered with blood in embarrassment, "Shit."

"Carry on. I'm not even here," she replied calmly, choosing three packets and stuffing them into her arms.

Derek raised his bound palms and pleaded, "It would be really awesome if you didn't tell your boss, or anyone for that matter, about this… it's kind of—"

"Illegal?" Mrs. Jamison chuckled, "I've seen worse happen in here. Just… clean up."

Spencer was now a deep, blotchy crimson, "We weren't even going to… I mean, we were just… we were in here to… uh…"

Mrs. Jamison made a face and asked, "Agent Morgan, could you hand me the grey box up there. We're missing markers in the break room."

Derek reached up with both hands as he had no other choice and handed her the tiny box. She thanked him and placed it on top of the reams of paper. Then, she left. Spencer paused and leaned over quietly to lock the door. Which was one, swift motion that could have saved them from the embarrassment that they'd just underwent. Derek smiled weakly, "I'm guessing we're done here, huh?"

Spencer placed his hand at his own chest to calm his heartbeat, "Oh, my God, we were so close to being caught. What if that were the chief, or a grounds cop, or Hotch?! That. Was. So. Exhilarating! That was the coolest thing _ever_! And fuck… I am _so_ turned on right now."

Derek raised his eyebrows in shock, "You are?"

Spencer rushed up to him, yanking the rope off of his boyfriend's wrists and pinning his arms to either side of his head, "Yes. Now, listen to me, honey bee. You are going to fuck me in this closet. And you're going to like it."

Derek breathed, "You are so hot when you get psychotic."

* * *

Spencer folded up his presentation on the chalkboard and placed it beside the BAU's given desk so that it could be revisited tomorrow. For now, they were headed to the hotels to turn in for the night. Making sure everything else was in it's rightful place one more time, Spencer left the office room alone as everyone was already in the vans waiting for him. Well... everyone but Prentiss.

She followed him down the hall as he'd closed the door and smirked, "You two think you're so clever, don't you?"

Spencer raised an eyebrow as they strode calmly, "Who two?"

"You and Morgan," she winked, "I totally cracked it. It was _him_ you spent the night with, wasn't it?"

Spencer made a face and asked harshly, "Gross, Prentiss! You think I slept with Morgan?"

Prentiss scoffed, "Oh, don't act all innocent now. I saw the longing looks from across the plane..."

Spencer nodded, "Yeah, longing for him to shut his trap."

She continued, "The playful nudges..."

Spencer rubbed gently underneath his ribs, "I assure you that wasn't playful, and it was hardly a nudge. More like an outright assault."

Prentiss gave him a knowing smirk, "And your hair was sticking up when we came back to the office. You know, like you've been doing a little 'huh-huh' if you know what I mean."

"When isn't my hair sticking up? And what the heck is a 'huh-huh'?" he said, making a nauseated face, "I'd rather eat my own shoes than even think about touching him in anyway that wasn't... eww, Prentiss, just eww."

Her eyebrows pulled in, offering a confused expression, "So... you mean to tell me you and Morgan aren't..."

Spencer shuddered, saying on the spot, "No way! I would never! I can't believe you would say that. That's such an insult to Amy."

Prentiss paused, "A... Amy?"

Spencer lied, "Yeah, my _girlfriend_."

She sighed, "Oh, man, Reid. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"It's fine! It's fine! Just... try not to mention this strange theory to anyone who could repeat it," Spencer replied.

Prentiss nodded quickly, "I won't! God, I feel like such an idiot. I'm sorry for insulting you and your girlfriend."

Spencer nodded, "Yeah, it's cool. I'm over it. I'll never get that mental picture out of my head, but I'm over it."

"Well, I'd like to apologize personally if I could," she shrugged, "Can I meet her-"

"No!" Spencer said quickly.

Prentiss took a step back, "And why not?"

Spencer lied some more, "She left town today, that's why we kind of... you know. I didn't want her to go, but she had to and then she got this funny look in her eyes and she was touching me and we were _all_ over that poor, poor cashmere couch-"

Prentiss stopped his flow of words, "I don't want to know."

Spencer glared, "Are you sure you don't want an extensive recalling of my sexual escapades with someone I'm in a private, committed relationship with? I mean, if I can help it, I don't want you thinking I've been sleeping with my coworker behind your back, because that's just nutty."

Prentiss raised her palms in surrender, "I'll never bring it up again, okay?"

"Okay."

* * *

Spencer lay beside Derek, the room dark except for the small glow of an unwatched television at the foot of the bed. The room had that heavy, muggy feeling to it as if it were filtered with breath and sweat. There were little remnants of chocolate streaks up Spencer's neck and Derek's right arm, but the two didn't feel they needed to attend to it just now. It was four minutes past two o'clock in the morning, and they'd just finished having a very wild, very naughty romp in the sheets. Spencer was getting used to this covert relationship, and if you asked him, he'd say he loved it. He loved Derek.

Derek sighed out, his chest heaving slightly, "Well, that was fun."

Spencer let out a breathy laugh, "Yeah, it was... quite the work out, I'll tell you that."

Derek chuckled, "Looks like I don't have to do my morning run."

Spencer looked over at him with disbelief, "You actually do that?"

"Yeah, it wakes me up," Derek replied.

Spencer blinked, "That's what coffee is for, honey bee."

Derek shrugged, "I personally like a little bit of both, but hey, to each his own."

Spencer gave a distracted stare across the room, "Speaking of 'to each his own', Emily thinks I have a girlfriend... named Amy."

Derek began to laugh, "You _would_ fuck a girl named Amy."

Spencer asked, "Is that a compliment or..."

Derek waved off his question, "How did she come to that thesis, by the way? She tell you?"

"Well, no," Spencer sighed, "She'd figured us out and thought she could rub it in my face, so I pushed and pushed the fact that I was seeing a girl so that she would feel bad about presuming I'm the cheating type and back down."

Derek raised his eyebrows with curiosity, "Did she?"

Spencer nodded, "Oh, yeah."

Derek let out a sigh of relief, "Thank God. Prentiss is a stubborn person to contend to when she's sure of something, isn't she?"

Spencer replied, "Heck yeah, she is."

"Did you tell her what Amy looked like?"

Spencer shook his head, "Nope."

Derek leaned up on his arm and looked down at Spencer, "Why not?"

"I didn't want Garcia checking it out."

Derek nodded, "Clever."

Spencer's face broke out in a smile, "You think?"

Derek chuckled, "Yeah. I do think. You saved us, Spence. You're my hero. Get over here."

"Okay," Spencer replied, feeling Derek's large, warm hand lay gently on his chest before a soft kiss was pressed to his lips. He closed his eyes and let the feeling linger as he stated, "I don't think I'll ever get tired of this."

"Of what?" Derek asked.

Spencer glanced into Derek's eyes, "Kissing you."

Derek poked Spencer in the stomach teasingly, "I sure hope not. I don't want you walking out on me."

Spencer said back seriously, "I would never. What I'm most worried about these days is _you_ walking out on _me_."

Derek gave Spencer a look, "... you don't actually think I would do that, do you?"

Spencer looked down at himself, "Well, yeah. I mean, come on. I talk too much, I'm too skinny, manners escape me sometimes, and I really don't know how to deal with people. Just to name a few reasons why it's plausible."

There was a pleasant crinkle to Derek's eye as he replied, "You're voice turns me on, your body is perfect, it's hilarious when you're rude, and I love dealing with you. Just to name a few reasons why it's not."

Spencer turned onto his belly and hugged a pillow, pushing his face into it as he mumbled, "You're obliged to say that, you're my boyfriend."

Derek said slyly, "You really shouldn't have done that."

"Done what?" Spencer muttered.

Derek whispered into his ear, "Turned around."

"What are you trying to do..." Spencer asked, growing worried as he felt a cold trickle down his spine and the closing of a cap, "Oh, God. What is that?"

There was a warm, wet feeling along his back as he felt Derek's tongue glide up his back, catching what he'd left there. Spencer let out a soundless breath as Derek's large hands grasped his hips and his tongue ran back down his back. But he didn't stop at the base of his spine. He kept going, and going, and going. Spencer's knees turned in and he felt his toes curl against the bed sheets. He's never been touched there before. Not by Derek's wet, probing tongue, anyway. Derek's hands pulled back and pushed apart his thighs as he buried his face into Spencer. The doctor was reduced to quivers in seconds, moans in minutes, until- "Augh! Ah! Oh, shit! Ah!" Derek's hands trailed up Spencer's thighs as he let out a dark chuckle. Spencer's hips fell back to the bed, colliding with the freshly soiled sheet as he eased into the pillow he had recently stopped clutching at.

"I've heard I'm good at that," Derek chuckled.

Spencer panted, running through aftershocks against the frail pillow, "Yeah, you're _alright_. It's not like you induced an orgasm or anything."

Derek laid down beside him, "Still coming down from that, huh?"

Spencer gasped, "Y-yeah."

"Then, I have done my job," Derek said with a broad smile on his face, leaning over the side of the bed to pull on a pair of pants and grab his shirt from the floor and press a kiss to Spencer's shoulder, "See you tomorrow."

Spencer waved a hand weakly, "Yeah... I'll... I'll see you tomorrow."

* * *

**A/N: So... that happened. I guess I'll see all y'all next week!**

**-Bleep Blap Blue**

**_Song Used (not mine): I Just Had Sex by The Lonely Island_**


	18. Rock, Paper, Committed Relationship

Chapter Eighteen: Rock, Paper, Committed Relationship

* * *

**A/N: This is the longest chapter yet. Twenty single-spaced pages in Microsoft Word. Jesus Christ. I don't even know how it got this long, it just happened. But I'm happy with the turn out. My two favorite crime fighting boys will talk about something they've been ignoring.**

**- Blue Moon**

**And an _odobenus rosmarus _is a walrus by the way...**

* * *

"You have to do it," Derek demanded.

Spencer stared down toward the floor, "No, I don't."

Derek sighed, "Trust me, it has to be done."

Spencer folded his arms, "No."

"Spencer." Derek warned.

Spencer looked over at his boyfriend, challenging him in the same tone Derek had spewed out, "Derek."

Derek rolled his eyes, "Come on. It's just Clooney."

"You know how animals are with me. He'll probably sniff me, bark, and then try to rip my throat out. Do you think I haven't been through this?" Spencer replied seriously.

Derek sighed, "I know Clooney. He's a good boy, really. Plus, I already gave him your scent, so it should be all good."

Spencer took a step back, "How did you get 'my scent'?"

Derek muttered, "You're the one who keeps leaving your old drawers in my room. I just tossed him a pair."

Spencer glared, "That was one time."

Derek scoffed, "That was several times. I have about five pairs of tiny, pink boxers in my underwear drawer."

"First of all, I'm a twenty eight inch, so they're not that small. Secondly, I suck at doing laundry, and lastly I over pack. If anything, it's your fault for throwing them across the room where I can't find them the next day instead of leaving them neatly by the side of the bed," Spencer shrugged dismissively.

"Oh. So sorry I don't fold your underwear before giving you multiples—wait, you're a 28 inch?" Derek asked with a shocked look on his face.

Spencer shrugged, "Yeah, so what?"

Derek whistled, "Damn, you're dinky. I thought you were bigger than that, jeez."

Spencer grimaced, "Come on. I'm not that small."

Derek replied, "I've dated models bigger than you."

Spencer gasped, "You've dated models?"

Derek nodded, "Yeah, and they've all met my dog."

"We're not coming back to this." Spencer folded his arms across his chest again.

Derek pleaded, "Spencer, please. Please meet Clooney. It will mean so much to me."

"For me to get eaten by your mini mountain lion? Wow, I see how much you care about me and the amount is shockingly low," Spencer argued and turned his face away.

"Please, man, _please_," Derek clasped his hands together, leaning over toward Spencer, "I'll give you head."

Spencer kept his eyes locked on Derek's lamp.

Derek placed his clasped hands under his chin, "I'll do that _and _make you breakfast in the morning; eggs, bacon, coffee, the whole nine."

Spencer didn't move a muscle.

Derek sighed, "I will give you head, make you breakfast for a month, and... I'm going to regret this… I will… go to Comic-Con with you."

Spencer's eye trailed toward Derek.

Derek continued, "And cosplay."

Spencer began to grin.

Derek paused and hung his head, "As… Captain Jack Harkness."

"You've got yourself a deal!" Spencer turned quickly, "I'd give up my life to see that."

"Oh, thank God. If you'd taken any longer to respond, I would have said Rose." Derek breathed, shoulders slouching.

Spencer took a deep breath, "I can handle the dog. I can. I'll just think happy thoughts of you in an overcoat."

Derek hopped up with glee, "Okay. I'm gonna go get him. You just sit tight right here on the couch. He'll come up to you, okay? Just receive him, he's really kind and gentle. He's just a big boy and sometimes that scares people off, but he's sweet, honestly. So sweet. You'll love him, okay? You will. Just let me get him."

After the torrent of words, Derek had gone and left Spencer alone with his thoughts. They had been together for almost a month now and still pretended that they were unofficial. No one knew of them other than Garcia and JJ, and they seemed to want to keep it that way. The two kept it very casual in the office and at work, and tried to play up the friendship they'd previously had so that if and when the team finds out, it won't be much of a social shift. They'd touch each other more often, soft pats on the cheek or upper back, or a casual muss of the hair or tee shirt. Spencer tried not to stare, he really did. But, JJ called him out several times for giving "goo-goo eyes" at the suave senior agent. All in all, Spencer doesn't think he'll ever get this secrecy thing down pat, but damn if it didn't make the sex interesting.

Then he heard it. The little pitter-patter of claws and padded feet across hard wood, the panting of a lolling tongue, the loose gait of a heavy stride; it was _him_. The dog. Spencer flinched as Derek rounded the corner, holding tightly to the collar of a very large, very excited looking wolf. Spencer could tell right off the bat that the beast had German Shepard in him, but there was something stubby about his snout that made him think otherwise. Maybe he was a mixed breed. Spencer asked as they got closer, "Wh…what is he?"

Derek shrugged, "A dog."

Spencer pulled his legs up onto the couch as they breeched his five foot radius, "No, I meant wh-what breed?"

"King Shepard/Golden Retriever mix. You're a mutt just like me, aren'tcha, boy?" Derek said fondly to the dog, approaching the couch and holding the giddy wolf of a dog back as he snapped excitedly toward Spencer, "Now, hold out your hand."

Spencer scoffed, "And get it bitten off?! No thank you."

Derek sighed, "Really, he's a sweetheart, you have to let him—"

The dog pushed its snout eagerly against Spencer's leg and he scurried to the other side of the couch, letting out a loud, "Holy shit!"

Derek let out a chuckle, "He's not going to bite you. He just gets excited around new people. Especially new people that have had their scent all over his territory. Just let him sniff you, and before you know it, he'll be begging for you to pet him."

Spencer stared into the dog's large brown eyes and the dog let out a happy yip. The beast closed his flapping jowls for a moment and leaned as close as he could to Spencer, as Derek had him restrained by the scruff of his neck, and sniffed lightly at the base of Spencer's thigh. Spencer whimpered softly and sent a growl Derek's way when asked if he was 'actually crying'. Then, he slowly reached his hand toward the dog and almost snatched it back as it inhaled multiple sharp sniffs along the palm of his hand. His large, dark head turned to the side and the dog let out a keen, sitting back on its haunches and extending its neck. Spencer paused, "Honey bee, what's it doing?"

Derek smiled down at the dog, "He wants you to pet him just like I told you."

"I'm not touching it," Spencer stated.

"Clooney is a 'he'," Derek said fondly, "And he likes you. By letting you pet him, he's allowing you to exert dominance over him which takes a lot of trust for a dog. He could easily kill us all in three bites, but he chooses not to purely because he trusts me. Since _I_ trust _you_, he does."

Spencer looked up at Derek, "Really?"

Derek nodded, "Yep. You've got yourself a friend."

Spencer felt himself release air he wasn't aware he was holding in and cautiously ran his fingers through the fine fur. The dog's eyes closed and Spencer rubbed gently across the top of his head, "Hey… this is kind of nice."

Derek slowly released his grip of Clooney's collar and sat beside Spencer as his two boys interacted for the first time. He wrapped his arm around Spencer and smiled down at the pleasant view. Spencer let out a laugh as Clooney yipped and licked his fingers, looking up at Spencer with adoration in his big brown eyes. Rubbing the dog's head more enthusiastically, Spencer grinned at Derek, "Oh, my God. He actually likes me."

He shook his head, "I don't know why you never listen to me."

Spencer paused his rubbing, "Wait, dogs never like me. What's his problem?"

Derek chuckled, "He's smelled this presence he's never seen in his house and on me for three weeks now. Usually, he's untrustworthy at the first meeting. He protects me like it's not even funny. But, he sees how I treat you and how you treat me, and he decided to like you on principle alone."

"So, he could start to dislike me?" Spencer asked.

Derek shrugged, "Well, yeah, if you smack him across the snout with a frying pan, that could leave a sour aftertaste."

Spencer nodded as he understood, "So, as long as I treat him and you with kindness, he's not going to kill me in my sleep?"

Derek smiled softly, "Bingo."

"Wow, how did you learn all of this about dogs?"

Derek replied, "Observation. It does a lot for a fella."

* * *

The day of their one month anniversary came down the line and Spencer had planned something nice. He was going to get some take out, and string a big cloth across two trees in a park. He was going to set up a projector and buy a bushel of roses. He was going to have some the Twilight Zone playing across the sheet with fine wine in their glasses. Then, they were going to go to Spencer's place and make love. On the couch. With that chocolate syrup they used on the case last month. And the rope from that supply closet. Perfection, right? He knows.

All day, he was giddy, but tried to play it off as if he didn't remember so that he could spring the romantic date on Derek at the end of the work day. At some time in the afternoon, he felt a ball of paper hit the back of his head and he turned around to grab it, only to have it snatched and intercepted by a well-manicured hand. Spencer glanced up. Shit. Prentiss. She had a sly smile on her face as she held up the scrap of paper that probably held really mushy information about their anniversary which would be hard to explain since they're not supposed to be together in the first place. Prentiss asked with a crafty smile, "Why did Morgan throw this at you?"

Spencer shrugged casually, "No reason. Probably just to bother me."

She grinned, "Awesome. So, since you two have got nothing to hide, I can read it."

"No, you can't," Spencer reached up as she it whisked away.

Prentiss unwrapped it, "Yeah, right, and I'm going to let you get away Scott free, note passing like middle schoolers? You've been seriously '007 about something lately, and I've got to find out what it is. You don't mind, do you?"

Spencer shrieked, "Yes! I do! Give it!"

She turned her back to Spencer as her eyes slid down the page. His heart started beating quickly. Oh, no. It's all over. They're ruined on their very first anniversary! Damn it! Can't they have one thing to themselves? Of all of the terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad things to happen, it had to be Prentiss reading their love note—

Prentiss sighed a sigh of clear disappointment, "Well, this is really informative."

As she tossed it back on his desk, he read the open note which read simply: _"Spencer and Amy sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g XD"__  
_

Spencer almost laughed aloud in joy, "Real mature, Morgan!"

Derek sent over a grin, "Aww, you think so?"

"I'll figure it out one of these days, Reid. Mark my words," Prentiss promised, "I'm watching you like a hawk now."

Spencer scoffed, "Ooh, I'm so scared. God forbid, you turn over all of my Big Bang Theory DVDs and find they were pirated."

She blinked, "You pirate stuff?"

Spencer nodded, "Doesn't everybody?"

Prentiss chuckled, "Yeah, but that's why I thought you didn't. I mean, you still don't have a goddamn Facebook account. Everybody has one of those."

"Yeah, I do," Spencer revealed, "I just don't use it."

Prentiss paused, "…you do?"

"Yeah, but my profile picture is a dalek, so you probably won't... realize it's me…" Spencer's voice trailed off as he realized just how pathetic that sounded.

"Wow, that's sad. At least you have some semblance of normalcy at home. How's Amy?"

Spencer smiled fondly, thinking clearly of Derek, "She's great. I met her pets last night, and that was nice."

Prentiss raised an eyebrow, "They didn't gang shank you?"

Spencer shrugged, "Nope. I guess since they trust her, they trust me."

Prentiss nodded slowly, "Wow… that's some Gandhi type shit right there."

Spencer sighed, "No need to be crass."

"Who even says 'crass'?" Prentiss snickered.

"I do, and for your information, Amy thinks it's sexy when I use intelligent, outdated language. She said, 'the bigger the man's words, the bigger the man's—"

Prentiss cut him off, "I don't want to know!"

Spencer began to laugh, "And that's what you get for sticking your nose where it doesn't belong. Go through my shit again, and I'm going to replace all the songs on your iPod with an audio recording of me and Amy having sex."

Prentiss reeled back, "Remind me to never cross you."

Spencer turned back to his desk with a contented smile, "I will."

She walked away, and Spencer began to write on a ripped sheet of paper.

_Honey Bee,_

_Nice save! I hope you know what tonight is, because I have something fun planned. Bring a blanket, and wear an extra dash of that cologne you know I like, because I'm going to make sure you sweat it off._

_Love,_

_Baby Boy_

He tossed it Derek's way, and it was caught with ease. Derek smiled back at him and Spencer's breath caught in his throat. Wow. He's so glad Derek can still do that do him; rendering him speechless with his effortless beauty. Spencer turned, a blush crawling up his cheeks as he clicked away at the computer. He pushed his hair behind his ear and continued to work until he felt something small sail over his head and right into his keyboard. Spencer grinned and opened the note.

_Baby Boy,_

_Damn, boy, I had something planned as well! I know you're not going to want to change your ideas for tonight and neither am I. Aren't we some stubborn sons of bitches?! Rock, paper, scissors to see whose plan we go with?_

_Love,_

_Honey Bee._

Spencer scribbled the word "rock" on a piece of paper and glanced over at Derek whom held up one finger, then a second, and then a third. They raised their sheets of paper and Derek's read "paper". Damn. Spencer sighed and Derek began to laugh loudly, gloating, "Oh, Reid. Always with the rocks. When will you ever learn?"

Spencer hissed back over his divider, "Rocks wins 33.3 percent of the time, and a rock is a more stable object than scissors or paper. Scissors _break_! Paper _tears_! What do rocks do? Smash things."

"And get covered by paper, so I win. Ha. Ha. _Ha_." Derek bragged.

Rossi glanced up from his desk, "What are you two gambling about now?"

Derek smiled, "There is no way on God's green earth that you want to know."

Rossi shrugged, "You know what, this time, I'm taking your word for it since you never finish that statement with anything I actually ended up wanting to know."

Derek grinned over at Rossi, "Thanks for the pills by the way."

Rossi scrunched up his face and waved Derek off, "Don't mention it. Please. Ever."

Derek shrugged and sat down, "Really? I have a very interesting story of what they did for me and—"

"No! Now get back to work before I tell on you."

Derek placed his hands above his heart, "Ooh, Rossi. You sting me."

Spencer sat as well, with a happy, slightly fluttery feeling in his chest as he tucked the papers into his pocket. Tonight's even more exciting now that he doesn't know what's going to happen. In his eyes, he will be whisked off to a world of magic and wonder with his Prince Charming. Even though he wasn't sure he was the Disney Princess sort of guy, the idea was still dazzling. He kind of understands what girls want when they have hopes that some handsome prince will come along brandishing flowers and promising adventure. Although, he's never considered himself gay, Spencer really likes the idea of having a fairy tale life with Derek. He enjoys their movie nights, and their midnight strolls, and their pillow talk. He loves their casual kisses, their heated make out sessions, and their passionate sex. He likes Derek's touch, Derek's voice, Derek's intellect. He likes everything about their relationship. When he's with Derek, he doesn't feel like he's "with a man". He feels like he's with _Derek_—the person he's in love with. But, it never seems to escape his eye when people give odd stares as they hold hands and divert their attention as they share a quick kiss. Derek gives him butterflies just like every single one of those people's significant others do, and Spencer can't understand why they're so different.

So, Spencer cast a longing gaze in Derek's direction. The agent didn't look up. He was busy following some paper trail Hotch handed him, flipping through, trying to find consistencies. He was beautiful. Spencer almost bit his lip as Derek ran a hand over his smooth head in concentration, the muscles in his shoulders growing stiff. Spencer looked back down to his work. Oh, how he wanted to push the stress away with a shoulder rub, a kiss to the forehead, and a long, warm bath. Of course, the bath would be for Derek alone, since Spencer doesn't understand why one person would want to bathe with another. It makes no quantifiable sense. While the other person is discarding dirt from the day, so will he and then there would be double the amount of dirt in the bath water, and it would stick to their skin, and they'd be even dirtier than before, and all of it would have been for nothing! Spencer almost snapped his pencil in half. Why take a bath if you're going to just get messier?!

Spencer cleared his throat and calmed himself down, rewarding himself on his newly found mental stability with another glance at Derek. His mocha skin stretched across his cheekbones as he squinted his eyes at the page, looking both ways before he pulled a tiny pair of glasses and hovered them away from his face toward the page so that he could read it. Spencer chuckled to himself. Derek refuses to wear glasses. Why, Spencer doesn't understand since he wears them as well. Chances are, though, he may have presbyopia which is a common vision condition in which the crystalline lens of the eye begins to harden and lose flexibility with age, making it difficult to focus on objects up close. It's completely unpreventable, but very natural as it usually starts to occur around or after the age of 40, which is why it is sometimes referred to as age-related farsightedness. Many people have it including Rossi and Gideon. But, Spencer guesses Derek feels aged by it and refuses.

Spencer grinned at his bull-headed lover and rested his head on his propped up hand only to be whacked on the head by a folder as JJ passed him, whispering, "Fawning much?"

"Ow, Jay!" he grumbled, running a hand over the sore spot.

She strolled out of the office, quoting, "You're like one of those lab rats that pushes the pleasure button instead of the food button until it dies."

Spencer retorted instantly, "Hey, I eat."

JJ paused at the door and turned on her heels, "Supernatural fan?"

Spencer shrugged, "On the weekends."

She winked, "That's like season two, Spencer! You know your shit."

"What can I say that hasn't been said before?" Spencer shrugged in the least modest way he could think of.

JJ giggled and backed out of the door, quoting from a later episode, "Eh, cram it with walnuts, ugly."

* * *

Spencer bit his lip as he strode over to Derek's car after work. He hopped into the unlocked passenger's seat and waited for Derek to buckle up before asking as they pulled out of the parking space, "Where are we going?"

Derek shrugged, "You'll see."

Spencer pouted shamelessly.

Derek chuckled and turned into the opening road, "I have two sisters and a mom who wants grandkids, man, you're going to have to work a hell of a lot harder than that."

Spencer replied along with the pout, "I love you, honey bee."

Derek grinned, "Awesome. I'm still not telling you."

"We're both too stubborn to be together, I swear," Spencer sighed dejectedly.

Derek turned the car down to another street, "Yeah, I know. It took you four chapters to tell me we kissed and four more for it to happen again."

"Hey, hey, hey," Spencer chastised, "No breaking the fourth wall until you tell me where we're going."

Derek smiled to himself, "I am not telling you and there's nothing you can do about it. Please make that pouty face again. It's hilarious, because you're not getting what you want."

Spencer folded his arms, "Fine then, no sex tonight."

Derek chuckled, "We both know that's not true."

"You're right, it's not."

Derek cackled aloud.

Spencer growled angrily as this was Derek's hard earned punishment, "I'm going to let you fuck me so hard when we get home."

Derek replied with a satisfied smile, "You want it so bad. I saw your little antics today, by the way. Very subtle. You might as well have dimmed the lights, walked over to my desk, and started stripping to Barry White."

Spencer retorted, "Fuck you, I have morals and I'm genuinely mad at you. So mad, in fact, that you're going to pay tonight. I'm talking serious hate sex here. No Physics, no chocolate, all business."

Derek shrugged with an immovable grin, "I love how that's your only defense."

"Well, I would tell the team about your lucky Hello Kitty undies," Spencer replied, "But I won't. If and when they find out about us, I don't want them to think I'm dating a wuss."

Derek shook his head with a shrug, "So says Mr. As-Punishment-For-Being-Naughty-_You_-Get-to-Rough-_Me_-Up."

Spencer gave Derek a look.

Derek pulled into the driveway of a Starbucks and turned the car off, looking over at Spencer's frowning face. Spencer folded his arms expectantly. Derek chuckled and leaned forward to press a chaste kiss to his lips. Spencer felt himself blush against his better judgment and he scowled to counter the reddening of his cheeks, "I'm not mad at you any more because you kissed me."

Derek pinched Spencer's nose, "Dude, I am velvety smooth."

Spencer opened the car door and slid out of it, walking around it to meet Derek on his side of the door. Derek held out his hand and Spencer let himself smile gently as he pressed their palms together, lacing their fingers. Ruffling his hair, Derek placed a gentle kiss to Spencer's forehead and Spencer hid the lower half of his face behind his free hand, "Thanks for that. Let's just go inside before I turn into a tomato."

Chuckling at his blushing boyfriend, Derek pulled him in closer and began to walk into the store. As they entered a barista noticed him and asked, "Derek?"

He nodded, "Yep."

She smiled and pointed toward a door on the other side of the room, "Down the hall to your left. Have a nice night."

Spencer raised an eyebrow, "What's she talking about?"

"You'll see," Derek said, reaching into his pocket for a dark cloth as they trekked to the door.

Spencer looked down at the cloth, "You know, I'm not a fan of chloroform, right?"

"Cute," Derek began to laugh as they pushed through the door and reached a dimly lit hallway. He untangled their fingers and walked to stand behind Spencer. The cloth was draped over his eyes and after a bout of protest from Spencer, it was knotted firmly. Spencer reached out blindly for Derek's arm and clutched it firmly as he was guided down the hall to another door. He heard it close behind him. Derek stood at Spencer's back once more, pressing a light kiss to the back of his neck before pulling off the blind fold, "…Happy One Month."

Spencer gasped at the sight. They were standing in an abandoned looking kitchen with a tiny table set up with candles, a draped cloth, fairy lights, and two roses in a thin vase. Near the edge of the room, there was a kid with a violin who couldn't be more than nineteen playing a very slow version of Ludovico Einaudi's _Bella Notte_. What amazed Spencer the most about that was that he knew that Derek picked the song because of its difference from the commercial version made in the fifties, and it was Spencer's favorite piano piece transposed to the violin. He just wasn't sure how Derek knew!

He felt Derek's arms close around his waist, his back pressing into his boyfriend's warm chest as Derek asked, "Do you like it?"

Spencer turned quickly in Derek's arms and kissed him enthusiastically. This totally trumps Spencer's plan. Derek smiled under Spencer's loving assault and pushed his hands through Spencer's hair as they kissed. Spencer pulled away and beat lightly on his chest with open palms, "How did you even know that I even liked Einaudi?! And the lonely table is so cute. You probably have a big plate of spaghetti too. Plus, the flowers, and the lighting are just… God, this is so girly and romantic, and I knew you were going to make it like that whether I liked it or not, but I can't help but… damn you, Derek. Why are you so perfect?"

"I'm not perfect," Derek replied softly, "I just… love you. So much. And when I got the chance to show you, I tried not to go all overboard and cheesy, and I know how much you like Lady and the Tramp, but hate the modern music and… I started not to care if I made a fool of myself doing this because… I've fallen in love with you and don't want to fall out."

Spencer glanced toward the ground, that small smile apparent on his face even though he tried not to look too overjoyed. That was the nicest thing anyone's ever said to him. Ever. He covered his face with his hand again and Derek took hold of it lightly, pushing his chin up to look back at him, "Please, don't hide your face. Why are you hiding your face?"

"I don't know…" Spencer replied.

Derek retorted, "Well, that's a lie. You know everything."

Spencer paused, "Hmm… true."

Fondly, Derek smiled, "Shall we?"

* * *

The night ended much like all of their dates do. Flabbergasted by the amount of affection and cutesy niceness shown by their other, the two of them get overwhelmed with emotion that they don't know how to handle and end up trampling each other through the house like an eight legged monster simply trying to get to the bed. They end up at Spencer's house because it was closer and practically flipped off the stairs because making out in the elevator somehow made more sense. Derek shoved Spencer into the open doors and, back to the wall, Spencer grabbed Derek by the shoulders to latch back onto him. Spencer let out noises of delight while clawing at Derek's shirt, trying to will it off of him by desperation alone and they barely heard the doors close behind them. As Derek's lips took to Spencer's neck, Spencer felt a presence in the elevator and turned to see that kid from the fourth floor that heard them jerk off that one time, "Oh, hey."

The kid raised an eyebrow, "So, this is Derek?"

Spencer nodded, clenching his teeth together as he fought an embarrassing moan caused by Derek's talented, plundering lips, "Yeah."

"He seems nice," the kid snickered.

Spencer gasped out, "Forgive us our manners, we're a little bit—eep!" Derek hoisted Spencer's legs around his waist and pushed him further into the wall, "…excited."

"How long's it been? Last time I heard you was like two Wednesdays ago," the kid asked.

"A week, I think," Spencer looked down at Derek's head which was busy on his collarbone, "It was a week, right, honey?"

Derek grunted a response that sounded more like a yes than a no.

Spencer shrugged and the elevator beeped. Derek took that as permission to carry Spencer out and down the hall. Spencer waved at the kid as he disappeared from view, "Have a nice night."

The kid grinned, "Believe me, I will."

As the elevator door slid closed, Spencer brought their lips back to a ravishing touch and ran his hands down Derek's body, "Love the way you let him know who I belong to. Mmm, it's so hot when you mark your territory. Oh, my God. Kiss me right here. In the hallway. In front of everybody."

Even though there was no one there to see them, Derek thrust Spencer's back to the wall and kissed him hard, one hand fisted in his hair and one on the back of his left thigh. Spencer's legs tightened against Derek as they got as close as they could to each other. It was downright dirty. There were tongues, hands, and butt groping galore, so there was no way around admitting that it was raunchy as hell. They're not usually like that (in public), but the two were at their limit.

The night had been filled with subtle winks and legs brushing together under the table, but the work day was just a ten hour long game of foreplay. Spencer had dropped his pencil twice on the way to the sharpener that morning, dipping low to the ground to pick it up. Derek countered that motion by spending the better part of an hour playing with a toothpick with his lips and tongue after lunch. And—since according to JJ this will drive any normal man to tears—Spencer stopped by the ice cream stand down the street on his break, bought a cherry popsicle, and damn near went to town licking it. After about two minutes of watching Spencer's lips slide up and down the phallic object, Derek had resorted to keeping a book in his lap. Then two books. Soon after, he took a quick trip to the bathroom, hissing "fuck you" as he scurried by.

For now, though, their hips were rubbing together, their tongues were halfway down the other's throat, and their hands were inside the other's shirt. Derek swallowed Spencer's quiet whimpers as hard crotch ground into hard crotch. Spencer reached behind him and unlocked his door, opening the door so that Derek can take them inside. Pressing Spencer to the other side of the door, Derek locked the handle and whispered, "You should deadbolt this thing. Safety first." Ignoring him, Spencer shoved his hands into Derek's pants, retrieving the prize. Brashly and roughly, Spencer rubbed and rubbed until Derek begged him to stop.

Derek then fell to his knees and unzipped Spencer's slacks, shoving his boxers to the ground before unflinchingly licking up and down Spencer's stiff length. Spencer swore loudly. Well, this was a new one. They'd never really started with this. Usually, Derek waits until the very end if he does it at all. Derek did promise he would, but he never gave an exact date as to when. Seeing the surprise in Spencer's eyes, Derek began to teasingly suckle lightly on the head. Spencer gasped, unable to hold back the stutter in his hips as he shoved into Derek's mouth. He apologized profusely and tried to keep steady with all of this new stimulation. He's never been touched like this. So wet, so hot, so perfect. Spencer felt Derek lean forward and pushed in as much as Derek let him. Derek started to lick and suck harder and Spencer lost it as he suddenly found himself racing toward his peak of sexual pleasure. Derek let Spencer fuck his face until he shouted a quick warning that he was going to come. Derek didn't stop. He just kept. On. Going. Even Spencer didn't have that kind of stamina on his knees. Come to think about it, he didn't think he saw Derek take a breath. He's far too good to have not done this before.

Then he stopped.

God fucking damn him.

Derek looked up at Spencer with pure adoration in his eyes and stood to grab his hand, tugging him to the bedroom. Spencer started to go, but felt trapped as his legs were bound at the ankle. He sighed, "Shit." Spencer hopped along, pulling of his shoes and socks before tackling the slacks. Derek looked back at him and shook his head, continuing along with a sexy, manly, powerful stride that definitely _didn't_ say "just got done sucking a guy's dick". This guy is stone cold smooth. Spencer followed him into the room and dropped his pants, socks, and shoes off beside him. Letting out a soft keen as Derek grabbed him by the shoulders and pushed him onto the bed, Spencer worked on evening out the playing field. He still had a tie, a sweater vest, and a button down to get rid of. Derek, clearly not set on helping this time stayed on the other side of the bed, pulling his shirt over his head in one quick swoop. Done. Spencer's tie was becoming a giant knotted snake in his hands as he stared, mind floating off into outer space as his eyes traveled greedily over Derek's bare chest. Chuckling, Derek climbed onto the bed and loosened Spencer's tie, pulling the vest over his head and starting on the buttons, "What happened, baby boy? I know you're not the shy type when we're in here."

"I'm not shy. I'm just way too turned on and my motor skills are suffering because I'm not thinking as much as I usually do. It could best be explained by a series of equations, but I'm not really in the mood to ramble," Spencer replied, adding as an afterthought, "Thanks for the oral, by the way."

Derek grinned back at him, "Hey, a promise is a promise."

Spencer leaned up into Derek's embrace with a kiss, "And, boy, do you deliver. Where did you learn all of that?"

Derek shrugged, "Buford's cabin."

Spencer paused and withdrew a bit, "Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. I'll never ask for it again, I mean, I didn't know that you would have had to do something like that with that guy, and if memory serves right, I'm the only other guy you've been with and for that I apologize so, so, so much. Derek, I—"

Derek ran a gentle hand down the side of Spencer's face, "Hey, hey. None of that. I'm not upset at you, and I don't regret doing that just now. You and he are two different people, I can separate that in my mind. You're classy," Derek kissed him once, "And sexy," Derek kissed him again, "And warm," Derek kissed him once more, "Plus, all them noises you were making were oh, so sensual. I wanted to finish you off for the express purpose of hearing you come. Does that sound like rape to you?"

Spencer shook his head sheepishly, "No."

Derek grinned, "Sounds like somebody wants more…"

"Oh, no. That's fine, we don't have to—"

Derek replied with a sly smile, "Why so eager?"

Spencer stuttered, "I… I'm not eager, I just—ah, I—I just wanted to…"

"Mmm, and here's where the smart boy shuts his trap," Derek smirked, leaning forward to capture his lips in a soft, yet forceful kiss. Spencer found his hands rising to the back of Derek's head as his back hit the sheets. Derek ran his fingers down Spencer's lower waist, gripping him tight and holding him in place as their kisses became more passionate and lustful. Their bodies connected softly at the chest, making the slighter man shudder. The taut, compact muscles of Derek's chest colliding with his was enough to push him over the edge, he was already so close.

Derek looked up at Spencer and grinned, beginning to press soft kisses further and further down Spencer's body deep into his inner thigh. Spencer's breath hitched as Derek's lips went to work. He loved it when Derek kissed his body, his legs, and his hipbones, but today, that didn't seem to be his plan. Derek murmured, "I always finish what I've started." Spencer turned his face away as Derek went down on him, sucking and licking mercilessly as he started to cry out. Christ, he was good at that. Spencer felt a familiar warm, rush of heat in his stomach and the excitement deep in his chest like the rush of anticipation. His voice seemed separate from him as he pushed into Derek's mouth harder and harder until he came. Spencer could feel Derek's throat at work as it happened and he groaned loudly, growing sensitive very quickly. Derek picked up on that, as he was beginning to know Spencer's body. So, in those regards, he kept teasing until Spencer was a sweaty, panting heap on the sheets.

The elder agent beamed at the sight and poked Spencer's chest, "Hey… you still breathing?"

It took a moment for Spencer to breathe shakily through an aftershock, "…I think so."

Derek ran his large, warm hands down Spencer's chest, "Good, because we are so not done."

"What else could you possibly want from me?" Spencer gasped out.

"Nothing much," Derek chuckled as he moved up Spencer's quivering body to press a kiss to Spencer's lips with his own well abused ones, "Just your soul."

Spencer shrugged, sighing out, "Oh, I guess that's okay then."

Derek kissed him again, hands steady on Spencer's hips as his tongue slipped gently into the mix. Spencer purred animalistically and fell into the kiss, loving the harsh slide of lips and tongue. Derek was so arousing, and so unbelievably talented, that Spencer's recently emptied length showed signs of awaking anew. Derek began to chuckle, probably feeling it too. Spencer pushed a hand down to unzip Derek's pants and tug down all offensive cloth. He needed skin-on-skin contact. _Now._ Spencer groaned loudly as he felt Derek's hard-on rub against his inner thigh and shoved more and more passion into the kiss. He fucking lived for this nowadays. The expectation, the need, the goddamn principle of the matter! Spencer only admits to himself how much he truly craves Derek's body when they're in bed together and holy fucking hell, it's a lot. Then it wasn't. Spencer was raised above Derek now. Derek must have shifted their positions. Hmm, maybe he wants Spencer to take control like he did on the table at Derek's apartment. Spencer chuckled darkly against Derek's lips, "Has somebody been a bad boy?"

Derek panted, "Yeah. I've been terrible. You gonna punish me?"

Spencer whispered into his ear, "Oh, _fuck_ yes."

Derek pushed their faces together again, clearly enjoying the turn Spencer was taking. Need he say, their sex life was never boring. Whenever things got stale, Spencer always knew what to say. Derek leaned back a little bit, raising his legs around Spencer's waist and Spencer stopped quickly, a hesitant hand on his chest, "Hey… what, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," Derek replied with a casual smile, tugging him back down for a kiss, "What are you talking about?"

Spencer obliged and ignored the strange feeling of the unknown piling up into his chest as Derek's hips aligned with his in a way they haven't before. It was just then that Spencer realized Derek was blatantly acting less dominant tonight, letting Spencer take hold of the reigns almost completely. First, the blow job, and now this? While Spencer likes expressing his enthusiasm in bed, there is a very bold line between being a respectful sexual partner and losing one's self-given submissive title. Spencer enjoys bed wrestling as much as the next guy, but this is like... oceans different from how Derek usually acts when they're messing around. Refusing to resort to a profile, Spencer asked, "Okay, something's up. Why am I up here so long?"

Derek shrugged, "Just thought we'd switch it up tonight."

Spencer sat up, face full of worry, "We haven't talked about this."

Derek replied, "What's there to talk about?"

Spencer hissed quickly, "I don't know how to do what you do! I mean, come on! Don't I at least get a briefing lesson?"

Derek began to smile as he caught on, "Okay, you put your dick in and we start fucking. I wasn't aware it was rocket science."

Spencer threw his hands up, "Might as well be! You make it sound so easy, but it's not!"

"How is it _not_ easy?" Derek asked.

"There are a million reasons why it isn't!" Spencer whispered quickly as if they may be overheard, "I'm too nervous and ill-experienced! Did you know that if I do a really bad job, I can hurt you. I don't think I could handle it if I did. I mean, what if-"

Derek peered into Spencer's eyes, "Why are you lying to me?"

Spencer glared at Derek with challenge in his eyes, "I'm not lying, I'm giving you my honest opinion on why I could potentially be a really bad sexual partner."

Derek raised his hands in surrender, "Dude, I watched your tell, and if you're not flat out lying to me, you are practicing some organized, intricate ass truth-telling. There's something you don't want me to know. It's fine. I get it. I'll let it go. But, I say, we at least try it."

Spencer hissed, "I'm not doing it!"

Derek ran his hands up Spencer's back soothingly, "Come on, Spencer, just once. I swear I want to feel you. Like, I really, _really_ want to."

"No!"

Derek folded his hands under his chin, "_Please_."

Spencer turned away, "Derek, no."

Derek poked out his lower lip, "Please, please, please with sprinkles and a cherry on top—if you tell JJ I said that, you're dead by the way."

Spencer reeled back and moved to sit on the edge of the bed, putting his head in his hands, "No. I… I can't."

"Okay. I digress," Derek scooted up beside him, legs dangling next to Spencer's, "At least give me a better reason for why than that bullshit you just handed me."

"Fine... you want to know? You got it," Spencer took in a deep breath and leaned away from Derek, "I'm… I'm not quite sure of my sexuality. It seems to be all over the place and what I really want is to figure it out before we… well, before I… do anything to you."

Derek folded his arms over his chest, "So, all of this fuss… is about you being afraid to fuck me… because I'm a guy?"

Spencer sighed quickly, "You make it sound so vapid."

"We've been dating for a month. I confided in you that I loved you, and I want to fucking submit to you! What do you think I've been trying to do all night?! I fucking love you, and I'm trying over and over again to show you and prove it to you! Do you know how much internal shit I had to go through to even admit to myself that I want you to do this to me?!You are the first guy I've ever touched since I was molested, man!" Derek's voice began to raise, "And you won't touch me back because you're afraid it's too gay? Tell me, Spencer, how is taking it up the ass less gay than dealing it? Huh, how is laying there less gay than…oh, no."

Spencer shook his head and raised his palms, "Derek, don't go there."

Derek asked, "Do you think it's easier to take it because you can somehow tell yourself that it wasn't you doing it?"

Spencer turned back to his boyfriend, "How—how… do you know I'm thinking that?"

"You think I wasn't saying those words to myself before?" Derek stated, shaking his head angrily, "You think I don't know how it feels to be touched against my will, praying to God that it wasn't gay if he was hurting me? Knowing the only outlet I had for my confusion was bending over for someone else? Someone that didn't love me?"

Spencer replied, "I know you love me and I love you! I just need time to—"

Derek asked impatiently, "To what? Second guess our relationship because you want to try boning women?"

"I need a goddamn second, okay?!" Spencer cried out, "I spent all of this time lying underneath you, letting you fuck me, thinking that it wasn't what it was simply because I loved you! You made me feel good, and I _want_ you, and I think about you when you're not around! But, dammit, I'm not ready to put a label on myself! I don't know what I am, all I know is that I'm in love with you!"

"Why isn't that enough?!"

"Why does it have to be?!"

"Because if we love each other than it shouldn't matter what you are!"

"But it does! It matters to me to me! I have three goddamn doctorates on every scientific subject I could get my hands on! I know libraries worth of shit, but I don't have a fucking clue who I am! Do you have any idea how painful, and confusing, and mind fucking it is to be able to identify an_ odobenus rosmarus _but not your own fucking self?! So, I can't poke all the bells and whistles just yet, because I don't want you to think I am what I'm not!" a few angry tears started to course down Spencer's cheek as he finished softly, "...I don't even know what I'm not."

"Spencer…"

There was a pregnant silence before Derek finally sighed, running a hand down his face, "Fuck, Spence, I didn't know…"

Spencer wrapped his arms around his thin body, body threatening to quake as he said quietly, "Aside from my mom, you're the only person I've ever let see me naked. Did you know that? That's how much I trust you."

Derek pulled Spencer in close with an arm about his tiny shoulders, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have rushed you."

"Damn skippy," Spencer scoffed, wiping the loose tears from his cheeks and sniffing, "Fuck, I can't believe I'm acting like such a fucking girl right now."

"You're not acting like a girl, okay. Sometimes tears have to happen, so let it," Derek nuzzled his nose into Spencer's hair, "Just know that I don't want to be the one to hurt you. All I want to do is be there for you, pick up the pieces, make you feel comfortable… I really fucked up, I know, but you have to understand what I was saying, man. This whole thing could have been avoided if we talked it out. If we don't have communication, we don't have nothing. So, you do know I wasn't just yelling to hear the sound of my voice, right?"

"I do," Spencer replied, "You felt like you had to justify yourself because I was making it seem like… you were raping me."

Derek winced, "You did."

Spencer murmured wiping another stray tear before it could escape from his eye, "I'm sorry."

Derek smiled calmly, "You're forgiven."

Spencer breathed into the quiet air, "I love you."

Derek held him closer, "I know."

Not liking the intimacy of the freshly patch up fight, Spencer snuffled and changed the subject quickly, "I think my bed is cursed."

Derek asked with a chuckle, "Why is that?"

"Every time we're in it, it causes a fight." Spencer counted off onto long fingers, "The black out thing, the fire alarm thing, and now this. Once is an accident, twice is a coincidence, and three times is a pattern."

Derek replied, "Well, hot damn."

Spencer smiled, "I think I need a new mattress."

Derek laughed aloud, "Hell, maybe you do."

* * *

**A/N: "The feels are strong with this one."**

**- Blue Vader**


	19. The Reflexive Unit

Chapter Nineteen: The Reflexive Unit

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**A/N: Just FYI, the story will be coming to a close soon. I have plans to end it by the end of the month, and I wanted you all to know so you won't be shocked in October like, "Blue, what the fucking hell, we didn't see this coming." Now you do. Thanks for all of your love and support and reviewing and favoriting and following! It's been truly wonderful writing for every single one of you thus far. **

**-B. Ollie**

**P.S. **** Rayne McKenna, I'm starstruck when you review because I've been reading your stuff for months and it's so much more brilliant than anything I've written. Ever. Honestly, I started this fic after reading all of yours because I figured, hell, if I really try I can _almost_ be as good as her. Just felt like you needed to know that I'm a fangirl over your stuff. **

******Sorry if I creeped you out just now. **

******I kind of do that sometimes.**

******God, this is awkward.**

******Uhhm...**

******Bye.**

* * *

Spencer strode up to JJ's closed office door the next day, knocking patiently thrice. He heard her rise on the other side and her heels made small thumps across the floor as she made her way toward the door. As it opened, her face lit up, "Am I about to get a detailed recalling of your hot homo sex today?"

"A detailed recalling of my _what_?" Spencer sighed, fully prepared to stop trying to understand her.

She grinned brightly and thrust the door open, "Don't worry about it, enter!"

Spencer walked into the door and eased into the chair before her desk. He was still a little sore in all the right places from Derek and his make-up sex. Speaking of make-up sex, Spencer thinks it would be a good idea for them to pick fights with each other if only for it. He watched with patience as JJ scampered over to her side of the desk, sat, and pulled her knees up as if she were a child, waiting eagerly to hear a fairy tale from her babysitter. Spencer grimaced, "I didn't come in here to say anything about Derek… well, not particularly. He's not really the star of the story here."

JJ asked quickly, "Then, who is it? Is it you? Oh! And who's the antagonist?!"

Spencer replied calmly, "The antagonist is my bed. I think it's cursed."

JJ paused, "…"

"…" Spencer replied.

She crossed her arms over her chest, "You're not serious, are you?"

"Yes, I am. This bed causes fights. Like real, possible relationship-ruining fights," Spencer stated.

JJ gasped, "I refuse to believe you fight."

Spencer replied, "Sorry to break your heart, but we fight just like everyone else. Well, actually, we don't. On average, couples fight 312 times a year. We've had about nine fights in one month, so if we keep on this stride we'll be in a extremely healthy relationship. All in all, we're perfectly normal."

JJ rolled her eyes, "Just...not the bed part. That's a little weird."

Spencer shrugged plainly, "I don't know what else it would be. Derek and I rarely ever bump heads. And when we do, it's about something stupid like where we're going for dinner, or why he always picks the hotel room miles away from mine. But, every single time we try to do something in my bed, it crashes and burns. I mean, we were full-scale yelling at each other last night. It was horrible."

"Oh, Spencer," JJ said with a worried expression on her face.

He sighed, "We got over it. Talked it out. Had make-up sex. It was all very nice in the end, so it's really no big deal."

JJ nodded, "Are you sure?"

Spencer scratched behind his ear, "Yeah, I am, it's just…the bed. Do you think it's the bed? I think it's the bed."

JJ mumbled, "I think it's the people in the bed."

Spencer pleaded, "JJ, come on. Focus, here. This is a cursed object we're talking about! For all we know, my bed is some fucked up version of the TV from Poltergeist!"

She shrugged, "Well, you did say once that things don't happen when it's least convenient, it's just the moments _in which_ it's least convenient we remember most."

"We've only _seriously_ fought in that bed or because of that bed; literally nowhere else."

JJ asked, "And you're being honest with me?"

Spencer replied, "I wish I was lying."

JJ sighed and leaned her hand across the table toward Spencer's, "Maybe it's psychosomatic. Do you have any deep seated issues about sex? The location of your bed might trigger some of those because it's where you do the most thinking."

Spencer nodded at JJ's question, "Yeah, I do."

She gripped his hand patiently, "What are they?"

Spencer looked away, "I don't want to talk about it."

She asked quietly, "Has someone ever hurt you?"

"No! No. Never," Spencer replied, "It's just… I have… please, tell no one about this. Can you promise me?"

JJ raised three fingers on her free hand, "Girl Scout's honor."

Spencer ran his fingers through his short hair nervously, "I… well, I'm sexually confused."

She cocked her head to the side, "Is that really possible? Like… does that… exist?"

Spencer played with the frayed edges of his waistcoat, "It's very real, I assure you."

JJ inquired, "What is it?"

Spencer bit his lower lip before responding, "It's when an idiot like myself doesn't know if I'm homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, animal, vegetable, mineral, I could go on. I have no clue what I want and it's pissing me off!"

JJ took in the information, "That doesn't mean you're an idiot, that just means you don't know."

Spencer glared toward her, "To someone who knows more than the average person, it's quite disconcerting to be completely unaware of what's common knowledge to everyone else."

JJ snickered, "Oh, please, Spence, there's a lot of things that everyone knows that you seem completely oblivious to! Have you _seen_ your people skills? Or lack thereof."

Spencer grimaced, "I'm learning, alright. Now, please. Help me out."

She shrugged, "Why don't we just be on the safe side and say you're bi until proven gay."

Spencer sighed, "But, Jayje, I like having regular sex with a guy. Doesn't that make me gay?"

JJ scoffed, "So? I like salad. Does that make me an herbivore?"

"…no. It doesn't," Spencer replied.

"Well, there you go," JJ said, patting his hand and pulling hers away, "If a person likes eating veal and chicken as well as salad, what does that make them?"

Spencer said quickly, "An omnivore."

JJ nodded, "And, there you go. Bisexual."

Spencer asked, "But I've never… _eaten veal_ before, how would I know if I liked it or not?"

JJ stood up and walked over to Spencer's chair. He gave her a strange look and asked, "What are you doing?" She straddled his legs and ran a finger down to close his lips. JJ began to slowly unbutton his shirt and grab hard onto his tie. Spencer gulped and felt his face grow hot as she began to unbuckle his belt and run the zip of his pants down. The blood had now left his face, and he could feel it heading downward with arousal. Her hair smelled so good. Like strawberries. He touched it and combed his fingers down the blond tresses. It was beautiful. She locked eyes with him, her large blue orbs staring back at him as she sat perched on his lap all soft and warm and inviting. Fuck. JJ leaned forward to whisper in his ear, "Are you turned on right now?"

He nodded quickly, his ears going red, "Oh, my God. Am I cheating? I don't want to be cheating. Get off me before I start cheating." Spencer closed his eyes.

She chuckled, getting off of his lap, "I still got it."

Spencer hurriedly fixed his shirt and tie, buckling up his pants as she sat back into her seat and took a sip of coffee as casually as she'd just walked down the street. JJ smiled, "Do you feel like that when Morgan straddles you?"

Spencer nodded.

JJ asked, "Do you feel like that when other guys straddle you?"

Spencer nodded.

JJ paused, "Wait, other guys have straddled you?"

Spencer nodded, looking toward his feet in embarrassment.

JJ sighed, taking another sip, "Congratulations, Reid, you're bisexual. Would you like a firm pat on the back, or an outright handshake? We could even hug. At this point, I don't mind."

He blinked, "It's just that easy?"

JJ scoffed, "Fuck yeah."

Spencer cocked his head to the side, "What about pansexual, or omnisexual, or monosexual?"

JJ replied, "Well, isn't pansexual more of an 'I fall in love with the person, not the gender' type thing?"

Spencer furrowed his eyebrows, "Technically 'pan' means all, which gives the allusion to being attracted to all genders. But, let's be honest since there are only two genders, they're just bisexuals who think they're free thinkers."

"Whoa, Spence! You're staring to sound a little Romney there. Before we get into this big argument about sexuality, let's just agree to disagree."

Spencer replied, "Fine."

There was a knock on the door and JJ called out, "Come on in."

"I'm going to need that bunch of files from the last paper trail we did, because we're missing a shit ton of signatures." Derek stuck his head into the room and spoke simply, "Speaking of things that need insane amounts of work, have you seen Reid?"

Spencer turned around in his chair, "Hey!"

Derek smiled innocently, "Oh, you didn't hear that, did you?"

JJ reached into the side of her desk drawer and pulled out a small pile with a thick red rubber band around it, "Is this the one you need? The Stevens-Lawrence case, right?"

Derek nodded, striding into the room and closing the door, "Yep. Thanks, Jay."

As she handed it over, JJ flashed Derek a smile, "Just thought you should know that your boyfriend told me all about the overwhelming hotness of your passionate, lust-driven sex last night."

Spencer squeaked, "No, I didn't!"

Derek patted Spencer's shoulder and let out a smile, "Oh, so you're already bragging, huh?"

Spencer shook his head, "No! I never said anything about it!"

"Fine, he's right. He didn't say anything today, but a few weeks ago, he told me about the chocolate sauce." JJ grinned, "You should have seen how much he blushed when he told me. Good job, Morgan. The world needs more men like you."

Derek winked, "Just doing my job."

There was another knock on the door. Derek yelled over to it, "It's open!"

Prentiss strode in with an arm full of papers, "Hey, Garcia called in and wants Morgan and Reid to check something out, but I can't seem to find any of—wow, the whole gang is in here!"

Spencer stood and headed to the door, "Well, there's my queue to leave."

Derek slapped him playfully on the rear as he walked past him and Spencer turned and gave him a very angry, very impatient look before continuing out of the room. As he exited, Derek sighed with a smile on his face, "He hates it when I do that."

Prentiss scoffed, "Pipe dream."

Spencer stuck his head back in the room with a face of sheer innocence, "What's a pipe dream?"

Derek and Prentiss went still for a moment until one of them spoke, and that one of them happened to be Derek, "Nothing—"

"Morgan doesn't have a crush on you!" she said quickly.

"Well, no shit, Sherlock." Spencer chuckled and rolled his eyes, "Morgan, are you coming or what?"

"Yeah," Derek smiled, walking out of the room after Spencer while raising his middle finger to Prentiss so that he could whisper into the door, "Fuck you very much for that."

She called back, "Well, telling him would only be a problem if he didn't love you back!"

As Derek shut the door, Derek strode quickly up to catch up to Spencer, "Did you hear her—"

"Yeah, she thinks I don't love you. Let's ride on that, okay, it's the only thing that's keeping her from exposing our asses _right now_," Spencer muttered over his shoulder, "Garcia can know, JJ can know. That's all fine and good. I love Em, I swear I do, but she'll tell the whole fucking world."

Derek sighed, "What if she doesn't?"

Spencer replied with a whispered, "You wanting to prove to her that I'm in love with you really wouldn't help anything but your ego in the long run."

Derek grinned, "I can't help it, my ego needs stroking."

Spencer stopped short and slowed Derek as the back of his hand collided with his well-built chest hissing under his breath, "You're brilliant, you're sexy, you're good in bed. Is that enough?"

"It's a band aid on a bullet wound, but I think I can handle it for now." Derek replied with a chuckle of glee.

Spencer began to walk again, "You're not off the hook for smacking my ass."

Derek sighed, "Fuck."

Spencer laughed cruelly, "Yeah, you're not getting any of that for a while as payback for what you've done. Consider it my final word on the matter."

Derek paused as they reached Garcia's office door, "Spencer, no."

Spencer's grin grew near Satanic, opening the door, "Yes."

Derek walked through it, set to do something about that as he closed the door behind him, "Baby girl, he's threatening me."

Garcia didn't even look up from her several computers as she replied, "What's he threatening you with that won't reflect off of your gleaming, shiny muscles?"

Derek glared in Spencer's direction, "He's withholding."

Garcia's head slowly rose from where it was buried in the big pile of monitors, "What did you do, Derek? Start the Apocalypse? You _know_ how much Spencer loves dick."

Spencer sputtered, "How—how do you even know how much I love—I mean it's not like I do! It's just a little nice when—goddammit, Derek, what did you tell her?"

Derek shrugged, "That you love yourself some peen."

Spencer's face flushed and he hissed back at Derek, "Derek! What the hell?! Who said I loved it?!"

Derek replied, "You. Like seven times last night. During."

Garcia squealed with excitement, "No freaking way!"

Derek grinned over at his best friend, "Oh, yeah. He was loud as fuck too. It was really hot. We got three broomsticks to the ceiling that night because of his loud-ass love noises."

Spencer blushed, "So what? I'm vocal, okay?"

Garcia asked with a mischievous grin, "You're _vocal_, huh, Reid? Tell me, on a scale of one to ten, just how loud you were last night?"

Spencer hid his face with his hands, "Eight."

Derek laughed, "More like twelve."

Spencer growled through his fingers, "You know what, fuck you, Derek."

"I will happily fuck you, Spencer," Derek replied instantly.

Garcia mediated, "Ooh…"

Spencer felt his face get darker and he turned his back to Derek, "I'm so upset with you that I can't even look at you."

Derek said to Garcia, "That's Spencer's way of saying he's blushing."

Spencer lied, "I'm not blushing!"

Derek continued, "That's Spencer's way of saying he's definitely blushing."

Spencer groaned into his hands, "_Derek_."

Derek began to smile, "Love you too."

Garcia clapped her hands together with a grin, "You two are so freaking cute. I swear. I just called in to see how you were doing. Apparently you're alright. Your banter is adorable as well, so, I'm very much pleased."

Derek replied, "So, am I."

Spencer growled, "Don't worry, Garcia, he won't be as chipper when he realizes he's not getting sex for the next month of our relationship."

Garcia chuckled, "I'm pretty sure Morgan can get you to change your mind."

Derek walked over to Spencer and wrapped his arms around Spencer, cradling the back of his head with his large hands, "It's fine. You know I'd wait until you weren't pissed at me to strike."

Spencer's arms slid up and around Derek's shoulders as he embraced him back, saying tentatively, "Okay."

Garcia giggled, "Aww! You're hugging!"

Spencer tried not to enjoy it too much, growling, "I'm still mad."

"You're always mad," Derek whispered into his ear, "_Except for when we're doing it_."

Spencer attempted to pull away from Derek's arms, finding himself trapped, "Shut up…"

Garcia frantically clicked at her camera as her coworkers embraced. She grinned as the picture appeared on her camera phone and replied, "I'll just edit out Reid's tantrum face."

Spencer growled, "I'm not having a tantrum. I'm being squished by a gargantuan."

Derek smiled down at his ever cranky lover and ran a hand through his hair, "You're just jealous because I'm bigger than you."

Spencer murmured, "So what? I'm taller than you, so I don't really give a shit."

Garcia gasped, "Aww, man!"

Derek and Spencer paused their bickering to look over at Garcia whom was hissing at her Smart Phone. She groaned, "I accidentally deleted it!"

Spencer said under his breath, "Serves you right."

Garcia raised her phone and took a picture of the grumbling Spencer as he stood limply in Derek's arms. Derek countered that with a, "Hey, baby girl, see if you can get this!" Before Spencer could ask what his clever boyfriend was talking about, his lips were captured in a warm kiss. Spencer struggled for a moment against that melting feeling in his chest that rises when Derek kisses him as his eyes closed slowly. He was pissed at him, and he was set on being so for the next half hour. But, his arms were tightening around him and his lips were going lax against Derek's. He lifted a hand to press lightly to the side of Derek's face keeping him close. Spencer tries to hide it as often as he can, but he's so in love with him. The last thing he wants Derek to think is that he doesn't. Then, it was over and he was brought back to Earth, hearing a screech from Garcia that would rival the mating screech of a bat. She was hopping around in her seat and speaking in gasps and points. All Spencer could understand was "so sweet" and "adorable as hell" and "Spencer's little moan was so cute!" Wait, huh? He didn't moan, did he? That wouldn't have been at all the most brilliant thing to do in the presence of the perpetual fangirl that was Penelope Garcia. But, she didn't seem to care, none the less dislike it.

Derek grinned, "I think we rendered her speechless."

She pleaded, "Can I send this to JJ? Pretty, pretty please with every color sprinkle in the Sperek rainbow on it?!"

Spencer raised his eyebrow, "Sperek?"

Garcia raised her hand in explanation, "Yeah, Spencer and Derek. Sperek. Clever, right? I know. Jayje and I coined the phrase last week and you can't take it from us, it's our only source of happiness in this cold, cruel world."

Spencer looked slowly up to Derek as his arms loosened, "What the fuck is even happening?"

"Lord knows," Derek replied, his eyebrow raised and ready to judge, "Baby girl, you two might have a problem…"

She giggled, "We can stop whenever we want, my Chocolate God of All That is Sexy, but if you keep giving us large doses of guy-on-guy like that we just might OD."

Spencer buried his face in Derek's shirt, "Please tell me she didn't catch that on camera."

Garcia replied with a grin, "Dude, fuck pictures, I got it on video. There will be gifs in ten minutes."

Derek shook his head, "Girl, you a mess."

She winked, "A hot mess, you're loving it, hell yes."

* * *

Spencer found himself lying alone on his bed around one o'clock at night. The bookstore across the street was closed as well as the library. Sleep wasn't even an option after all those crime scene pictures ridden with splayed innards he'd seen that late afternoon. There was nothing on TV but reruns, and even the radio stations were playing crap music. So, he grabbed his laptop. Maybe he could look up some dissertations online and check them out. He did hear a new dinosaur exhibit was coming to the local museum, so there were bound to be new essays and updated research about velociraptors out. He doesn't really tell people this but… he's a major dino geek.

He clicked around his dated computer and found several websites claiming to have the most information on the new exhibit. Most of them were probably bullshit, so he decided to save time and go onto the museum website. Wow, there it was. One huge velociraptor was staring up at him from the square screen, calling him with his hooved hand. Talk about badass. He grinned and clicked on it. Holy shit information. There were seven theses on it, two essays of depth about dino eating patterns and a professorial observation. Spencer nearly wet himself with excitement as his eyes scanned the page greedily for information. Apparently, they were near insatiable omnivores that liked to stalk their prey before they—_ring ring ring…_

Spencer rolled his eyes and pushed the laptop to his side, glancing at his phone. This better be pretty goddamn important. He scowled and unlocked his phone to find that JJ had sent him a text message asking how he was doing. Spencer growled and silenced it. Fuck that. He's not responding. He loves JJ, he swears he does, but what she did today confused the living hell out of him. Sure, now he knows that he's bisexual and that helps a whole lot, but did she have to prove it quite like that? Did she have to touch him, breathe his air, and unzip his pants? Was that really fucking necessary? Spencer can still feel her light, tiny hands running down to put pressure below his belt, her soft, sweet smelling hair falling through his fingers, her warm, cushiony breasts pressing into his chest. He worried his lower lip between his teeth and shook his head free of the thoughts, trying with all of his might to will away his hard-on. _Derek_, he thought, _I'm not in love with JJ, I'm in love with Derek_. Spencer closed his eyes and thought back to the hot, passionate sex they'd had the night before. Fuck. Spencer hates thinking about what they do since he feels just as dirty as he is hungry for more. There is a full-on sexual complex going on in his head every time Derek enters his mind! He's gone decades without sex! Why can't he spend five minutes without it infiltrating his thoughts? Derek is irresistible and sensational and the moment their lips touch, he's insatiable. Bloody fucking hell. Derek's rough hands, strong arms, and musky scent turned him on so quickly. Every time he felt that touch, and saw those arms, and smelled that sweat, he knew he was going to get it. Hard.

Spencer sighed, a shaky hand running up his chest, mimicking the course way Derek touched him last night. Spencer's will do for now. His hand traveled into his hair and he let out a more uneasy breath and he tugged hard like Derek only does when he's really, really into it. Then, Spencer would moan into his ear that he loved it and Derek would pull and yank mercilessly. God, it hurt so good. Spencer gripped his hair again and keened softly as he felt his back arch into the palm he had subconsciously pressed to his crotch. He swore and ran the hand down the back of his neck, grabbing at the soft, sensitive hair above the skin like Derek did, rough and passionate. Fuck! Spencer was so turned on. He shoved his hand into his pants and stroked hard, forgetting his equation and feeling the pressure change with each slide like Derek does it. Unpredictable perfection. His free hand traveled up and down his chest as he thought of Derek claiming his hips in that bruising grip and fucking the shit out of him right there, right then. Spencer moaned aloud, "Derek, mmh! Oh, Derek! Yeah… _yeah_!" His breath picked up and he impatiently ran his tongue down his hand before shoving it back into his pants because like it or not, he was starting to chafe. Not sure if he liked it or not, he shrugged it off and continued. The need for release smacked Reason in the face and she took it like a whore. Spencer called out Derek's name again in a quivered voice as he stroked harder. He shoved a hand into his hair and hissed at the contact. His hips collided with his fist again and again, his fingers alternated attention between his clothed chest and his rumpled hair, and his breath came in shallow puffs.

Spencer could almost see Derek above him, face clear with concentration, brown eyes trained on his. As he gained more and more pleasure from the thought, one leg stretched out to lean over the side of the bed and give him a better angle. His striped socked foot made its way down the sheet. Yeah. Perfect. "Ahh, Derek, fuck!" Spencer gasped out, "Fuck, Derek, so good! Just like that!" Spencer desperately wanted to reach up and touch him, but he knew he wasn't there. So, he imagined his hand traveling up Derek's chest, past his neck, and along the side of his face. "Yes! Derek, yes! _Yes_!" Spencer breathed. He was so close. He whispered that into Derek's ear as Derek pushed hard against him in his mind.

Spencer was shocked into his orgasm as it ripped through him like a ghost. He didn't even give himself time to breathe as he murmured swears mere moments after it happened. Spencer yanked his hand out of his pants as if there was lava in there and wiped it off on a tissue, looking down at his body as if he was disgusted. Did he seriously just do that? Spencer wouldn't be so disappointed in himself if it wasn't the third time today. Sadly, he didn't have much more time to react before there was a calm, yet strained voice easing into the room, "Um… Reid? Morgan?"

Spencer ran his hand angrily across his face. Before picking up the phone that seemed to have mysteriously eased underneath his back and called someone while he was… uh… busy. The young doctor can't seem to catch a break today, so of course something like that would happen. He gave a curt, "Hello." to the person he'd probably just mind fucked into oblivion. Or disgust, he really doesn't know which. At this point, Spencer wasn't even going to make note of it. Whomever was on the other end of the phone had borne witness to way too much of his night, making it way worse than it had already been. Spencer sighed into the phone, "Yeah... sorry about that."

That familiar deadpan voice replied, "I need to see you and Morgan in my office first thing tomorrow morning. Is that clear to the both of you?"

Spencer paused, "Okay, look, I pocket dialed you, I understand. And I'm absolutely mortified. But Morgan has nothing to do with this, Hotch, please don't punish him because of my lapse in judgment!"

"What do you mean 'Morgan has nothing to do with it'? He was there, wasn't he?" Hotch asked.

"Oh, Hotch... you think..." Spencer felt his face flush as he answered quietly, "No, I… I'm on my own."

Hotch quickly responded, "Oh, thank God. I didn't want to have to fire you two."

Spencer sighed, "Yeah, well, don't worry about it. I'm still a lonely, pathetic loser, no difference here."

Hotch let out a chuckle, "Alright. Well, if you two ever… well, you know… let me know. We'll work on creating transfer options so that we don't have to let you go."

Spencer took in a deep breath, "Wait, you would potentially be okay with it if we were together?"

"Sure. You are both two consenting adults that can make your own decisions, and if you two decide that you want to enter a serious relationship, I trust that you will have made the right choice." Hotch replied.

Spencer pulled his knees up to his chest, and said with a smile, "So, you mean to say you think we're great together?"

Hotch retorted, "I said no such thing."

Spencer paused, "…do you _ship_ us, Hotch?"

Hotch growled, "No."

Spencer began to laugh, "Oh, my God. That's… that's the funniest thing I've ever heard."

Hotch hissed, "All I'm saying is… you two are obviously sexually aware of each other and the tension is getting annoying. I very much enjoy having the both of you on our team, but if that means watching the two of you coexisting unhappily than I would rather you resolve it, and let me know your decision so that I can move one of you to a reflexive unit."

Spencer cocked his head to the side, "A reflexive unit?"

"Yes. There are some units of the Bureau that's main purpose us to service other ones. Say, if the BAU just happened to require the use of a residential genius, you would technically belong to a reflexive unit, but still work closely with us. It would be as if you never left except for the fact that a relationship between you and Agent Morgan wouldn't be forbidden. Looked down upon, yes, but technically not punishable by law."

Spencer's face broke out in a grin, "That's… amazing."

Hotch replied simply, "Loopholes are a hobby of mine."

Spencer sighed, realizing that he would need to talk to Derek before they even considered transferring him. He lied, "That would really help if we were actually together, but… there's a reason why I'm in this bed alone, you know. He doesn't love me, and I know that. I accept that."

Hotch responded, "Have you ever asked him?"

Spencer paused, "…no."

Hotch said, "You should get on that."

Spencer shook his head quickly, "I can't."

Hotch replied, "Or you could sit in your house, moaning and complaining like a scared little bitch."

Spencer gasped at Hotch's response, "Um…"

"What," Hotch replied, "Do you want the truth, or a lie?"

Spencer sighed, "The truth would be nice."

Hotch chuckled, "Good. I want a full report by Friday. Okay?"

Spencer saluted to the empty room, "Okay."

"Goodbye."

Spencer ended the call and stared at his phone. There's only one thing to do now. And he's going to do it.

* * *

**A/N: Ermahgerd what's gonna happen next! Find out next week, my sexy zebras!**

**-Rhythm and Blue**


	20. I Did

Chapter Twenty: I Did

* * *

**A/N: Hey, you sweet, beautiful, little sons of bitches. I've missed you, so I'm going to do the whole two chapters/two days thing again since you seemed to like that so much. **

**This is why I'm such a good lover. I'm filled with surprises.**

**I mean, um**

**-Blue, Blue Nike Swoop.**

* * *

"A loophole, are you serious?!" Derek cried out in the handicapped stall of the third floor bathroom that they'd rather liked using as a meeting place since they'd officially christened it several times. You know, to make sure they did it right.

Spencer gave a grin as Derek pulled him close in an overjoyed hug, "Yeah, I know, right. It's perfect."

Derek pushed back a little and stared Spencer in the eyes, "But you won't be BAU anymore. You'll be demoted. You'll get a pay cut."

"It won't be much of a financial difference. I'm paid more than you anyway, so when they slash my paycheck, I'll be pretty much receiving yours," Spencer replied casually.

Derek paused, "Wait…you get paid more than me?"

Spencer nodded slowly, "Yeah. I'm a highly scouted specialist, so I'm given more for my help. Truth be told, they don't want me to leave and take my brain elsewhere. Same with Garcia, actually. Ask her how much she gets paid and it'll shock the shit out of you. Really."

Derek folded his arms, "They didn't tell me this."

Spencer chuckled, "Of course not. It's not something you publicize, paying members of the same team uneven amounts."

Derek pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose, "Okay, whatever. We have to figure out how we're doing this."

Spencer cocked his head to the side, "Doing what?"

"Outing ourselves to the team, of course," Derek replied.

Spencer took a deep breath, "Oh. Yes. Of course. Well… we can't do it until I transfer, or else we can still be fired. Even then, we have to wait a little bit so that the transfer doesn't seem obviously planned."

Derek started, "But why—"

Spencer finished, "If anyone up above in the chain of command suspects we cheated the system for our own personal gain, we could be taken to court."

Derek closed his mouth, "Well, fuck."

Spencer shrugged, "Yeah."

Derek sighed, "Fine. We'll wait a few weeks. Then what?"

Spencer replied, "I don't know. Do you want to just…gather everyone and tell them?"

Derek shook his head, "No fucking way. We've got to go out with a _bang_. If you know what I mean."

Spencer narrowed his eyes at Derek, "That's just tacky… and kind of unsanitary now that I'm thinking about it."

"Please! We have to! I've even got a location: Prentiss's desk." Derek said with a large grin.

Spencer grimaced, "I am _not_ having sex with you on Prentiss's desk!"

Derek clasped his hands together, "Well, I was just going to suggest mild making out, but sex is good. I can work with sex."

Spencer hissed , "Derek!"

Derek sighed, "Fine. What's your big idea, genius boy?"

Spencer pursed his lips, "It's going to be classy, work appropriate, and respectable."

Derek yawned as if he were bored already, "Alright. We'll talk."

* * *

Spencer lay on Derek's couch, his head resting on Derek's shoulder and his hand buried in the fur on top of Clooney's head. They had a very productive day. The two lovers had walked into Hotch's office earlier that afternoon with a proposition.

_Spencer knocked lightly on the door and moments later, the two were let into the office. Hotch stood beside the door, holding it open for them as they walked in. He said gently, "Speak quickly if you don't mind. We're on a very tight schedule. There's a case planned for us to get to by late morning tomorrow."_

_As the door shut behind Hotch, Derek grabbed Spencer's hand and their fingers interlaced gently. Hotch had already noticed that there was something on their minds, and he was pretty sure he knew what it was. If his profiling skills have served him right, they've been in a sexual relationship for at least a month and a half now. As Hotch turned, he saw their clasped hands and raised an eyebrow, "Is there something you two need to tell me?"_

_Derek nodded, "I'm in love with Reid."_

_Spencer added, "And I'm in love with Morgan."_

_Derek continued, "We're going to enter a romantic relationship. We've talked about it at length and decided that it's what we want to do."_

_Spencer sustained, "We want to take advantage of my right to transfer, if that's alright with our section leader."_

_Hotch stared at them for one long moment before his face broke out in the first grin either agent had ever seen. Hotch began to laugh gently and he clasped his hands together, "Of course, it's alright with me. There's just some minor paperwork we need to attend to, and Reid will belong to the Bureau's Reflexive Help Unit in three days' time after we finish the case. We might… need our doctor back very soon as a permanent fixture in the office though, if that is alright with you."_

_Derek grinned, "That's awesome with me. Spencer?"_

_Spencer nodded, "I wouldn't want anything more."_

_"Then it's settled," Hotch remarked, reaching onto the top of his desk to retrieve a small manila folder and handing it to Spencer, "Welcome to the team, Dr. Reid. I'm sure it will be great to have you."_

Clooney let out a contented keen and Spencer picked a peperoni off of his pizza, leaning his hand down to the dog's snout. The canine yipped and licked at Spencer's hand until the slice of meat was safely into his mouth. Spencer chuckled as the dog's tongue lapped at his hand and Derek looked down at the two with pure happiness. Spencer glanced up at Derek, "You know what? I think I can get used to this."

Derek asked, "What?"

Spencer smiled calmly, "You, me, the dog, pizza, a Thursday night. It's just so unbelievably domestic, and… I really like it."

Derek replied simply, "Me too."

The phone rang quietly and Spencer glanced back down at Clooney as Derek answered the phone. Checking to make sure Derek couldn't see, Spencer fed the dog his crust. Clooney gleefully swallowed it down and jumped up onto the couch to pin Spencer down and lick his face as a show of thanks. Spencer began to laugh loudly as the dog showed his sloppy affection and it was only then, he heard Derek say, "Oh, that? It's nothing, it's just a friend."

Spencer shrugged it off and continued playing with the dog as Derek spoke, "Yeah… I mean, I'm allowed to have friends over, right, Ma? I'm not twelve."

Spencer froze underneath the dog's friendly assault while Derek paused for her to speak and continued calmly, looking down at Spencer with a grin, "Aww, Ma, don't. The point is, I'm happy."

Clooney got impatient at lack of enthusiasm from Spencer and nipped at Spencer's collarbone as if asking for attention. Spencer patted noncommittally under his chin and listened as Derek replied to whatever she had said, "I _really_ am, Ma. I'm so happy it's starting to weird people out. Please don't worry about me."

Derek paused to let her talk and then made a worried face, locking eyes with Spencer, "_What's her name?_ Uh… what do you mean?"

She began to talk again and Derek laughed unconvincingly, "There's no girl, Ma."

Spencer sat up, Clooney setting his large rear down onto Spencer's lap as Derek began to speak again except with a little less finesse, "Seriously. No girl."

Derek sighed impatiently, "Ma, there is no girl! There was no girl! Hell, if things go well, there will never _be_ a girl!"

The other end of the phone got loud with a woman's voice and Derek replied with a quiet, "Don't ask me what that means, Ma."

The other end didn't let up. Derek sighed, "Come on, now. I don't want to talk about it. Please let it go."

Derek paused for her again and he rubbed his temples, "Ma, fine. Since you know so much, tell me. Tell me what you think is so obvious."

She must have told him.

Derek's face lost color.

He didn't speak.

Her voice must have brought something back to him after a moment, because Derek covered the receiver, stood and turned to Spencer, "I'm gonna take this to another room, alright?"

Spencer replied quietly, "…alright."

Derek left the room quickly. With unease, Spencer looked after him. Shit. His mother knows he's gay. Holy hell, this night isn't going to end in smiles and sex. Spencer looked around Clooney's large, hairy back and the dog turned, sensing the unease in the room and whining softly. Spencer nodded, "I know, right. I'm dying to find out."

He stood and raced across the room into the kitchen, grabbing the spare phone off of the hook and listening into the conversation. Derek's mother hissed angrily, "_Your father wouldn't have wanted this for you. He would have been very disappointed_."

Derek replied, "I don't care. It's my life to live, not his. I don't know if you've noticed, Ma, but he's been dead for over thirty years."

She responded, "_You've been my son for over thirty years as well. You don't think I've raised you better than to turn into some sort of… disgusting sexual deviant like Paul._"

Derek growled, "Ma, forget Paul! He has nothing to do with this, okay? Just because he's sick, doesn't mean I am."

She whipped back, "_And how do you think he got sick, huh? Frolicking around with men like the little fairy he was! That's how!"_

Derek remarked, "No, he got it having unprotected sex with someone else who wasn't honest with him. Being gay doesn't give you AIDS. Being unsafe does."

She answered, "_What makes you think you don't have it, huh?!"_

Derek replied, "I've been tested, Ma. And I've only been with two men and I was safe with both."

His mom grimaced, "_Well, how far and in between were those two? A day apart? Three?"_

Derek hissed, "Try twenty five years."

She scoffed, "_Oh, okay. Let's pretend I believe that. And who's your Prince Charming, huh? Some disease ridden, muscle-bound air head?"_

Derek growled into the phone, "Don't you dare talk about him that way. You don't even know him."

His mom yelled, "_I know he's a faggot!"_

There was a faint sound like Derek punching his fist into something, "Don't you call him that! He makes me happy, and I swear to God, Ma, you are going to respect him if you respect no one else."

She replied, "_I don't have to do anything. And you better watch your tone, boy, do you know who you're talking to?"_

Derek took in a large breath before saying quietly, "As far as I'm concerned, I'm talking to a closed-minded homophobe."

She said noncommittally, "_And as far as I'm concerned, if I hadn't made sure you had your father's last name instead of mine, I'd be asking for it back._"

Derek whispered, "You don't mean that."

His mother sighed, "_What makes you think I do, Derek, you've disappointed me so much. I still love you, we both know that, but I… I don't want anyone to know about this, do you understand? This is a new type of low for you, Derek, just… call me when it blows over."_

Derek replied, "It won't."

She retorted, "_Well, then, I guess you won't be calling me then."_

Derek sighed, "I guess I won't."

His mother responded, "_Good bye, Derek."_

Derek paused and replied, "Good bye, Mom."

Spencer carefully put the phone back and raced back to the couch, deciding the most casual position would be to lay on his back with a slice of uneaten pizza in his hand. Derek slowly walked down the stairs, his jaw clenched and his forehead creased. Spencer forgot the pretense and jumped up from the seat, racing over to his shaken companion and pulling him in for a tight hug. Derek didn't ask. He didn't have to. He knew. Spencer whispered quietly to Derek that he was going to be okay, but he just stood there still and immovable like a wall made of concrete.

* * *

The day before the paperwork was complete, the team decided to throw Spencer a going away party at Rossi's place. It was quiet and simple. The music was classical. The girls were dressed up a tad more, the guys in ties. They were all buzzing around him, throwing light conversation around. It was common knowledge that Spencer would be permanently housed with the team, so there wouldn't be much of a change. He was pretty sure that they wanted an excuse to get drunk and party. Which they did. Even Hotch finished a glass of champagne! Once everyone was decently tipsy, they'd taken turns trying to cook the perfect pot of spaghetti since they'd failed horribly last time they tried. Prentiss joked that they must have been too sober the first time.

Derek, whom was very quiet lately, silently sat and sipped out of his glass of champagne. Worried about Derek's mental stability, Spencer has assigned himself what he calls "Derek-watch". He sleeps over, makes popcorn, puts on M*A*S*H, and makes sure Derek doesn't mope too much. Spencer's pretty sure that if he was in Derek's shoes, he would be a mess. And when Spencer says "mess", he means a rolling, drooling, crying mess. Spencer's mom was his life. For years. The hardest thing he ever had to do was commit her, and somehow she understood and never loved him less. He's always had her respect, and love, and support. But, if he lost it all because he'd confided in her that he was happy with Derek, that would ruin him just like it's ruining Derek.

The guy wasn't really acting all that different on the outside, so Spencer commends him for that automatically. But, after two months now of sharing a close, intimate space, Spencer could read the anguish in his eyes. And it was a struggle, really. He never said he wanted to take back his words. He never said he wanted his mom to change. He never said that he wanted to change himself. What Derek really wanted, above everything, was for it to be over. He didn't want to think about it, and Spencer accepted that. Sure, it would be hard and trying, but dammit if Derek didn't remind Spencer every day that he loved him more than he wanted to be angry with his mother. If Derek can do that for him, Spencer can do something in return: be there. He's read 56 journals, 132 articles, and 68 books since they'd gotten together and that was the biggest lesson he's learned after all of that biochemistry/physical studies crap. Being there was more important than anything.

So, Spencer watched as Derek sipped from his glass of white wine. He didn't say a word. His eyes were cast downward as Garcia walked toward him to engage in conversation.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Garcia began, "How's my BroTP?!"

Spencer raised an eyebrow, "What's a BroTP?"

Garcia sighed dismissively, "Don't worry your pretty little head. I just wanted to ask, you know, while I was here…" she dropped her voice to a whisper, "Did you leave the team because you want to tell the office about your little arrangement with Derry Bear-y?"

Derek paused, "Derry Bear-y?"

Spencer replied for the both of them, "Yes, that's why I left."

Garcia brightened, "That's so cute!"

Spencer chuckled, "We narrowly avoided getting fired, and put on trial for defying strongly enforced codes of conduct set by the Feds. Your definition of 'cute' worries me."

Garcia waved her hand in the air, "It always has and it always will. Now, which one of you fine bachelors would like to twirl me around the dance floor?"

Spencer offered, "I will."

"But…" she asked, "You always say no, and Derek always says, 'sure, sugar, would you like to twirl something else for me'? Is something wrong?"

Spencer set down his glass and grabbed her hand, pulling her gently toward the center of the living room floor and away from Derek before his boyfriend could say any more on the subject. She followed him hesitantly, but looked back at Derek with a worried expression on her face, whispering, "What's wrong with Black Beauty?"

Spencer began to sway gently, "It's not my place to say."

Garcia hissed, "If you don't say, I'm going to ask him. Do you really want that?"

Spencer shrugged, "You're his best friend; you can make those decisions for yourself."

Garcia huffed, "Why do I even talk to you?"

Spencer smiled pleasantly, "Because you hate me."

Garcia sighed, resting her head on Spencer's shoulder, "I wish I did, but I don't. I'm just worried about Morgan, you know? Usually, he's all spunky and flirty and sassy. He still is, but something is missing."

Spencer replied, "He said something he shouldn't have, and he needs time to be alright with the consequences."

Garcia gasped and stopped dancing, "He told his mom."

Spencer glanced back at Derek whose eyes were locked onto his before whispering back to Garcia, "I didn't tell you. You figured it out. He wants me to go over there, alright? Give us a second and then you can come back over if you like."

Striding across the agent infested floor, Spencer approached a worried faced Derek, "She knows."

Derek clutched his glass tightly before setting it down and walking quietly out of the room. Spencer followed him as he left. Through winding halls and open doors, Derek went, completely aware that Spencer was close behind. They'd been walking for a few minutes before Derek stopped and closed the door to a cramped pantry which ended up being the coat room. Derek whispered into the room, "I wish I stayed in here."

Spencer asked, "But you were never in here. This is the coat room."

Derek scoffed, "What else is it?"

Spencer replied, "A closet—oh, my God, Derek. No. Once you've left, you can't come back into the closet. The doors lock on the outside."

"I wish I never left," Derek sighed, "It's so safe, and quiet in here. Nobody bothers me. Nobody asks questions. Spencer… I don't think I want to tell the group just yet."

Spencer threw up his hands, "Half the team knows already! We might as well tell Prentiss and Rossi, since they're the only ignorant ones in the room."

Derek growled, "It's not just them, it's everyone! It's the whole damned FBI, Spencer! I don't think you understand how big a deal this is! We're going to be picked on, ridiculed, and ostracized from every agent in the Bureau! Man, this isn't high school, this is the big leagues! I don't think we're ready for this. Maybe you should rejoin the team and we can just… we can just… Spencer, don't make me say it."

Spencer yelled back, "Are you fucking kidding me?! You're considering throwing all we worked for away because you're scared of what your friends will say?! Last time I checked, we loved each other, and that doesn't just _end_ because you don't want to get made fun of in the break room!"

"This isn't just the break room, this is going on a federal report! Maybe it's not worth all the shit we're going to go through! You ever thought of that?!"

Spencer raised his voice louder, trying to somehow get Derek's point out of his handsome, but thick skull, "Oh, so, you're saying I'm not worth it to you?!"

Derek raised his voice right back, "I'm not saying _you're_ not worth it, I'm saying this thing we're doing isn't worth it! Dude, you just took a pay cut for me. You just got demoted. Do you really want to see how low we can go?!"

"We're not going anywhere, Derek! We're just telling the truth! We're just being happy!"

"Do we look happy to you?!"

"Yes!"

"Are you fucking kidding me?!"

"No, I'm not kidding you! I said we were, so we are and that's final!"

"Well, we're not! We're yelling! Do you hear this?!" Derek thundered, pounding on the wall beside him, "We're not happy!"

"I am!"

"Well, I'm not!"

"Since when?!"

"Since my Momma ripped me a new one and made me see the goddamn light, that's when!"

"Last I checked, you can't stop being happy because someone told you to!"

"Well, fuck all you know, Spencer, because I don't want to be 'happy' with you anymore!"

"But, I thought you loved me!"

"I did!"

The two got eerily quiet as Derek replied softly, "_I did_."

The door opened to a slightly tipsy JJ who was clearly looking for her coat. Derek took his chance to leave. Spencer outstretched his hand to Derek, "Wait, no, don't!"

By then, he was gone.

* * *

**A/N: O_o I know. I suck. See you tomorrow.**

**- Shiny Blue Pikachu **


	21. 4:25

Chapter Twenty One: 4:25

* * *

**A/N: Just an FYI to everyone: t****his isn't just a story to me, this is a coping mechanism. A lot of these stories on this website are. So, don't take these lightly either. Each story is an individual work of art for each writer, and they really bear their souls on this website.**

_This chapter is dedicated to all of the writers on this website. I appreciate the shit out of you._

**-Blueberry Pimp Handles His Business.**

* * *

There was little time wasted in unnecessary words and gestures between the two over the weeks. Time has passed like it hadn't before. It was even worse now. Before Quantico, after Vegas. Before Massachusetts, after Philadelphia. Before New Year's, after that fateful Friday. There was a silence in their souls like never before. Spencer nearly felt dead inside by the end of it all. To have everything that ever made full and complete sense to him, smashed to the ground for _weeks_, well. That changes a person. So, Spencer stayed quiet about it. He didn't tell Jay about it. He didn't tell Garcia. Hell, he didn't even tell Hotch, since the gravely man felt that staring him down would reveal the secrets of every fiber of his being. That guy didn't get a free pass for shit. He was disqualified from the National Informational Bank of Spencer because he openly profiled him. No thank you, Spencer didn't hate anything more than other people poking their nose in his business.

So he danced. He lost himself in the music of his mind. Shallow numbers and barely fulfilling equations serving as the shoes he wore to travel across the dance floor of an unsub's web of lies, deceit, and innocent bloodshed. It helped for a while, it did, to become that high functioning robot he was before Denver—before he opened his eyes and saw the clearest vision of everything he wanted in life. Before he fell for Derek. Of course, there wasn't much else for him to do, but pine like a pre-teen girl, but at last he felt! There was something to look forward to, something to think about, something to love that wasn't himself, his mother, or his job. For once, he had a hope and a dream. Every day, he could look forward to seeing Derek walk by his desk, throwing paper at the back of his head, rumpling up his hair, and challenging his wit even though he knows he will forever fall a bit behind. Every day, he knew Derek would never love him back. God, how that stung—how that fucking hurt! To think about someone and love someone more than yourself and to know that they will never, ever feel the same way.

He never thought he'd feel pain more blistering that that. At least, he didn't until Derek ripped his heart out of his chest and pulled it apart piece by piece until it was a useless jumble of angry, pulsing veins and ventricles. He had to look at Derek every day and see the man he'd fallen in love with avoid his eyes. He had to live with the fact that someone he had given his whole being to… didn't want to be in love with him anymore. I don't think you get it, guys. Fuck. He had completely shifted his way of life to fit their relationship! He shifted his way of life and was so, very undeniably happy! What were his daily plans now?! What was his morning routing?! What was his nightly excursion when he was used to spending every morning getting dressed carefully, making sure he would catch Derek's eye and make him say that silly "Damn, boy. You is lookin' furne" phrase that Spencer still can't find meaning in, every day causing Derek anguish by sending him flirty texts and dragging him down to the third floor, every night getting a phone call just because Derek wanted to hear his voice before he went to sleep.

Now, there's nothing.

Every day, he wakes up late. He gets dressed sloppily, barely even considering his hair. He spends the day drowned in his work, forgetting eye contact with the others when all he's immersed in is the cases, and what could be done to propel their progress. Every night, he stares at the ceiling, trying to sleep while clutching onto the pillow at his side that still smelled like soap and Dior. There was nothing to look forward to. There was nothing to keep him from forgetting his manners. There was nothing to nothing. If that sentence makes sense. Eh. Spencer doesn't care anymore. Fuck grammar.

* * *

Days were getting longer, time was passing slower. Derek. Spencer needed him. The pain never seemed to ebb, he never stopped longing. Not for one second.

* * *

Spencer sighed. That's what he felt like his life was now. One big sigh.

Fuck.

Does anything even make sense anymore?

* * *

That's it. He's sick of it. He's sick of waiting for this to all go away. He's going to fight. Hard. If he goes down in a hail of bullets, at least he can say he tried.

* * *

Spencer straightened his tie and knocked on the Derek's front door. Three weeks have passed and he's been introduced to the new system of working for the Reflexive Help Unit. Spencer's been of use on a case, was allowed field work just like before and even disarmed someone in New Mexico on their last excursion. All through that, Derek's been giving him the silent treatment. It was cold, emotionless, and most of all obvious. It's gotten to the point where Derek has made haste moves to ignore and (in all ways he can) shaft Spencer any attention he usually would have paid him. Even Rossi was worried and that's saying something.

About thirty seconds after the patient knock, a colorful Garcia answered it. She looked prepared to give a speech, but stopped short, glancing behind her and closing the door behind her after stepping outside. Garcia hissed quietly, "What are you doing here?! Morgan's a fucking wreck right now!"

Spencer sighed, "Yeah, I know. Me too. That's why I'm here. I thought maybe we could—"

Garcia flung her hands out to cover his mouth, "Hush quiet!"

Spencer's eyes widened and he nodded.

Garcia removed her hands and sighed, "He can't even hear your name right now before getting all… you know, as emotional as a Bruce Banner can get before he turns into the Hulk."

Spencer's face fell, "Shit. This is all my fault."

Garcia paused, "…no, I'm pretty sure it's his. From what he says, he was a jerk to you because he was upset about his mom and decided to break up with you because he thought that would fix it. He's fully earned his title as Idiot of the Year in my books, so don't worry."

Spencer pursed his lips and looked down at his full arms, "Well, let him know that I don't think he's an idiot, and I'm willing to take him back. We've been through too much to just end it now. Tell him to please, please consider it, because… I'm still in love with him, and I'll wait for him as long as he needs it, I… I've never felt this way about anyone before and I don't want to lose what we have. It's so precious to me, I can't let it go; at least, not without a fight. And I'm planning to go down swinging and kicking ass, guns blazing."

Garcia pressed a hand to her heart and squeaked out, "Can I keep you? Can I put you in my pocket and just…"

"Garcia, here," Spencer replied, handing her the card over the bulging bushel of white roses he'd gotten for Derek, "Make sure he gets this. And don't forget the part about 'I love you', he really likes it when I say that, and I don't do it enough."

She took the card and grinned, "Of course. Love the suit by the way. Very Cary Grant."

Spencer glanced down at his suit and smirked, "I was going for more of a Humphrey Bogart type deal."

Garcia winked, "Don't I know it. I'll give this to him."

Spencer nodded, watching her open the door and walk back into it only to come nose-to-nose to an eavesdropping Derek. He stood, shoulders slumped with a white tank top clinging to his defined torso, his hips sheathed in thick sweatpants. His eyebrows were furrowed, and he had obviously heard enough of what they were saying. Spencer spoke softly, "Derek, I…"

Derek stared back silently, his eyes haunted as he said back, "… I'm sorry, but I can't."

Garcia stood between the two, with a conflicted look on her face. Spencer wasn't sure if she wanted to help, or just walk away and let them deal with it themselves. It had meant more to him than ever that she was there, but it was obvious she was torn. Derek raised a hand and shooed her away, she ducked back into the house quickly. Spencer stared back at him as the open door hung between them like miles of land. "I think it's best if you go." Derek said plainly. Spencer could feel his heart breaking. He didn't reply, he just watched. Derek couldn't have said that. After all they've been through, Derek couldn't have shot him down as he stood there brandishing roses and spilling his heart out to him in a fucking suit.

Derek growled at him, "Spencer, please. Don't make me feel like the bad guy."

Spencer stayed there. Frozen.

Derek opened his eyes and seeing Spencer still standing there, hissed, "You know what? It's not fucking fair. You're going to just stand there looking all sad with your big, stupid eyes with the tears in them and the little suit that's beyond adorable and—God, I hate you." Before Spencer could ask what that meant, he was enveloped in those strong, warm arms. Derek whispered, "I'm sorry. I just… I don't want to do this anymore. I can't do this anymore. It's silly, we are. We have nothing in common, we argue all the time, we can barely even look at each other without wanting to take it to the sheets, I could really go on and on. Just… let me go."

"I don't want to," Spencer breathed into Derek's warm chest. His skin still smelled the same. His arms still felt like home. He wasn't ready to leave yet.

Derek sighed, "We're losing everything that we were. We're not even the same people anymore. Look at you—"

Spencer replied, rubbing his face against Derek's neck, "I'm happy. With you."

Derek tried to begin again, "Spencer…"

Spencer pressed a shy kiss to Derek's neck, "My bed still smells like you. It's the only way I get to sleep at night when you're not holding me."

Derek's arms tightened around Spencer, "You're making this so hard…"

Spencer added a second warm kiss below Derek's ear, "I tried to make dinner last night and burnt the rice because I was thinking about how you used to wrap your arms around me and kiss my neck when I cooked."

Derek pleaded, "Spencer…"

Spencer's cheek collided with Derek's as he laughed reverently, "Then, I overcooked the broccoli remembering how your laugh sounded every time I burned something."

Derek began to chuckle, as he whispered, "You're a terrible cook."

Spencer snickered, bringing his face around so that he could look Derek in the eyes, "I'm so bad, it's a sin."

Derek shook his head with a smile. Spencer asked, "Remember this?" as he brought his lips to meet Derek's slowly and lovingly in a tender kiss. Derek brought his hand to Spencer's chest, pulling him away softly, "I can't."

Spencer asked, running his hand up Derek's arm, "You can't what?"

Derek sighed, "I can't kiss you."

Spencer's fingers danced around Derek's shoulders before pulling him close, "Why? Because you'll remember how good it feels to be with me?"

Derek grimaced, "No, I already know how good it feels. Too good to be true, actually, since it took disownment to figure that all out."

"Technically, you weren't disowned, your mother just needed distance. Statistical chances are she'll call back before the month is out," Spencer cocked his head to the side and furrowed his eyebrows innocently because he knows how much Derek likes it. The last time he did that, Derek shoved him into the backseat of his Jeep and fucked him so hard that he climaxed in under three minutes.

Derek shifted uncomfortably on the stoop. The face was working. He murmured, "You don't know that for sure. A statistic is just that. A statistic. One in a million just means to me that I could be that one."

Spencer replied, "But you don't want to believe that. Do you?"

Derek sighed and looked into Spencer's eyes, "Of course not."

Spencer took Derek's hand, "Then, how about… we get back together—""

"Spencer—""

"Ah," Spencer stopped him, "Did I say I was finished?"

"…no."

Spencer smiled, "How about, we stay together until you hear from your mom, then you can make your decision."

Derek paused, "…why would I do that?"

"Because, you're jumping the shark already saying that your mom doesn't love you because of us. She hasn't even seen us! She doesn't even know how we are when we're together! Maybe all she needs to see is her son. Happy."

Derek's face broke out in a smile, "Fuck, I hate it when you're right."

Spencer grinned, "Say it. Come on, we agreed on this. Whenever I smack some sense into you, you have to say it."

Derek sighed and quoted monotonously, "_Spencer knows everything, and I shouldn't question him because he's brilliant and has a nice ass._"

Spencer nodded, "There we go."

Derek growled, "I haven't yet figured out if you are a blessing or a curse. You know way too much for your own good, but goddamn that ass is astounding."

Spencer wrapped his arms around Derek's shoulders, "A wise man once told me he could bounce a nickel off of it."

Derek raised his eyebrows, fitting his hands on Spencer's waist, "And who was that ballsy motherfucker?"

Spencer chuckled, "You."

Derek smiled, "You're more than that, I'll have you know. And after this whole week of brooding, I finally pinpointed the moment you stopped my heart."

Spencer asked, "When was that?"

Derek replied, "The day you failed your gun test and walked in pouting like a little kid. All I wanted to do was kiss that little scowl off of your face, and I was mortified at myself. I mean, come on, you were so young, Spencer. You were practically a kid! I felt like one of those pervy guys who parks outside of a playground every time I looked at you."

Spencer exclaimed, "I was hardly a kid! I was twenty four!"

"But you just seemed so cute, and innocent, and… it turned me on, okay? So, I went over to you and… pulled your metaphorical pigtails by giving you that whistle," Derek explained, and added after a pause, "And I admit to wanting to see your lips wrapped around it when you blew on it, and that solidified my status as a certified creeper."

Spencer gasped, "No way. I thought you were making fun of me by calling me helpless and giving me a rape whistle."

Derek replied, "It was more of a double entendre. Sure, I was poking fun at you, but…I realized I wanted you to do something that wasn't work related, and I acted on it. So…I decided that to be the day I admitted to myself that I had a crush on you. Then, of course, I _know_ four years ago when you almost died that I fell in love with you. Remember? When you were in the hospital and I ate all of your Jello, because I wanted to see your scrunchy face when you realized there was none."

"First of all, fuck you. You know how much I like jello," Spencer smacked Derek's arm playfully, "Secondly, douche, psychological studies show that a crush held for more than three to four months automatically matures to love. You were in love with me years before you told yourself so."

Derek paused, "Really?"

Spencer nodded.

Derek replied, "I hate it when science is smarter than I am."

Spencer grinned, "But it's okay because I'm smarter than you too."

Derek chuckled and shook his head, "Yeah, you are. God help me for getting a boyfriend who was always two steps ahead of me."

Spencer laughed, "Try nine."

Derek pushed his hand over Spencer's face, "Boy, bye."

Spencer paused and muffled under Derek's hand, "Did I hear you say 'boyfriend'?"

Derek pulled his hand away, "…yeah."

Spencer asked hopefully, "So, we're back together?"

Derek nodded, "Yeah."

Spencer jumped with glee, "Yes!"

Derek laughed as Spencer wriggled happily in his arms and leaned forward to close his lips in a kiss that was meant to be chaste, but in sight of the good news, it grew into more. Spencer's hand cradled the back of Derek's head as their embrace tightened and then loosened with laughter as Derek dipped him low and kissed his nose softly. Spencer cackled, "Hey! Let me up!"

Derek laughed, "Never!" but pulled him up anyway.

Spencer's arms fitted around Derek's neck and he smiled, "I missed you."

"I missed you too," Derek replied.

* * *

The next day, Spencer walked into work with a great weight off of his shoulders. He felt so relieved that he almost strode right up to his old desk that sat across from Derek's, forgetting for a moment that he now sits with the adjuncts and hopefuls. He headed to the back of the bustling area and found a piping hot cup of coffee on his desk that he hadn't seen in over a week. Grinning at the sight of his treat, he grabbed the cup and glanced across the room at Derek whom was sitting backwards in his chair and sent a wink his way. Derek acted surprised and mouthed the words, "For me?" Spencer chuckled quietly and rolled his eyes. Derek blew him a kiss and held up four fingers, then two, then all five. Spencer nodded back. The blown kiss was a metaphor for 'meet me at the usual spot' and the finger raising meant to spell out the time. 4:25.

Spencer blushed. Wow. Third floor bathroom already, wow. They seemed to be going pretty quickly. Maybe too quickly? He didn't know. He spent the entirety of the time sending worried texts to JJ and having them sent back with a loving "go get 'em, Tiger" every time. She approved so much of the continuation of their relationship just as much as Spencer did, so he decided to just pretend to act as if their three week rift didn't occur.

Huh, that's strange. Spencer seems to have forgotten how to be happy. He feels like a traumatized cat that needs to be taught how to play. I mean, don't get him wrong, he's happy that Derek doesn't want him dead anymore, but everything still sucks. It just sucks just a little bit less. Spencer trusted this dude with _everything_, and to know that he has the power to rip it all away from him and leave him begging, feeling nothing but desperation… to know that he used that power… damn. He doesn't even know what to think anymore. So, Spencer met him in the bathroom. They let out all the pent up rage and anger and disappointment they felt toward each other until it melted back into what they were.

Derek was like a pair of old shoes.

He was used to having him around, they had a decent relationship, and their friendship was stronger than silvered metal alloid. Spencer couldn't find it in him to forget how to fall back into step with it all. He remembered the relationship and all they used to do, but was it too late? Was everything somehow different now? Spencer pushed Derek to the other side of the cramped stall and asked, "Do you think you messed us up?"

Derek asked, "How do you mean?"

Spencer scratched at his rumpled haired head, "Well, everything used to be simple, and now, it isn't."

"Maybe you're overthinking it," Derek suggested, folding his arms pointedly.

Spencer tapped his finger to his chin, "I don't think so. I mean… I feel like I'm forcing this. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy we're together, but I'm somehow not as happy as I used to be."

Derek shrugged, "Why do you think that is?"

Spencer replied simply, "Because you ripped out my heart and fed it to your dog."

Derek paused, "Yeah… I did kind of did do that. I'm sorry, Spence, I was just out of whack. Man, you've got to understand, my mother wanted nothing to do with me, okay? She's been the biggest constant smile in my life. She's proud of me. She _was_ anyway. Now, I'm just her disappointment. She regrets me. I think I needed a minute to step back and reconsider."

Spencer sighed, "I tried to step back and reconsider, and you ripped me a new one. Remember that? When you tried to get me to top you and I flipped a shit and we started yelling? I didn't break up with you then! Sure, I was confused and hurt, but I didn't—"

Derek hissed back, "Man, my life's been a roller coaster since this. We were together, but no one could know. Then, we started getting physical, but then we had communication problems. We were in love, then, my mother pushed me into depression. I don't even know what's up or down anymore, and for a moment, it _all_ seemed down. But, then you showed up and reminded me how happy I was with you, man, how happy I _am_ with you. You reminded me how every moment I spend with you is a gift, and I was throwing it away. So, I took it back. Never regret for a minute I didn't love you—"

"But, you said you didn't!" Spencer whipped back, "And it felt like you slapped me!"

Derek grabbed Spencer's hands, "I said that because I'm an idiot! Spencer, I love you! I never stopped! I just wanted a clear head, man, I wanted this all to stop! I'm sorry I hurt you, and if there's any way to take it back, I would find it—"

Spencer hung his head, "No. It's made us stronger somehow. We needed something to tell us that it wouldn't all be sunshine and butterflies, and sometimes we were going to hurt each other. But, if we love each other enough, we'll pull through."

Derek held him close, and breathed into Spencer's tangled hair, "I didn't ever want to be the one to hurt you."

Spencer grabbed onto the back of Derek's shirt as if he never wanted to let go, "Well, deal with it because you did. I forgive you, Derek. I just want you to know that there's a scar on our relationship that needs time to heal. We can't just hop into this and expect it to be like before."

Derek whispered, "I know."

Spencer sighed, "Wow, Honey Bee, we really know how to fuck shit up."

Derek stifled a laugh, "You've always had such a way with words, Spence."

Spencer shrugged, quoting Shabba, "They call me the lyrical gangster."

Derek pleaded, "No. No, please. Don't start rapping. For the good of all humanity, don't start rapping."

Spencer replied, "You're missing out. JJ says I've got skills."

* * *

As soon as the door opened, Clooney barreled Spencer down. Spencer struggled under the dog's large, furry head and probing snout. Clooney yipped and licked and barked and Spencer gasped out, "Code Red! Code Red!"

"What? He missed you," Derek laughed and patted Clooney's head, walking into the house and leaving Spencer to struggle, "Good boy. Get behind the ears, he usually doesn't wash there."

The dog keened again, jumping off of Spencer's lap and went to follow Derek into the living room. Wiping dog slobber and fur off of his face, Spencer stood up and closed the door, storming into the room, "You're goddamn dog, Derek, I swear to—" Derek silenced him with a quiet, calm, press of lips to his and before long they were tangled up on the couch.

Derek paused, "You taste like bacon bits, and I'm not sure how I feel about that."

Spencer lay on top of Derek and unbuttoned his boyfriend's shirt, "You're going to have to make up your mind pretty soon, because I've spent three weeks with nothing but my hand."

Derek wiggled his eyebrows, "You touch yourself?"

Spencer scoffed, "You don't?"

"Point taken," Derek chuckled as Spencer pulled his shirt off of his chest and began peppering kisses along the side of his neck, "Did you think about me when you did it?"

Spencer mumbled against Derek's collarbone, "Yeah, I did. I pressed my face into that pillow on your side of the bed, you know, the one that smells like you..."

Derek nodded wistfully, "Uh huh..."

Spencer pressed a light kiss to the base of his throat, "And I shoved my hand in my pants... damn, I was so hard..."

Derek sighed, "Mmm..."

Spencer whispered into his ear, "And then the TARDIS appeared in my bedroom and Doctor 11 asked me to be his companion."

Derek pulled his head back to look at Spencer, "What's a TARDIS?"

Spencer rolled his eyes, "I'm just going to ignore that."

Derek asked, "Is that a part of your geek stuff?"

Spencer nodded, "Yeah."

"That's so hot," Derek closed his eyes and pushed his hand into Spencer's hair, yanking hard right where he likes it as he planted licking kisses along Spencer's jawline, "God, I love it when you talk nerdy to me."

Spencer laughed, "Really? I've been refraining from using 'nerd based comments' in the bedroom because I feared it would take away the heir of-"

Derek looked Spencer in his eyes, "Say something Physics-y."

Spencer bit his lip, "You mean like 'string theory' Physics-y, or mechanics-inertia Physics-y?"

Derek yanked off Spencer's tie and slid the buttons from his shirt, "Fuck, I don't know! It all sounds so fucking hot!"

Spencer said slowly and teasingly as Derek pressed him to the couch so that his lips traveled down his body, "Frictional force is presumed to be proportional to the coefficient of friction. However, the amount of force required to move an object starting from rest is usually greater than the force required to keep it moving at constant velocity once it is started. Therefore two coefficients of friction are sometimes quoted for a given pair of surfaces - a coefficient of static friction and a coefficient of kinetic friction."

Derek breathed, "Mmm, baby, you sound so sexy. What does that mean?"

"It means that if you force this hard enough and fast enough," Spencer grabbed onto Derek's hips and ground them into his, "against this. We can create a form of static electricity and kinetic friction that will feel like the equivalent to opening of the Treasure Chest in Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time."

Derek moaned against a harsh kiss, "I played Zelda once. Link is my homie."

Spencer gasped into Derek's mouth, "Really?"

Derek's hips stuttered against Spencer's as he dragged his boyfriend's pants down, "Yeah, I ended up playing as Purple Link though and then my sister laughed at me because I starting losing real bad, so I stopped playing."

Spencer groaned, "That's sexy as fuck, man, how far did you get?"

Derek's hands grabbed down Spencer's body as he replied, "I was getting ready to defeat the Wind Mage while Desi played as Blue Link helping me out but then, I started losing power quickly when I forgot to... I forgot to..."

Spencer clawed at Derek's bare back, "Come on, Derek, you can do it!"

Derek moaned loudly as Spencer started to unbuckle his pants, "I forgot to use my shield!"

Spencer looked into Derek's eyes, "Get a fresh pack of condoms and your DS. We're taking this upstairs."

* * *

**A/N: Aaaaaaaaaaand nerd!sex. Have you ever nerd!sexed? I haven't. I don't particularly want to. But, it seems like the kind of thing these two waskily wabbits would get up to.**

**- Blue Skies**


	22. There's Joy in the Silence

Chapter Twenty Two: There is Joy in the Silence

* * *

**A/N: Hey, you beautiful bitches, here's the next chapter. Sorry, it's a few hours late. To see why, read my a/n at the end of the chapter.**

**Passionate lust,**

**Blue Time Rush**

**P.S. Don't hate, appreciate. I'm a BTR fan, and I don't care who knows. I shall sing my love for them at the highest rooftops and on the tallest towers.**

**P.P.S. High fives to all who get the Torchwood reference.**

* * *

Spencer lay beside Derek in the dark. It was late. He should really be getting to sleep. But, he can't. He was high on every endorphin Derek pumped into him a few hours ago, skin still sweating as his lover slept soundly, clinging to him from behind. Not wanting to wake Derek and talk about why _he's_ still up, Spencer slowly detached himself from his boyfriend's tight grip, gone soft with sleep.

Standing on shaky legs and pulling a large pair of sweatpants that wouldn't fit him in any universe up his legs, he walked down into the kitchen to boil himself a glass of milk. That helps sometimes when he can't get to sleep. He opened the fridge, the cold chill giving him a pleasant memory of the time Derek and he tried to have sex in the fridge just to see if it was possible. It was. Spencer smiled to himself and pulled out the milk grabbing a pot off of the drain board and turning on the stove.

Silence rang all throughout the apartment, but it wasn't like the silence Spencer's used to. The silence that accompanies loneliness, anyway. Clooney's deep breaths could be heard from the living room where he slept on top of the couch after Derek goes upstairs to sleep so that he won't be chastised by him to get off of it. Even though there was no noise coming from upstairs, Spencer knew Derek was up there, sleeping, waiting for him, there with warm arms to hold him close and lips to kiss him in the morning. It was the best feeling in the world.

Sure, things aren't the same, but as Spencer poured the milk into the pot, he noticed that what was so different about their relationship—what had scratched at him so much—was its maturity. They were becoming more and more domestic by the day, and that pleased Spencer. They were too old for what they used to do anyway; the random, passionate sex, the night calls, the text flirting. They're grown ass men, and while that was okay in the beginning of their relationship, they've both come to terms with the fact that they're settling down with each other because that's what they really wanted to do. Wow. Spencer paused and pondered deeply about it. A house, Clooney, maybe a child or two running around, and Derek by his side was a nice thought indeed. Spencer checked on the milk. A perfect thought.

Something caught his eye from across the room, a long pair of black slacks. Shit, so _that's_ where his pants were! He was looking all over Derek's room for them after they… well… tired themselves out. That's the only reason Spencer decided to spend the night. Because he couldn't find his pants. Okay, maybe they weren't Grade A mature right now, but they were getting there. Spencer turned off the oven and strode over to the kitchen table and bent to get the pants, noticing something slip out of his pocket as he did. His phone. Spencer grabbed that as well and stared at it for a moment. It stared back at him. Spencer turned it over and sifted through his call list, to see if he can remember the past conversations. He's up, so he might as well entertain his endless memory. The last person he called was JJ. She urged him one more time to go with Derek into the bathroom, and he took her advice. Then, she advised him to take pictures and that's when he told her to stick it where the sun don't shine. Before that, Garcia had called him. Something about the last case freaking her out. She needed someone to talk to that wasn't an overemotional Derek and a sarcastic Kevin, so he was that for her. These were getting terse. Spencer sifted for a name that didn't pop up often. Hotch. Oh, crap. Yeah, Spencer doesn't have to be eidetic to remember that one. People don't usually _forget_ accidentally phoning their boss while they're beating off. Spencer shuddered and continued down the line seeing the usual until he saw plainly MOM. They'd talked about the upcoming New Year and Spencer's plans to start working on a novel in that conversation. He was considering it, and if Rossi could do it, Spencer assumed he could as well. She encouraged him, because… she wanted to _really_ know how he was doing. Spencer doesn't consider himself a chatterbox when it comes to his personal life, and if anyone knows that, it was his mother. Remembering the tumultuous conversation Derek had with his own mom, he decided to phone. It wasn't _that_ late. It was only eleven, but after the romp Derek and he had, anyone would be able to sleep for at least a week straight. Except him. Spencer thinks he might be the only person in the world that actually gets more woken up by sex that tired out by it.

He pressed the dial button and got the automated voice of Bennington's. Spencer navigated it until someone came to get his mother to the phone. He needed to hear her right now. He doesn't completely know why, but he just does.

"_Hello,"_ she said into the phone, "_Baby, is that you?_"

Spencer nodded, a big smile on his face at the sound of her voice, "Hey, Mom. How are you doing?"

She began to laugh, "_Hell, I'm wondering how you're doing! You're the one calling me at the crack of dawn!"_

Spencer sighed, "It's not that late. I just wanted to talk to you. I miss you."

His mother spoke gently, "_I miss you too, baby. Is everything okay up in Virginia?"_

Spencer nodded, "Yeah, it's all good. Well, technically, it's all bad. If it were all good, I'd be out of a job."

She laughed again, "_Oh, Spencer, you're silly. How's the team?"_

Spencer replied, "JJ's alright, so is Hotch, Rossi, Prentiss, Garcia, and Morgan. The whole posse's doing great."

Spencer's mother paused, "_Why did Morgan come last in the list? He always comes first."_

If anyone can find patterns in conversation, it's a paranoid schizophrenic. Spencer rubbed the bridge of his nose. He really wasn't ready for this talk, "No reason."

She said suspiciously, "_Are you sure he's okay?"_

Spencer nodded quickly, "Yeah, Morgan's great! He's awesome. Really."

She asked, "_Why don't you want to talk about him?"_

Spencer raised an eyebrow, "I never said I didn't want to talk about him."

He could almost hear her smile, "_Oh, but you did. I'm your mother, Spencer, please don't insult my intelligence. Out with it."_

Spencer looked toward the stairs that lead to Derek and his warm bed that they'd just recently screamed on and sighed, "Okay, you're right. I don't want to talk about it."

"_That's a strange sigh."_ she gasped, "_Oh, my goodness, you haven't slept with him, have you?"_

Spencer almost dropped the phone, "No! Why would you think that?!"

His mother began to laugh, "_Because it's obvious. That was a lustful sigh, there, Spencer. Watch your commandments."_

He blushed furiously, "Mom, come on. Cut it out."

She giggled, "_Don't think I didn't notice how eager he was to please me when I met him. One way to a kid's heart is through their parents, you know and damn, that boy had it bad for you. I was waiting for you to notice, actually. It was starting to get sad."_

Spencer asked, "How come you're so okay with this?! We're talking about me having sex with a man here. This is some heavy stuff, and you're laughing it off!"

Spencer's mom replied, "_Because I don't mind if they're adopted, Spencer, I just want grandchildren! Lord knows, you've been holding out on me. You're getting up there in age, and you're too handsome not to be attached."_

Spencer groaned, "Mom."

She smiled into the phone, "_Spencer, it's okay. Really, it is. And I'm happy for you. Now, tell me how it's going with you two."_

Spencer held back a grin, "Well… he's really amazing. We've been together for two months, and we're planning on telling the team about us in a few weeks. He's got a really nice dog who actually likes me, he's really understanding, and we talk. We talk about a lot of things, and… I know it's only been a handful of weeks, but I think we could be looking at something long lasting here. What do you think?"

She considered, "_How does he treat you when no one's around?"_

Spencer replied, "With respect."

She asked, "_Does he cook for you?"_

Spencer nodded, "Yes, which is a godsend since we both know how incompetent I am in the kitchen."

She pondered, "_Is he a good listener?"_

Spencer smiled to himself, "A great listener, and an amazing talker too. Jeez, sometimes…"

His mother began to laugh, "_And the sex?"_

Spencer blushed and sighed, "Innovative. Bordering on the avant-garde."

She clapped her hands in glee, "_Oh, Spencer, I'm so happy for you. Let me know if you two want to come down for a visit, I would be happy to see my baby and his new beau."_

Spencer grumbled, "He's hardly my _beau_, Mom, come on."

"_That's what you say now_," she said joyfully into the phone, "_But if you like it, you should put a ring on it."_

Spencer ran his hand down his face, "Mom, I'm not putting a ring on anything. It's only been two months."

She shrugged, "_Then four, then eight, then a year, then ten. Spencer, you'd be shocked how short life is. Sure, your father and I didn't have the best marriage, but I'll be damned if I'm getting married again. He was it for me, and Morgan sounds like 'it' for you."_

Spencer groaned into the telephone, "That's because I've been in love with him for years. And I mean, years. I thought it was impossible, but then…"

She probed, "_Then, what?"_

Spencer revealed, "Then, he kissed me at the New Year's party and turned my whole life upside down. Nothing's been the same since the 3-2-1, and I don't think it ever will be. But, somehow, I'm okay with that."

His mother smiled, "_Good. You should be. Uh, oh, I'm getting asked away from the phone now, so… make good decisions."_

Spencer sighed, "I will, Mom."

She called back, "_And always wear a rubber! I don't care what he says! You don't know where he's been!"_

Spencer gasped, "Mom!"

She giggled into the phone, "_See you later, baby. Sleep well."_

Spencer sighed, his face cooling from her last comment, "I'll will. He's here."

She snickered, "_Well, then don't stay up too late!"_

Spencer groaned, "Mom."

His mother saluted, "_Talk to you later, baby."_

Spencer replied, "Talk to you later, Mom."

Then, the phone went dead, and Spencer was left alone with his thoughts, a big weight shifted off of his shoulders that he wasn't aware was there. His mom approved. His mom. Approved. Spencer jumped up and pumped his fists in the air only to be tripped on the way down by the long, baggy sweats. He called out, pulling up his pants, "Woo hoo!"

A groan was heard from upstairs and then a, "Spencer, if you don't shut the fuck up, I swear to God."

Spencer scurried up the stairs, wondering whether to tell Derek or not considering his mother wasn't as nice with the news of their relationship as his mother was. He felt so happy, though, he could barely hold it back, but for Derek's sake. He climbed back into bed and said nothing.

* * *

The day started as per usual at work, and Spencer was starting to get used to the routine. Wake up, brush teeth, change clothes, sit with the interns, go to the briefings with the team, go home either with Derek or alone, wash, rinse, repeat. Although it may seem humdrum and boring to some, Spencer found himself loving it. He was happy, and it's been a while since he could walk around, smiling, twirling the straw in his coffee cup, still blushing when he thought of the night before… which was actually what Spencer was doing right this moment. He sighed, taking a sip from the cup and scanning the new files on his desk even though his mind was nowhere near his desk. His mind was a couple of desks over, on top of Derek's desk, yanking on that blue tie Derek put on this morning. Derek doesn't always wear ties, but when he does, Spencer gets a little frisky. Giggling to himself, Spencer took another sip of coffee and sifted through a file, eyes barely even reading it. Boy, are they going to have fun with that tie when he gets home. Spencer blushed, and bit his lower lip. He can't wait until they tell the team. Things will be so much easier.

"We've got a case, Spence. Break room." JJ walked up to him and leaned over his desk, handing him a decently sized manila folder and pausing at his blissful expression, "I just informed you of another psycho on the loose. What are you so smiley about?"

Spencer sighed and spoke gently, "Isn't it a wonderful day?"

JJ rolled her eyes and replied monotonously, "How much sex did you have last night?"

Spencer leaned back in his chair and cracked his back, "Too much, actually. It should be getting repetitive and almost terse at this point, but for some reason I can't get enough of it. Does it ever get boring?"

"If you've got the right guy?" JJ winked, leaning down further to whisper, "Never."

Spencer sighed, "Wow. That sounds like a dream come true if any. Do you think I've got the right guy?"

JJ asked, "Well, how long have you two been—"

Spencer replied easily, "Two months, three weeks and a day."

JJ shrugged, "If you want the truth, it could go either way. It's not like you've been together for like… I don't know… five years and the sex is _still_ amazing."

Spencer narrowed his eyes, "Okay, I get it. You and Will have been screwing since the beginning of time. No need to brag."

JJ laughed, straightening up to rest her chin on his desk divider, "It ain't trickin' if you got it, Reid."

Spencer grinned, "You are totally misusing that phrase."

JJ chuckled, "Seriously, Spence, unclench when it comes to grammar and vernacular. How does Morgan even stand to _talk_ with you around?"

Spencer wiggled his eyebrows, "He doesn't."

"Oh, gross," JJ reached over and mussed up his hair, "Now he will."

Spencer laughed and pulled his head from her hand, "Oh, God, not my hair. Please."

She raised an eyebrow, giggling, "Since when do you care about how your hair looks?

Spencer replied, "Since he told me he liked it! Now, I've been on a wild goose chase trying to make it look a certain way all the time so he always likes it. But, he doesn't know I'm putting this much effort into it, and I think it may be really stupid to even care this much about something that didn't bother me before, but it feels so nice when he compliments me that I practically go dumpster diving for it nowadays. Is that silly? I think it could be… _rrh_!" Spencer put his face in his hands, "It's starting to frustrate me."

JJ pressed her hand to her bosom, "Aww, Spence. You're so cute."

Spencer shrugged, "I've never really felt attractive before, but… he makes me feel like I am. Is he giving me a false sense of security?"

JJ gasped, "No! You're gorgeous! No one's ever told you that before?"

"If we don't count my mom, Garcia, and a street walker… no," Spencer answered.

JJ paused, "Huh. I could have sworn I—"

Spencer interrupted, "Nope. Never."

JJ shook her head, "No, I mean, at some point, I must have—"

Spencer cut in, "Not a day in your life."

JJ folded her arms, "Okay, I know that I—"

Spencer sighed, "It's fine, Jay. I'm not heartbroken. Unlike Derek, I don't need my ego boosted every five to seven minutes."

Derek strode up to Spencer's desk from the other side of the room, "Did I hear my name?"

"Speak of the Devil and he shall appear," Spencer grimaced under his breath before greeting, "Hello. Hi."

JJ smiled, "We were just talking about you."

Derek winked, "It was about my chiseled jawline again, wasn't it? Reid, I told you time and time again. Calm the gossiping around JJ, she gets jealous."

Spencer outstretched a hand toward Derek, "Are you witnessing my point being made? The second I make it?"

JJ laughed aloud, "Yeah, I see what you mean."

Derek folded his arms before him, "What do you mean? What point? Reid, what did you say?"

Spencer smiled, "Nothing. Just that you're a self-fulfilling prophecy."

Derek paused as his eyes wandered to the top of his hair, "You're hair looks strange."

Spencer's eyes fell slightly, "Yeah, I know."

"I take full responsibility for messing it up," JJ snickered.

Derek placed his hands on either hip and replied, "And how exactly did that happen?"

JJ gasped, "Oh, no! Not like that! I mean, I rumpled it. It was a joke and… God, there's no way to make this come out right. Is there?"

Derek relaxed, "No, it's fine. I get it. Whew. Good thing too, because I have no problem hitting women."

JJ stuck her tongue out at him and handed him a folder, "Nobody cares. Here, have a case file."

He whimpered, "No. We just got off of that other one two weeks ago."

She chuckled and walked away, "Then it's just what you needed to whip you into shape. Hotch wants us in the break room immediately."

Spencer opened the file and grazed the page, "Five single white females killed in their beds. Hair sheer short, eyes wide open, and mouths cut into a smile. Should be simple."

* * *

Minutes later, the entire team was gathered in the break room, JJ's set up neat, orderly, and easy to follow. Spencer sat in the chair between Prentiss and Garcia, not wanting to give notice to how often he usually sits beside Derek even though that's what he's done for years. Ages ago, Spencer got to thinking that beside him was easier to sit in briefings because their thought patterns were unusually paralleled. They would start and answer each other's questions, bounce ideas off of each other, and kick each other under the table when one would say something stupid. Then, Spencer fell in love with him and started sitting beside him for different reasons. His enthusiasm was contagious, his voice was addicting, and he was so brilliant that it was nuts. Oh, yeah, and he smelled like pure, unadulterated awesome. That helps sometimes. Spencer smiled to himself remembering how good it felt to sit beside him, thinking everything under the sun knowing that Derek would never find out. But now, he knew it all, and they were together, so it felt a million times better

JJ began to talk, "In Chicago, there were five women found dead in their beds with their hair cut short, their mouths cut into a smile, and their eyes forced wide open. Autopsy found a pair of circle lenses in their eyes which kept them open and made them appear wider. All of the women had no signs of rape, or asphyxiation."

"Well, then, there can't be a sexual overtone to it. The unsub doesn't seem to have touched them except for when to kill them and cut their hair and face." Hotch asked, "Are there any commonalities between the women other than the fact that they all were killed in a similar fashion? Garcia, cross reference jobs, familial similarities, and dwellings."

Garcia smiled, "Ten steps ahead of you, good sir. The only thing these women have in common are the facts that they all live in the Upper East End of Chicago and have no immediate family members in the area. Even all of their hair colors are different; one of them even had her hair dyed purple for a few weeks before the murder."

Prentiss asked, "Do any of them have significant others like husbands, boyfriends, fiancé's, or are they all single?"

Garcia replied, "All of them are unattached, ma'am."

Rossi replied, "Well, sometimes what is missing is more important that what presents itself. Maybe out unsub has used the fact that their lack of close relationship to get closer to them romantically, but… there's something missing."

"It's possible," Spencer replied, glancing at the files he got, "But if he did that, he would have traces of sexual sadism, and the girls barely seem touched other than the cut hair, faces, and killings. Paper says they were drowned… so, maybe the girls being placed in their beds showed a sign of remorse. This is looking more and more female by the second."

Rossi added, "But, if we consider the face that the unsub is female, then why the mutilation of the faces? It seems more like rage toward the gender in particular, and that wouldn't make sense in a woman."

Hotch said calmly, "Unless the woman in unhappy with herself as well. Maybe, it's a body image thing; taking the beauty of the other women because she feels that she lacks it herself. The cut hair, sliced face, that would only make sense in a woman who wasn't okay with the way she looks. She could be lashing out at attractive women through jealousy."

Spencer nodded raising his pencil to make a point, "Exactly! There is a gentle hand with her mutilation, not as if she has medical training, but more or less like she is taking care of them, but is still upset at them enough to do it! It's perfectly female. Maybe someone of the same age bracket. How old were the women, JJ?"

JJ replied, "They were all between the ages of 20-35."

Spencer sighed, "Of course. The Upper East Side goes right into Roosevelt University, so there's a surplus of unattached young women from out of town who don't know anyone from the area. Perfect bait for our unsub."

Derek raised his hand and said after a pause, "I think it's a dude."

Spencer sighed, "But, Morgan, she—"

Derek replied, "Just hear me out okay. The idea that the unsub is a woman does make a lot of sense, with the mutilation and hair cutting, but have you noticed that the girls aren't wearing sexy clothing. Most women sleep in tee shirts, yeah, but these women were killed hours before bedtime, so they wouldn't have gone out of their house in that. Most women, especially the ones I'm seeing here wear low cut shirts that play to their curves, their hair is done nicely, they wear make-up. These women take pride in their femininity, and as you can see in these pictures, there's none of that. No make-up, short hair, higher collared shirts, wide, natural eyes. These women are being emasculated."

Prentiss asked, "How does that point to the unsub being possibly male?"

"I was hoping someone would fucking ask that," Derek grinned, opening the file and pulling out each and every one of the murder scenes, "There's a handprint on each of the pillows, kind of like the unsub sat over them for a while and leaned down to look at them for long periods of time. That handprint, if you can see it…is ginormous. I mean, come on. JJ, lift your hand."

She did. It was small and slender, soft fingertips and filed nails.

Derek asked Prentiss, "Raise yours."

Prentiss lifted her hand to see that it was slightly bigger, but still delicate with a fresh manicure glossing the tips.

Derek smiled over at Garcia, "Baby, girl. Would you do the honors?"

Garcia raised her hand. Her hand was the largest of all, but it was still soft, thin fingered and the most effeminate of all.

Derek raised his large hands and Spencer sat back further in his chair, willing down the little brush of excitement he gets at the sight of those motherfuckers. He has regularly suffered hard and violent orgasms at their mercy when they touched him, grabbed him, and dug into his skin. Fuck. Spencer, pay attention. Derek wiggled his fingers in Spencer direction, "You getting this, Genius Boy? I'm about to teach you something valuable."

"Does this help your point?" Spencer raised his middle finger.

Derek laughed, "You see that, guys, his hands, though girly and small as all hell are still conducive to the argument! Men's hands are big. That's just fact. And those hands, pressing into the pillow until they made a mark? Those are the hands of a man."

Rossi asked, "Then, if this was done by a man, why is there no sexual undertone to it?"

Derek pointed to the girls' lips, "Do you see this, right here on the lips of these women, they're open slightly. Just like how they look after they're kissed."

Rossi joked, "I bet you're the expert on that."

Derek winked, "I could show you how much of an expert I am, Dave. You know, if you're man enough."

Rossi grumbled under his breath, "Continue with the argument."

Derek replied, "It's done by a man who's attracted to men. He defeminizes women, making them seem as masculine as he can, and then finds comfort in the fact that it's not gay if he's portraying fantasies with a woman. But, it's not enough for him. And, as you can see by these women's pictures, he wants them to be gratified as well. Thus, the plastic smiles."

There was a silence in the room and Hotch suddenly stood, "Well, I guess we have a premature profile on our hands. Wheels up in twenty."

Derek grinned widely and stood, gathering the things in his place as everyone in the room readied themselves to go. Spencer strode up to Derek and whispered into his ear, "You're so hot when you're dissecting a profile."

Derek raised his eyebrows as he placed the stray papers into his folder, "Is that so?"

Spencer whispered quieter as Rossi was the last to leave the room, "That is totally, definitely, undeniably so."

Derek shrugged, "I can figure things out just as easily as you can. I've been working here longer, you know that, right?"

Spencer bit his lip and leaned back to sit on the briefing table, and grabbing hold of Derek's red tie, "Yeah, I just like being reminded that you're one smart, clever, brilliant motherfucker. Luckily for you, it turns me on. So much."

Derek wiggled his eyebrows, "Well, in that case…"

"Yeah?" Spencer asked impatiently.

Derek pulled his tie from Spencer's grasp, "You're just going to have to contain yourself."

Spencer hopped off of the table, bringing them intimately close, "What if I can't?"

Derek began to laugh and pressed his hand against Spencer's crotch teasingly, "You're going to have to learn."

Spencer pouted.

Derek strode out of the room and paused before opening the door, "Have fun taking care of that hard on before we get on the plane."

Spencer mumbled as Derek opened the door, "Have fun sucking my dick."

Derek turned, "_What_?"

Spencer replied with an innocent furrow of his eyebrows, "What?"

* * *

**A/N: Important message.**

** I'm sick. Yay. The bad news though is this may hinder my next update, but I promise you, I will try to get the next chapter in on a timely fashion. I've made a promise to all of you and I do not intend to break it.**

**Love,**

**The Ocean Blue**


	23. With All Due Respect, Fuck You

Chapter Twenty Three: With All Due Respect, Fuck You

* * *

**A/N: Hey, all. I'm much better now! Thank you so much for being patient. **

**-Listenin' to the Blues**

* * *

About an hour after arriving in Chicago, the team finally walked into the State Police Department. The best person that could have possibly greeted them at the door was their favorite chum from the windy city, Detective Stan Gordinski. Fucking perfect. He was much older. The lines on his face were more pronounced, the skin at the side of his lips sagged a bit, and his eyes had a greyer tinge to them, but other than that, he looked like the same hellish son of a bitch he was when Spencer first met him. This was not starting off to be a good day. Not at all.

Gordinski smiled broadly, "Well, well, well. How long has it been, Derek? Five, six years."

Derek nodded stiffly. He had earlier decided that if his arch-nemesis still remained a part of the Chicago PD, he wasn't going to say much. The last thing he needed was to shoot his mouth off at a cop and get himself suspended, because of all the people in the Universe who would file a formal complaint Gordinski would be him.

Prentiss said bitterly, but calmly, "It's a tragedy that it wasn't more."

Gordinski chuckled, "Oh, Prentiss, you're still a feisty little thing, aren't you?"

She replied, "Only for you, sir."

He laughed aloud, "Wow, It's been a while since the team was in here, hasn't it? Well, I would like to say the whole Behavioral Analysis Unit was in attendance, but word on the street says you've fired a member and are bringing an adjunct in his stead. Please tell me that isn't true."

Spencer shoved down his rising anger and spoke, "It's not. I chose to step down."

Gordinski paused with a knowing look on his face, "But why would you do a thing like that? You could have been tenured after a few more years like the rest of your coworkers."

The detective's eyes passed between Derek and Spencer with a haughty smile on his face. Fuck. He _knows_ Spencer and Derek are intimate. It's sad how obvious his knowledge is. Spencer smiled and gave his scripted answer anyway. He has his job to consider here. "It isn't about money and career safety. It's about stretching myself out to more units. I didn't want to confine my help to just one section of the FBI, because you'd be surprised how much it's needed."

Gordinski began to laugh, "Oh, really? You see, other word on the street says you've been—"

Hotch raised his hand, "Are you going to show us to our office?"

"Sure, sure," Gordinski scratched the back of his neck as if he knew way too much. He always does. He turned and gestured for them to follow him through the department. As Hotch passed by Spencer to lead the group, Spencer moved his hand to the side to brush against Hotch's in thanks. Hotch glanced over at Spencer at the touch and offered a quaint, but genuine, little smile. The guy's a good ally to have, and it's really nice to be reassured he was on their side. Lord knows what Gordinski could have said, but by the looks of it, it would have been detrimental.

The door opened and the office was tiny. I mean, smaller than small. It couldn't be more than a 17x20 space. He couldn't expect them to work with this. They never do. Gordinski patted Derek's back and chuckled "We should talk later, you know, catch up. I've heard great things, and, well…not so great things" before leaving them alone in the room together.

Hotch replied, "We can't all fit here, so I'm going to take Rossi, and Prentiss. JJ, Reid, Morgan, I'll leave it up to you to set up the area and do more research. We're going to need a geographical profile, Reid, that's your territory. We're going to have to decide whether or not to give a press conference, JJ, we'll talk. And, we're going to need a file check and someone to help Reid build his profile, Morgan, since you are responsible for the premature, I'm relying on you for that. I'm taking Prentiss to the scenes and Rossi, how are you on visiting the families?"

Rossi nodded, "Good."

Prentiss replied, "Okay."

Spencer gave a thumbs up, "Makes sense."

JJ shrugged, "Gotcha."

Derek responded, "Alright."

"Good," Hotch said, starting out of the door, "Everyone, keep your phones on. Except Reid."

Spencer paused, "Why is that?"

Hotch held back a chuckle, "Because I'm still trying to forget our last conversation."

The room cleared out and Spencer's face grew livid. He turned and pulled his satchel over his head, pulling out his file. Hotch was talking about when Spencer called him while he was fantasizing about Derek. Hotch was talking about when Spencer screamed out Derek's name and he thought he'd heard them together. Hotch was talking about hearing him come. Spencer's face grew darker and darker. He desperately didn't want to talk about it at all, nevertheless bring it up in public. All Spencer really wanted to do was dismiss it. He groaned, why can't Hotch?!

Derek asked with a strange look on his face, "What was he talking about?"

Spencer's back was still to him and JJ, "Nothing."

JJ grinned, "What happened between you two on the phone?"

Spencer ran his hand through his hair and groaned, "Please, stop asking. It's really none of your business."

Derek began to smile, "Oh, I can just tell this is going to be good."

Spencer glared at Derek, then proceeded to think it over. In the grand scheme of things, Derek didn't really, _really_ need to be involved, but he was still kind of a part of it. Hotch _did_ think that he was overhearing him having sex for at least three minutes. Spencer sighed, "I'm telling Derek, but I'm not telling you."

She gasped and clutched her chest, "Why not me?"

Spencer whimpered, "Because it's too embarrassing and I'm sleeping with him, not you."

Derek began to smile and strode over to Spencer, "I _knew_ fucking you had benefits."

As Derek approached him, Spencer flushed a darker shade of red. He really didn't want to be talking about this, but, Derek does kind of have to know. He glared at JJ to start setting up on the board and yanked Derek to the far side of the room. Derek leaned up to Spencer's lips and Spencer hissed, "There was one night before the break up when I went home alone, and I was lying in my bed. It was late and I was researching and... you know what happens around one in the morning when you're tired and male and can't keep your head straight. It's a guy thing!"

Derek chuckled, "Sure. Blame it on your gender."

Spencer replied under his breath, "Well, I don't know how I started thinking of you, I was reading articles and reports on velociraptors, and that has nothing to do with sex. But suddenly, my hands were on my skin and in my hair, and then I somehow ended up… well, you know!"

Derek laughed, "I'm not even sure _you_ know."

Spencer lowered his head in shame, "Cut it out, Derek."

Derek winked, "I would have given so fucking much to have seen that."

Spencer fidgeted with his fingers, "I'm sure you would have! Just wait. It gets worse."

Derek shrugged, "Well, it didn't start off that bad…"

Spencer buried his face in his hands and breathed out, "I ended up calling out your name over and over again and my phone slid under my back when I was getting… _close_, but it had already called Hotch by that point and he was listening and he heard when I... when I…"

Derek gasped, "Get out."

Spencer replied, "I wish I could."

Derek asked, "How much did he hear?"

Spencer hid his hands in his face, "Everything. Apparently, I was so into it, he thought you were actually there, making me…_ excited."_

Derek paused, "I don't know whether to laugh or cry."

"Cry!" Spencer grimaced, "Your boss just found his way into something that is none of his business whatsoever!"

Derek furrowed his eyebrows, "Why did he stay on the line so long?"

Spencer sighed, "To fire us!"

"Good fucking thing it was just you!" Derek began to chuckle, "I can't believe you called Hotch. Of all people. _Hotch_."

Spencer sighed, "I wanted nothing more than to be stricken down by God's holy reign."

JJ shrieked, "You pocket dialed our boss while you were masturbating to Derek?!"

Spencer looked across the room at JJ, "How did you even hear us saying that?"

JJ replied, "I'm a mother, I hear everything. Besides, Morgan sucks at the quiet game."

Derek folded his arms, "People keep saying that! Why?!"

Spencer pondered, "Maybe it's because it's true."

JJ began to laugh, "Reid, that sounds like a nightmare. How did Hotch react?!"

Spencer ran his hand down his face, "He was livid. He thought Derek and I were together, you know, because I said his name five billion times, and if the phone was under my back, it could have sounded like anything."

JJ gasped, "He thought he'd heard you _and_ Morgan… instead of just you?"

Spencer nodded, "Yeah. You had to imagine how embarrassing it was to explain to him that I was just desperate and horny at one in the morning."

Derek shrugged, "And the best thing Spencer could think of to get himself off was me? Makes sense."

JJ rolled her eyes, "You were always one for modesty, Morgan."

Derek stared off into space, "Heh. Now I'm thinking about how hot that must have looked. Spencer laying there on his bed all alone and turned on—"

"How many vote for changing the subject?!" JJ raised her hand in surrender.

Spencer's hand shot up in the air, "It's unanimous, Derek. Shut up."

Derek shrugged, "Guess I'll just have to think about it tonight. Jayje, your room is right next to mine, right?"

JJ groaned, "Oh, my God, Derek. Please don't."

Derek wiggled his eyebrows, "Mischief."

* * *

Not much happened by way of information on the case for a few hours. Derek's earlier words were taken into consideration by Hotch and the PD, as their premature profile begged to look for each and every personal file the PD had on hand about recently booked criminals for misdemeanor. The unsub's recent trigger was probably getting caught defying the law, since he showed such disregard for it in his murders. His killings weren't hidden, nor out in the open. This guy just didn't plain give a damn.

JJ was still pinning the piling up evidence to the board in a cohesive format, Spencer was on his way back from the basement with maps and directories, and Derek was up to his ears in paperwork. As Spencer traipsed back into the room with an armful of papers and an unnatural grin on his face as he dumped them on the table in front of Derek.

Derek grimaced as he looked down upon it in anguish, "Oh, come on, man! This is a fuckton of paperwork, you can't be this excited."

"Yes, I can be this excited. It's called free will." Spencer plundered down beside Derek, "And technically, it's a _shitload_, not a fuckton."

Derek paused, "…what?"

Spencer explained, "Three hundred plus is a shitload, four hundred and above is a fuckton. I brought up 367 files, so this is a guaranteed shitload."

Derek stared at Spencer long and hard before shaking his head and chuckling, "What do I see in you?"

Spencer shrugged, grabbing a file off of the top of the mountain of papers, "I don't really know, but you keep coming back, so I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth."

Spencer's eyes grazed the papers in the file and he separated them according to what they were looking for: a man in his late twenties to early thirties convicted of battery against minorities. There were 143 people arrested in their late twenties to early thirties in the past few months. 84 of them were men. 46 of them were convicted of battery. 22 of them were convicted of battery against minorities. He must be in this pile.

Jumping up, Spencer said loudly, "I've got 22! Der, call Garcia and tell her to background check these guys, and we'll start on a geographical profile when she calls us back."

Derek looked over at Spencer, "But, I've still got files to look through."

Spencer held up a gigantic book, "And I have the archives."

Derek paused, "But…then, why did I have to look through these files?"

Spencer shrugged, "Someone had to keep you busy."

Derek grumbled and pulled out his phone, dialing Garcia's phone number to hook everything up, sliding a piece of paper over at Spencer. Spencer opened it and it said simply.

**im visiting my mom tonite when we get out of here. is it ok if i ask u to come with me?**

Spencer flipped the paper over on its side and scribbled into it lightly with a pen that he'd fished out of his shirt pocket and began handed it over when he had finished.

**_Of course, I will. You know you can count on me for anything, Honey Bee._**

While on the phone with Garcia, Derek scribbled underneath Spencer's words and handed the paper back to him.

**thanks. please get rid of the pocket protector. its just a tad bit too much.**

Spencer glared at Derek and replied back.

**_You're welcome. Please get a dictionary. Your grammar is just a tad bit too shitty._**

Derek ended the call with Garcia as she had agreed to background check and wrote on the paper.

**ur face**

Spencer chuckled, scrawling out on the paper and sliding it over to his boyfriend.

**_Please, don't ever father offspring. Their comebacks might be as bad as yours._**

Derek read the paper and gasped, "Damn, Spencer, do you even have a soul?"

JJ asked, "What did he say?"

Derek shoved the paper in his pocket, "Nothing."

* * *

Derek's SUV pulled up beside his mother's house and as he parked the car, his hands were shaking. He completely avoided the topic of visiting his mother other than the paper scratches in the PD. Even on the way there, he didn't say a word. One hand was always on the steering wheel and the other was tapping against his thigh. The man was scared. It was plain to see, and Spencer felt damn bad for him. There wasn't much he could do except offer support, and if Derek wanted Spencer beside him for this, he would be there.

The key was yanked out of the ignition and Derek stole a glance at Spencer, "I don't think I can do this."

Spencer pressed a palm against the wildly tapping fingers on his leg, "Tough, I think you can."

Derek sighed, finger tapping away under Spencer's hand, "Man, I can look in her eyes and see…that."

Spencer leaned forward and replied, "It'll get better. She'll come around. Wouldn't you want that to happen sooner rather than later?"

Derek nodded, "Yeah."

Spencer smiled lightly, "Then, come on. Let's introduce me to your mother…again."

Derek yanked open the driver's door and Spencer got out of the car, walking around it to meet him. They walked side by side toward the door and as they reached it, Derek took a deep breath and knocked on it. Minutes later, Desiree opened the door and gasped, darting outside and wrapping her arms around her brother, "Rekkie! It's been forever! Oh, my God! Why didn't you call? We would have cleaned up!"

Derek's face lit up and returned his sister's hug, "Because I know with them big ears of yours, you would have heard me coming from Asia."

She shoved him out of the hug and teased, "Well, my big ears heard that you are in _trouble_. Mama won't say, but I bet Sarah five bucks you—"

Derek raised his hands in surrender and gestured to Spencer, "Okay! Okay. Just…"

Desiree glanced over at Spencer and looked back at Derek, giving him a look that only siblings must understand before extending her hand to Spencer, "It's nice to see you back, Dr. Reid. You two must be on a case. It's the only reason Derek ever comes down here anymore."

Spencer leaned his hands in toward his body, "I… don't shake hands."

She shrugged and retracted it, "It's all good. Tell you the truth, Sarah's not really into hand shaking either. Speaking of, she'll want to see you again. We baked a chocolate cake last night, there should be plenty left. Come on in."

She brandished her hands toward the door and Spencer stepped through first, hearing quiet bickering among the siblings behind him as he made his way to the couch. He heard Desiree whisper, "But I thought you…", "Isn't he…", "You told me that you had a…", and lastly, "SHUT UP!" Derek rushed forward and sat beside Spencer, giving his sister a harsh look. The one he usually gives when Spencer spends way too much time filling him in on the Death Star.

Desiree gave Spencer a big grin, "Is it true?! Are you two...?"

Spencer looked over at Derek whom nodded, prodding Spencer to reply, "Well…we…uhm, we are..."

Derek sighed, "We're together."

She clapped her hands in excitement, "That's great! Oh, you two are just the most adorable couple to ever exist. You know, Derek, I always that you might have a thing for Caucasians, Dad did and—"

Derek groaned, "Des, come on. I don't have a _thing_ for Spencer because he's white."

Desiree teased, "Ooh, so it's _Spencer_ now?"

Derek glared at her, "Girl, you better not start."

"Watch me," Desiree gave Spencer an evil grin, "Whenever he'd visit or call, he'd be just non-stop 'Dr. Reid this and Dr. Reid that'. I mean, one would think you were Allah or something. Me and Sarah would tease him about having a crush on you on the daily until he admitted it, tears in his eyes and in a pink sweater as he begged on his knees for us not to tell a soul!"

Derek turned quickly to Spencer, "She's lying. I don't cry, I don't own a pink sweater, and I have never been 'on my knees' in my life."

Spencer raised his eyebrows wordlessly and Desiree gasped, "Ooh, Rekkie! No, you didn't!"

Spencer began to blush, catching on quickly, "Oh! No, I wasn't raising my eyebrows to the ending statement. I was challenging the fact that he must have cried at some point in his life. Humans all cry, especially mammals in the same phylum as us. It's not a sign of weakness, but more of one of emotional expression. Whether it's pain, happiness, displeasure or uncomfortability, it shows how in sync us homo sapiens can be with our minds and bodies. Tears are quite marvelous things actually, and are very closely studied. Did you know that contact lens fluid is actually based highly on the chemical construction of tears which is so close to the real thing that your eyes cannot tell the difference?"

Desiree wagged her finger at the two, "Likely story. I'm going to go tell Mom you're here. You might want to…" she motioned toward their linked hands, "Fix that before she gets down here. You know how she is. Try not to get rug burn on your shins, Rekkie."

Derek hissed back as she left the room with a cackle, "Try not to be a ugly bitch, Des."

Spencer looked over at Derek as his sister headed up the stairs, "Are you sure you want to do this?"

Derek nodded, "I have to. She can't tell me what to do anymore, and I can love the both of you."

Spencer let out a grin as Derek pulled his hand free from Spencer's and rubbed his hair, "But… one bombshell at a time."

There was a quiet creaking down the stairs and Derek rose. The footsteps heard were light and quick across hardwood as his curly haired mother turned the corner. She wore a green dress, one that brought out the flecks of green in the hazel eyes she shared with Derek. Her red eyebrows were arched and biased as she leaned against the wall, "Derek."

"Hi, Mom," Derek spoke quietly, stepping forward with his arms open. He stopped as she raised a hand to cease his movement.

She looked away from him, "I thought we talked about this. You don't come around for months, you don't call, and suddenly you drop this tragedy on me and show up unexpected? I hope you don't mistake me for being in the embracing mood, Derek."

He nodded, "Well, we were in the neighborhood and—"

His mother asked with a raised eyebrow, "We?"

Derek took a deep breath, "My boyfriend and I."

She folded her arms across her chest and walked around Derek with a judgmental look in her eyes until Spencer came into her line of vision. Spencer stood respectfully and smiled, "Hello, Ms. Morgan. It's a pleasure to meet you again."

His mother paused, pressing a hand to her chest, "D…Dr. Reid? You… you and my son…"

Derek took Spencer's hand and said with strength, "We're seeing each other."

She gave Spencer a strange look, "But, you were so polite and intelligent. You must know that what you're doing… it's not practical."

Spencer replied, "With all due respect, Ms. Morgan, I find it extremely practical. We have a lot in common, we enjoy each other's company, our minds are very well matched, and our relationship is an asset to the team. I've never been happier than I am when I'm with your son, and to be honest… I've fallen in love with him. I've found it impossible not to, and I do wish to make him happy in every way I can."

Derek nodded, "What he said."

Spencer began to laugh and Derek tightened his grip on Spencer's hand, leaning his head over to rest against Spencer's. Derek shrugged, "I'm not sorry for being in love with him, and I never will be. I can't…apologize for being happy, and falling for someone that others say I shouldn't. I mean, think about it, Ma. How hard must it have been for you and Dad to be together?"

His mother gave a conflicted look, "It's not the _same_ as that, Derek, your father and I… we…"

Derek answered for her, "Weren't accepted? Weren't the norm? Weren't practical? I'm here to tell you that you both had the strongest, most beautiful relationship I've ever seen. And, when I was a boy, I wanted that. Then, as I got older, there were things I didn't like that I should have, things that I didn't understand that made clear sense to everyone else. Then, Carl ruined my life, and, Mom, I felt so alone. I had no one to turn to. Nowhere to go. So, I pretended I had nothing to worry about. Then, this kid came along and changed everything." Derek smiled over at Spencer, "He showed me that I had someone to talk to—someone to lean on, and someone to lean on me. Someone who knew how to tell me when I'm being an idiot, and someone who would stand with me when I accomplished something great. Mom, I had someone to love with my whole heart. I've never had that before. And I'm not sorry."

She looked Derek in the eyes, "Don't you dare. Don't you dare make me feel like—"

Derek shrugged, "I can't make you feel anything."

His mother sighed, "I want to be upset with you. I really do. This makes no sense to me at all, how two men can… be _in love_ with each other, but… you are my son. And if you say you love him… I'll have to respect your decision. You are an adult, and I gather that you've thought long and hard about this."

Derek looked over at Spencer, "Yes, I have."

She looked over at Spencer with a struggling smile on her face, "I always did like you, Dr. Reid. And, if it was anyone but you, I would have even more of a problem than I already have."

Spencer paused, "Thanks... I guess?"

"Now, don't get me wrong. I don't approve. But," Ms. Morgan raised her hand, "…Dr. Reid, I would like it very much if you joined us for Easter."

Spencer grinned widely, "That sounds great."

She smiled and clapped her hands together once, "Good, good. I need an excuse to cook, you are wonderful company, and—when it comes to family—the more the merrier."

Derek wrapped his arm around Spencer and replied, "You consider him family?"

His mother gave him a heatless glare, "I consider him the brilliant FBI agent who had lapse in judgment enough to pick my idiot son to fall in love with."

Derek shrugged, "I wonder why this great guy chose me every day…"

Spencer smiled, "And then, I start talking about biochemistry and he remembers that he's settled for less."

Derek's mother began to laugh and beamed brightly, stretching out her arms, "Come on. Mama's baby hasn't given her a hug since he's been here. You too, Doctor. You're not off the hook either."

She strode toward them and pulled them into her small arms. Spencer liked the Morgan family. Even though Ms. Morgan had a long way to go, she realized that Derek found someone he truly loves, and soon, she will find that that's what she wanted for him in the end. Sooner, rather than later, hopefully. During the hug, he felt a hand squeeze at his rear and he gave a confused grunt. Derek's mother pulled away from the hug and winked at Derek, "Nice choice."

Spencer sighed, "Apple doesn't fall far from the tree, I suppose."

She wagged her finger at Derek, "I do hope my boy's keeping his hands to himself."

Spencer scoffed, "That'll be the day."

She paused, "Wait…you two aren't sleeping together, are you?"

Derek and Spencer shook their heads and lied vigorously, "No! No, no, no."

His mother rolled her eyes, "Separate rooms when you spend the holiday, Doctor. Is that understood?"

Spencer nodded, "Of course. We are _so_ abstinent. No sex. None. We wouldn't even consider sleeping in the same room. That's just… nutty."

Ms. Morgan sighed, "Honey, work on your lying."

Spencer blushed, "Affirmative."

* * *

**A/N: Important News!**

**While I was gone, I got bored during my doctor's visits and wrote a 5N1 (The Five Times _X Character__, and the One Time He/She Did) for y'all Morgan/Reid shippers. It's COMPLETELY UNRELATED to The Essentials, so if you want to check it out, I will be updating it every single day. Since that's a 5N1, that means you will get a chapter from me for the 5N1 every day until Saturday. Then, Sunday, this baby ends.**

**Happy Fall, Everyone!**

**-BLuE**


	24. Sunday Easter Sunday

Chapter 24: Sunday Easter Sunday

* * *

**A/N: The last chapter. Dang, man, this has been a long time coming. I'd like to personally thank all of the people who have supported me, trolled me, and followed the story without saying a word. I love every single one of you. As I type this, The Essentials has 24 chapters, 74 favorites, 152 alerts, 183 reviews, 106+ words, and 36,076 reads. **

**I'm very proud to have the wonderful readers I do, since all of this is possible because YOU ALL DID THIS. **

**-Blue Oleandars**

**P.S. I'm bringing the epilogue tomorrow. ****It's been a fun ride, y'all. Yee haw!**

* * *

Within three weeks' time, Easter Sunday would be upon them. Worried and unsure, Spencer packed his bag and prepared for a three day stay even though he knew that he was only welcome for two. It was quite obvious after the short visit to Derek's mother's place that their relationship was unwelcome, but she enjoyed his company so much that every time he spoke with her, she minded less and less. She even called last night to see if he was all prepared and ready for her to put some meat on his bones tomorrow. He was.

Then, followed a call from Derek—who was much more excited for the Easter trip than Spencer seeing as he finally was on his way to getting the acceptance from his mother that he'd wanted all along. He was giddy for her approval, and he was sure to get it if Spencer continues to charm the pants off of her. Apparently, she had called Derek a week before and told him how fond she was of Spencer's rear. Spencer was unsure how he felt about that.

It had been a couple weeks since they had visited Derek's mother, and Spencer is proud to say that not much has changed.

The two men have now been together for three months and their lives have fallen into step. Spencer spends most nights over Derek's apartment. So much so that he's gotten a few calls from his landlord, asking if he's still living there. Much to Spencer's contentment, Clooney the dog also now happily bounds up to him every chance he gets almost as much as he does so for Derek.

The train ride to Chicago had passed quickly, and they took a cab to the Morgan house. Still wary of the men he grew up with, Derek wasn't going to risk being seen with Spencer and putting the kid in danger. There were some crazy mother fuckers in this town, and if Derek plays his cards right, the wrong people will stay controlled and at bay.

The moment they knocked on the door, Sarah jumped out at them and wrestled Derek into a hug as she squealed, "Is it true?! Are you and Dr. Reid in _love_?!"

Derek struggled under her attack and patted her curly hair, "Hello to you too, Sarah."

She rolled her eyes and set her sights on Spencer, shoving Derek away, "I don't normally do this, but come here, kid. You get one too."

Spencer paused, "Oh, I'm not sure if it's best that I—" she disregarded him and pulled the tall genius into a hug, "Whether you like it or not, you're family now. It's great to see you again, Doctor."

Spencer nodded, strangled in an embrace as his bags fell to the porch.

Derek taped Sarah's shoulder, "Sare… Sare, I'm not sure he's breathing."

Spencer gasped, "I'm fine. My lungs are collapsing, but I'm fine."

She took Spencer by the sleeve of his shirt and guided him into the house, "Derek, get his bags, come on. You weren't raised in a barn."

There was a happy voice coming from the top of the stairs as they entered the house, "Is that my favorite son?"

Derek murmured under his breath, "I'm your only son."

As Ms. Morgan traipsed down the steps to meet them, she winked at Derek, "I heard that. Come on, Mama needs a hug. This ain't no free service."

Derek placed the bags at his feet and gave his mother a hug, "Hey, Mama."

She giggled, "Are you carrying his bags? Lord knows, I raised you right. How was your trip?"

Spencer replied in a hurry, "It wasn't too bad. We took the train down. Do you all like chocolates, because I bought some, and in that plastic bag there are flowers for all of you. I also thought it might be rude if we came over without bringing anything, so I made some beef stroganoff if anyone's interested as well, and—"

Derek sighed, "Spence."

He bowed his head, "Sorry."

Ms. Morgan waved off her son and shooed Sarah away from Spencer, wrapping him in a hug as well, "That was very thoughtful of you, Doctor."

Spencer leaned into the hug; it was very warm and easy to fall into. He thinks he likes being part of this surrogate family, "You don't have to call me Doctor. Spencer will do just fine if you like."

She leaned back and patted his cheek, "Spencer it is. Now, I made a big dinner, so feel free to tuck in. You're all skin and bones, darlin', we're going to get some weight on you right quick, now aren't we, Derek?"

Derek shrugged, "I like him the way he is."

His mother cut him a glare, "Well, so do I, I'm just saying, there's nothing wrong with feeding the boy. Heaven knows you probably don't. Now, Spencer, we might to ask you down here for Christmas too if you like. You know we can't trust Derek worth a damn around an oven."

Derek folded his arms and pouted, "Aww, here we go. Let's drudge _that_ up again."

Spencer began to laugh, "If you don't mind, I would love to hear that story in full."

She clapped her hands once, "Oh, Spencer, you are so pleasant. Derek, I know I've said it before, but I like him! I like him a lot!"

Derek smiled fondly over at Spencer, "Me too. So… are we alright?"

Ms. Morgan looked at the two of them and took a breath, "We're fine. Just… don't do any of that… stuff around me, I'm still getting used to it. God, it's easier to pretend that you two are just friends."

Derek looked away and leaned back on his heels, "Yeah, _close_ friends."

She continued, "But, I know you're more, and I can accept that. Derek, you've chosen well, and I know you two will do right by each other, it's just something I can feel. Now… who wants some dinner?"

Derek raised his hand, "Me! I'm starving."

Ms. Morgan rolled her eyes and rubbed his back, "When aren't you? Come on. The food's getting cold."

* * *

Dinner was great. The table was filled with mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, lamb chops, chicken, salad, rice, beans, broccoli, greens, and cranberry bread. Desiree joined them at the table as she arrived in tow with her boyfriend Tony whom was staying over as well, and the whole thing was really… nice. There was a family feel there that Spencer had never experienced away from that table, and he had a very nice time acquiescing to the group.

As Derek passed the greens Tony's way, the man asked, "So, Derek… is it true that you two are…"

"Yep," Derek said proudly, placing his hand over Spencer's at the table. Tony smiled back, dark eyes sincere, white teeth contrasting against his deep brown skin, "That's great. My uncle's got a male partner too. They're the happiest pair I ever did see. They've been together for twenty three years now, I think."

Spencer added, "They're very lucky."

Tony replied, "Yeah, I know. They're adopting a baby girl soon."

Derek grinned, "Wow, that's great."

Tony asked, "It is. Hey, speaking of _great_, are any of you watching the Bulls game tonight? "

Derek nodded, leaning over the table, "Hell yeah, Spencer is too. Wanna watch it with us?"

Tony smiled, "I'd like that."

Desiree rocked in her chair, "Aww, male bonding is so cute. Aren't you happy you've got two allies in the room instead of one?"

Tony tapped his fork on his plate, "It definitely beats being just me and Morgan-ator like it was last Easter! We got like, what? _Five minutes_ to talk sports?"

Ms. Morgan laughed, "Well, I'm not happy about it. Somebody's gotta help me with the dishes."

Spencer raised his hand, "I will!"

She shook her head, "No, baby, go spend time with the boys. Sarah and Desiree will help me here if you three pitch in with Easter dinner."

The two women groaned and Derek poked Spencer on the nose, "Don't fight the woman of the house. She knows what she's talking about."

Spencer laid his hand on his stomach and leaned his head on Derek's shoulder, "Alright. I'm full anyway."

Sarah yipped and pulled out her phone, snapping a picture, "That's going in the scrapbook!"

* * *

About an hour later, Tony, Derek, and Spencer were sitting in the living room watching the game. The Bulls were in the lead and Spencer watched in quiet peace as Tony and Derek shouted at the screen as Jimmy Butler dribbled the ball up to the basket, dunking it in and scoring the team points. Spencer smiled to himself as Tony gave Derek a high five and offered one to Spencer. Spencer took him up on it, smacking the guy's hand in joy as Tony roared, "Did you see that? Did you see that?"

Spencer laughed, "That was quite impressive."

"Hell, yeah it was! What, I don't get a high five?" Derek joked. Spencer leaned forward and gave him a quick kiss on the lips, replying with a smirk, "Nope."

Derek winked over at Spencer, "Well, alright."

"Hey, lovebirds!" Tony snickered, "You do know I'm in here, right?"

Derek leaned back into the couch and pulled Spencer in to lean on his chest, "Yeah, playa, you can go on there hating all you want because your girl is stuck in the kitchen elbow deep in soap."

Tony growled, "Yeah, you right."

Spencer replied as Derek's fingers found their way into his short hair, "Well, Desiree will be out in due time, then we can all watch something together. How does that sound?"

Derek stuck out his tongue and said loudly in the direction of the kitchen, "Eww, I don't want _Desiree_ in here. She has cooties."

Desiree shouted from the other room, "I heard that, Derek!"

Derek yelled back, "I don't care! It ain't no secret!"

Desiree hissed, "Oh, alright. You want me to show Spencer your 'secret' Star Trek collection then?"

Derek barked, "Bring it, girl! He can handle it! What I want to know is if Tony can handle your 'secret' Pipin shrine!"

Desiree stuck her head into the room with a pleasant smile, "He's lying."

Derek grinned, "No, I'm not. Tony, do you really think I could make this crap up?"

Tony gazed over at Desiree, "Do you mean Pipin from the_ Lord of the Rings_? I love that series."

She smiled shyly, "Really?"

He replied, "Yeah! I read the books too!"

Desiree began to smile, "I love you."

Derek mumbled under his breath, "That didn't go as planned."

Spencer leaned over and whispered into Derek's ear, "It didn't for her either. I have a really big crush on Mr. Spock."

Derek gasped, "And I have a thing for Captain Kirk."

Spencer sighed, "I am so horny right now."

Derek laughed, "When are you not?"

Spencer thought for a moment and replied, "Never."

Derek smirked, "You little rascal. You know we can't here."

Spencer shrugged, "So? I can always sneak into your room tonight and we can have an illegal, nerdy rendezvous."

Derek gasped, "We're going to get caught."

Spencer leaned away from Derek's chest to sit up, "Well, fine. If you're not man enough."

Derek reached out for Spencer, "I'm man enough! Now, come back so we can cuddles. I miss you."

Tony snickered from the other side of the room, "Man, what happened to you? You used to be a dog. Now, you want 'cuddles' from your widdle boyfriend?"

Derek stared simply back at Tony, "I'm confident enough in my masculinity to ask for a hug when I want one. You got a problem with that?"

Tony raised his hands in surrender, "Fuck no, man. You carry a gun."

Derek smiled, "That's what I thought."

* * *

The dishes were done, the bags were nestled away upstairs and a movie was playing, lighting up the darkness of the room with a pale light. Sarah was asleep as her head was laid on her mother's resting shoulder. Tony looked up over Desiree's shoulder from where he was on the armchair with her perched on his lap, "Derek, you still awake?"

Derek nodded around Spencer's head, "Yeah."

Spencer yawned, "Is it morning?"

"He actually is really adorable," Tony chuckled, adding as an afterthought, "No homo."

Derek grimaced, "I'll just pretend that wasn't demeaning."

Tony shrugged, leaning back in the chair, "It wasn't. I was just stating a fact. I ain't gay. And… I'm heading off to bed."

Spencer pushed off of Derek's warm chest to sit up, hair sticking up on one side, "Sounds like a plan."

Tony asked, "Which room are your two going to be in? Sarah and Des are sharing, so can I safely assume you two are taking Derek's…"

Derek replied, "No, you can't. Spencer's sharing the spare room with you and I get my own bed."

Tony scoffed, "Bull."

Derek shrugged, standing up, "My mom doesn't want us having gay sex all over the place, since we're homosexuals and we obviously can't keep it in our pants while we're here."

"Damn, that's rough. Sorry, man," Tony carried Desiree over to the couch and laid her gently in the space Derek and Spencer had left, "How many beds are in the spare room? If there are two, I call the window."

Derek chuckled, heading toward the stairs, "There's only one, bro. Happy trails."

Tony paused, "What do you mean there's only one?"

Derek laughed, "Watch out, Spencer likes to cuddle."

Spencer hissed, "So what? I have acute adult separation anxiety. Most adults whom suffer from it deal with persistent, excessive worrying about losing the subject of attachment also including issues when falling asleep without being near a major attachment figure that could _easily_ be a significant other (i.e. you) which is why I… hold on to you when I sleep. I find the word 'cuddle' to be slightly demasculating."

Tony shook his head and stepped away from Spencer, "Oh, _hell_ no."

Derek replied, "You heard what the cute adult separation anxietist said."

Spencer chuckled, "It's _acute_ and anxietist isn't a word."

Derek turned at the stairs to point to Spencer, "Ooh, idea. How about we have a naughty grammar lesson later?"

Spencer flushed and said to Tony, "He's kidding. We don't…"

"Yeah, we do. No point in lying," Derek shrugged, turning back to the stairway.

Tony sighed, "Well, this is going to be the longest night in the universe."

"Try anything on my boyfriend, and you'll die before you start," Derek said as he strode up the steps, calling back to Spencer, "Don't steal the covers, honey."

Tony murmured, "I hate you."

* * *

Although, there was a little bit of a fight, they both ended up sharing the bed. But they had set up rules. No talking. No touching. No eye contact. No breathing louder than necessary. And, at two am, they were both out of there. Tony allowed Spencer to go into Derek's room if Spencer didn't tell Derek that Tony himself was headed to Desiree's. So… the waiting had to happen.

It was quiet. Like really quiet. You know what I mean. It was that painful, searing, horridly awkward quiet that cost people their sanity. Tony slept with only a pair of sweat pants on, which wasn't a big deal really granted that the guy was at least six feet tall, built like a linebacker and (oh, yeah) Spencer was squished into a twin bed with him. Spencer had packed more accordingly. Drowned in one of Derek's old sweatshirts and a pair of red plaid pajama pants, Spencer was very warm and toasty, just how he liked it. It just would have been better if Tony the Tiger wasn't shoved into this small, confining space with him. He was all wrong. He smelled like cut grass and sweat. His eyes were a deep black. And his arms were bigger than Derek's. Spencer in every way wished he was in bed with his boyfriend instead of this dude. While he is a very nice guy, Spencer was uncomfortable.

The time couldn't have passed quicker. Spencer glanced at his watch. 1:47am. He almost groaned aloud, but stopped himself as he remembered the shared rules between the two. No talking. Tony turned to Spencer, "Wanna call it quits and go now?"

Spencer sighed, "Yeah, but… I want to keep this going just to be sure. I know that Ms. Morgan is a nice lady, but if she catches me in Derek's room, the entirety of the Bureau couldn't keep my death from becoming imminent."

Tony paused, "…do you always talk like that?"

Spencer asked, "Talk like what?"

Tony shifted and leaned on his side, "I don't know, like you ate a dictionary and are burping up the words no one uses."

Spencer clutched his chest, "Ouch."

Tony replied, "No offense. Just saying…you're not a normal dude, are you?"

Spencer shrugged, "Well, I have an eidetic memory. My IQ is unnaturally high, and I read faster than the normal human. Oh, and I am 12 pounds underweight, but don't tell Derek he thinks it's only 5."

Tony began to laugh, "So…. you're like a super nerd that doesn't eat?"

Spencer explained, "I do eat, I just forget sometimes and don't have anyone around to remind me. Well, I _didn't_."

Tony teased, "Oh, you're talking about Derek?"

Spencer rubbed behind his neck nervously, "Uh…yeah. He's… well, he's been good for me. I'm not lonesome anymore, he listens when I go on long tangents that he could really care less about, and he calls my Freudian book collection cute. For some reason, I don't think he merely tolerates me like other people do. I think he genuinely likes me, and that goes a long way."

"Oh, okay. So, Derek's your _boo_, huh?" Tony snickered, "Don't deny it, man, you love yourself some Morgan-ator."

Spencer felt his cheeks flame, "I… I do. Love him, I mean. Is that silly? I mean, we've only been dating for three months."

Tony smirked with a laugh, "Three months?! That's a record for him. I've never seen him last longer than two weeks. He must really like you."

Spencer shrugged, "Well, he used to date women, so…"

Tony paused, "Wait, so he doesn't like girls _at all_? He's all the way gay?! He's on the DL?! Man, I thought you were one of those one-time-things, you know, an exception. I didn't know he… dug dudes."

Spencer gasped and closed his hand over his mouth, "You didn't know?"

Tony shook his head wildly, "No, man! I was planning on lying for him in the hood, you know, but if he starts going all out with letting niggas know—"

Spencer looked away from Tony, "Don't say the 'N' word. It's demeaning."

Tony scoffed, "Oh, please, everybody says it."

Spencer said proudly, "Derek doesn't."

Tony laughed aloud, "Bullshit. He totally does. And hell, being in an interracial relationship I bet you said it before too."

Spencer looked away, "I would never."

Tony peered at Spencer, "Bro, are you lying?"

Spencer lied, "No?"

Tony gasped, "You totally said it before! Oh, my God, I can barely even think of how bad that must have sounded! When, where, why?!"

Spencer hid his face in his hands and rushed out, "Derek told me to say it in bed once and I didn't want to but he suddenly got _really_ good at convincing me and I ended up shouting it and I feel horrible."

Tony laughed loudly, "You called Derek a nigga in bed?! I didn't know you were kinky like that!"

"Ssh!" Spencer's face was burning under his hands as he worried, "I only did it because he made me! Don't tell anyone, please. I feel bad enough already, I don't need the entire state to know."

"Fine, I'll keep it under wraps." Tony chuckled, "Did he end up liking it?"

Spencer yanked the sheet over his head, "Yes, okay, can we please stop talking about this?"

Tony stifled a grin, "Of course. Now that I know you're into that sado master-slave type shit, I don't want to get on your bad side."

Spencer mumbled from under the blanket, "I'm not into it, I swear. I like vanilla sex."

"Me too. But, just an FYI…" Tony said, following Spencer under the sheet to look into his eyes honestly, "Derek likes being talked dirty to. He doesn't mind confinements if he trusts you, which I assume he does. He also has this erogenous zone behind his ear, kiss it and he'll go nuts."

Spencer glanced at Tony, "How do you know this?"

"If I can keep a secret, you can keep one too," Tony took a deep breath and replied, "Back in middle school, me and Derek used to do…stuff."

Spencer gasped, "Really?"

Tony nodded, "We were just kids, you know? We were already hanging with the wrong crowd, so it was real hush-hush. Just wanted to be ready when time came to do stuff with girls, and before we knew it, it was our thing."

Spencer paused, "But, Derek said—"

Tony stopped him, "Before you say anything, we didn't go past second base. Honestly, we didn't do anything worth talking about. Just kissing and stuff. We were experimenting, okay? We had set limits. At least, that's all it was for me. I knew I didn't like guys, but Derek, he's… _Derek_, you know? He has a way of getting under your skin. He has a way of making you want him. But, we were young, it was a long time ago. And that thing in him that I found so alluring… Des had it tenfold. It was her I wanted, but I told myself she was too good for me and Derek was there, you know? And he wanted it. So, when I found myself wanting it too, I just… well… look, man, I understand what it's like to have feelings for someone you shouldn't. That's all. If you need to talk to someone who isn't sleeping with you… know you can ring me up."

Spencer let out a little smile, "Thanks. I'll take you up on that."

Tony deadpanned, "Now, can we get out from under this sheet? It's kind of creeping me out."

Spencer pushed the cloth down and checked his watch, "Sure, why not. Oh! It's go time."

"Alrighty then. See you later." Tony got up and grabbed a tee shirt, "Don't walk with a limp tomorrow, might give it away."

Spencer joked, "What makes you think I'm the one who'll be limping?"

Tony scoffed, yanking it over his head, "No offense, dude, but you're definitely the bitch."

Spencer blushed, "I prefer 'chosen submissive title'."

Tony laughed, "Either way, I bet you take it like a man. Am I right?"

Spencer folded his arms, "Say that all you want, but I'll have you know that I'm a very reciprocating sexual partner."

Tony asked confusedly, "And that means…"

Spencer got up and grabbed his cell phone off the charger and spoke simply before exiting the room, "I give better head than your girlfriend, and no matter how long you think about what I just said—and believe me, you _will_ think about what I just said—you'll never know what it's like to have me."

Tony called back to Spencer, "Hey, what's what supposed to mean?"

Spencer shrugged, "It's nothing to be ashamed of, being bisexual. It's just another part of who you are."

Spencer left Tony awestruck and padded down the hallway in his socks, opening Derek's bedroom door. The lights were out, and he was sleeping gently. Spencer slid the lock shut after closing the door and tip toed over to Derek. He was really peaceful looking asleep. His eyelashes fanning out toward his cheeks, his lips parted slightly. Derek also had a little nose twitch too every now and then. It was kind of cute.

Snuggling into the sheets with Derek, he leaned over and tried one of Tony's tips. He pressed his lips softly behind the shell of Derek's ear and he let out a quiet hum. Spencer did it once more just a little bit harder and his boyfriend awoke with a moan and he looked into Spencer's eyes, saying tiredly, "What did Tony tell you?"

Spencer giggled, "That you and him used to kiss under the bleachers when you were twelve."

Derek chuckled and ran his hand down his face, "Hey, we were thirteen. Almost adults."

Spencer teased, running his hands up Derek's chest, "Why didn't you tell me you two got into hot and heavy territory during nap time? You naughty boy."

Derek pushed his hand into Spencer's face gently, "Oh, okay, so you gonna play me like that, huh?"

Spencer continued under Derek's hand with a big smile on his squished face, "Hell yeah. Now, did you two use tongue, or did you just trade animal crackers?"

Derek removed his hand and ticked Spencer's ribs for a moment, "For your information, we used a lot of tongue. We were doing some complex, hardcore shit."

Spencer laughed and pushed Derek's hands off of him, using the leverage to straddle Derek's hips and tease from above him, "Oh, really? Define hardcore."

Derek shrugged and raised his palms, "One time, our cocks touched through our overalls. I'm not lying, man, hand to God. He was hard as a rock. All…three inches of him."

Spencer shook his head and grinned, "No way. You two are such sluts."

Derek chuckled, "I know, right…you're not mad?"

Spencer cocked his head to the side, "No. I'm not really the resentful type. I mean, by your description of him, I'm better endowed and I've done things to your dick he couldn't dream of, so… pretty sure he should be the jealous one. Plus, if my math is correct, that was about fifty four years ago."

Derek folded his arms, "Oh, ha ha. I'm not _that_ old, buddy."

"Of course, you're only mildly ancient," Spencer gazed down at Derek with admiration, "…I really fucking love you. You know that, right?"

Derek's face brightened in a smile, "I really fucking love you too."

Spencer took a deep breath and asked, "Maybe…one of these days… if you want to, we can…"

Derek stroked the side of Spencer's face affectionately, "Come on, baby boy, you can finish a question. I know it in my heart."

Spencer laughed gently and puffed out his chest, "How about, when we get home, we switch up the roles a bit. I would like to try what we almost tried before I started crying that last time."

Derek asked, "You want to fuck me?"

Spencer nervously ran his hand along the back of his neck, "You make it sound so seedy—"

Derek raised his hands, "Praise Jesus, finally. I've been waiting for you to ask me that since, jeez, I dunno, _January_."

Spencer gave Derek a wary look, "Really?"

"Yeah, really." Derek nodded, "If you don't mind me asking, what brought this on?"

Spencer shrugged placidly, "Something Tony said."

Derek shook his head, "Please don't let him trick you into thinking you're boxed up into some sort of sexual role because you're tinier than me. Spencer, you freaked last time, I don't think I can handle seeing you cry again because you're pressuring yourself to do something you're not ready to do. I can wait for you, and there's no rush…"

Spencer stopped Derek's flow of words with a soft kiss, "There _is_ no rush. I know now what I didn't before. Derek… I… I'm bisexual."

Derek nodded, "Okay… that's okay."

Spencer bit his lip, "You're okay with that?"

Derek smiled, "Yeah. As long as you love me, who you're attracted to doesn't matter. You picked me out of six billion people. Excuse me, but I feel like the lucky one."

Spencer leaned down and wrestled Derek into a hug, "I love you, I love you, I love you!"

Derek began to laugh, "I know, kid… I know."

END

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**A/N: TOMORROW: THE EPILOGUE**


	25. Epilogue: Save Each Date

Epilogue: Save Each Date

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**A/N: It's been a long time coming.**

**Love,**

**blueoleandar93**

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Two days ago was the last day of December and the first day of the rest of Spencer's life. Thirty years have passed and _everything_ was different. He couldn't count the changes, but he'll try to keep the most important ones in order by date.

April 25th 2013, was the day Rossi had figured them out. He witnessed an extremely friendly hug after a close call on a case in Florida. Derek had almost been killed by an unsub trying to escape in a minivan while the three were on scene. Spencer pushed him out of the way and the two had dove onto the grass, embracing each other in a way that tipped off old Dave. Rossi had said, and Spencer quotes, "Goddamn finally."

April 27th 2013, Derek and Spencer had decided that it was unfair to hold information from Prentiss any longer since she was the only team member remaining in the dark, so the two set plans on letting her know. Spencer suggested a simple phone call. Derek advocated a brief confrontation. After a minute of bickering and a few more of long, hard strategy planning, they settled for making out on her desk the next morning. She shooed them off of her workspace and reluctantly handed Derek five dollars. Moments later after gloating that she knew it all along, Prentiss pulled the two into an accepting hug and joked that she expected grandchildren.

July 6th 2013, Garcia and Kevin got married at the most colorful wedding any of the attendees will ever experience. Spencer got himself a CT scan the day after just to be sure he could bounce back from that.

August 15th 2013, Derek and Spencer moved in together. To celebrate, they tried to have sex in the fridge again. Much to their dismay, it wasn't as easy as it was the first time. But, no worries, they still got the job done.

November 9th 2013, Prentiss transferred to work with the Interpol. They had a goodbye party the night before, and she and Spencer got so drunk, he left the bash without his socks and she without her heels. He missed her dearly, but they wrote often.

December 16th 2013, JJ had her second child and took a maternity leave that ended up becoming indefinite. She had placed her first son in enough danger already that she didn't want to see it happen to her little girl, Liza. Derek was named her godfather.

January 12th 2014, Derek and Spencer celebrated their one year anniversary at the same restaurant they spent their one month. This time, Spencer didn't cry, but he did punch Derek in the arm for bringing it up.

March 3rd 2015, Rossi retired. He never said why.

September 30th 2016, so did Hotch. He had lost too much of his team to consider it intact, and so did its last three remaining members. Working wasn't the same without them.

November 5th 2016, Derek ran into the kitchen with great news: There was a vacancy in the New York subdivision. Apparently, the NYC branch needed a team leader and Derek was still next in line for the job. If he accepts, he can hire any additional staff up to and including a residential genius. The two tried to have sex in the refrigerator again and finally failed. Either way, they were going to New York!

November 12th 2016, was the day before the big move to New York. It was also the day Spencer proposed to Derek. (_Since they were moving to a city which recognized gay marriage, Spencer thought this was the perfect opportunity seeing as he had wanted to marry Derek for many months now._) Derek ended up saying no. Spencer swallowed back his fierce heartbreak and placed his grandfather's ring back in his pocket, reminding Derek that it was all okay and they can take things slower he wanted them to. Then Derek laughed and said, "I'm just fucking with you. Of course!" Spencer smacked him and walked away. Twelve minutes, several angry words, and five kisses later, they were engaged.

November 22nd 2016, Derek and Spencer visited Derek's mother for Thanksgiving. Spencer forgot to take off his engagement ring and she hugged him for eight minutes straight, not saying a word.

December 20th 2016, they were bombarded by a visiting Garcia, the only one still working in Virginia, whom talked their ears off about designing the wedding. Derek excused himself, took a shot in the kitchen, and walked back over to hear her ideas.

June 15th 2017, Derek and Spencer got married. Liza, now four years old, was the flower girl and Jack was the ring bearer. Will was Spencer's best man, Garcia was Derek's maid of honor, and neither of them was walked down the aisle. The reception was pleasant. JJ and Ms. Morgan teamed up and took enough pictures to fill several memory sticks. Spencer's mother came too. She wasn't quite all there, but it was enough for Spencer. She kissed his cheeks and shook Derek's hand, asking when they were going to get married already. Spencer laughed and replied, "One of these days, we will."

May 3rd 2019, Derek suffered from a serious accident on a case. A bomber had placed a hidden explosion before he was caught and while Derek made it out of the building, a large piece of rubble crushed his legs, breaking his left in five places and his right in two. He was in a wheelchair for six months, crutches for one. There was a pole in his left leg now, keeping it all together and after months of therapy, he was able to walk again. Spencer and he have been running a tally to see how often it sets off metal detectors in the airport.

December 16th 2020, Spencer decided to grow a beard on impulse. It was thin and caramel colored, just like the rumpled hair on top of his head that he's keeping short and simple. Derek calls him Fuzzy Wuzzy and has taken to it well. So much so, that he makes a face when Spencer shaves it off.

December 28th 2020, Spencer grows the beard back. He likes it too.

March 27th 2021, Derek and Spencer adopted a baby girl. They named her Clara. She just happened to be half African-American and half Caucasian. To this day, the two pretended it was a coincidence.

September 7th 2026, Clara Morgan-Reid attended her first day of kindergarten. She could already read, write, and tie her own shoes. To their joy, she calls Spencer "papa" and Derek "daddy". To their surprise, she also has a mean right hook. After they dropped her off and watched her punch a little boy who made fun of her glasses, telling him that her daddy taught her that, Derek grinned widely and nodded, "That's my girl."

May 19th 2028, Derek asked Spencer, "Is that a gray hair?"

October 9th 2031, Spencer turned 50. Clara, ten years of age, made him a card with Daddy that had a little coupon for free hugs. Spencer used his coupon immediately. Derek handed Spencer another coupon for a free... _something else_. Spencer dropped the card, turned red, and snatched it up before Clara could see it. That night, after Clara had gone to bed, Derek strode up to Spencer whom was sipping out of a hot mug of tea and leaning against the kitchen sink. Derek placed Spencer's mug counter, knelt down on one knee, and took Spencer's hand, asking if he wanted to renew their vows. Spencer knelt down to meet him and kissed his lips, replying that he would. Clara ran into the room, asking, "Did Papa say yes?" Spencer nodded and she padded over to give them a hug, asking if she could be the flower girl.

June 15th 2032, Derek and Spencer renewed their vows in the same little chapel in rural New York that they had first married in. Morgan's mother showed up, cane and all, taking picture after picture on her new-fangled camera. Spencer's mother was moved to a nursing home two years ago, so she unfortunately couldn't make it. Hotch came with Jack. JJ and Will came with Liza and Henry. Garcia and Kevin came with "piles of smiles". Rossi came with kind words, a firm pat on the back, and wife number four. Prentiss was still in England, but she and her new beau sent their regards. Garcia volunteered to watch Clara for their second honeymoon which they spent in Canada since everywhere in America reminded them of some sort of case, and they didn't at all plan on going outside.

October 27th 2034, Clara got her period. This was titled a "landmark event" because upon hearing her teenage voice from the other side of the bathroom door, Spencer ran into his and Derek's bedroom screaming, "She's bleeding from her vagina and I don't know what to do!" Derek patted his husband on the shoulder, got up calmly, went to the hall closet, and grabbed out a box of pads. He knocked on the bathroom door and said, "Papa's gone a little nuts. Don't worry about him. You know how to use these pad things, right, because I don't want to admit to knowing as much as I do." She said she did. Derek wiped sweat from his forehead and passed her the box. Several minutes later, Derek and Spencer sat her down in the living room and had 'the Talk' with her. Well, technically, Derek and Clara sat down. Spencer was laying on the couch with a wet cloth on his forehead, grabbing the paper bag to breathe into every time Derek said the word "sex" to her. She asked how they knew so much about what she was going through. Spencer replied that he read several studies and dissertations on the subject. Derek shrugged, "I have sisters who tell me way more than I want to know."

February 4th 2036, Clara brought home her first boyfriend. Stephen. Spencer profiled him, got Garcia to do a background check, and had his parents researched. He came up clean, so the family invited him over for dinner. Derek didn't like how far apart his eyes were, so he put his gun on the table and smiled gently, "Me and her father are authorized to use these and we are fantastic shots. Break her heart and you'll find yourself six feet under. Comprende?"

June 28th 2036, Stephen found himself dumped by Clara. He didn't understand why Star Trek was better than Star Wars. His mistake. She had grown into a beautiful young woman. Standing five foot six, with large caramel eyes, mocha skin, dark curly hair, and a smattering of freckles across her nose, she had a long line of boys waiting for her approval. Clara decided to focus on her studies. Spencer sung her praises.

May 12th 2039, Clara went to the prom with Jack. She was asked by six boys and blew them all off. The girl has standards. She insisted on doing her own hair for the event as well (even though Derek had gotten rather good at it over the years). When Spencer was away picking up Jack for the dance, Derek walked in on the disaster that was her hair in the bathroom. He picked up the curling iron, and in half an hour's time, she looked like the princess she was. When she left, Spencer dragged Derek into the bedroom and didn't let him out until ten minutes before she got home. As Clara returned, Spencer couldn't stop giggling and Derek smacked Spencer's rear, murmuring under his breath, "Still rides it like a jockey," consequently scarring the poor girl for life.

June 5th 2039, was the day Clara graduated high school as class valedictorian. Spencer cried as she crossed the podium, scowling at the tissues Derek had prepared to pull out of his pocket with a knowing smirk. He took them anyway. Damn him.

July 19th 2039, Spencer glanced in the mirror after his morning shower and realized that after all this time, _all_ of his hair had finally gone gray. Including his beard. When he told his husband, Derek stopped calling him Fuzzy Wuzzy and moved on to Silver Fox.

August 25th 2039, Derek and Spencer dropped her off at Yale University. While Spencer, as her father, wasn't allowed to personally write her letter of recommendation (which would have gotten anyone through the door), the entirety of the Federal Bureau of Investigation's Behavioral Analysis Unit as of November 2013 wrote one letter per member. It impressed the _shit_ out of the Dean of Admissions.

September 12th 2039, a letter of recommendation came in for Clara several months late. It was from Gideon.

November 3rd 2039, Derek and Spencer both retired from the FBI.

April 1st 2040, Clara brought home her boyfriend of seven months, David, for Easter break. He was a very intelligent boy, and he spent two hours trying to beat Spencer in chess before he waved his white flag. Two weeks later, he abruptly ended their relationship and Clara called Spencer crying. Spencer went over to her dorm without Derek and brought two boxes of microwave popcorn and four really bad French romance movies. They watched them all. When he had to leave, she hugged him and kissed his cheek, saying quietly, "Thanks, Papa." When Spencer came back that night to deliver the bad news, Derek almost drove up to campus with a gun. Spencer unloaded it when his husband wasn't looking and placed it back in his holster just to be sure. To get his own personal revenge, Spencer got Garcia to hack David's Facebook account and fill it with status update after status update about how much the college boy enjoyed cosplaying as Sailor Mars at the latest Comic-Con, manipulated pictures and all. Clara called Derek and asked if that was Spencer's doing. When he said yes, she laughed.

July 17th 2042, Clara moved out. Spencer spent the whole night wrapped up in Derek's arms, flipping page after page of scrapbooks filled with pictures of the three of them. He missed her already. Derek stayed strong while Spencer could not.

July 18th 2042, Spencer found Derek sitting with his back to the door in Clara's old bedroom, holding onto her baby blanket. It was ten thirty at night. His shoulders were shaking just slightly. Spencer heard a quiet sniff. Walking silently into the room, Spencer sat beside him and rested his gray head on Derek's shoulder. They cried together that night.

December 31st 2042, the entire BAU crew celebrated the New Year at the same Quantico tavern they had done for thirty eight years straight. They all were old, retired, and on any other day they would be in bed hours ago. Yet, somehow that night they had so much fun, it should have been fucking illegal.

January 1st 2043, Spencer dragged Derek over to a bleak corner of the room and kissed him on the thirtieth anniversary of their first kiss. Derek handed him a textbook. The Essentials of Sociology to be exact.

END


End file.
